Lesson 13

Admit

Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.

“Happy are the pure in heart.” (Matthew 5:8)

Step 5: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)

Introduction

This week we are going to focus on confessing (admitting) our sins, all the dark secrets of our past, to another person.

Why Admit My Wrongs?

Principle 4 is often difficult for people. I am often asked, “Why do I have to admit my wrongs to another?”

Many of us have been keeping secrets almost all of our lives. Every day those secrets take a toll on us. The toll we pay is loss of self-respect and energy as well as bondage to old codependent habits. Admitting —out loud —those secrets strips them of their power. They lose much of their hold on us when they are spoken.

Still, we are afraid to reveal our secrets to another person, even someone we trust. We somehow feel as if we have everything to lose and nothing to gain. I want you to hear the truth tonight. Do you know what we really have to lose by telling our secrets and sins to another?

Have you ever wondered why it’s so easy to “admit” our sins to God and not others?

It because We don't see God and holiness as the goal

We fear man and right standing more than we love God

We lose our sense of isolation. Somebody is going to come down into that well we talked about two weeks ago and be alongside us. Our sense of aloneness will begin to vanish.

We will begin to lose our unwillingness to forgive. When people accept and forgive us, we start to see that we can forgive others.

We will lose our inflated, false pride. As we see and accept who we are, we begin to gain true humility, which involves seeing ourselves as we really are and seeing God as He really is.

We will lose our sense of denial. Being truthful with another person will tear away our denial. We begin to feel clean and honest.

Now that you know what you have to lose when you admit your wrongs to another, let me tell you three benefits you will gain.

We gain healing that the Bible promises. Look at James 5:16 again: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” The key word here is healed. The verse doesn’t say, “Confess your sins to one another and you will be forgiven.” God forgave you when you confessed your sins to Him. Now He says you will begin the healing process when you confess your sins to another.

We gain freedom. Our secrets have kept us in chains — bound, frozen, unable to move forward in any of our relationships with God and others. Admitting our sins snaps the chains so God’s healing power can start. “They cried to the Lord in their troubles, and he rescued them! He led them from the darkness and the shadow of death and snapped their chains” (Psalm 107:13 – 14, TLB).

Unconfessed sin, however, will fester. In Psalm 32:3 –4 (GNT) David tells us what happened to him when he tried to hide his sins: “When I did not confess my sins, I was worn out from crying all day long.... My strength was completely drained.” Remember, “Openness is to wholeness as secrets are to sickness.” My grandpa used to say, “If you want to clear the stream, you need to get the hog out of the spring.” Admit and turn from your sins. Remember that the only sin God can’t forgive is the one that is not confessed.

Story of Ryan and Lauren

We gain support. When you share your inventory with another person, you get support! The person can keep you focused and provide feedback. When your old friend “denial” surfaces and you hear Satan’s list of excuses — “It’s really not that bad”; “They deserved it”; “It really wasn’t my fault” — your support person can be there to challenge you with the truth. But most of all, you need another person simply to listen to you and hear what you have to say.

How Do I Choose Someone?

Unlike little Jessica, the little girl trapped in the well, whom we talked about in Lesson 12, you can choose the person to come down into your well with you, so choose carefully! You don’t want someone to say, “You did what?” or “You shouldn’t have done that.” You don’t need a judge and jury. We already talked about the verdict. Remember Romans 3:23 –24 (TLB): “All have sinned; ... yet now God declares us ‘not guilty’ ... if we trust in Jesus Christ, who ... freely takes away our sins” and 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness”

You just need someone to listen. I find that it works best to choose someone who is a growing Christian and is familiar with the eight principles or the 12 Steps.

Choose someone of the same sex as you, whom you trust and respect. Enough said!

Ask your sponsor or accountability partner. Just be sure they have completed Principle 4 or Steps 4 and 5. The process should go more smoothly if the person is familiar with what you are doing. He or she will also have a sense of empathy, and if the person can share personal experiences, you will have a healthy exchange.

Set an appointment with the person, a time without interruptions! Get away from the telephones, kids, all interruptions for at least two hours. I have heard of some inventories that have taken eight hours to share. That’s perhaps a little dramatic.

Guidelines for Your Meeting

Start with prayer. Ask for courage, humility, and honesty. Here is a sample prayer for you to consider:

God, I ask that You fill me with Your peace and strength during my sharing of my inventory. I know that You have forgiven me for my past wrongs, my sins. Thank You for sending Your Son to pay the price for me, so my sins can be forgiven. During this meeting help me be humble and completely honest. Thank You for providing me with this program and ________________ (the name of the person with whom you are sharing your inventory). Thank You for allowing the chains of my past to be snapped. In my Savior’s name I pray, Amen.

Read the Principle 4 verses found on page 25 in Participant’s Guide 3, Getting Right with God, Yourself, and Others.

Keep your sharing balanced —weaknesses and strengths!

If we aren't honest we are robbing ourselves

We need to give them authority to speak into our lives

Having someone that just poo poos your mistakes doesn't benefit you

End in prayer. Thank God for the tools He has given to you and for the complete forgiveness found in Christ!