10: PROMISE KEEPERS (Matthew 5:31-37)

Last week we came to a portion of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus challenges the traditional rabbinical teachings of several well known Scriptures like this: “You Have Heard that it was said…do not murder and do not commit adultery…BUT I SAY to you…"

In doing so, Jesus digs beneath the FRUIT of our ACTIONS to the ROOT of our ATTITUDES.

Today we continue on the same track as Jesus demands that His followers be...

Promise Keepers.

Have you ever heard this phrase? - “My word is my bond.”

That’s a claim we rarely hear, and even more rarely see lived out in our culture. And sadly, I can say there have been times that you and I haven’t fulfilled what we said we would do. And whether it was intentional or not, breaking our promises will negatively affect our relationships.

As we will see today, Jesus thinks promises made to God & people are really important. In fact…

BIG TRUTH: When we keep our promises we point to the Ultimate Promise Keeper.

When we don’t…then we don’t.

First we are going to see what Jesus says about breaking the promise to our spouse.

Divorce is one of the most hurtful and controversial topics among Christians today. All of us have in some way been affected by divorce.

Maybe YOU or another family member have been divorced.

Maybe it’s longtime friends or mentors who have called it quits.

The goal of today’s teaching is NOT to rub your face in past hurt.

Instead, it’s to deal with an issue that JESUS thought was incredibly important in His culture, like it is in ours.

Again, if Jesus is not just the interpreter of Scripture, but the AUTHOR of Scripture - the One who inspired the Scripture to be written - then we MUST see divorce through through HIS eyes.

Is divorce allowed for any reason?

Can a divorced person remarry in God’s eyes?

Let’s see what the AUTHOR of Scripture has to say.

Matthew 5:31 (NIV)

It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’

Only the man could initiate divorce in Moses’ day as well as Jesus’ day - with the only exception being if the woman petitioned the court for divorce; if her plea was accepted, the court would order the man to give the woman a certificate of divorce.[1]

Typically, with no court action necessary, the husband would present a certificate of divorce to his wife in front of witnesses, clearly stating that she was released from him and able to marry another.[2]

This document protected the woman, allowing her to remarry. Otherwise, women would have very few options to provide for themselves and their children - leaving some with the only option of prostitution.

Moses writes:

Deuteronomy 24:1 (NIV)

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house...

What does displeasing or indecent mean?

In Jesus’ day there was a long standing controversy over what something displeasing or indecent meant.

Some took the ultimate liberal slant of Rabbi Hillel. Has your wife ever burnt your meal?

My Dad tells me that my Mom loves his so much, sometimes she gives him burnt sacrifices.

But in that day, some interpreted displeasing to mean that you could divorce your wife for spoiling your meal…NO…I’m not kidding.

Rabbi Aquiba even said a man could divorce his wife if he found someone else prettier than her. [3]

The more conservative Rabbi Shammai would say divorce was only an option because of the act of adultery.

This is the environment Jesus is weighing in on.

And rather than trying to find a bunch of loopholes so people can find a way out of their marriages, Jesus is reminding people that God’s view of marriage is intended to be a lifelong covenant.

Jesus again makes this very clear at another time when He answers these question directly:

Matthew 19:3–6 (NIV)

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Matthew 19:7–9 (NIV)

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Marriage is intended to be one man and one woman for one lifetime.

We are to fight FOR our marriages rather than quickly throw in the towel.

I have met with people who seem to want RELEASE from marriage instead of desiring to REKINDLE the marriage. They are looking for any/every reason to divorce while discounting the consequences of disobeying God’s commands. Jesus is not focused on why a person might get OUT of marriage, but why a person should stay IN marriage.

The man who divorces his wife without Biblical grounds (more on that in a moment), who then marries another commits adultery.

How could that be?

Simple. God doesn’t recognize the previous marriage as being over, so the husband or wife being intimate with another person…commits ADULTERY.

And so it is that Jesus speaks to this on multiple occasions, including during the SERMON ON THE MOUNT.

Matthew 5:31–32 (NIV)

It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery [causes her to commit adultery], and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

And since God still sees her married to the other man, this also causes her to commit adultery - If this sounds really messy, that’s because it IS!!!!

Marriage is intended to be one man and one woman for one lifetime.

But marriage is more than just about a man, a woman, & family.

Denny Burk

"Our marriages were always meant to be about this other marriage (Eph. 5 - the mystery of Christ and the Church)...Our marriages are supposed to be saying something about the gospel...marriages are supposed to be these little dramas of redemption put on display for the world.” [4]

BIG TRUTH: When we keep our promises we point to the Ultimate Promise Keeper.

Jesus is our Ultimate Promise Keeper. And we have the privilege and responsibility to point to the ONE who can forgive our disobedience - lust, slander, sexual impurity, adultery, & unbiblical divorce - just to name a few.

When IS remarriage recognized by God? I recently taught on this in our 1 Corinthians series in May of last year, in a teaching called “Devoted or Distracted”.

You can click on the link or take a picture of the QR Code for that teaching (, but in short, in short...

The bond between husband and wife is only dissolved by death, adultery, abandonment, or abuse.

The Scriptures say that the death of a spouse means a person may be remarried .

Jesus has just mentioned adultery in the text we are studying.

Paul further mentions abandonment as another legitimate reason for divorce & remarriage (1 Cor 7:15-16).

Although not specifically mentioned in Scripture, a spouse may divorce the husband/wife who abuses and endangers the family. There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus would not expect a husband/wife to stay with a someone who beats him/her, abuses the children, or brings others into the house to harm them. This man/woman has broken their vows to love, provide, and protect. Without a time of separation, protection, and proof of change, a quick apology is not enough.

The bond between husband and wife is only dissolved by death, adultery, abandonment, or abuse.

One last question and then we will move forward.

So what if someone has divorced and remarried outside of these allowed exceptions? What should you do NOW? Should you leave that person too and be celibate the rest of your life?

Here’s my take…not the Lord’s, and not Paul’s…as they don’t speak to it. STAY in your current marriage and honor the Lord with it for the rest of you life!

If you and your first spouse remarried to another person years ago, don’t leave and try to reconcile - that would be a MESS.

Is your marriage in trouble? You think you have biblical grounds…or you would LIKE to - cause you want out? You might be PERMITTED to divorce and remarry, but that doesn’t mean you are COMMANDED to. If your spouse is willing to turn from their sin against you, make the effort to restore relationship. THAT is the heartbeat of God.

Are you already divorced? Have you done all you can to reconcile the relationship…even now?

If you have Biblical grounds for divorce or your previous spouse has remarried, and YOU desire to remarry…do it God’s way! Seek a Godly mate. Take things slow. Walk in purity. And then…in time…COMMIT FOR LIFE!

May we from today forward, be PROMISE KEEPERS, because...

BIG TRUTH: When we keep our promises we point to the Ultimate Promise Keeper.

What if your spouse modeled THAT to you!!! What if YOU modeled that to your spouse!!!

What if we modeled that for our kids & grandkids?

Let’s take a few more minutes and discuss what Jesus talks about next.

Matthew 5:33–37 (NIV)

Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

So, is it wrong to make a verbal oath to tell the truth or sign a written oath on a document promising to pay?

Unless you have the cash, then I’m not sure how to pay for that house or vehicle you intend to buy. And if you must go to court, I’m not sure how your unwillingness to take an oath to tell the truth is going to fly with Judge Browning.

Of course, in order to understand what Jesus is saying, we need to consider His cultural context.

First, Jesus is quoting & noting what the Scriptures say about oaths, when He says, “Do not break an oath, but fulfill your vows to the Lord” found in Num. 30:2, & Deut. 23:21, & Lev. 19:12. Jesus speaks to the intention of what is written in the Scriptures. Here are some examples Jesus is likely referring to.

Numbers 30:1–2 (NIV)

This is what the Lord commands: When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.

Deuteronomy 23:21–22 (NIV)

If you make a vow to the Lord your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the Lord your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty.

Leviticus 19:11–12 (NIV)

“ ‘Do not steal. “ ‘Do not lie. “ ‘Do not deceive one another. “ ‘Do not swear falsely by My Name and so profane the name of your God. I am the Lord.

So, God doesn’t command His people to never swear an oath or make a vow, but He does command His people to fulfill what they promise to do. Otherwise. the person who violates the oath made before God, has now invited His judgment.

With those texts on our minds, look at what Jesus says next.

Matthew 5:34–37 (NIV)

But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black [that was before “Just for Men” and the 100s of other products for you ladies]. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

This issue is NOT about making a promise in God’s name, but making a false promise in God’s name. Jesus is commanding people to fulfill your vows to the Lord. When one swore to God to fulfill a vow, it needed to happen. When one swore to God to fulfill a promise to another person - a spouse, a employer/ee, a family member or friend - it needed to happen.

But by Jesus’ day, the people had come up with elaborate ways to make and break promises without getting in trouble for it, like many politicians in our day. This resulted in a culture that was experiencing what MacArthur calls a “drought of truth.” [5]

Instead of swearing falsely in God’s name, they simply took oaths that didn’t involve God’s name. For example, they would call on heaven (often a synonym for God), earth, Jerusalem, or even by their own heads.

Kent Hughes notes that they were like children saying, “I know I promised, but I had my fingers crossed.” [6]

But Jesus reminds them that all of that belongs to GOD!!!

Heaven is God’s throne. Earth is God’s footstool. Jerusalem is God’s city. And your head is God’s creation . The color of your hair - or lack of hair - is determined by God.

William Barclay wrote: “We will regard all promises as sacred if we remember that all promises are made in the presence of God.” [7]

THIS is what followers of Jesus are to recognize when they make a promise - that ALL promises are made in the presence of God.

Matthew 5:37 (NIV)

All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

Outside of vows at your wedding, signing documents, or giving testimony in a court, I can’t think of any legitimate reason why a follower of Jesus would need to say, “I swear to God” or “I swear on my mother’s grave”. NOPE.

Followers of Jesus are to be known as PROMISE KEEPERS who speak the TRUTH.

Those who make oaths, vows, or promises without following through are following the example of the evil one - Satan whom Jesus calls “the father of lies.” Jesus says when he lies he is speaking his native language (Jn. 8:44).

Consequently, God hates a lying lips (Prov. 6:16–17, 12:22).

Followers of Jesus are to be known as PROMISE KEEPERS who speak the TRUTH. We are not to manipulate others with the slithery speech of Satan. We are not to make a promise with our fingers crossed, intending to later break that promise.

BIG TRUTH: When we keep our promises we point to the Ultimate Promise Keeper.

Our words are to be trustworthy & true, like that of our Good Shepherd, the Lord Jesus, the Ultimate Promise Keeper, the One who always spoke the truth, stood right in front of those who were listening to this sermon - the One in whom we find forgiveness & freedom to walk in purity.

Jesus is more than the interpreter of Scripture. He is the AUTHOR of Scripture.

He is the One who CREATED marriage and RESTORES marriages.

He is the One who fulfilled past promises to come to Earth and be the substitute sacrifice for our sins. And Jesus will fulfill His future promises to return & redeem us.

And…

BIG TRUTH: When we keep our promises we point to the Ultimate Promise Keeper.

Questions to Consider

Are you being faithful in your marriage - being faithful before the God you made those vows before? Will you forgive & FIGHT for your marriage, doing all you can do to be reconciled before throwing in the towel? For those who aren’t currently married, will you be faithful to future spouse and faithful to the God who gave him/her to you?

Do your friends & co-workers, brothers and sisters in Christ, children, & grandchildren, know that your word is your bond? Do they SEE your trust in the Ultimate Promise Keeper by how you keep YOUR promises?

Lastly, are YOU trusting the Ultimate Promise Keeper to be faithful to fulfill what He has promised? Don’t you realize that His promise to return & judge righteously WILL happen? Have you bowed your knee before Him?

We want to help you -

STAFF

DEACONS/WIVES or another brother/sister

_______________

Leon Morris, The Gospel according to Matthew, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI; Leicester, England: W.B. Eerdmans; Inter-Varsity Press, 1992), 120.

Ibid.

Jacob Neusner, The Mishnah : A New Translation (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1988), 487.

interviewed by Greg Koukl on podcast (“Denny Burk - The Meaning of Sex”)

John F. MacArthur Jr., Matthew, vol. 1, MacArthur New Testament Commentary (Chicago: Moody Press, 1985), 321.

R. Kent Hughes, The Sermon on the Mount: The Message of the Kingdom, Preaching the Word (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2001), 124.

William Barclay,The Gospel of Matthew, 2 vols. [rev. ed.; Philadelphia: Westminster, 1975], 1:160.

Discussion Questions

What challenged or encouraged you most from today’s teaching? (You might need to look back in your notes to help explain your answer.)

The BIG TRUTH from this passage is: When we keep our promises we point to the Ultimate Promise Keeper. How is this the case? How likely are others to consider our Savior if WE aren’t trustworthy?

Read Matthew 5:31-32 & Matthew 19:3-6. How easy was it in Jesus’ day and our day to get a divorce, and what did Jesus think about that? Although there are biblical exceptions that allow for remarriage, why should a person be quick to try to restore their marriage instead of leaving to find another spouse?

Read Ephesians 4:22-33. How is marriage supposed to be a mirror image of Jesus and His Church?

Read Num 30:1-2, Deut 23:21-22, & Lev 19:11-12 & Matthew 5:33-37. Since the Scriptures don’t condemn making vows or taking an oath, why did Jesus seem to? What does Jesus expect from His followers regarding the integrity of their words?

How should a Christian’s marriage and words be an example to our watching world? Share how someone who has been a good example in either/both of these areas.

Share prayer needs and pray for one another.