Draw the Line: Lust

Introduction

Good morning.

I want to start out by letting everyone know that this is going to be an “R” rated sermon.

If you have young Children in here today, you need to take them down to our children's ministry.

I'm going to be discussing sexuality and the struggle with lust with detailed specificity.

However, if you are an adult or student, regardless of you political, moral, or social views I urge you, please hear me out on this.

In this series we wanted to talk about drawing battle lines.

The push and pull of sin and temptation in our lives, and where the line of scrimmage on the battlefield sits.

and with most of our sins, our temptations, our struggles-

The Biblical response is to confront them.

But every once in a while, in a battle, a juggernaut arrives.

A beast that you cannot stop.

With the sole purpose of crushing everything and everyone in front of him.

Lust is responsible for every kind of sexual immorality.

And scripture does not tell you to confront it or challenge it, it tells you to run.

As Paul told the Corinthians: 1 Co 6:18–20.

18 Flee sexual immorality! “Every sin a person commits is outside of the body”—but the immoral person sins against his own body.

19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?

20 For you were bought at a price. Therefore glorify God with your body.

“Flee sexual immorality!”

In The Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf is with the Fellowship in the Mines of Moria and he realizes a Balrog of Morgoth, a corrupted demonic version of him, is chasing them down he tells the fellowship “This foe is beyond any of you. Run!”

That is the response we should have to sexual immorality.

There is a reason several great pastors, apologists, and believers have fallen to it.

David himself lost the fight against lust.

You cannot stand toe to toe with him.

You will not win that fight.

He will grab you by the throat and and smash you into the dirt.

I cannot stress this enough.

I have struggled with porn addiction.

I've fought with lust.

I've lost every single time.

Countless videos and studies and books on conquering lust with this 3 step, or 5 step, or 8 step plan.

And nothing worked.

Years of agonizing, of straining and fighting, just to lose again and again.

Even still, now that I have been freed from his clutches, he is a lumbering giant wreathed in flame staring me down at the edge of the battlefield waiting for me to make 1 little slip and let him into the fight again.

And I am confident that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Over the last 20 years marital infidelity has increased by more than 40%.

44% of unmarried men and women admit to cheating on their partners.

20% of married couples in the US are likely to have experienced adultery.

70% of unmarried couples are likely to have experienced cheating in the relationship.

Pornographic websites will receive, on average, more visitations in a month than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined.

The online porn industry makes roughly $3,000.00 every second.

One study found that 91.5% of men and 60.2% of women have watched porn in the past month.

Currently 7.1% of adults identify as members of the LGBTQ community, that's double the percent recorded in 2012.

Now if you are a member of any of these statistics, I don't want you to think I'm attacking you.

I've been there, OK?

I am not perfect, I am not even good.

The chances are, that you have lived a more righteous life than I have.

I just want to prove my point that most people, if not all people, struggle with lust to some degree or another.

So, the question is, in our personal lives, how do we flee from sexual immorality?

First, we need to understand what Biblical Sexuality is.

Biblical Sexuality

I was watching a video put out by Dallas Theological Seminary Called “A Biblical View of Sex, Love, and Marriage”

Its on YouTube, you can find it pretty easily.

And in it, Dr. Sean McDowell talked about a visit he made to a private christian school.

He asked the students how they would define freedom, and they told him “Freedom is doing whatever you want without restraint.”

After some discussion on that He asked them to assume that God does exist, how does that change their definition of freedom.

Their response was “freedom is still doing whatever you want without restraint, but now with consequences.”

These are christian students.

And the only thing God adds to freedom for them, was consequences.

Unfortunately I think a lot of adults share that same view.

And the global church hasn't done the best job at addressing this.

Now, I've been told that my views on sex are too lenient.

And I've been told that my views on sex are too strict.

Personally, I feel that my views on sex are the strictest that there are.

And the reason I believe that, is because I will rely solely on the Biblical text to dictate what I believe about sex.

Whatever this Book says, I will hold to, and I will not force it say something that it doesn't say.

I have found 4 core truths that scripture teaches about Biblical Sexuality.

The first truth is that Sex is reserved for Biblical Marriage.

Genesis 2 tells us:

The NET Bible (Second Edition) Chapter 2

23 Then the man said,

“This one at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

this one will be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”

24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become one family.

25 The man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed.

“One Flesh”

This is the explanation we are given for marriage and sexual union.

But to really understand this, we have to go back a bit.

First to Genesis 1:27

Genesis 1:27 NET 2nd ed.

God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.

then to Genesis 2:18

Genesis 2:18 NET 2nd ed.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.”

The structure of Genesis 1-3 is very poetic.

There is a lot of nuance.

To be brief, we should Understand Genesis 1 as a poetic summary of creation.

Then Genesis 2 zooms in on Gods creation, and relationship with Humans.

Both man and woman reflect Gods Image.

Both are Image bearers of The Most High.

But neither of them bear the full likeness of God.

So, having created man in His Image, one who reflects a portion of Gods Nature, God then forms a counterpart to man.

Woman, another image bearer of the Most High, who corresponds to man.

This word for corresponds is likened to an equal opposite.

Where man reflects some of Gods qualities, he cannot reflect them all.

Where woman reflects some of Gods qualities, she cannot reflect them all.

But together, when they are joined as one flesh, they can reflect all of Gods qualities.

The physical joining of sex is representative of a deeper whole joining of the spirit and the mind.

You cannot have more than 1 partner because God is 1. He does not split his allegiance.

You cannot have 2 of the same because it no longer reflects the nature of God in its whole. Instead you have an imbalance of Gods image which is no longer perfect like He is.

And in Gods complete Image, He is a creator, and artist who brings forth new life.

Which leads us to our 2nd truth.

Sex is for procreation.

Through sex we take part in the very creation order that God has brought forth and ordained.

The act of sex is Gods invitation to us to reflect His image and take take part in creation.

To fill and subdue the earth under Gods rule.

To spread Eden.

But procreation isn't the only reason for sex.

As a matter of fact, I don't think its even the most important reason for sex.

Which brings us to our 3rd truth.

Sex is intended for pleasure.

In Song of Solomon 5:1 during the consummation activities between the Lover and the Beloved we read:

The NET Bible (Second Edition) Chapter 5

5:1 I have entered my garden, O my sister, my bride;

I have gathered my myrrh with my balsam spice.

I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;

I have drunk my wine and my milk!

The Poet to the Couple:

Eat, friends, and drink!

Drink freely, O lovers!

I'm not going to explain the whole context for the language used, I could, but I wont.

Take peace in knowing that this isn't his biological sister he is bedding.

Take note of the words from the poet.

This is the only line the poet says, and there is a lot of debate as to the poets Identity.

However I believe the strongest case is that the poet is God Himself.

“Eat, friends, and drink! Drink freely, O lovers”

Song of Solomon is the only book of the bible that deals exclusively with a sexual relationship between a married couple.

Not once does the song mention procreation, or child bearing.

Instead it focuses solely on pleasure and infatuation between the lovers.

How they delight in each others bodies!

The look, the sound, the smell, and the taste.

The only book on marital sex that God saw fit to include in his inspired word seems to care very little about the function of sex, and exalts the pleasure found within it.

The function of Biblical sex is procreation, but the intention of Sex is pleasure.

Because of this, I feel I can say with confidence that the primary purpose of sex as biblically approved, is to rejoice in and find pleasure with your spouse.

The whole song is the two lovers finding ways to please each other, physically, spiritually, and emotionally in the marriage bed.

The song doesn't touch on everything they do in bed, It only addresses that they both found pleasure and delight in their sexual relationship because they were seeking to please each other.

The only stipulations presented are that this occurs between a married couple, that it is not adulterous (they don't invite anyone one else in), and neither of them are facing abuse from the other (forced submission to something one of them doesn't want to do.)

Let me sum it up this way: so long as you are not inviting someone else into the bedroom, seeking to humiliate your spouse, or forcing them into something they don't want to do, God approves of it in the marriage bed.

You and your spouse are free to explore, delight in, and rejoice over each other bodies.

Using every sense, and every part that God has given you.

Eat and drink freely O lovers.

Which brings us to our final core truth about Biblical Sexuality.

Sex is a preview of heaven.

The entire sexual process models salvation.

In order for Biblical sex to occur one has to pursue another, Like how God pursues us.

The one being pursued cannot be controlled, but instead must become responsive to the one pursuing them. As we should respond to God.

When they come together, there is a bonding, a oneness that occurs.

A dance between two spirits is ignited, until we are found together in paradise.

Ultimately the pleasure we get from being joined with our spouse completely, is but a shadow of the pleasure we will have when we are joined with our heavenly King.

That is the Biblical view on sex.

Its intended for marriage between two separate Imagers who both reflect different aspects of God.

That its function is for creation.

But its intention is for pleasure.

And that, in carrying out with this act, we replay our salvation and glimpse into the promise that we have been given.

Its beautiful, and wonderful, and truly brilliant.

But we have enemies in this world.

Enemies that seek to corrupt and twist Gods good creation, into an abomination that breeds pain and suffering.

Now that we understand Biblical sexuality, we need to understand Sexual Immorality.

The Truth About Sexual Immorality

Nobody is going to flee from something that they don't consider a threat.

And no serious predator is going to present themselves outright as threatening.

As many of you know, I'm a reptile fanatic.

At my house I have 3 snakes, a boa, a colubrid, and a pit viper.

And If I could afford it, Id have more.

Each of these snakes has beautiful colors and patterns that adorn their bodies.

The purpose of those colors and patterns is to blend in with their natural environments so they can avoid predators, and be hidden from prey.

Snakes would never eat if their prey could see them.

But if they blend with the environment and appear natural, food will come right up to them.

Sexual immorality uses the same method.

Currently in my life, I see him as he is, the giant wreathed in flame ready to kill.

But earlier in my life, he seemed nothing more than a harmless curiosity.

A natural desire.

A normal part of the environment in which I lived.

Over time I began to realize that something felt off.

Something wasn't right.

I was dependent on this seemingly natural thing.

Like a drug, I no longer just wanted it, but I needed it.

I needed more of it.

Not just in frequency, but in intensity.

Like a carnivorous plant I was drawn to the color.

The nectar.

The scent.

At the very least, I knew this wasn't good.

So I concealed it from the world.

And justified my behavior internally.

“Ill stop when...”

“Who am I really hurting anyway...”

“Just one more time...”

“Its not sex if I don't...”

If I had know the monster I was toying with, things would have been different.

First its just natural.

Then it becomes more.

A habit.

A craving.

A longing.

An identity.

A god.

Jesus spoke on this very thing years ago.

Recorded in the Gospel of John chapter 8:

The NET Bible (Second Edition) Chapter 8

31 Then Jesus said to those Judeans who had believed him, “If you continue to follow my teaching, you are really my disciples

32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

33 “We are descendants of Abraham,” they replied, “and have never been anyone’s slaves! How can you say, ‘You will become free’?”

34 Jesus answered them, “I tell you the solemn truth, everyone who practices sin is a slave of sin.

And lust is a cruel master.

Once you're convinced of its “goodness” its hard to find your way out.

When an orgasm occurs the human brain is flooded with dopamine.

The chemical responsible for pleasure, desire, and satisfaction.

And I mean flooded.

An orgasm produces and releases more dopamine than any other natural process.

Along with Dopamine, the brain releases Oxytocin.

The chemical responsible for affection and relation.

Every time you have an orgasm, you are conditioning yourself to find satisfaction and pleasure with whoever or whatever brought you to orgasm.

When this happens in a monogamous relationship with someone what acts as a counterpart to you, its a really good thing.

but the moment you remove it from that particular situation you run into problems.

With masturbation you are subconsciously linking satisfaction and pleasure to yourself and your own desires, rather than to someone else and their desires.

With pornography you are linking yourself to several images on a screen and the screen itself.

With hookup culture you are splitting yourself among dozens of other humans who you have now made yourself dependent on.

And the only way to counter that effect of depression is to reduce those humans to nothing more than a body.

With same sex relationships you are linking yourself with someone who is not a counterpart to you.

Even if you have only had sex with one person, but you two are not married, You are creating a bond not just with the person, but with the thrill of doing it outside of the marriage bed.

What about sex dolls?

Technically I'm not breaking any rules there.

You may be obeying the letter of the law, but definitely not the spirit of it.

You are still linking yourself with that object rather than a person.

Subconsciously you are making yourself dependent on that doll, and seeking only self satisfaction.

Now I know this is a lot of talk, and if you're like me, you want to see the proof.

So I want to read you some statistics:

According to the 2016 American Sociological Association: for men that watch porn within their marriage 10% will get a divorce. Compared to 5% of their non porn consuming peers.

For women in the same study, 16% of the porn consumers will get a divorce, compared to 6% of their non-porn consuming peers.

Experts have found that in some cases watching pornography may lead to:

high feelings of distress

anxiety episodes or generalized anxiety

emotional avoidance and detachment

feelings of loneliness

irritability and anger

decreased sexual satisfaction

A study published on Semantic Scholar titled “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos” Found that: “Of the 304 scenes analyzed, 88.2% contained physical aggression, principally spanking, gagging, and slapping, while 48.7% of scenes contained verbal aggression”

Because of this, Experts are exploring the possibility that Pornography may be in part responsible for the rise in Intimate Partner Violence among both hetero and homo sexual partners.

An article on “Fight The New Drug” cites 9 different studies and summarizes that:

“When someone regularly consumes porn, they can become accustomed to being aroused by the imagery and endless novelty found in porn. Pretty soon, natural turn-ons and real relationships aren’t enough, and many porn consumers find they can’t get aroused by anything but porn.Ironically, despite porn’s promise of improving consumers’ sex lives, there is growing evidence that porn consumption is linked to sexual dysfunction. Research indicates that compulsive pornography consumption is directly related to erectile dysfunction, sexual dysfunction for both men and women, problems with arousal and sexual performance, difficulty reaching orgasm, and decreased sexual satisfaction.”

A study done by the Institute for Family Studies found that:

“the surprisingly large number of Americans reporting one lifetime sex partner have the happiest marriages”

And that “The difference between having one and more than one lifetime sex partner is most consequential in predicting marriage quality.”

The study found that women who only had 1 sex partner were 64% likely to say they were “Very Happy” in their relationship.

When they had 2 partners it fell to 60%.

That trend gets progressively worse up to women with 10 or more sex partners only having a 52% chance of being “very happy” in their relationship.

For men with 1 lifetime sex partner they have a 71% chance of reporting that they are “very happy” with their relationship.

With 2 sex partners it falls to a 65% chance.

This also decreases gradually to men with 10 or more lifetime partners only having a 58% chance of being “very happy” in their relationship.

Dr. Sean McDowell said that from his research: “If you want to put a potential future marriage in Jeopardy, live with someone before you’re married”

There are nearly a dozen studies from the 1970’s into the early 2000’s showed that men and women who lived together before marriage were far more likely to divorce than couples who moved directly from dating to marriage. In fact, on average, researchers found that couples who cohabited before marriage had a 33 percent higher chance of divorcing than couples who moved in together after the wedding ceremony.

The National survey on LGBTQ youth Mental health found that 50% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide.

18% of them actually made an attempt.

That’s double the rate among all U.S. teens.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness:

75% of LGBTQ teens experience anxiety.

61% experience depression.

82% sought mental healthcare and 60% of them were denied mental healthcare.

Their conclusion was that LGBTQ teens are six times more likely to experience depression than the general population.

61% of lesbian and bisexual women have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner. As opposed to 35% of heterosexual women.

37% of gay and bisexual men have experience rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner. As opposed to 29% of heterosexual men.

An article on Frontiers titled “When Intimate Partner Violence Meets Same Sex Couples: A Review of Same Sex Intimate Partner Violence” states:

“When episodes of severe violence were considered, prevalence was similar or higher for LGB adults (bisexual women: 49.3%; lesbian women: 29.4%; homosexual men: 16.4%) compared to heterosexual adults (heterosexual women: 23.6%; heterosexual men: 13.9%)”

Guys, there is a severe problem when you stray from Biblical Sexuality.

Even if we take out all these other factors, and look at marital quality and sexual satisfaction of couples who are religious vs non religious we see a problem.

According to The World Family Map 2019 we read that:

“When asked about the sexual satisfaction each of these individuals experience in their relationships, it was found that highly religious couples report the highest levels. The women in these highly religious relationships have a particularly high score.

By comparison, couples with mixed religious viewpoints or completely secular ideology report lower satisfaction levels.”

“In fact, women in highly religious relationships are about 50% more likely to report that they are strongly satisfied with their sexual relationship than their secular and less religious counterparts”

This study found that if you as a couple are highly religious, not only are you more likely to enjoy your sexual relationship, but are less likely to become a victim of Intimate Partner Violence, and less likely to experience infidelity in the relationship.

Flee Sexual Immorality.

He is not your friend.

You don't have to be his slave.

I hope this is enough to convince you.

He doesn't want you to be free.

He wants to beat you down in every aspect of life that he can.

He wants you to struggle with interpersonal relationships.

He wants you to feel guilty for your past.

He wants you to never find satisfaction or fulfilment.

He wants to turn you against the ones you love, and the ones you love against you.

And most importantly, he doesn't want you to turn to the only person on the battlefield that can beat him.

How to Flee From Sexual Immorality

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines lust as “intense or unbridled sexual desire.”

Christopher West runs a YouTube channel called “Theology of the Body”.

In one of his videos he said “sexual freedom is not the liberty to indulge your sexual compulsions, its the liberation from the compulsion to indulge.”

At its core, to flee sexual immorality, is to embrace self control.

This is not an easy thing to do.

We are all created as sexual beings.

The levitical law put a lot of restriction on who you could marry, and with it, who you could have sex with.

And while here, Jesus raised the standard even higher.

In Matthew 5:28 Jesus tells us:

The NET Bible (Second Edition) Chapter 5

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’

28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Jesus was addressing the men, but rule follows for both men and women.

Where men long for the breasts and the backsides, women long for the forearms and the legs.

Where men long for a sexual encounter, women long for a romantic encounter.

See Jesus said this because the issue doesn't begin with the action, it begins with the unchecked longings of the heart.

In Matthew 15:19 we are told:

The NET Bible (Second Edition) Chapter 15

For out of the heart come evil ideas, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

I cant fix a heart.

You cant fix a heart.

No 10 step process can fix a heart.

No works of man can fix a heart.

For the heart of man is desperately wicked indeed.

Ezekiel 36: 24-28 tells us:

The NET Bible (Second Edition) Chapter 36

24 “ ‘I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries; then I will bring you to your land.

25 I will sprinkle you with pure water, and you will be clean from all your impurities. I will purify you from all your idols.

26 I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you. I will remove the heart of stone from your body and give you a heart of flesh.

27 I will put my Spirit within you; I will take the initiative, and you will obey my statutes and carefully observe my regulations.

28 Then you will live in the land I gave to your fathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.

Dr. Gary Barnes, professor of Biblical counseling said that: “The very best thing you can do for sexual health and family well being is to be well grounded in theology.”

Self control is a fruit of the holy spirit.

You cannot truly possess self control unless the spirit is producing it within you.

The curing of the heart is a work done by the spirit dwelling inside.

No wonder so many people walk into churches, are told to change their ways, and then leave, never to return.

We are demanding that they do something that they cannot do!

Are we really helping the wounded sheep heal? or are we sending them away bleeding?

That Giant wreathed in flame at the edge of the battlefield is your very own heart.

You cannot beat him, but there is someone who already has.

Christ died for us while we were still sinners.

And to anyone who cries out for him, he will send His Spirit as an aid.

As a guide.

As a Champion.

If you are in this room right now, and the only thing keeping you from the faith is giving up your sexual lifestyle.

I want you to put that issue on the back burner.

Don’t try to engage with that fight.

Instead, I greatly encourage you to study and find out if Jesus really is who He claimed to be.

Don’t be biased to one view or another, use secular and Christian sources.

Look for the most plausible explanation for all of this.

I challenge you, please, prove me wrong!

Because the only 2 possibilities are that I am a moral monster because of my beliefs, or you are enslaved to your own desires.

And if you come to the same conclusion I have, cry out to Him, and respond to His pursuit.

If you are already a believer, and you are still struggling with this, I want to challenge you to study scripture.

No topic in particular, but read your Bible daily. Fervently.

And continually ask for God to mold your heart to His will.

Healing a heart is a slow process.

You are going to mess up, you are going to fail, but trust in Him and allow Him to work on you.

Avoid anything that might make you slip.

Music, T.V., even advertisements.

Direct your gaze to Him, instead of the beast begging you to engage.

For some of us, this may mean a life of celibacy, and that is OK.

Biblical marriage, and singleness are two separate but equal ways to honor God with your life.

Both reflect the core of dying to yourself and living for another.

The apostle Paul lived a single life, and spoke openly about the benefits it provided.

That through a single life, your attention could be wholly devoted to the King.

And that with a single life, you can reach people, and serve people In a way that I no longer can.

Singleness is a gift from God, just as much as marriage is.

Where Marriage reflects Gods total image.

Singleness follows the footsteps of Christ and reflects total dependence on Him.

Don’t despise a gift you may have been given.

(Communion)

And with all of this, lets remember the greatest gift we have been given.

That God himself came to this earth to live the life that none of us could.

And die the death that all of us deserve.

That His body was broken on our behalf.

That his blood has washed and restored our broken hearts turning them back from stone to flesh.

Closing

I want to leave you with one final hope.

This is a difficult topic for many people.

Its ingrained in the very fiber of our being.

As an essential aspect of our own self identity.

In 1 Corinthians 6:3 Paul makes an interesting statement.

The NET Bible (Second Edition) Chapter 6

3 Do you not know that we will judge angels? Why not ordinary matters!

At the very end.

When the new heaven and the new earth are brought together.

A trial will be held.

And at this trial, all of us believers will stand as witnesses and give testimony against every evil demonic spirit that has fought against us.

Every spirit that whispered in your ear that you are unloved.

Every spirit that tried to seduce you with other men or other women.

Every spirit that goaded you into watching that video.

Or performing that act

All of them will be brought before the council, where you can declare

“This one has transgressed against a child of the Most High”

“This one had led me astray with whispers of longing”

“This one has insulted and accused me from beginning to end”

And with this testimony their judgement will be pronounced.

The King will make His decree “No longer will you haunt, torment, and accuse my children. Into the lake of fire you will go”

And in chains they will be dragged to the pit where they belong.

What a hope to have.

Thank you for coming!