Life of the Mind: Week 3 (Emotions)

INTRO

- Opener: What is your favorite movie? I love sad movies. Let me clarify: I love movies that make me feel deeply. My wife, on the other hand, loves comedies. She says that real life is already sad, she doesn’t need to watch a movie to make her more aware of it. She wants to watch movies that make her laugh and feel joy. I think those movies are fine, but the real kicker is when I can be sitting in the back of the theater crying about something. That’s why I love Disney Pixar movies so much.

Show the Pixar meme: “What if feelings had feelings?”

- SAY: Emotions impact us in more ways than we think. And here’s the thing about emotions, every emotion you feel is real, but not every one is true or trustworthy. We need to learn to evaluate the emotions we are feeling. When we are in despair or we are experiencing a mental health crisis, processing and evaluating our emotions can be difficult. Here’s why that process is so vital though: Emotions trigger a response.

- Let me tell you all a story: When I was growing up, I had a great family. I had parents that loved me very much, I was an only child, so all of that love was pretty much centered just on me. I felt very safe at home and I knew that my parents not only wanted to love and protect me, but I knew they were capable of giving me that love and protection. I recognize that my home life is a rare and precious gift. I was deeply blessed by God to have a very emotionally stable and safe household. But as I started going to school, all through grade school and middle school and junior high, I was bullied constantly. I wasn’t exactly who you would call “Mr. Popular.” I didn’t have many friends—I certainly didn’t have a “best friend.” Most of my school days were spent with me being called fat, nerdy, loser, freak, you-name-it. Teachers seemed to see me as the common-denominator in classroom behavior issues, so I was labeled a “disruption” and a “problem” to be solved by the school. The emotional environment outside of my house—among my peers and with basically anyone that was not related to me—was incredibly unstable and unsafe. So I was living with these two competing versions of reality and two competing versions of my own view of myself and my self worth. On the one hand, my home life was telling me that I was worthy of receiving love and care and my environment was capable of providing that love. On the other hand, at school, I was learning again and again that I was certainly not worthy of being loved or cared for. These formative years really shaped my identity and my emotional health. I learned that while some people in my life may be capable of showing me love and caring for me, I learned that I was not worthy of receiving that love. I learned that I was not lovable. This became my emotional reality.

Why do I tell this story? It’s not to make this message all about me. It’s not to get “pity points” or anything like that.

I tell this story for a couple of reasons, 1) if you’re in the room and you’re like me, and you struggle to love yourself or feel worthy of being loved, I want you to know that we love you, God loves you, and we’re so glad you’re here. And 2) my story serves as an illustration…the environment that I grew up in fundamentally changed the way I handle and process emotions; it fundamentally changed the way I related to myself, to my peers, to parents and authority figures, and ultimately it changed the way I related to God. What I want to suggest tonight is:

Our emotions impact a lot more than we realize.

BODY

Our emotions impact our relationship with others.

As followers of Jesus, we are called treat others in a radically different way. We are called to love others as Jesus has loved us. We can’t do that if we are being ruled by our emotions. Look at how the apostle Paul called us to act toward others in the following famous passages. First, we’re going to be in Romans 12. The words will also be on the screens:

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor…. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them…Live in harmony with one another,” (Romans 12:10-16).

Then, in Ephesians 4, Paul gives more instructions to the Church on how we are to act and how we are to treat one another:

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace….(25) speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin…(29) Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear….(32) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you,” (Ephesians 4:1-3, 25, 29, 32).

Ultimately, all of these commands from Paul come out of the one, fundamental command given by Jesus to his disciples in John 13:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another,” (John 13:34).

This command is so foundational to the Christian way of living, that the disciples echo this command throughout the New Testament at least 16 times.

Our emotions impact our relationship with others because our emotions, left unchecked, will negatively impact our ability to live out these commands to love others as Christ has loved us.

Illustrate

I think back to my story and realize that because of my own emotional immaturity and insecurity, I saw others as “threats” and “enemies.” Because of the way I wasn’t processing my emotions and I was letting my emotions trigger unhealthy responses in my life, I didn’t see others as people who were made in the image of God and for whom Christ died and rose again and I didn’t see others as people I was called to love. I saw them as threats to be avoided.

- Transition: So, we’re seeing so far that our emotions certainly have an impact on all of our horizontal relationships, but there’s an even greater reason why emotional maturity is so vital for the Christian life. Because…

Our emotions impact how we see God and how we think he sees us.

I want you guys to turn to Psalm 42 for just a minute. We’re going to look briefly at how the psalms teach us to bring our emotions before the Lord and how our emotional journey impacts our relationship with Him.

“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you O God. My soul thirsts for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:1-3).

Ok, let’s quickly break down what the psalmist is saying:

His soul is thirsty and his tank is dry. Y’all ever felt that way?

Illustrate

He illustrates it like a deer panting for water. Have any of you ever been so thirsty you were literally panting? Your legs feel like lead and you just need water and food? That’s what the psalmist says his soul feels like.

And remember what we just said, our emotions impact the way we see God and the way we think he sees us. Because of the emotional crisis this psalmist is in write here, he sees God as someone who is far away and unattainable. Have you ever felt that way?

Maybe your emotional environment growing up has been parents who feel distant or unavailable. That has led you to a place where your emotional environment naturally triggers a response: people that are supposed to love me either can’t or won’t. And here’s the thing: this affects the way we see God, too.

Have you ever been at a place spiritually where it feels like your soul is just dry? Like, no matter how many times you try to call out to God or draw near to him, it just feels like you’re getting nowhere?

If you have, you are not alone! In fact, you’re in really great company! This psalmist is describing exactly that experience. And Christians for literally centuries have identified this feeling of emotional distance and frustration. It’s been called “the dark night of the soul,” — no, not like Batman—but another way I want to reference it for our sake tonight is “the spiritual wall.”

We can all hit this wall for various reasons, but one of the main reasons as it relates to our message tonight is when we lack emotional maturity or we find ourselves in a place of poor emotional health. This is when the circumstances of our life lead us to a place where we cannot process the emotions we are feeling and we hit a wall spiritually where we feel like we just can’t grow anymore.

Here’s the thing about the Spiritual Wall. It’s there for a reason. It’s not a barrier or an obstacle in our faith, it’s intentionally part of the journey. And we can break through it with the Holy Spirit’s help. But it takes time and it takes trust. A lot of people hit this spiritual wall and then quit. We don’t want you to do that. If you’re going to follow Jesus for a lifetime, you will hit this wall at some point.It’s a guarantee. And tonight we’re giving you the tools for how to get through this wall.

There are all kinds of situations in our lives that can make us feel like this psalmist, and what’s amazing about our Savior Jesus is that he can empathize with every single one of us. He’s walked the same road you’re walking. He’s experienced the emotions you’re experiencing. He faced circumstances that seemed unbeatable. And he beat them!

CONCLUSION

Our relationship with God impacts how we handle our emotions.

I want to go back to the psalmist for a second here. You remember how he described his soul as panting and thirsty for God’s presence? He felt like he was in a dry desert spiritually. Why was he be saying that? He was obviously in some emotional stress. His life’s circumstances were not going the way he would’ve liked them to. He was in a place where it was hard to praise God.

But, let’s see how the psalmist deals with this emotional turmoil:

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you…” (Psalm 42:5-6).

Apply

This is the journey inward.

This is the journey we must take if we are going to see our relationship with God truly impact our emotional health.

Notice what the psalmist did, he started by describing his situation. He did it really poetically, but you don’t have to get that fancy. The way we start developing emotional health in our discipleship to Jesus is by learning to take our life circumstances directly to him and tell him exactly what’s going on and how we feel about it. So, let’s break this down:

Step 1. Describe your situation.

- This can look like a simple prayer to God either silently or out loud, just tell him where you’re at. Maybe this could even be a journaling session.

Step 2. Name your emotions.

- Use the Emotions Wheel!

- Start in the center. These are big “umbrella” categories of emotion that are sometimes the easiest to identify.

- Work out from there. If you’re “sad,” for example, then work out from there to investigate if you’re specifically feeling, “lonely” or maybe you’re just “in my feelings.” Then from there, start to really think and pray through, is this “sadness” because I’m feeling “left out,” or “abandoned” or maybe “undervalued” or “forgotten”? See how that works?

Step 3. Identify the source of your emotions.

- Go back to your situation and see where these emotions might be coming from.

- This may time some time and some extra work. That’s ok! Invite the Holy Spirit into this process. It’s also ok to not be able to quite identify the source of every emotion every time.

Step 4. Remember God.

- Reflect on the truths of God found in Scripture.

- Remember your own personal experiences with God in the past.

- Let these truths speak directly to your current situation.

- This act of remembering God doesn’t invalidate your current emotional state. And it shouldn’t be a time for you to go back and judge yourself or feel embarrassed at having the emotions you do have. It’s only a way to help you anchor yourself in the middle of your situation. It’s about giving you perspective on your circumstances.

As you reflect on the story of Jesus this week and you begin to pray through your emotions like this, remember that the same Jesus came to dispel the darkness in your life! This same Jesus came to call you out of the grave.

Maybe tonight for the first time, you’re recognizing that you’re spiritually dead. You’ve been wandering from God and you don’t know Jesus. We would LOVE to have a conversation with you and help you learn how to take your next step and begin following Jesus tonight. Please don’t leave this place without talking either to your D-Group leader or one of our pastors.

Maybe others of you have been following Jesus for a long time, but you’ve hit that spiritual wall we talked about earlier. It’s time for you to invite Jesus in to break through that wall and lead you into a deeper intimacy and joy with him.

Let’s pray.