Relationship Month 2023

Things Wives Want from Their Husbands

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Things Husbands Want from Their Wives

I used to think that a great marriage was hard work.

Now I believe that a great marriage is HEART work.

I also used to think that a wife and a husband needed to put forth the same amount of effort to make a marriage great.

I’m not saying that now I don’t believe they both need to put forth great effort but what I’ve realized is that if he puts forth the right effort in the right way, her effort is automatic.

This may sound like I’m talking in a way that says marriage isn’t fair. It may sound like I’m putting more responsibility on the husband.

Well, I am.

Ephesians 5:25 NLT

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her

Ultimately, we know that both of us need to be Christ like in our ways, but the greater responsibility falls on the man.

We know that Jesus was our ultimate example of how to be.

And I used the phrase how to be, intentionally.

We need to stop trying to do things that a good husband or a good wife should do and become those people.

We know that Jesus was not married as we are, but we can gleam so much from His person and His character that would make us amazing husbands and wives.

When we come to Christ, we are no longer supposed to be our old self.

We are now supposed to conform to the image of Christ through a process of mind renewal.

Romans 12:2 NLT

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

As a husband if I become like Christ, I will meet all the needs of my wife.

And as a wife if you become like Christ, you will meet all the needs of your husband.

With that said, let’s talk about some things husbands want from their wives and some things wives want from their husbands.

We won’t cover all the things we want to share on today.

This will be a three-part series.

For him to walk in the house without causing damage.

Our wives don’t want us to be the type of man that when you hear the garage door start to open, everybody gets on high alert.

The cat, dog and goldfish start speaking fear language.

The kids look at each other and say, “Oh man daddy’s home.”

The wife has the attitude of, I wonder what kind of mood he’s going to be in today.

Husbands do you have a negative effect on the mood of the home?

When you walk in the house are you looking for everyone to cater to you, or are you looking to care for the needs of your wife and children?

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For her to fulfill him Sexually

Let’s just get this one out of the way right up front. Many women can go without sex for months, but for most men, it’s pure torture. In fact, they would probably do it all the time if they had their way.

One man said, “My favorite days for sex all start with a ‘T’: Tuesday, Thursday, Taturday and Tunday.” LOL.

Many people are surprised that the Bible is actually pro sex within marriage. “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality - the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.” The writer goes on to say, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent.” However, receiving the sex a husband needs in marriage is as common a problem today as it was two thousand years ago.

At the time of marriage, most men consider frequent and fulfilling sex with their wives to be one of the God-given benefits of marriage and at that moment in time, most wives agree. But as time passes, men discover that their wives don't see things quite the same way. They find that frequent sex requires negotiation for which they apparently have no skill. What to do? When a husband meets his wife's needs for affection and intimate conversation, she finds it easier to meet his need for sexual fulfillment. And the more she meets his need for sexual fulfillment, the easier it is for him to meet her emotional needs for affection and intimate conversation.

For him to open his heart to her.

How do you respond to her questions which are attempts to become one with you.

When she asks how was your day, do you think she is looking for good, bad or okay?

When you are doing something and she tries to help, do you get irritated?

Wives often find significance in relationships and the marriage relationship is the number one relationship.

Husbands, do you let your wife into the real you or do you shut her out?

For her to be his recreational companion

In Willard Harley’s book, His Needs, Her Needs, he identifies a man’s need for a recreational companion.

Harley ranked spending recreational time with his wife as the second greatest need that men have, second only to sex for the typical husband.

We often put our best foot forward in the courtship which later can lead to disappointment after the “I do.” “Why don't you do this with me anymore?” is a common complaint. Harley cautions spouses that having fun together doing the things that you both like is essential to the marriage.

Couples should make an effort to involve themselves in their spouses’ activities. I was thrilled when my wife (Carrie), who is not into bikes, hopped on the back of a BMW motorcycle as we rode to Hanauma Bay in Hawaii and went snorkeling together – for me, a perfect day.

For him to be sensitive to her and the children.

Most wives don’t even think their husbands tear duck’s work.

Do you have any sensitive emotions? (I know you have anger emotions or excitement emotions.)

Most men are insensitive, and it crushes their wives’ hearts.

Most of us men are used to shutting down our sensitivity emotions or blocking them out altogether.

What’s crazy is that we can spot insensitivity in other men, but usually not in ourselves.

(e.g., I used to be so insensitive to my wife’s driving anxieties.)

For her to respect him.

The Scriptures say, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” God knew what He was talking about. Men want to know that they are respected by their wives above every other person. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, “You're disrespecting me!” But there’s a good chance he is feeling stung by something his wife has said or done which he considers disrespectful.

Every man feels an internal pressure to excel. We need to be successful at least one place in our life. If we can’t feel that respect in our home, we will find that somewhere else. Ladies, do you want to be loved unconditionally? Are you willing to respect your husband unconditionally? Chances are you probably aren’t always loveable right? Your husband probably isn’t always respectable. Do you want to be loved any less when you aren’t at your “best”? Neither does he in the area of respect. Love and respect go hand in hand.

For him to be thoughtful.

Are you thoughtful enough to remember things that are important to her.

Do you pay attention to her comments about things?

Do you watch her choices, her likes, her dislikes?

If her likes or dislikes are not important to you, you’ll never remember them.

For her to show admiration.

Men want their wives to be proud of them. I know I do. When my wife tells me I’m wonderful it motivates me to achieve more. When she tells me she’s proud of me for working hard to provide for our family it makes me want to work even harder. Men want to be desirable to their wives, physically, but in other ways as well. Are we strong enough for you? Are we masculine enough for you? Do we meet your expectations as a man?

For him to want to do things with her. (Other than sex!)

Do you treat her in a way that makes her feel inclusive or exclusive?

Do you look forward to her input or suggestions?

Do you include her or exclude her from your activities? That could even be in the way you conversate about them. Or do you avoid talking to her about activities that you are involved in?

For her to show emotional balance.

Most men want emotional balance in marriage but do not know how to function in a highly emotional context.

We, as men, don’t know how to express our emotions very well and we don’t know what to do when you express yours.

So, when our wives get upset, we panic. We move into a fixing mode, which is usually counter-productive. When you are emotionally upset, for whatever reason, and you know it isn’t his fault, it’s helpful if you can just let him know the two of you are okay, he didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, it’s not his fault, and there is nothing he needs to do to fix it.

Bonus - For him to believe that they are truly One Flesh.

Most men think of themselves as the priority and her as the person that is there when I need you.

Do you make important decisions without her input or knowledge of the situation?

No man in his right mind would make an important decision without first thinking about it. And then counting the cost.

If you are truly a one flesh marriage, how could you make important decisions without seeing how one of you thinks about it?

We should consider each other in all important things concerning the relationship. (Discipline styles, money spending habits, how to invest money, how we spend our free time etc.)

If you’re watching online or here in the room, I have a very important question to ask you.

What is Holy Spirit saying to you right now?