Ephesians: God's Plan for God's People | Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel | Feb 12, 2023

Good morning, my name is John Lee and I serve Mission Church as the lead pastor. I am thrilled to be with you this morning, especially in this context, as we continue our current sermon series through the book of Ephesians entitled Gods Plan for God’s People.

Please grab your copy of God’s Word and turn with me to Ephesians 5.

Our text this morning begins in v. 22 but for context let’s begin our reading in v18. When you’re there…and if you are able…please stand for the reading of God’s Word.

Ephesians 5:18–33 (CSB)

18 And don’t get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Spirit: 19 speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music with your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

This is the Word of the Lord. You may be seated.

The exhortation of our text over the next few weeks is intensely practical as Paul gives us explicit instructions for the Christian home…today we will focus on marriage and next week on parenting. For this reason.... it may be tempting for those who are single, divorced, or who have no children to check out. And.....If this is you..... I challenge you to stay engaged…stick with me…for ....within these verses is perhaps one the most beautiful explanations of the gospel and the relationship between Christ and the Church. In other words …if you are a Christian there is much here that will both encourage and strengthen your faith.

Now…before we jump into our text…let’s pause and pray together.

Pray

What is the biblical idea of marriage?

Well.....consider this summary from John Stott. He says,

Marriage is an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God, preceded by the leaving of parents, consummated in sexual union, and issuing in a permanent mutually supportive partnership... (Stott, Involvement,163)

The covenant of marriage is permanent, sacred, intimate, mutual, and exclusive.. And ultimately.....marriage is a shadow of the eventual marriage of Christ and the Church. You see…a faithful Biblical marriage is a tangible expression of the gospel.that is meant to point people to Jesus.

Now....there is no greater source of controversy today than the topic of marriage and the family. Over the last half century... differing philosophies and opinions of marriage, sex, and gender have radically changed the way our Western culture perceives and understands the point and the purpose of marriage. As a result…the Biblical perspective..of how men and woman relate in marriage …which was accepted by most for generations....is now being questioned and rejected.

Andreas Köstenberger puts it well in his book, “God, Marriage, and the Family.” He says....

For the first time in its history, Western civilization is confronted with the need to define the meaning of the terms “marriage” and “family.” What until now has been considered a “normal” family, made up of a father, mother, and a number of children, has in recent years begun to be viewed as one among several options. (God, Marriage, and Family, page 25)

In other words…the foundation for marriage is crumbling all around us. What many have defined to be a cultural war…the war over marriage and the family…is actually a spiritual war in which the enemy is doing his best to confuse people ..why? Well....so that he might destroy God’s plan for marriage ....with ultimate purpose of muting the proclamation of the gospel. Martin Luther said it like this.....

There is no estate to which Satan is more opposed as to marriage.

Martin Luther

Ands....the result of this spiritual war is a society that is confused… confused about sex, gender, and marriage and some are even hostile towards God’s instructions for marriage. So... what do we do? As we live in the midst of a spiritual war zone....

How can we build gospel-centered marriages that reflect the glory of Christ?

Well… in our text this morning.... Paul provides us with a treasure map that will help us solve the mystery of marriage. And what we are going to find is that.....

When we look to God, who ordained marriage, Christ, who set the pattern for marriage, and the Spirit, who empowers marriage, we can have faithful Christ-exalting marriages.

Now...let’s look at Paul’s first instruction … Christlike Submission.

1. Christlike Submission

Look at Ephesians 5:22

Ephesians 5:22 (CSB)

22 Wives, submit...

Stop here.....before we continue.....we have to recognize that this verse requires us to tread very carefully…in fact we must approach Paul’s instruction here with measured care. You see…in our culture of liberation...this word “submit” is essentially a time bomb waiting to explode.

The idea of submission is about as countercultural as you can get! In fact …this word implies assumed synonyms like oppression, subjugation, or dominance. Just by bringing up the subject of submission....one runs the risk of being misunderstood and vilified. Why?

Well…consider how this text has been misused, perverted, and abused by sinful men. You see....God’s Word in the hands of a fool can do massive harm....and I have observed sinful men treat their families like slaves....adulterous and hateful men with the domestic ethics of Jabba the Hut…they quote this verse and order their wives around sinfully. I have observed insecure men who won’t even let their wives go to the store without their permission. But understand.....even though evil men have perverted and twisted God’s Word …that’s not a reason to throw the baby out with the bath water.

You see....Most problems in Christian marriages have come from either an ignorance of God’s Word or an arrogant disregard for God’s Word. It’s sad…but most Christians have adopted the cultural ego-centric approach to their marriage. Then....when they experience difficulties or challenges....when this marriage thing gets hard …and believe me…it get’s difficult....or when marriage is no longer serving me the way I think it should.....well.... I’m out…I quit.

You see…what we need today is a clear understanding of and a return to God’s plan for marriage....And when we fully understand what Scripture means by words like “submit”…we'll discover that there’s nothing degrading or dehumanizing about the ordered equality of God’s instructions.

In fact..... Paul’s instruction in Ephesians 5 is rooted in the story and in the order of Creation found in Genesis 2. …Paul’s instruction points us to Adam and Eve and the head-with-helper paradigm. The call to a wife to submit to her husband....Paul links not only with the order of creation but with the entire drama of redemption in Christ.…and by doing so Paul dignifies this idea of submission and points to it as the primary way a Christian wife reflects the gospel. Look back at v. 22.

Ephesians 5:22 (CSB)

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,

Take notice....Paul does not say, “wives submit to every man.” No! ..God calls her to live out this Christian mentality of submission towards her husband alone. And.....men…you need to understand…Paul is not saying that your wife is supposed to treat you like you are God. NO! Women…you are not called to treat your husband as though he is God but rather....your submission to your husband is a service …it’s an act of worship to God.

You see....wives submit to their husbands because they want to glorify Christ…In other words…the godly wife sees her responsibility of submission as a part of her Christian discipleship. Therefore...she is motivated by her love for Christ and a desire to be conformed to His image! You see...When a woman voluntarily submits to her husband....she is simultaneously submitting to the Lord

And....submission to God is what the Christian life is all about. You see…before his instruction to Christian wives to submit…Paul commands us to be filled with the Holy Spirit.....and one of the evidences that you’re filled with the Spirit is found in how you submit. Look back at v. 21

Ephesians 5:21 (CSB)

21 submit[ting] to one another in the fear of Christ.

When we are full of the Holy Spirit…all of us......husbands and wives.....parents and children....we will defer to and serve each other with the same mindset as Christ. Now....you might ask.....What was mindset of Christ? Well consider Philippians 2.

Philippians 2:5–8 (CSB)

5 Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, 6 who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. 7 Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, 8 he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even to death on a cross.

In other words... Jesus voluntarily submitted to the Father’s will.... which ultimately led to his death on the cross. You see…our greatest need....humanity’s greatest need is to be reconciled to God…and Jesus selflessly and humbly did what was necessary to meet our greatest need…he died on the cross for sinners. And Paul says to us…you are to have the same mindset of Christ.....in which you humbly, willingly, and voluntarily serve one another.

You see…the gospel never creates a culture of posturing or arrogance but it creates the opposite....it creates a culture of humility…it creates a constant attitude of readiness to serve and submit.. And for a wife in particular.......God calls her to live out this Christian mentality of submission towards her husband. But why? Why is the wife supposed to submit to her husband’s leadership? What is the motive of submission?

A. The Motive Of Submission. v. 23a

Look back at the first part of v.23

Ephesians 5:23a

23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church....

Make note of the word “head” ....this word speaks to an authority figure…or a leader.. ...and Paul …he uses this word twice…he uses it to describe the role of a husband to his wife as well as the role of Jesus to the Church......and It’s important to understand that in both instances the word “head” has the idea of authority attached to it…and this speaks to the reason for submission.....you see…the wife’s supreme motive for submiting to her husband is the fact that he is the functional head of the family just as Jesus is the head of the Church. Consider with me 1 Corinthians 11:3

1 Corinthians 11:3 (CSB)

3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Think about this in relation to our physical bodies......The head gives direction and the body responds. If the body is not responding to its head then it may be due to crippling or paralysis. In the same way when a wife does not respond to the direction of her husband the result is spiritual dysfunction. However…when a wife willingly and lovingly responds to her husbands leadership she is a blessing to the Lord, her husband, her family, her church, and herself. She is a beautiful testimony of the Gospel to the world around her.

But understand....the body can’t respond appropriately if the head has brain damage! In other words...headship carries an immense responsibility....for.....headship in marriage is a call to Servant-leadership.....which is the Model of Submission.

B. The Model of Submission. v 23b

Look back at the second part of v23

Ephesians 5:23b

23 ...He is the Savior of the body.

The supreme and ultimate model of submission is Jesus Christ Himself who performed the greatest act of submission by giving His own sinless life to save broken and sinful people. Jesus is the savior of His Church for whom He died on the cross! Jesus is the perfect Provider, Protector , and Head.

Now…in the same servant..savior style leadership…husbands …you are to love, provide, protect, preserve, and lead your wife and children…in the same way that Christ cares for the Church you are to care for your family! In other words.....Men, you are lead with the kind of love that is willing to die.

Consider what Jesus said in Mark 10:45

Mark 10:45 (CSB)

45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Husbands.....your headship is not a license for dominance or lordship or selfishness… your headship has definite limits in that you are never to command what God forbids or forbid what God commands. There is no room for bullying or tyranny! You see...a husband’s headship carries immense responsibility and care!

I am reminded of Dietrich Bonhoeffer famous Wedding Sermon from a Prison Cell in which he wrote for his close friends in May of 1943. Near the end of the ceremony he writes

Now when the husband is called “the head of the wife,” and it goes on to say “as Christ is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23), something of the divine splendour is reflected in our earthly relationships, and this reflection we should recognize and honour. The dignity that is here ascribed to the man lies, not in any capacities or qualities of his own, but in the office conferred on him by his marriage. The wife should see her husband clothed in this dignity. But for him it is he who is responsible for his wife, for their marriage, and for their home. On him falls the care and protection of the family; he represents it to the outside world; he is its mainstay and comfort; he is the master of the house, who exhorts, punishes, helps, and comforts, and stands for it before God. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison (New York: Macmillan, 1973), p. 45.

Bonhoeffer’s words speak to the truth that....both....the husband and the wife bear mutual responsibility…however.....the husband stands in the way of greater judgment. You see....Headship is a fearful thing! When a husband makes difficult decisions, he should do so with the full counsel of his wife. And he should do so with great humility and dependence on the Lord, realizing his responsibility and realizing that he has the ability to be wrong.

Finally, the Headship modeled on the headship of Christ demands a profound life of devotion and prayer. It demands a warm heart that is constantly exposed to the light of Christ in prayer and Bible-reading. It demands the practice of prayer for your wife and kids. Men, if we are not praying in detail for our wives and children, we are sinning. Brothers....This is the type of leadership that will convict and draw the world to Jesus…and more than anything else.....this is what our homes and what our world needs today!

Next Paul …before he continues his instruction to husbands…he first lays out the Nature of a wife’s Submission.

C. The Nature of Submission.

Ephesians 5:24 (CSB)

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

Underline these two words “in everything.” Wives are to submit to their husbands “in everything.” Now.....How are we to understand this?

Well…I think we first have to understand what it doesn’t mean.....It doesn’t mean that wifely submission is subservient groveling…it does not mean slavish obedience… and....it does not suggest spiritual inequality. Understand.......that both men and women are equal....all people bear the image of God and are in equal standing before God. In other words....in marriage.... there is no superiority or inferiority....but rather …men and women simply have different roles.

Equality of worth is not equality of role.

You see ....verse 24 points to the truth that Christ alone is your supreme authority…and when your husband is giving godly leadership.....when he is leading his family with strong…moral and loving leadership....you are are to submit to his godly leadership.

But…the question is begging to be asked.... What about ungodly leadership? …what about husbands who are passive? What about husbands who are domineering and evil? Well…in both instances the man is in sin…wether he is passive or domineering…he is in sin. And your desire as a wife to honor your husband’s leadership is admirable but.....Christlike submission does not mean that you have to sit there in silence. You have every right to question his sinful reasoning and ungodly decision making....you see....refusing to to support your husband’s sinful decisions is not a sin on your part. A Christian wife has every right to stand with Christ and to stand against her husband with a humble and loving spirit that ultimately points him back to Christ.

This all speaks to the fact that the fall introduced distortions into the relationships between men and women. “In the home, the husband’s loving humble headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity....and the wife’s intelligent....and willing submission tends to be replaced by usurpation or being walked on. A Husbands’ domination on the one hand and passivity on the other are sins against their wives…their families, and the Church…and a Wife’s usurpation of their husbands’ leadership—or the opposite, her subservience to his sinfulness—is sin. A wife’s submission should be informed by and in accord with the call of Christ....and the loving husband is to point to the servant leadership and love of Christ. Which leads us to #2 Christlike Love.

2. Christlike Love

Take a look at v31.... You see....Before we can fully understand the husband’s responsibility we first have to notice two amazing realities of Biblical marriage from the conclusion of our text....where Paul refers to Genesis 2:24...which says....

Ephesians 5:31–32 (CSB)

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.

The first reality is that there is amazing unity in marriage. A man and a woman becoming “one flesh” points to the mysterious and sacred depths of sexual intimacy....it also speaks to the psychological depth that takes place between a husband and wife and how marriage produces two people who are as much the same as two people can be.....Christians in marriage have the same Lord, the same family, the same children, the same future, and the same destiny.

The second amazing reality is that marriage is a beautiful illustration of the union between Christ and His Church. You see....this is why Jesus publicly identified himself as the Bridegroom in Matthew 25. .And.....It’s also why he did his first miracle at a wedding in John 2. You see the mystery that Paul points to is that the Church has been brought into His Kingdom and His family through Christ....Christ is the Bridegroom and the Church is His bride. You see....a husband’s greatest motive for sacrificially loving, purifying and caring for his wife is Christ’s purifying caring, and sacrificial love for His own bride…the Church.

Let’s take a look…...

A. Sacrificial Love. v. 25

Look back at Ephesians 5:25

Ephesians 5:25 (CSB)

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

Pastor Tony Merida says that, “Christlike love is a Golgotha love.” Think about this for minute.......Christ’s back was scourged. His hands and feet were nailed to the wood. A spear was shoved into His side. A crown of thorns was placed on His head…why? because He loved the church. We can also say that Christ’s sacrificial love is a foot-washing love. Remember how Jesus ....on his hands and knees washed his disciples nasty feet…and realize…this included Judas....who ..just hours later....stabbed him in the back. You see…even though Jesus is the Head....He came to serve…and he did so with unparalleled humility and love! Jesus has loved us despite our selfishness…pride…ambition....self-indulgence…jealousy..and fickleness…in fact he loved us and died for us while we were still sinning!

And Paul says…Men…this is your model.... this is how you are to love and lead your wife…this is how you are to love and lead your kids....in other words… Men, marriage is a call to die....you are to die to yourself. Now…what does that look like practically? Well…it could mean that you sacrifice your schedule...it means that you sacrifice your preferences and opinions.....maybe its sacrificing the game or the golf course so that you might brave the doors of the department store…Sacrificial love might look like coming home at the end of a long work day…and despite your exhaustion rather than flopping on the couch.....you instead climb under the sink and fix that leaky faucet your wife has been asking you to fix…you see...a loving husband puts aside his own welfare so that he might please his wife…so that he might meet her needs. Sacrificial love dies to self and serves the one it loves .......and in the same way that Christ is attentive to the Church…men you must be attentive to your wife.

Men....we are called to love in a way that we give ourselves away for the good of our bride....which involves us crucifying our flesh and resolving to be faithful to our bride....it means that we will not yield to the temptations of lust, anger, or pride. Mission Men....you are called to serve and to love your wife like Christ loves the church....and Christlike love takes initiative. Which means…you need to stop being passive…and you need to start actively loving your wife and serving her with the sacrificial loving attitude of Christ.

So......We are to love sacrificially and we are to love our wives with a sanctifying love.

B. Sanctifying Love. v. 26-27

Ephesians 5:26–27 (CSB)

26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.

Jesus cleanses his church by the washing of water by the word. As Paul writes this…he is drawing from marriage imagery found in Ezekiel 16 and the Jewish custom of the prenuptial cleansing bath....and with this imagery of the bridal bath …he points us to how Jesus cleanses his bride spiritually through the Word of the gospel....and just as the Jewish bride is presented to her husband without spot or wrinkle…Jesus presents the Church holy and blameless.

Now…how does this relate to a husband and wife? Well....While a husband cannot atone for sins or cleanse anyone, there is a sense in which Christ’s sanctifying work is a pattern for husbands. In other words.....Husbands…you are to love your bride in a way that helps her grow in her likeness to Christ.

How? well....first....you are to be a man in who the Word God richly dwells and as God’s Word and God’s Spirit fills you.....you are to love Jesus and live like Jesus. As you do...…as you live an authentic Christian life your wife will be encouraged. This also means…Men…we are to be reading the Bible with our wives…and we are to pray with and we are to pray for our wives. We should be praying for our wife’s spiritual life, her obligations, her pressures, her friendships, and we are to do so daily and passionately!

Men....when we read verses 25-27…let’s be honest…we cannot escape our huge responsibility to love our wives with a sacrificial and a sanctifying love..... and here’s the question we must ask ourselves....

Is my wife more like Christ because she is married to me? Or is she like Christ in spite of me?

Sacrificial love.... Sanctifying love ...... and finally.... Husbands we are to love our wives with a Caring Love.

C. Caring Love

Ephesians 5:28–30 (CSB)

28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body.

Paul is pointing us to what some call the

Golden Rule of Marriage : Love your wife as you love yourself (cf. Leviticus 19:18)

Now…what in the world does it mean to love your wife as you love yourself? Well… it means that you are sensitive and compassionate to her feelings and emotions.

Think about it like this…you know how you feel physically and you know how you feel emotionally …and even though you will never be able to read your wife’s mind........You are called to love her in a way that demands that you work at understanding her...... It demands that you are sensitive to her moods, her needs, and her nonverbal communication.

You see.... Just as you care for your own needs.....husbands you are called to care for your wife’s needs. In the same way that you long for intimacy or for joy.....in the same way you need security, health, and peace.......you must work to provide those things for your wife! Husbands…tell me..... how are you doing at caring for your wife? Are you physically caring her? Are you cherishing your wife (v. 30)? Are you admiring her and complimenting her? Are you caring for her and leading her spiritually?

Now.....lets be honest…this call to Christlike Submission and Christlike Love sounds absolutely overwhelming for everybody.....But we have to remember.......the ultimate issue in marriage is this...... Are you surrendered to the lordship of Christ? You see... We have to remember that and we have to realize that Jesus…not marriage.....is ultimate. Brothers and Sisters....your primary loyalty must be to Jesus. You see.... if you’re starting point in your marriage is you then you’re starting in the wrong place but if your marriage exists to glorify Christ then your marriage will serve as a beautiful picture of the gospel to the watching world.

Mission Church....God ordained marriage. Christ set the pattern for marriage. and the Spirit empowers marriage....and the good news of the gospel is that Christ died for those who could not keep His demands perfectly. And the good news is that the Spirit daily renews us and empowers us as we look to Christ for grace and mercy…so the question ultimately comes down to this.......Will you submit to Christ in all areas of your life? If so....rest and rejoice in the love of Christ as you seek to live out the mystery of the Gospel in your marriage.

Lets Pray