SHIPPED - PART TWO

RED LIGHT/GREEN LIGHT

I. Introduction

A. What do you do when you see a red flag?

B. Differentiate behavior from identity. Withhold judgment that you aren’t willing to accept yourself. You have the right to set standards for the people in your life, but it is not your role to judge out of turn.

Matthew 7:1–3 (ESV)

1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

C. Your response to a red flag should be determined by the nature of your relationship with the flag-holder.

i. If you’re not dating – move along, Donkey Kong. Make a note that this guy or gal is not currently equipped to be any more than a brother or sister in Christ.

ii. 1. If you’re currently dating – pray and consider the Matthew 18:15 approach. Approach him or her in humility about a concerning behavior without assigning identity. If he or she receives it and is willing to repent and allow the Lord to move, proceed with caution. If he or she pushes back in pride, cut bait.

Matthew 18:15 (ESV)

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

iii. 1. If you’re married, refer to Matthew 18:15. Do all the things you would do if you weren’t married, but don’t cut bait unless all other options have been exhausted. Go to counseling. Go to more counseling. Fast. Pray. Unless he or she becomes an adulterer (Matthew 19:19) or an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15), keep the faith in the covenant that God has ordained.

II. It’s Not You, It’s Me

A. He/she puts you before God (Exodus 20:3 ESV).

B. He/she doesn’t prioritize church attendance and involvement (Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV).

C. He/she isn’t running at your pace toward God (2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV).

D. He/she doesn’t respect your boundaries (Amos 3:3 ESV).

E. He/she doesn’t have friends and attempts to isolate you from yours (Proverbs 17:17 ESV).

F. He/she is submitted to no one and lacks honor (Hebrews 13:17 ESV; Titus 3:1 ESV; 1 Timothy 2:1-2 ESV).

G. He/she consistently lives in fear, not faith (Jeremiah 17:7-8 ESV; 2 Corinthians 5:7 ESV; Isaiah 41:10 ESV).

H. He/she doesn’t forgive people and has trouble apologizing (Mark 11:25 ESV; 1 John 1:9 ESV; Ephesians 4:32 ESV).

I. He/she demonstrates pride regularly and is closed-minded to the opinions and wisdom of others (Proverbs 16:18 ESV; James 1:5 ESV).

J. He/she lacks consistent evidence of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV).

III. Let’s Go!

A. He/she puts God and His Word first place.

B. He/she prioritizes serving the Kingdom through the local body of Christ.

C. He/she is equally yoked and running toward Jesus at the same speed you are.

D. He/she respects your boundaries and contributes to the establishment of them in your relationship.

E. He/she has a healthy community of friends and accountability and easily fits into yours.

F. He/she is submitted to leaders and demonstrates honor for all people.

G. He/she responds in faith to all situations and refuses to be led by fear.

H. He/she is quick to forgive when offense comes and repents quickly when he/she is the cause of offense.

I. He/she demonstrates humility and is postured as a learner who is willing to receive from God-ordained input.

J. He/she walks in the fruit of the Spirit at all times.