The Marriage Code
Scripture: Eph 5:21-31
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” --- Eph 5:21-31
We as adults have the responsibility to model the right attitudes and behaviours for the next generation, demonstrating what a healthy marriage and healthy family relationships are like.
Here are two principles I believe are core values we need to live by, not only as husbands and wives in our respective marriage relationships, but also as the church who is the bride of Christ.
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Principle 1: Willing Submission
Wives are to willingly submit to their husbands as modelled by the church's submission to Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. --- Eph 5:22
- Submission is never mutual.
- Submission is always voluntary.
Paul gives us two truths in the surrounding pericope:
A. The Fear of God
Submit … out of reverence for [in the fear of] Christ … as you do to the Lord. --- Eph 5:21-22
We can willingly submit when we live in the fear of God.
The fear of God is
- Acknowledging the majesty and "bigness" of God and responding in humility and lowliness
- Recognizing that God does not condone sin and requires holiness
- Being filled with gratitude for the security we have in the great and marvellous things God has done for us
The erosion of God's definition of marriage ultimately stems from a lack of the fear of God.
1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. --- Eph 2:1–3
B. The Headship of Christ
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. --- Eph 5:23
We can willingly submit when we acknowledge the headship of Christ.
The church’s submission to Christ really is about looking to Christ her head for His beneficial rule, living by His norms, experiencing His presence and love, receiving from Him gifts that will enable growth to maturity, and responding to Him in gratitude and awe. And wives are to submit in the same manner.
...you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you --- Gen 3:16, NLT
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Principle 2: Sacrificial Love
Husbands are to love their wives sacrificially as modelled by Christ’s loving sacrifice for the church.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. --- Eph 5:25
Two truths to take heed:
A. The Sacrifice of Self
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. --- Eph 5:25
26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. --- Eph 5:26–27
Christ sacrificed Himself so that we His bride might be clothed in beauty, radiance, holiness and purity. By the giving up of ourselves, we make our wives as radiant and beautiful as can be so that they are able to truly be the best versions of themselves, just as they make us the best versions of ourselves through their unending support and partnership.
As Christians, we must accept and be grateful for the sacrificial love that Christ has showered generously to us, and we can reflect that sacrificial love to others around us.
As husbands, we have to always remember to love our wives sacrificially so that the beautiful and amazing love of God is tangibly manifest and the radiant glory of God is magnificently displayed in our lives and in our relationship.
B. The Singularity of Relationship
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” --- Eph 5:28–31
11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 … so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 … and become mature … 14 Then we will no longer be infants … 15 Instead, … we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body ... grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. --- Eph 4:11-16
If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. --- 1 Cor 12:26
Individually, we must recognize that we are just parts of the one singular body of Christ, and we need each other. In the marriage relationship, husband and wife are one singular unit, inseparable and incapacitated without the other.
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CHALLENGE
1. Wives, submit yourselves willingly to your husbands, just as the church submits to Christ her head.
2. Husbands, love your wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved His church sacrificially and gave Himself up for us.
3. Christians, reflect the marriage code by submitting yourselves willingly to God and love others sacrificially.