Christian Confrontation

Psalm of the Day: Psalm 150

Psalm 150 ESV

Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

Scripture Reading: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 ESV

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Communion

Sermon

Good Morning Church! I was Glad when they said to me let us go and worship in the House of the Lord!

If you are anything like me you hate confrontation. I will go out of my way to not have it. I will suffer silently in order to not engage in conflict. On one hand I try to be really self righteous about it, and try to spiritualize this thought. “blessed are the peacemakers” Jesus said, so I wear the title door mat with Pride, because really that is just me being a peace maker. But the truth is far from that.

Confrontation can be a good thing, that is in some sense the message of our passage for today. Sometimes it is not just a good thing, but it is the RIGHT thing. I would go so far as to say sometimes, in the life of a believer to NOT engage in some sort of confrontation is a sin. I know that is bold, so lets look at our passage for today to wrap our minds around this. If you would turn with me to Matthew chapter 18 we have made it all the way to verses 15-20 this morning.

Matthew 18:15–20 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

These are the words of the Lord for us this morning. Lets open with a word of Prayer

Our Father in heaven. Holy is your name. Your Kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. and as members of your kingdom, a kingdom and nation of priests unto you we pray that you would use us to accomplish this. Help us to life out these truths. that as we read in Matthew, the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Give us a desire and a heart to see this true. As we gather today as your people we pray that you would give us what we need even more than just bread, we pray that you would speak to us according to your word. We pray that you would feed us and sustain us by the power of your word, stir within us love and affection, help us to be a people who do your word. I pray that you would speak through your servant today, give me the words to say that you would have your people hear. then give us all ears to hear. In Jesus name we pray. AMEN

Well as we look at this passage, there is a lot here. This is a critical teaching of Jesus in the life of the church, a critical teaching in each and every one of our lives and yet one that, As I hinted at in the beginning, a teaching that many of us might wish was NOT in scripture, because what we are called to is hard, and sometimes awkward, and often painful for us and for others. So we have a whole lot to cover. In fact, if you have looked down at your outline you might see a great number of blanks, quite possibly the most blanks i have ever put in the bulletin, and so you might be thinking: How in the world are we going to get through all of this? I am thinking the same thing, don’t worry.

This passage is certainly about confronting a brother who, verse 15, “sins against you”. So that is the thought at the center today, and first I want to start by looking at the call to do just that. What is the CALL FOR CONFRONTATION

The CALL for confrontation

There are really two sides of this. For some of us, like myself, we could really do without confrontation. Well here the call is why we need to engage in it. but there are others who seem to thrive on confrontation. Who is not afraid to ruffle a few feathers to get their way and lives by the motto: the squeaky wheel gets the grease. For that person, I think what we need to see is that the confrontation that Christians are called to is not that sort of thing, there is a different heart, a different motivation, and a different goal in mind. and so really we need to all see the call here afresh from the perspective of Jesus. And the first point we rely on context to show us which is the SINNERS VALUE

The SINNERS VALUE

And really we need to note this, the confrontation that we are called to is in the face of SIN. Matthew 18:15. If your brother SINS against you. Not if someone annoys you, not if someone annoys you, not if an accident happens and you get mad, but if your brother sins against you. The issues that should bother Christians are the issues that Bother God, and are the issues that Christ came to fix.

and that is really the point here. note again the context. what is the parable that came immediately before this one? it is the parable of the lost sheep. Jesus told his disciples, hey, imagine a shepherd has 100 sheep and just one goes lost. will he not leave everything and go find that little one, and then finding his little lost sheep, will he not rejoice when he finds it. But here is the heart of the passage before us. What if you confronting a brother or sister about their sin is the means that God will use to save that infinitely valuable little one.

So to the one who would rather not ever confront anyone, because that might Get awkward, and it might be a little painful. We avoid it because, as Jayden might say, I fear that I will die of the cringe of how awkward it might be. But isn’t the soul of whomever we need to confront with that pain and even that danger. But for those overeager ones who just love confrontation, remember the reason has NOTHING to do with you, but rather because they are valuable little ones of God. I really believe this helps us with what is really our guidelines on the heart we must have when we confront which is speak the TRUTH in LOVE. They are valuable enough to speak the truth too, don’t let them live in a lie, but they are valuable enough to love. May that be what drives us, what guides us.

but then I want to note the second reason for the call to confrontation. Which is THE HOPE OF RECONCILIATION

THE HOPE OF RECONCILIATION

Matthew 18:15 again:

Matthew 18:15 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Note the heart of Jesus here. Go and confront your brother because if he listens to you “YOU HAVE GAINED YOUR BROTHER”. the heart of christian confrontation is that we are called to live together in holy LOVE. So you know what, I am willing to have this difficult talk, because you mean enough to me for us to have this awkward talk. the hope is that this sin that could divide, this sin that brings death, sometimes literal always spiritual but also often relational death, by confronting you about it maybe the sin dies and not our relationship with one another. The hope of confrontation is not to get it over with, it is to get it over with so that we can live together in love and harmony. The hope of confrontation is not that I get my way, or that I put you in your place, but the hope of confrontation is that we may be reconciled back to one another. I would like to gain my brother or sister back.

Let me let you into my mind for a second. There have been many times where I have known that confrontation is inevitable, that there are some things that need to be said. So I sit down and i call the person. At first, if I am honest, my hope is that they will not answer the phone. My thought goes like this, if they don’t answer I can leave a voice mail, I can do what I need to do, and avoid all the pain and awkwardness. My hope in confrontation is often to avoid the confrontation. But that is a weak hope. truly my hope should be that God would use this talk to draw us closer together. The true hope should be that by doing what God has called me to I would gain a brother. that is why we are called to do this. but there is one more point that I would like to make, one that is I believe hinted at in this passage, but Scripture makes clear. That is that we are called to confrontation to protect the TESTIMONY OF THE CHURCH

THE TESTIMONY OF THE CHURCH

Verse 17, if he refuses to listen tell it to the church. Our sins can get to the point where the entire church needs to be brought in, why? on one hand it is because the church has power (more on that later), but it is because we are knit together as the family of God, and the sins of one of us affect all of us. As Paul would write in Galatians, A LITTLE LEAVEN LEAVENS THE WHOLE LUMP. The way that you live your life has a direct consequence on MY testimony. By way of painful example:

When we lived in Socorro NM Desiree’s brother lived with us and he worked at Wells Fargo. There was a pastor in town who would come through drive through and when he pulled up there would be a fight amongst the workers over who would have to help him, because he was such a total jerk. So then My brother in law gets to hear, he is such a hypocrite, like all Christians. This is why I hate the church, this is why I hate Christians, etc. Here my BIL is under attack because of the sins of a pastor of a church that he doesn’t even go to. God forbid any of you are ever talking to someone and invite them to church. oh you go to grace, Man I could never go there because Person x y or z goes there and I could never go to church with a person like that.

The testimony of the church should be one of love and service, the testimony of the church should be the hope and message of the Gospel. It is a message of SUCH WERE some of us, but by the power of the gospel and the work of the Spirit in my live I was washed I was cleansed. The book of 1 Corinthians Paul talks about this. you have a man there sinning in a way that even the world would be ashamed of, what is WRONG with you all?!? WE must have a pure testimony before thew world around us and the way to get there is confronting sin and not giving it any ground in the church.

So that is the heart of the WHY. It is because there is value in all of us, made in the image of God. it is because we love each other, and tat love is worth having difficult conversations for. and it is because all out testimonies are intricately tied together, and As I mentioned last week, my sin is not only affecting me.

But then, once we hear the call to confrontation, once we know THAT we must, HOW must we do it. And here is why this teaching of jesus is so valuable, he lays it out for us step by step and gives us the MANUAL FOR CONFRONTATION

The MANUAL for confrontation

You need to confront your brother who sins, but how do we do that? Sometimes we are given some great task and our manual is to listen to the guiding of the Holy Spirit, there is a great amount of room for freedom in how we follow that. GO AND MAKE DISCIPLES OF ALL NATIONS> OK, for me does that mean that I need to go be a missionary, or should I do that at work in my neighborhood, how does that look in my life, well there is a great many ways that this all might pan out. but here when Jesus tells us that we must confront the brother who sins against us there is a straightforward three step process. First you GO AND GAIN

GO AND GAIN

Matthew 18:15 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

The first step is to go, one on one and talk to them. Not air their dirty laundry, not leave some passive aggressive hints in the desire that they pick up on it. But go to them. Go with the intention, and with the goal and aim of gaining them as a brother. The heart is I do this because I love you. i want you to see the damage and harm that your sin has caused.

And we are to go. To read from Douglass O’Donnell’s sermon on this passage.

Step one is to GO. Step one is not to wait: I’m not making the first move. He has to come to me and ask for forgiveness.” And step one is not to sit and sulk: “I can’t believe that he would do that to me.” And step one is not to give the cold shoulder: “Hey, whats wrong with you? I don’t know. you tell me, whats wrong with Me?”. And step one is not indifference: “Let’s live and let live. Who cares what he did, lets let bygones be bygones.” And step One is not tit for tat: “He stole my dog, so i am stealing his.” And Step one is not gossip: “Do you know what so-and-so did to me? Can I share it with you in a confidential prayer request?” and Step one is not public slander (this part I edited to fit in our context: “Welcome to grace bible Church, before we read our preserve Psalm i would just like to let you know how much of a jerk Lawrence is. he beat me at racquetball and didn’t even seem to care. hes a big meanie and I don’t like him. With that being said Our pre-service reading comes for the book of Psalms chapter 150...” Rather, he says step one is to go and have a private conversation - We should underline and remember YOU AND HIM ALONE.

And we go to gain. here is my heart, I love you too much to allow this sin to drive a wedge between us I care for you too much to see the damage that your sin is doing to your life, to our relationship, To all these things. Step one is GO and gain. the hope and prayer is that this works. that our brother has his eyes opened, tat there is a moment where the spirit convicts his heart and he turns and repents. but what happens if step two does not fix the problem? Step to is ESTABLISH EVIDENCE

ESTABLISH EVIDENCE

Go with one or two others. OK. He didn’t listen to me, Now I get a one or two others, again, this is hot being dragged into the public square, this is still rather private, but it is still in a setting where there are witnesses. that is the Goal, again verse 16

Matthew 18:16 ESV

But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

But practically speaking this is for everyone's benefit. It is entirely possible that you take one or two people to be your witnesses and they come back and tell you that you are wrong. Hey David, i know you are really annoyed, but that is a YOU problem, This person has nothing you need to repent of. It is also for their benefit. OK, this is serious, i thought David was just being a little baby, but this IS a problem, OK. But also it lays the foundation for the subsequent steps. I mean, I already read it, so it is not a surprise where the last step goes, but this saves the church form hearing a he said she said sort of argument. Hey, this guy is sinning, I saw it, these men know it. In fact, when we all confronted person X he didn’t deny it.

But I also want to note that this step allows room for time and care and all the things that are required for this. We have all been confronted with something form time to time and the initial response is defence, it is “Deny deny deny”. But by walking through these steps we allow time for the Spirit to work in the midst of these situations. but then, what happens where there is still stubborn rebellion? well we get to the third and final step. CHURCH CENSURE

CHURCH CENSURE

Which leads us to the final thought at i would like to end on today, which is the POWER of confrontation

The POWER of confrontation