10 Commandments for Corrective Communication (2/15/23)

Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;

For us, as a church, to be able to strive together, there must be unity. Satan, however, desires to spread disunity, discord, and division within our church.

Mark 3:24–25 KJV 1900

And if a kingdom be divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Satan will seek to use the smallest things within a church to cause division and disunity.

We’ve all heard “horror stories” of what has caused division within churches:

Disagreement over the color of the carpet in the auditorium.

Contention because of supposed mistreatment of children.

Offense because of not being recognized.

Offense because of recognition.

Hurt feelings because of not being chosen for a position.

Hurt feelings because my suggestion wasn’t acted upon.

Please understand - I am not preaching this message because of any division that I know of. Simply because 1) I’m not ready to continue with my series What We Believe, 2) the topic of my message from this past Sunday and 3) I want to finish what I started a number of months ago in the H.D. Connection Group.

Humpty Dumpty

We’ve all heard the poem of Humpty Dumpty – “And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.”

When a local church experiences disunity, discord, and division, it is possible to put the pieces back together again and God’s Word gives us the basic principles in order to do just that. Both of the passages of Scripture that we read address the matter of reconciliation.

“The moral is simple: We are to get right with those we have wronged…” (John Phillips)

And I will add to that we should get right with those who have wronged us.

The word, reconciled, in Matthew 5:24 is interesting. It means, to make peace. However, part of the Greek word that is used forms our English word, dialogue.

Lexham Research Lexicon of the Greek New Testament διαλλάσσομαι

διαλλάσσομαι (diallassomai), VB. become reconciled. aor.pass. διαλλαγῶσιν.

To make peace with “thy brother” means that you are going to have to actually talk to them!

This evening, I would like to give you the Ten Commandments for Corrective Communication and then give you some foundational truths before we begin to look at them individually.

The Ten Commandments to Corrective Communication

#1 - Thou shalt go to thy brother first before going to anyone else. (Matt. 18:15)

#2 - Thou shalt have examined thyself before approaching thy brother. (Matt. 7:1-5)

#3 - Thou shalt listen before speaking. (James 1:19-20)

#4 - Thou shalt have searched out the facts before going to thy brother (Prov. 18:13)

#5 - Be honest & Be humble (Eph. 4:25)

#6 - Keep current (Eph. 4:16)

#7 - Thou shalt not make 100% statements.

#8 - Thou shalt ask the Lord for the right time and the right words with the right heart. (Prov. 15:23; Eph. 4:15)

#9 - Thou shalt not attack the person but attack the problem. (Eph. 4:29-30)

#10 - Thou shalt act not react. (Eph. 4:31-32)

Matthew 18:15 (KJV 1900)

...go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone...

Within those words, we would hope that individuals would be able to resolve any offense and these 10 Commandments for Corrective Communication explain how to fulfill those words in Matthew 18:15.

The remainder of the passage is there in the event that your brother “will not hear thee.”

Corrective communication is necessary because we each are imperfect,

living and serving alongside others who are imperfect,

and we’re living in an imperfect world.

Luke 17:1–4 KJV 1900

Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

Note: We get our English word, scandal, from the Greek word that is translated, in that verse, offenses.

Lexham Research Lexicon of the Greek New Testament σκάνδαλον

σκάνδαλον -ου, τό; (skandalon), N. cause for stumbling.

Part of the definition of scandal is, an offense caused by a fault or misdeed.

Offenses will come from other church members, from our family members, from our co-workers. It’s not a matter of if trespasses will come; it’s a matter of whether or not we are prepared- and willing - to Biblically address these situations when they arise.

To live above with those we love,

O that will be glory, but…

To live below with those we know,

Well, that’s another story!

Are you prepared for when offences do come?

The greatest way to handle offences is to simply not be offended in the first place!

And the way to do that is to fall in love with God’s Word!

Psalm 119:165 KJV 1900

Great peace have they which love thy law: And nothing shall offend them.

There are serious consequences when we do not Biblically and lovingly practice corrective communication.

Remembering that we are imperfect, living in an imperfect world with others who are just as imperfect, our tendency, when someone “trespasses” against us is to do one of two things…

Shut up

This is the “pressure cooker” mentality.

Each time we are “trespassed” against, instead of handling it in the right way, we just bottle it up inside and put on a plastic smile and pretend that there is not a problem. What makes this dangerous is that at some point you will explode. And you will more often than not explode at the wrong time, in the wrong place, and on the wrong person.

Ladies especially need to be careful of this. Ladies, when you say, “I just need to vent to someone right now,” it is a good indication that you’ve been bottling up “trespasses” and you need to stop and determine to address the situation in a Biblical manner.

Blow up

Not to leave the men out, the second tendency is to blow up. This is often how men handle trespasses. This is kind of like throwing a hand grenade or driving over a road side bomb. Sure, once you have exploded and gotten things “off your chest” you may feel fine but the problem is that you generally leave a lot of collateral damage that is difficult to clean up

Neither of these tendencies are the Biblical way of addressing situations when we have been wronged by another or when we have wronged someone else.

We must understand...

The Goal

It is not to prove ourselves right and the other party wrong.

The goal of corrective communication is purity and...

As we are dealing with it here that speaks of the purity of this local church. Going along with that would be then the reputation of this local church.

Restoration & Reconciliation.

Restoration: Renewal; revival; re-establishment; as the restoration of friendship between enemies;

Reconciliation: The act of reconciling parties at variance; renewal of friendship after disagreement or enmity.

Our desire should be to restore a brother or sister in Christ to a right relationship with God, with themselves, and with others.

Matthew 5:24 (KJV 1900)

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Matthew 18:15 (KJV 1900)

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Galatians 6:1 (KJV 1900)

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

If our goal in going to our brother is anything else, than we should not go!

Next time, we’ll begin to look at each of the commandments which I gave you earlier.

Prayer Requests

Public acknowledgement of Mr and Mrs Manzoni

Prayer for employment wisdom for Mark Manzoni

Pray for an open door

Colossians 4:3 KJV 1900

Withal praying also for us, that God would open unto us a door of utterance, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in bonds:

1 Corinthians 16:9 KJV 1900

For a great door and effectual is opened unto me, and there are many adversaries.

Islamic Center of South Charlotte (Muslims)

Estates @ Sugar Creek

Pray for an open door to the Hispanic community and the Indian community.

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