We Strive to Reconcile Quickly

This is the third message in our

“We Are People Who..” series

And the last time, we talked about how are words are powerful and how we want to commit to being people who use our words carefully

We guard our words with each other and about each other.

And this comes from Matthew 5, verses 21 and following.

Closely tied to how we use our words with each other is this thing of relationships and reconciliation.

Matthew 5:23-26 “23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. 26 Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.”

You know, in this country we have laws about how we are supposed to act with each other

And about how we are allowed to treat each other

We aren’t allowed to harm each other physically for example

We can’t beat each other up

There are boundaries that we have regarding physical touch that need to be respected

If we fight or argue with each other, we aren’t allowed to bother the public or our neighbors with it. We aren’t allowed to “disturb the peace”.

You aren’t allowed to annoy each other and be a nuisance.

The in the United States, as with most kingdoms in this world,

It’s OK for its citizens to just “exist” together peacefully.

You aren’t really required to love each other, or even like each other

You don’t have to serve anyone or help anyone.

As long as you aren’t bothering anyone and you are more or less following the law and maintaining order, you are OK

You know, In most kingdoms, the kingdoms of this world, a forced peace, or a legislated peace, is good enough.

But that’s not the case in the Kingdom of Heaven.

In the Kingdom of Heaven, our King has a much higher standard

Our King isn’t satisfied with folks just existing together

He’s not satisfied with folks just maintaining a form of peace

In the Kingdom of Heaven, our King cares very much about how the citizens of that kingdom are getting along.

In fact, He cares about a lot more than that. He cares about whether the citizens of His kingdom love each other. He cares about whether there are grudges between his citizens.

About whether or not His citizens are talking to each other or not

He cares about whether or not His citizens would dare to sit beside each other in church

Or look each other in the eye and smile and shake each other’s hand as they come through the door.

He’s not satisfied with his citizens pasting fake smiles on their faces, or ignoring each other all together.

He’s not satisfied with grudges being held

He’s not satisfied with people going to lengths to avoid each other by

Going to a different church

Or not coming to church at all

Or by moving to a different community

On the contrary.

Our King has a very high standard for relationships between His citizens.

In short, our King cares very much about what is happening in the hearts of His citizens

But at the same time, Our king recognizes that human relationships are difficult

He knows there will be times when His citizens don’t see eye to eye on things

And He recognizes that there will be times when His citizens make each other angry, or hurt one another

Jesus knows this.

But Our King is not satisfied with things staying that way. He wants His citizens—in fact, he commands his citizens—to reconcile with each other

To make peace with each other.

Since all of us in this room are human, I would assume that all of us have suffered broken relationships

And you know, being a disciple of Jesus is challenging. it takes tremendous sacrifice.

But if there is one thing that tests the faith and character of the citizens of God’s Kingdom, it is our relationships with each other.

Human relationship is one of the most precious things that God has given us, and it is where Satan likes to hit us the most.

And often, we find our relationships broken or bruised and in the need of mending. Often we find that we need to be reconciled with someone.

Jesus gives us some instructions here about reconciliation

It starts with worship. It starts with hearts that are seeking God

“If you are offering your gift at the alter”

Jesus is presuming here that citizens in His Kingdom will indeed be bringing their gift to the alter in worship

To me, this speaks of worship. Of someone coming to the alter to seek the face of God

It speaks of one coming before God, fully aware of his need to be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ

This is a heart that is humble, that recognizes his great need before God

Because it’s when we are seeking Him in worship, it’s in that vertical relationship with God, that He will remind us of horizontal relationships that aren’t pure and right

It’s at the alter, seeking God that the Holy Spirit reminds us of what Scripture says regarding our relationships with each other and with God

How connected they are with each other

He reminds us of passages like 1 John 4 and the reminder over and over again to love each other.

Why? Because God is love

And if we say we love God, yet we hate our brother, then we are liars

And we say, “Oh, but I don’t hate my brother”

But I would say, but if you are holding a grudge against your brother and aren’t willing to talk to him about it, then you certainly aren’t loving your brother! And you aren’t loving God either!

Because God sent His Son, Jesus, in order to reconcile the relationship between God and man

And for us to hold grudges and bitterness against our brother, is to throw God’s mercy back in His face

You are holding yourself and him captive

Grudges and bitterness are a form of captivity

If you have a grudge against your brother, or know that he has something against you, your relationship is stalled.

It cannot go any farther, cannot get any deeper or closer as long as one of you is hanging on to something that has hurt you

And that’s not love!

And it’s at the alter, when we come to offer our gift to the Lord, when we come to seek His face

That He will remind us and say, “You say you love me, then show it by how you value the relationship with your brother”

We need to be willing to reconcile

There has to be a willingness to reconcile

Reconciliation is rarely easy or convenient.

You may be reminded to reconcile while you are in church

You may be reminded in the early morning hours when you are having your quiet time

Or maybe at night when you can’t sleep, and are praying, He may remind you that things aren’t right between you and your brother

And there might be a time when you simply have to drop everything that you are doing and just do it

You have to be willing

Why wouldn’t we be willing?

Pride

Especially if you know that you have hurt your brother

It’s a humbling thing to admit that you’ve messed up.

Fear

It’s scary to go and try to make things right

What if they don’t forgive? What if they are furious with me and I get hurt?

Yeah, it’s scary

Jesus says, “leave your gift and go do it!”

You’ve got to be willing

We need to be eager to reconcile.

There has to be this sense of urgency

Jesus says, “leave your gift at the alter and go quickly.”

Go quickly! don’t wait around! This is crucial

It might not be the most pleasant of a task sometimes

We might be fearful. But you know what, put fear aside and go quickly!

Because the consequences of holding on to grudges, pain, and broken relationships are too dire

There is a reason that Paul says much later in Ephesians 4:1-3 “1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Paul tells us, you have received a holy calling. Now walk in a manner that is worthy of that calling

In other words, live in such a way that it lines up with your calling. you have been called to be holy. So live in a holy way.

Don’t be like the young college football player who gets to do what only 1.6% of college football players get to do

Play professional football

And he goes out into training camp and tries to be a one-man show. He wants to be the one that everyone notices

He wants people to watch him.

He is not living according to his calling

Here is how you live according to your calling

You display the character qualities of the One who has called you.

Qualities like: Humility, gentleness, patience

And these qualities should be displayed in an eagerness to maintain the unity of the Spirit

And maintaining the unity of the Spirit means that we reconcile quickly

We are quick to go to our brother and say, “I know that what I did/said hurt you and I apologize.”

We are quick to go to our brother or sister and say, “I’m not sure exactly what happened between us but it’s evident that things aren’t right. Can we talk about it?”

You try to reconcile. To move toward each other

Now I realize that things aren’t always this easy.

Maybe at this moment you are thinking

“But I have tried. Or at least, I feel like I’ve tried. But that other person just didn’t seem ready to talk.

Or that other person just simply didnt’ seem interested in reconciling

Or that other person said, “I’ll get back to you”. And it’s been years and that other person has never gotten back to me and we still don’t talk to each other. What do I do?

I get it.

This is very hard.

And this is reality for some of us in this room.

And I don’t pretend that there are any answers that will solve the pain that these kind of relationships bring.

A number of years ago, Heidi and I watched a video series and bought a book called “When to Walk Away”, by Gary Thomas.

And I have to admit that when I first heard this title, i felt defensive and offended

Because, isn’t it our responsibility to always try to mend relationships?

Isn’t that what we have just been talking about?

But Gary Thomas makes the point in this book that even Jesus sometimes had to walk away from people

Because frankly, sometimes there were people who simply didn’t accept Him. They didn’t want Him around. They didn’t want to be in a relationship with Him.

Examples:

When He declared Himself to be the Messiah in Nazareth, His home town, people tried to throw Him off the cliff. But Jesus walked away from them and stopped trying to persuade them

When He sent His 72 disciples out, He said, there will be times when people don’t accept your message.

In that case, don’t waste time trying to persuade them or make them accept you and your message.

Shake the dust off your sandals and move on

When it came to the religious leaders, Jesus didn’t spend a whole lot of time trying to mend a relationship with them

So as hard as it is, there may be times when you leave your gift at the alter, and you go quickly to be reconciled

And that other person simply isn’t interested.

Talk to the Lord about it and ask Him to guide you. It might be that you have done all that you can do

Your conscience is clear before Him and you have extended an offer of reconciliation and now that person needs to respond.

And if that person isn’t willing to forgive, then that is between them and the One who has shown them great mercy.

And you continue to the alter to worship. And as you worship, you bring this person before the cross.

And you pray for mercy for them and you pray for yourself that the Lord will heal the hurt that you carry.