The Love Byrds Ball

From Good to Great

I wanted to talk to about something that I thought would benefit everyone in the room.

No matter how long you’ve been married.

No matter the state of your relationship.

First, let me start by saying, that if you think your marriage is great and you can tune us out, you might miss out on something that can make it even greater.

Or at least that will reinforce what has made it great.

Being satisfied with your relationship as it is not only keeps it from becoming great, but it also starts it on the path that leads to diminishing returns.

Secondly, if your marriage is on the roller coaster ride that many are on, wouldn’t you love to go from up and down to upward bound.

(I used to be so confused as to what my wife felt about me.)

Sunday, it was, “You’re the best husband in the world.”

By Tuesday, it was, “You’re the worst husband in the world.”

I didn’t know what to believe.

Last, if you can’t even believe that your spouse agreed to come to this event, you’re just minutes away from sparking a flame that will eventually turn into a blazing fire as you continue down this journey.

I’ve spent over 20 years trying to fix husbands in marriage and fix wives in marriage.

Only to discover that 95% of what needs to be fixed in wives, is automatically fixed when she feels like her husband loves her, is in tune with her, prefers her and as Prince sang, would die for her.

Consistent love like that shifts a woman into a different stratosphere of love for her husband.

There is a difference between a husband that thinks he is doing the right things or necessary things to satisfy his wife and a husband that is in tune with his wife and her needs.

And he is so in tune with her that she will genuinely feel that from his words and actions.

For most men, this would be like pulling teeth without numbing me with an anesthetic.

Most men have never seen an example of a man that cares for his wife with his heart.

Men have learned to care for their wives with money, houses, cars, clothes and with kids.

But most men have not learned to connect to their wife with their heart.

When you learn to connect to her with your heart, she becomes less and less of whatever you despised about her.

As a matter of fact, when you learn to connect to her with your heart, many of the things that you used to despise about her will no longer be irritations to you.

I believe that for men to learn to love their wives from the heart, we need to learn to understand and accept how they think, which most of the time is different from the way we think.

-Most men think first from logic while most women think first from perception.

-Most men ask questions that are truly questions while most women ask questions that are actually just intended to be hints.

-Most men only want information on a need-to-know basis while most women want information to also feel more connected.

-Most men handle conflict by trying to first come up with a resolution while most women handle conflict by first expressing how it made them feel.