"Forgiveness"_Matthew 18b

In the middle of the lesson one Sunday, two boys in the back of the room were arguing. The teacher stopped the class and asked what the problem was. One of the boys replied that on the way to Sunday school the other had hit him.

This is a great opportunity to teach them about forgiveness, the teacher thought. He called the two boys to the front of the class and emphasized how much God wants us to forgive each other.

Then the teacher asked the all-important question. “Brian, will you forgive Luke?”

“Sure,” Brian said. He then hauled off and punched Luke in the stomach.

“Wait a minute,” the teacher yelled, grabbing Brian by the arm. “I asked you to forgive Luke, not hit him.”

“I will forgive him,” Brian protested, “but I had to get even with him first.”

Understanding What God Wants From Us

We’re looking at forgiveness today

And we’re going to look at the parable in Matt 18 - but first I want to talk about what it means to forgive someone

And I need you to hang in there with me until the end

There might be things I say - where it sounds like I’m against forgiving one another

That’s the furthest thing from my mind

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

We are commanded to forgive one another

And when we forgive one another it’s in response to the wonderful forgiveness God gave us

Look at the verse again - the reason why we forgive is given right in that verse

Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

As God has forgiven me - through the blood of Jesus - I am to respond by forgiving others

Here’s another verse on forgiveness that also gives the reason why we need to forgive others

Colossians 3:13 ESV

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

We are to forgive others because God forgave us

As Christians, why does God forgive us?

Main reason:

Through his abundant grace & mercy

God forgives us so that we can have a restored, reconciled relationship with the Father

In order that he can spend eternity with us

“What do you mean?”

I’m pointing out that God is the one who pursues us - he’s always pursued us

Revelation 21:3 ESV

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.

It’s okay to say that he forgives us so we can go to Heaven

I’m just pointing out HIS perspective

There is a repeating theme throughout the Bible - that God’s desire is for him to dwell with us

I want to be with the Lord wherever he is - that’s my desire

He reconciles us so that we have a right relationship with him

And then we get to enjoy eternal life

All of this is unlocked through our faith in Jesus

By trusting him

Denying ourselves

And repenting of our sins

We forgive others in order to bring glory to God - and to restore our relationship with them

We’re going to look at the parable, commonly called The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

And the last 2 verses ends with a very stern warning of foreboding – it says:

Matthew 18:34–35 ESV

And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

And we read that and think, “If I don't completely forgive someone who commits evil against me, I'm going to hell”

This is what you might have heard preached to you in the past – usually, at the end of a sermon - preachers will have you close your eyes and think...who is the person that comes to mind?

And we go away, thinking, “If I can't completely forgive my dad who used to beat me or molest me, then I must be going to hell.”

Well, two questions:

What does it mean to “forgive my brother from my heart”?

How does the Lord want me to forgive?

I want to give you some hope this morning

First, according to Jesus, our first response to someone who sins against us is actually not to forgive them

I’m going to show this to you this later through Scripture - so hold that thought

Our first response is to not forgive - our forgiveness is conditional

Also, nowhere in the Bible does it say that we need to completely exonerate someone who does not ask for forgiveness –

For some reason, the church has bought the notion: cheap forgiveness - and just quietly forgive others without a confrontation

Here's the main fear in forgiving someone: That I might give up my principles – I will somehow lose something

“For me to forgive that person, is the same thing as becoming like them – it's like I'm condoning that person”

Biblical forgiveness forgives the sin - it never condones it

Three types of forgiveness: Exoneration, Forbearance, Release

In every case where someone has wronged you - you are commanded to forgive that person in one of those three ways:

Exoneration

Forbearance

Release

There is biblical justification for each type

And there is one thing that needs to happen in your heart with all three:

Once you forgive someone - you forever give up the right to hold a grudge against that person

That means, you can’t go through life with a chip on your shoulder

And you give up the right to ever bring it up

Exoneration

Exoneration:

I know that’s sort of a legal term - but it’s the best word I can think of

It’s what we usually think of when we think of “forgiveness”

Wipes the slate clean

Restores the relationship

Why does God forgive us?

To have a right relationship with him

God forgives us to make us right with him - justification

Before we can go to Heaven - we need to be made right with God

So we repent and place our trust in Jesus

And it’s through the blood of Jesus, God exonerates us and wipes the slate clean

That restores our relationship with him - and makes us right before him

It’s way more than just going to Heaven

Exonerating someone restores relationship - but it doesn’t necessarily fully restore trust

Restoring trust may take a long time - or never

You may borrow my car and return it with a dent - and I forgive you

But then next time you borrow my car - you explain that you left the window open all night when it rained!

I can forgive you - our relationship can be restored - but I have the right to not let you borrow my car ever again

What else does it mean to exonerate someone?

This type of forgiveness - when you forgive others - means that as much as humanly possible, you have forgotten the offense

You’ve given up all rights to bring it up in the future - right, husbands & wives?

This type of forgiveness is called exoneration – it's how God forgives us, and it's the way in which God commands us to forgive one another

The main result of exoneration is a restored relationship

That’s why God forgives us - so we can have a right relationship with him

Our desire when we forgive others like this: that our relationship is restored with that person

Peace is also restored - for both parties

Forbearance

A little more complicated

The offender offers a partial apology

The offender may only admit to partial blame – and may assign some blame to you

A lot of times, the other person doesn’t even think they need you to forgive them

It may even come across as offensive?

“You...forgive me? I don't need forgiveness, you do!”

Forbearance with someone means you are showing patience and self-control

It means that the relationship is greater to you than the offense

Have you ever been in a fight (husbands & wives?) - and one of you calls a “truce”

That’s forbearance

It’s really saying: let’s not let this thing get out of control

Forbearance sees the relationship a top priority - even though the two parties are in a sticky situation

You offer a forbearance-type of forgiveness in order to keep a relationship healthy – but it may be hard to completely forget the offense

This type of forgiveness can actually lead to exoneration - and it should lead to exoneration

A legal definition of forbearance means “holding back”

Usually seen: from a mortgage lender, or credit card debt

This type of forgiveness is called forbearance – I believe David forgave Saul in this way...as an act of forbearance

We see a similar example of Paul & Barnabas - they had a huge disagreement about John Mark - and they even went their separate ways

But they eventually reconciled

There was first forbearance - but later exoneration

Remember when Jesus said, “You people have no faith. How long must I stay with you? How long must I put up with you?” [Mark 9:19]

That’s a type of temporary forbearance Jesus had

In forbearance, there is peace between the two parties regarding the current situation

But ideally, forbearance should lead to exoneration

Release

This type of forgiveness is usually the most difficult

It comes from when the offender neither acknowledges their guilt, nor apologizes for what they have done

This may come from: child abuse or other criminal offense, a business deal gone sour, or any deep betrayal

The offender could be a monster in your life - or they are now deceased

Let me be clear - the Bible does not command us to confront the monsters in your life

In most cases, that would be inappropriate

For example - someone who commited a violent crime against you or a loved one

It may be someone who deeply hurt you when you were a child - or is now dead

In any case, you need to release that to the Lord

You’re not exonerating them - you’re releasing them

It releases you from holding a grudge

Some of you have a big chip on your shoulder - and the Lord wants you to be free of that

Today!

Pray - and ask God to help you release it - don’t just release it - release it to the Lord

And do your best from this point, to never harbor ill-feelings against this person

It helps you to experience healing from the situation

“Lord, help me to release what happened to me. I give it all to you - help me to never be in bondage with this ever again. In Jesus’ name!”

You may need to pray that prayer over and over - but it’s important that you forgive that person by releasing them

You’re not exonerating them - you’re not excusing what they did to you - you’re releasing it to God

But it is a type of forgiveness

Not forgiving a person in this way, means that you are allowing the offender to live rent-free in your mind

You may carry scars from the event for the rest of your life - but you can still claim victory through Jesus!

Ever here of a Christian who went through hell from an evil person? And now they are free in Christ?

This type of forgiveness is called release - it gives you freedom

Do you want a biblical example of release?

Remember when Jesus identified Judas as the one who would betray him?

Listen to this

John 13:26–27 ESV

Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I will give this morsel of bread when I have dipped it.” So when he had dipped the morsel, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. Then after he had taken the morsel, Satan entered into him. Jesus said to him, “What you are going to do, do quickly.”

I believe that’s the moment Jesus released him

Let me ask:

Did Jesus ever hold a grudge towards Judas?

Did he gossip about him after the Resurrection?

Did Jesus excuse what Judas did? No! He released him

This is why release is so important - so that we don’t carry a grudge against another human being

What I’m about to say, may stroke your fur the wrong way:

You are not noble because you hold a grudge against another human being - I don’t care how evil that other person is (or was)

You are not noble to declare that you’ll never ever forgive that person

You are only hurting yourself

God does not want us to hold grudges

Let me ask this -

Have you ever thought, in a sense, that God will forgive everyone?

He will either exonerate you and completely forgive you because of your faith and repentance

Or he will release you into hell

God will not hold a grudge for all eternity against those in hell - because he releases them

Here’s a question for you:

If God doesn’t hold grudges - and if Jesus did not hold a grudge against Judas - why are you holding a grudge against someone?

Here’s another verse on God releasing people

Romans 1:28 (ESV)

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.

God releases stubborn sinners

When you release others - God gives you the peace

No more grudge - no more chip on your shoulder - you are at peace with the Lord

So, the three ways to forgive is: exoneration, forbearance, and release

If I describe a forgiveness that completely wipes the slate clean, and the offender is truly sorry, you would say that type of forgiveness is called:_______ (exoneration)

If I describe a forgiveness where the offender partially apologizes, you would say that type of forgiveness is called: _________ (forbearance)

If I describe a forgiveness where the offender could care less about you, you would say that type of forgiveness is called: __________ (release)

Total, wipe the slate clean forgiveness: _________ (exoneration)

Forgiveness after partial apology: ___________ (forbearance)

Forgiveness of someone who remains evil: ____________ (release)

Not only do you benefit from forgiving others in all of these types of forgiveness - but it gives glory to God

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

Main Text & Sermon:

I want us to take a look at the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21-35

But first, I want to clear up what I said earlier – according to the Bible, forgiveness should not be our first reaction

Let’s look at the section right before this parable

Look with me quickly at Matthew 18:15 -

Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you...”

Forgive him right away?

Be a super Christian and forgive him no matter what?

Be super spiritual - quietly forgive him without telling him?

No, look at what Jesus says:

Matthew 18:15 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Confront him about his sin against you...just the two of you.

Rebuke him

According to the Bible, that's literally the first thing we should do

This is not what a lot of Christians are doing in the Church

Some of you are thinking, “I hate confrontation, how about if I just forgive everyone?!?”

“Quietly - in my quiet time”

The devil wants us to give cheap forgiveness - because there’s no healing - and because it hurts the relationship in the long run

Jesus is calling us to have an honest conversation - he calls us to open the door to reconciliation

Look at what else Jesus said in Luke 17:3-4

Luke 17:3–4 (ESV)

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Rebuke him first – and see if her repents

Do you see how importance repentance is?

We don't just automatically forgive everyone, just because we're Christians

the Bible is clear that we do not exonerate anyone until they are sorry first

It says, “rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him”

Here’s the order:

Rebuke

Repentance

Forgiveness

The only time we don’t need to rebuke is when the offender comes to us first and apologizes

By the way, where did we get this idea that in order to be a Christian, you must exonerate everyone, for any reason, at any time?

God doesn't even forgive without repentance – to be forgiven by God, you have to repent first

You ask: “Does God rebuke us?”

Yes - through the Law

The Law rebukes us by showing us that we are sinners

The Law reminds us that we can never hold to that standard

It literally holds up a mirror to our lives and shows us that we are wretched sinners before a holy God

I would call that a rebuke

Let’s go back to this passage

By the way, what if the other guy doesn’t repent? - let’s find out

Go back to Matthew 18, starting in verse 15

So Jesus is talking about what to do if someone sins against you:

Go in private, and tell him his fault – if he's cool, Jesus says you've “gained a brother”

If not, take one or two more guys with you as witnesses

If he still doesn't listen to you, tell it to the church

And if that doesn't work, let him be to you, as a Gentile and a tax collector

That means “Treat them like a non-Christian”

And by the way, how are we supposed to treat non-Christians?

With love, right?

See how everything comes back to love?

Essentially, the Bible is saying after all these steps, if there’s no repentance – release them

So Jesus is teaching on how to treat someone who sins against us

And by the way, up to this point in vv. 15-20, he says nothing about forgiving people

Jesus is talking about conflict management - and he hasn’t yet mentioned forgiveness

Jesus is clear that we are not to forgive others immediately

Don’t wimp out in this process

This process is showing love - this is the biblical way to deal with conflict in the Church

This is hard!

I can’t think of a time when I’ve witnessed all these steps between two people - leading up to making it public to the entire church

But that’s what Jesus is telling us

Most Christians just think, “I’ll just quietly forgive him”

Stop that!

In these five verses, Matt 18:15-20, Jesus hasn’t even gotten to the forgiveness part

Peter is actually the one who brings it up in verse 21

Because he wanted to impress Jesus and all the other disciples

Look at verse 21

Matthew 18:21–22 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Peter was trying to quantify our response –

Basically, he was trying to make it about how many times we forgive someone – or...how many times do we show love?

What's the limit? He was looking for a religious answer

Jesus is saying, “You’re asking the wrong question”

There is no limit to the love you need to show

And then he gives this awesome parable about forgiveness

The parable unfolds like a short play in three scenes – and two locations

The first scene takes place between a king and his servant

The second scene - outside - between the servant and his fellow servants

And the last scene takes place once again between the king and the first servant

Scene One:

Fade-in

The scene opens with the king who wishes to settle his accounts with his servants

In the course of settling his accounts, one servant is brought to the king who owes him 10,000 talents - translation: millions of dollars

He can't pay this back, so the king orders the man, and his wife, and their children to be sold off to help pay the debt

But the servant falls on his knees and begs for patience, as he will try to pay off his debt over time

Incredibly, the scene ends with the king forgiving him of all the debt, and giving him his freedom

So what type of forgiveness does the king give the servant: exoneration, forbearance, or release?

It's exoneration –

Did the servant express repentance?

Did he try to deny any guilt?

Did the king's forgiveness wipe the slate clean?

And did the king's forgiveness restore the relationship back to a state of innocence?

It's exoneration

Jesus masterfully and simply describes what it means for us to receive forgiveness from the Father

And by the way, did we see anyone display anger in Scene One? No.

Hold that thought - because there’s a whole lot of anger coming up

Scene Two:

Takes place outside – the servant is a new man, with a new release on life!

There’s happy music playing

He's been fully exonerated

There's no more weight on his shoulders

He feels like he's won the lottery

And as he's skipping down the road, who does he encounter?

Another servant, right? A fellow servant

And this guy owes him 100 denarii

By the way, scholars have estimated that 100 denarii is equal to one six hundred thousandth of 10,000 talents

And so the servant becomes angry and begins to choke the other servant and demands that he pays him his 100 denarii

He’s been cleared of millions of dollars - and he’s worried about a few bucks from someone else??

And notice the difference – the servant becomes furious...and even physically threatens the other servant – whereas the king wasn't even angry...he was merely settling his debts

I’m not denying the wrath of God - I’m saying that we are witnessing a servant who has become out of control

We’re witnessing a servant whose heart was never changed because of the king’s love for him

So he's literally choking the other guy – and what did this guy say to the first servant?

He says almost word for word, the same thing! “Have patience with me, and I will pay you.”

He falls on his knees and begs for patience, and offers to pay off his debt over time

But what do you think happens?

The first servant will have none of it – and throws him into prison

The scene ends with the other servants who witnessed the whole thing – and they go and tell the king what just happened

Fade-out

Scene Three:

We find ourselves back in the king's headquarters – the king here's the news and summons the first servant back to him

“I remember this guy!”

And what did he say to him?

Look at verse 32

Matthew 18:32–35 (ESV)

‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

So that's the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

Let's notice a few things

The king was never angry in Scene One, but the first servant became angry in Scene Two

Was the servant's anger justifiable or unjustifiable? Unjustifiable.

How about the king's anger in Scene Three? Justifiable or unjustifiable? Justifiable.

Do you see how God's wrath is justifiable towards us, and how silly our unlovingness is towards others?

God has forgiven you of untold millions of dollars - and you can’t forgive a person for a few bucks?

Let’s be clear -

The Bible doesn’t say that in order to be a Christian, you need to first forgive others

Jesus is teaching us to exonerate people when they repent to us

The point is that forgiveness is something that genuine Christians do

Genuine Christians do good works

Genuine Christians love the Lord and worship the Lord, etc

These are not things that get us into Heaven - but they are evidence that we are Heaven-bound

When I was studying this earlier this week - I came to the profound realization that God has forgiven me!

I was weeping over the fact that he has forgiven me

Even though he knows everything I’ve done

I’ve even confessed my sins before him

I used to owe God millions of dollars

Having been changed like this - how can I not forgive others who owe me so little?

Repentance to the Lord leads to being a true follower of Jesus

But the repenting part has to be genuine

the first servant proved that his first repentance - he wasn’t truly changed by the king’s mercy

How can we possibly not forgive someone who is begging us?

How can we ignore God’s commandment that we love one another?

That's why there's a warning in the end that our heavenly Father will not forgive us if we don't forgive others

Forgiving others is not a requirement to be a Christian - but it is a hallmark of any Christian

Seriously, how can we call ourselves Christians, and have no love for others?

That's really what this is all about

This has nothing to do with us earning our salvation by doing the right thing

And it has nothing to do with losing our salvation for not doing something

It's about following the commandment of Jesus – to love one another - we love God and we love others because God first loved us

Jesus said that loving God and loving others are the two most important things

If we're not loving one another, then we're really not a regenerate Christian

If we're not accepting repentance from others, then we probably haven't been repentant ourselves

I know it's hard to love other people...and especially to forgive those who are not sorry for what they've done

And it’s especially hard to confront another brother

But if someone falls to their knees and begs your forgiveness, and you don't forgive them? Then you need to pray and ask God's forgiveness first

God commands us to forgive others - we benefit, and God is glorified

The point is that he wants us to love one another – and exonerate one another as is humanly possible

Exoneration - this type of forgiveness is biblical – it's how God forgives and it's how we've been instructed to forgive – but it should always follow an admission and apology from the offender

Release - this type of forgiveness is also biblical – there is a point at which we need to “shake the dust off of our feet” to people who are unrepentant

I believe forbearance is the least desired type of forgiveness

Forbearance should lead to exoneration– it should eventually lead to a restored relationship

God wants to see relationships restored, amen?

Close

As I close - I want to point out how masterful Jesus is with this parable

He teaches us about forgiveness - but he also teaches us about the Father

Let’s assume God is the king in this parable

Well, God doesn't merely say to us, “You no longer owe the debt.”

We don't owe a debt, because the debt has been paid

He doesn't merely ignore the debt...because he paid it

He literally bought us with that payment

That's why he commands us to love one another and forgive one another – because we belong to him

1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (ESV)

You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

I can’t think of any other biblical context where it says that God bought anything!

I know this is a very familiar verse - we read it and don’t really think about it

He created the universe - why would he have to “buy” something?

Why would God have to buy anything? He’s God!

But he bought us - with the blood of his Son, Jesus

We've been bought and paid for – he owns us

God's exoneration is ownership – we are his adopted children and he is our Father

Let me wrap up - has God exonerated you?

Cry out to him and put your trust in Jesus - because through Jesus, God put up that purchase price for you

If you never accept that purchase, he will release you someday

God will either fully exonerate you because Jesus Christ paid the debt

Or he will release you because of your stubborn heart – Lets pray...

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