Marital Faithfulness to the Glory of God: Part 2

Intro:

These passages regarding marriage in 1 Corinthians are so personal to me. If you don’t know, my mom abandoned my dad when I was 8 months old. When I came to maturity as a young person, I looked beyond my own selfish hurt and mourned for my dad. I cannot imagine the hurt he felt, with a young son to care for, and his deep love lost. It wrecked him and it wrecked me as a young person. I don’t know all the details of that infamous day and I don’t need to. What I know is that my dad survived that moment through a faith in Christ, a hope in him that anchored him to the truth that God will never leave him nor forsake him.

As I prepared this sermon in tears, I meditated on how MUCH God loves his people and HOW MUCH he loves us in each situation that we face. He pours unmeasurable love and grace on his people that are in unbearable situations due to sin. Some of these situations include abandonment, adultery, abuse, and other such sins that destroy marriages. That treachery is not just an attack on the victim of that dissolved marriage. The greater treachery is against our Creator who created marriage for His glory and it was given as a gift to this world. Sin leads us to spit in the face of God when we seek our own interests in relationships instead of the interests of our spouses.

This is why my mother left my dad and their marriage ended. But God’s grace shone brighter than that dark day and God sent another woman, my mom, Cheryl, to be what he needed in a wife and what I needed in a mother. I am blessed immeasurably by God’s good gifts and my mother Cheryl is one of many of those gifts. Many of you have been blessed in similar ways. Through dark days like I have described, you looked to the Lord as a immovable rock in a raging sea. He was your comfort as you wept though pain. No matter if our spouses rejects our love and leave us behind, we have this firm truth:

Romans 8:35–39 (NASB95)

35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 Just as it is written, “For Your sake we are being put to death all day long; We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.

38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Now this verse is both soteriological but also personal. It deals with our final salvation in Christ for all eternity but that salvation is present now as it will be when we die or He returns for us. Whatever we face in this world, Christ will be our strength as they lash us to the burning stake or as we watch our relationships crumble before our eyes. He is faithful and He is a Good Shepherd who continuously cares for his sheep until our end comes upon us. This is true when marriages face their greatest difficulties.

Review:

Please remember with me that Paul is dealing with marriages in the Corinthian church. As the apostle who started this church, he continually guides and teaches these believers according to God’s word. 1 Corinthians deals with many conflicts and offenses against God and man and Paul guides this church and our church to see how to handle them in a way that honors Christ.

Last week, we looked at how two believers in Jesus Christ should view marriage. He were reminded that permanence and reconciliation are the two major aspects of a healthy, Biblical marriage. Divorce should not be drive of any believer in Christ because God has called us to faithfulness in marriage as a reflection to his faithfulness to His people. Let me encourage you church, as you face conflicts with your believing spouse, never to hint, imply, or joke about divorce. It should never be a word on your lips because if so, those words come from your heart.

Instead, peace and reconciliation are always the goal because Christ is the love our lives and he calls us to the ministry of reconciliation. In our small group this week, as we applied the sermon from last week, we were reminded that God’s call to “love our neighbor” is a call to love the closest neighbor on this earth, our spouses. Loving her or him is seeking peace with them always.

As sin leads to the disobedience of God’s people and the fresh reminded that we are fallible creatures, these verses help us navigate practically the life where sin invades our relationships. Divorce will happen among believers in Jesus Christ because sin has been defeated by Christ but its effect are still visible. The authors of Scripture were guided with truth so that we can know how to live in a world were sin remains, including when sin leads to the divorce.

Now, as I stated last week, v 10-11 were written for two followers of Jesus Christ.

Vs 12-16 are for the rest, meaning those who are in imbalanced marriages. Marriages where one spouse is a follower of Jesus Christ and one is not.

II. The Command for Marriages with Unbelievers (vs. 12-16)

Disclaimer:

Paul now deals with a situation different than when two people follow Christ and are wed to one another. Now he deals with something different. In a pagan culture, Paul answers the question, what do you do if a person come to faith in Jesus Christ and the other spouse remains in their lost condition? This is not a command by Paul for believers to date non-believers with the hopes of those spouses will eventually believe. That mis-application would actually be violating God’s consistent call to his people to not marry Pagan or unbelieving peoples.

Deuteronomy 7:3–4 NASB95

3 “Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. 4 “For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you and He will quickly destroy you.

The Lord warned Israel that marrying the Caananite women would lead to a troubled life where families would be turned away from the worship of YHWH to the foreign gods of the bible. This is of course what happened exactly as we watched the Kings of Israel and Judah marry foreign women and being setting up altars to false gods where altars to YHWH once were. Fast forward to Paul, and his concern is still the same. This is why in 2 Cor 6:14 Paul gives the command

2 Corinthians 6:14–17 NASB95

14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? 16 Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; And I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 17 “Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “And do not touch what is unclean; And I will welcome you.

This verse does not deal specifically with marriage. Instead, it is any dealings with unbelievers and the pagan beliefs that they have. We can apply this to business partners, friends, spouses, etc. What reasons would be have the deepest relationships with unbelievers who believe and live the complete opposite ideas about all of life than we do. Therefore, Paul is not advocating to marry and unbeliever in order to try and “save him” or be a gospel light to him. This includes dating for all our singles out there.

Paul wants the church to understand generally what a believer should do if one person comes to faith in Christ, or perhaps if you thought your husband or wife was a believer but was actually lost. Do you divorce them in those situations? Paul will answer that.

In 2008, Amy and I became very close with a couple and their family who joined our previous church. This couple really seemed to love the Lord and they were a big influence on our early years of home schooling. We would have dinner together, i was the youth pastor to their children. It was a strong relationship. Then we found out that the husband had cheated a few church members out of services that he promised to perform. They paid him but he never completed the work and it the amount that was stolen resulted in felony charges. As one of the pastors, and this man’s friends, I went to confront him and he would not even talk with us.

My point is that I was deceived into thinking that this man truly loved the Lord and I was wrong. Many people get married thinking that their spouse loves the Lord only to discover later on they do not. This is a reality of a fallen world and thankfully, Paul’s words give us instruction in how to consider this in the church. Whether the spouse remains an unbeliever when the other comes to Christ, or the spouse was mistakenly considered a believer, when the reality of their actions display otherwise, Paul’s word is applicable today.

Marriage with unbelievers reflects Christ and the gospel

Paul’s instruction reflects his belief and hope in the gospel. Just as Paul’s message to married followers of Christ, so Paul’s hope is that mixed marriages can also reflect the hope and love of Christ with the one believing spouse.

A. Permanence v12-13

1 Corinthians 7:12–13 NASB95

12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.

The message from Paul seems to be the same as in v 10-11, “do not divorce and do not send them away.” Paul again is focusing his attention on the importance and truth of the permanence of marriage. He teaches us that is not a holy act for Christians to pursue divorce with their unbelieving spouse as a general command. By refraining from seeking divorce, believers are setting the standard that followers of Jesus Christ value the permanence of marriage even if the circumstances are less than ideal or what was expected. This shows to the world that God’s word and his good design overrules the difficult relational barriers and differences in a marriage relationship with an unbeliever.

In a 2019 study on divorce at the University of Denver, these are the top 10 reasons people get divorced.

10. Religious difference

9. Lack of support from family

8. Health problems

7. Domestic Violence

6. Substance Abuse

5. Financial Problems

4. Getting married too young

3. Interpersonal Conflict

2. Infidelity

1. Lack of Commitment

https://www.insider.com/why-people-get-divorced-2019-1

Notice how many of these issues can be reconcilable, even with unbelievers. These are tense struggles without a doubt but there is no reason for marriages to end and families to be so disrupted because of such things. The children eventually pay the price for spouses who do not fight hard for marriages to remain intact.

Paul gives parallel conditions in verses 12-13, which leave a believer without a choice, without a vote and that is when the unbelieving spouse leaves the marriage. This abandonment is spoken of as the main idea for Christians who get divorced. That situation is when the unbelieving partner abandons his commitment to the marriage. Look at the phrases

v 12-v13: if the unbeliever consents to live, REMAIN

v.15: if the unbeliever leaves, LET THEM LEAVE

In v 12-13, Paul is showing the Corinthians that it is important for husbands and wives to remain married, even if their beliefs are different, if they can remain committed to one another in the vows of marriage. There will be strains and heavier conflicts in areas because of the opposite worldviews, but that doesn’t meant the commitment has been eliminated from both parties. There can still be faithfulness, fidelity and love towards one another.

But the condition must be that the unbeliever is still committed to the relationship. In this situation, the follower of Christ carries on in that marriage, reflecting God’s glory.

This leads us to the second truth about biblical marriage that must be communicated to an unbelieving spouse and the world,

B. Mission v14

1 Corinthians 7:14 NASB95

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.

What Paul is speaking about here is the ministry of an Christian spouse to their unbelieving partner. Paul uses the word HAGIAZO which is often rendered made holy. But Paul cannot mean that an unbelieving husband is saved by his wife’s inward faith in Christ. Her faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation cannot be applied to him or her children. But HAGIAZO can also mean that the object, can be consecrated for holy use. Look at what Jesus says to the Pharisees in Matthew 23

Matthew 23:16–19 NASB95

16 “Woe to you, blind guides, who say, ‘Whoever swears by the temple, that is nothing; but whoever swears by the gold of the temple is obligated.’ 17 “You fools and blind men! Which is more important, the gold or the temple that sanctified the gold? 18 “And, ‘Whoever swears by the altar, that is nothing, but whoever swears by the offering on it, he is obligated.’ 19 “You blind men, which is more important, the offering, or the altar that sanctifies the offering?

Notice how Jesus refers to the gold itself was sanctified by the use of it for holy things in the temple, as it was overlaid upon the material object beneath. Both the wood and stone and gold of the altar were merely earthly materials, but when used in connection with God’s word and his presence, they were set apart for holy use. Therefore, the unbelieving husband is also set apart for holy use, even as an unbeliever. He is set apart for still care for God’s woman, protect and provide for her as God’s servant. This is no different than law enforcement being God’s servants set apart to bring God’s justice. They are in a sense set apart for holy things even if they themselves do not believe in Him.

So it is the holy influence of Christ dwelling within the believing spouse that brings blessing to the marriage and the home and consecrates the unbelieving spouse to carry out holy duties by the Lord. This is influence of holiness then becomes the mission of the believing spouse to love her partner in such a way that they see Christ’s presence in them. This again is how permanence and mission are reflected by one of the partner’s who are devoted to love Christ above all things. This can have a profound impact on unbelieving spouse because they see selfish service, a devotion to the Lord in raising the children, devotion to the church, etc.

This also means that the spouse who loves Christ makes it their mission to point the unbelievers in their home to the truth of God’s word. They speak of the consequences of sin, the only hope in Christ, the need for repentance and faith. This would include the children that Paul mentions as being holy because they are under the influence of the gospel in that home with one believing parent. They are set apart like the unbelieving spouse and they are influenced greatly by the parent who loves Jesus and saturates their lives with his word

C. Peace v15

The third truth about biblical marriage that must be communicated to an unbelieving spouse and the world is peace.

1 Corinthians 7:15 NASB95

15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

There are scenarios where the unbelieving spouse no longer wants to commit to marriage with an unbeliever, and he or she divides himself or herself from their commitment to the marriage. These unbelieving people seek the divorce because they are more committed to serve their own interests and they reject the Lord and all the Lord has blessed them with. As unbelievers, they suppress the truth that Jesus is their Lord and that their marriage vows are still binding upon them. Sadly, Paul writes these things not to give promotion to divorce, but because of sin in the world, abandonment is a reality in marriage.

What does Paul mean, let the unbelieving spouse leave? It doesn’t mean the partner of this abandonment should not object to such a treacherous act, such a violation of the marriage bond. Letting him leave simply means that at this point, there is no further act that can be done. The believing spouse has displayed faithfulness and grace and yet the unbelieving spouse cannot handle such a life anymore. What this means practically, is that a believing spouse, although saddened by the circumstance, should not refuse to sign divorce papers, if initiated by the husband. This follower of Christ should be free and unhindered from guilt or shame.

There is some debate as to what Paul means by the next verse, “the brother or sister is not under bondage.” The word typically means slave or enslaved to something or someone. Paul uses the term to refer to a bond or to be bound to something elsewhere. Let’s look :

Romans 7:2 NASB95

2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband.

1 Corinthians 7:39 NASB95

39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Here Paul is saying that death breaks the bond and duty of a marriage. This would mean then that the spouse was free to remarry because she is no longer bound to that marriage covenant. This of course is in relationship to widows.

Paul uses that same word in v 15 which means that abandonment is also another permissible way that God allows divorce and remarriage in the life of a follower of Christ. The marriage bond is broken and abandoned. The believing partner did not seek such a dissolution and therefore they are without options and control of anything. Therefore, it appears that Paul informs them that the bond is broken in this case as well, which I would include remarriage as permissible.

What about Paul’s words in v 10-11, where he states they should not remarry? In this case, Paul is speaking to believers and if one believer seeks a divorce with another believer, then they are guilty of sin and should remain unmarried in order that reconciliation be the goal and purpose so that Christ is exalted.

The last truth that needs communication is

D. Sovereignty v16

1 Corinthians 7:16 NASB95

16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

These final questions by are Paul are interesting questions, because in wisdom they can answer both sides of this situation. Consider with me:

The situation with a believing spouse and an unbelieving one. The suggested idea in Paul’s question is the unknown affect of the gospel of Jesus Christ upon the person. In a positive light, one might pray and hope for God to save that unbelieving spouse to sticks around and remains committed to the marriage. The Lord can use the spouse for God’s glory to point her husband to the Lord and by God’s unconditional grace, they might believe and trust in Christ alone for salvation.

The second side of the coin is the one where the unbelieving spouse leaves. Paul tries to preclude the concern: If I finalize the divorce, if I concede, then that person might not come to know the gospel. Therefore, Paul might also be directing the answer to this question in the negative where he is freeing the believer of any guilt or responsibility to save their spouse. I lean to this answer only because it follows this second situation. If Paul meant the first scenario, why not ask this question earlier when telling the believing spouse to remain. For me, it is a grammatical placement of the question that gives me an answer.

But either way, we can conclude that Paul is appealing to God’s sovereignty in salvation. In the end, God is going to save his people, calling them from blindness and giving them spiritual sight by his own purpose and plan. We cannot know for sure how God might save a person in Christ, but we can do whatever is necessary to reflect Christ in sinful circumstances. We trust the words of the apostle John

John 1:12–13 NASB95

12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

You might change that last line to “not of the will of the believing husband or wife, but of God. If your spouse is an unbeliever or you suspect that they are, you must place your faith in the sovereign rule of God who draws his people to himself 100% of the time. He never misplaces one of his sheep. He never forgets to calls certain persons. We must trust in HIs sovereign grace to bring his people to salvation in his own timing.

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Guidelines for Christians Married to Unbelievers Who Want to Leave

Regardless of a Christian’s motives and hopes, the likelihood of leading the partner to Christ is minimal. If the partner stays in the marriage unwillingly or reluctantly, the likelihood is even less, and the disruption of family peace is assured. The Lord therefore allows no option.

Evangelism is not cause enough to maintain a marriage, especially if the unbelieving partner wants to leave. The believer should let God follow that spouse’s soul with the message of salvation, and use whomever He will to take up the call to faith.

Dr. MacArthur is not trying to be negative here, he is simply resting in the powerful work of Christ on the soul of an unbeliever according to His own plan, not our plan.

This is our hope and prayer- that the Lord would save the lostness of those we love. He is our hope in marriages that face great conflict and need reconciliation. He is our refuge when a believing spouse has radiated the gospel as best they can but the unbelieving spouse is no longer committed to their marriage vows. Christ has shown us that no matter who might abandon love and commitment, Christ will forever be with those who believe and trust in Him. Let him be our great satisfaction and hope in the darkest of days.