Honor Your Parents - Exodus 20:12

INTRO

A feature I really enjoy on my iPhone is the memories videos on photos.

It’s really sweet to go back through memories and see my son.

We recently celebrated his second birthday.

I got really emotional sitting looking at pictures of him as a little baby that was so tiny.

Before I could get too wrapped up in that memory I looked up to see my toddler screaming at the top of his lungs.

I get down to his level to try and redirect his screaming only to get walloped in the face by a toy truck.

It was at this moment I really wanted Sam to learn the value of the fifth word, honor your father.

Look son this command was written by the finger of God!

Now before you go get your kids out of Coram Deo kids and tell them to listen up here is a tough pill for us to swallow...this is a commandment given to adults.

To catch us up we are going through a sermon series on the Ten Commandments.

These commandments, which occur three times in the Old Testament, literally means “ten words.”

Ten words given by God to his people on how to live in the world.

Today we come to the fifth word, Honor your father and mother in our Ten Word series looking at the Ten Commandments.

As we walk through these commandments again we’re not to see the 10 Words as legislation from a cosmic bureaucrat trying to ruin everyone’s fun Rather as wise instructions from a loving father who knows what his kids need to thrive.

Here at the halfway mark there is a shift in the commandments

The First four commands are vertical, they explicitly deal with how we relate to God

Now we get to the 5th and this command & the following are horizontal

They focus on how we relate to one another.

The idea is that how we relate with God affects how we relate with people

When Jesus Summarizes the law what does he say?

Mark 12:30–31 (ESV)

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Love God - Love Others

That’s what the heart of the 10 words are all about

The 1st human relationship mentioned is parents

And again Before you go get your kids remember This is written to adult children...

Now as we wade into this I want to say that this may be very difficult for some of you

But friends…There’s gold in the hard things...

When you think about the command to honor you father, what comes to mind? Honor mother?

(Maybe this is loaded, but this is worthy of our attention. God is sovereign. He knew you’d be here today with mixed emotions and he wants to meet you in this)

Big Idea: God is honored in our families

We are going to break down each of these commandments, these ten words in the same way

- What does this command reveal about God?

- What does this command reveal about us?

- How does it point us to Jesus?

- How does it show us the path of life?

So let’s start with first,

I. What does this command reveal about God?

What does it say about God that he would command his people to honor their parents?

It says that he cares deeply about the relationship between parents and children.

Really this is the base level of society.

A from the air view shows us that society rises and falls at the familial level.

These 10 words don’t speak to the nations or government.

Because there is an intrinsic connection between how we relate in our homes with how we relate to the rest of the world.

When there is honor for your parents all kinds of other relationships fall into place.

God is a Father.

That is how he reveals himself.

And Parents are commissioned to be representatives of God to their children.

Called to take responsibility for and model gracious & loving authority to kids

The reason we can say someone is a bad parent is because it is wired in us what a parent is suppose to be like.

TRANSITION

This is the first time we see honor in the ten commandments but really honor has been there all along.

The concept of honor has been with us since the first word, and it endures through the last.

The Ten Commandments deal with matters of heavenly submission, earthly submission, and mutual submission—in that order.

Now connect this idea to the Great Commandment, which sums up the law (Mark 12:30–31).

You shall ______ the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. . . . You shall _____ your neighbor as yourself.

Now let’s fill in the word “honor” in place of the word you just used.

Did the meaning change?

I would say that it only expanded.

Honor is an expression of rightly ordered love.

When we love as we should, we honor the object of our love as we should.

It is possible to show honor whether we love an individual or not, at least outwardly.

We may speak of God or others honorably while lacking love for them.

We may act sacrificially toward God or others while lacking love for them.

Honor rendered without love is still better for the common good than dishonor, but it is an empty obedience.

Motive matters.

Honor fueled by love lies at the heart of the fifth word, as it does at the heart of all ten.

What does it mean to honor someone?

It means to respect, to esteem, to regard highly

The Hebrew word is the same as glory = weight or significance

God himself is glorious & worthy of honor and he commands us to show honor to parents

That we take our parents seriously, we don’t treat them flippantly or insignificantly.

Now I know as I say this there are some of you have a well of emotions because of the pain you have from your parents.

The command is not that we trust or always obey are parents, it’s that we honor them.

This makes sense because of two reasons.

First, the dynamic between a child and a parent changes over time (child, adolescent, adult)

Second, we live in a broken world with broken parents who are not always honorable people.

This command is a call to honor our parents as a reflection of the honor we show God himself.

so let’s turn the focus on how we handle this command.

II. What does this command reveal about us?

What kind of people need to be commanded to honor our parents?

People who are prone to dishonor our parents

So many have tremendous resentment toward parents

They acted dishonorably – Maybe they were abusive, controlling, narcissistic

Maybe your parents were absent

Didn’t prepare us for life / Not trustworthy when we needed them most

Not minimizing your pain.

What happened to many of you was inexcusable.

But the Bible has no exception clause for dishonorable parents

What they did to you or failed to do for you is not OK

Still commanded to honor

How?

Forgive them / No way! /

Friends the command to forgive is for your own good

I have to ask are you holding onto bitterness?

Do you see how withholding forgiveness is harming you?

Their failures still controlling you

Only way not to be controlled by them is forgive

Forgiveness = What you did was wrong / I leave it to Jesus so I can move on with my life.

Imagine that you're holding onto a burning coal in your hand.

It's painful, uncomfortable, and causing you great distress.

You want to let go of the coal, but you're afraid that if you do, the person who put it in your hand will get away with hurting you.

This burning coal represents the pain and hurt caused by someone else's actions.

When you hold onto the pain, it's like holding onto a burning coal - it hurts you and causes you continued distress.

However, just like the burning coal, holding onto a grudge and refusing to forgive can also be dangerous.

The longer you hold onto the coal, the more damage it does to your hand, and the longer you hold onto a grudge, the more damage it does to your heart.

But just as letting go of the coal brings relief to your hand, forgiveness can bring relief to your heart.

It allows you to release the pain and hurt caused by someone else's actions, and free yourself from the burden of carrying the anger and resentment.

By choosing to forgive, you're not excusing the other person's behavior, but rather choosing to let go of the pain and move forward with your life.

This a decision to prioritize your own well-being over holding onto the hurt caused by someone else.

Remember, holding onto a grudge doesn't punish the other person - it only harms you.

Forgiveness, on the other hand, can bring healing, restoration, and freedom to your heart and soul.

For some of us this is what we need to hear today.

We keep the heart of this command when we show forgiveness and live honorably.

When we consider this command to honor our parents we see two ways we falter in this command.

We resist authority –

Parents are called to be representatives of God’s gracious authority in our lives

Freedom in coming under authority / Bad refs, at least there are refs...

Respect to person in authority even if not doing good job

Much worse if nobody doing it

Did your parents give bad advice? Probably / Did they tell you things that are wrong?

At least honor them for the fact that they took up the office of parent

We live in what one commentator called an age of intentional orphans

We want to be our own authority

We believe we should never have to sacrifice for anyone & always put self first

STORY

There was a little boy who refused to sit at dinner.

After a lot of back and forth he finally gave in after first resisting his parents’ command to do so.

He looked up indignantly and said to his parents, “I’m sitting down on the outside, but I’m standing up on the inside

Or does anyone remember Michael Rotondo? (30 year old who took his parents to court for kicking him out of his home)

For those w/strained relationships w/parents this is probably why...

We resist authority we don’t want to hear what we need to do, we want to lead ourselves.

Now maybe this isn’t an issue you for you.

Perhaps you had wonderful parents. You loved submitting to them.

Here is a way we break this command that you may not expect.

We’ve made them idols

Idol = anything you look to for identity, meaning, value, worth more than God

Again Parents naturally representatives of God / As kids they gave us meaning / But we are supposed to grow beyond

When we make people idols we put weight on them they were never meant to bear.

Idols always demand more than we can give / Never quite deliver on promises.

Some of us have never left parents / So dependent on their opinions & perspectives.

Others have very little relationship w/parents but still longing for approval, trying to prove self.

III. How does this command point to Jesus?

Some of us really feeling weight of this command

Seems impossible / In good company

Many Rabbis believed 5th word is one of hardest to keep

Jesus taught it was one of weightier commands.

Brokenness in selves & in relationships point us to need for a greater love, a greater family

Only way we can rightly honor parents is if we rightly see our place in family of God

Prodigal son dishonors father, squanders inheritance / Returns, servant?

Luke 15:17–24 (ESV)

“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” ’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.

The Father embraces him, restores him / My son! /

What do we see? Full acceptance, unconditional love

This is the kind of love & acceptance we need

Only available to us through trust in Jesus

Jesus is our perfect example / Always honored Heavenly Father & imperfect parents

Jesus was our perfect substitute

Taking our sin of dishonor, guilt, shame on self

At cross, Jesus was treated as an enemy so we could be welcomed as children

John 1:12 (ESV)

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,

Because of Jesus we’re adopted into family of God

Father who knows us at our lowest & loves us still.

There is tremendous relief in knowing that [God’s] love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me. - J.I. Packer

We are now the people of God, his family.

Is your family broken? Look to Jesus

Do your parents words hold to much weight in your life? Look to Jesus

Here what he says:

Matthew 12:49–50 (ESV)

And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

The church is the family your family of origin could not be.

Because of their controversial faith, first-century believers could not rely on natural family relation- ships. Many indeed had to leave father, mother, and brothers to follow Jesus.

The church became their spiritual family, the network of love, honor, and accountability that they needed for spiritual, emotional, and even physical support.

Who are we to honor in the fifth commandment? The Westminster Larger Catechism, written in 1647, responds:

By father and mother, in the fifth commandment, are meant, not only natural parents, but all superiors in age and gifts; and especially such as, by God’s ordinance, are over us in place of authority, whether in family, church, or commonwealth.

Put another way, respect your elders in the broadest sense.

What does all this mean?

It brings us to the last idea.

IV. What Does This Command Reveal About the Path of Life?

When you’re confident of the unconditional love of God for you, you’re free

When you are in the family of God you are cared for in ways you didn’t expect Empowered by Holy Spirit

This means you are free...

Free to honor even dishonorable parents

Ephesians 6:1 (ESV)

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

This is right

You are Free to forgive

Don’t honor them because they deserve it, but b/c of grace

Speak well to and about them / Including In-laws!

Maybe your mother didn’t do everything right.

If you’re a parent yourself, you have probably learned already that she probably did the best she could.

If she is living, show honor by telling her a favorite memory of her from your childhood.

If you have children of your own, repeat the story to them as well.

And think hard about which other stories they need to hear.

Giving your children the gift of relationship with a grandparent unweighted by the baggage of your own childhood can be a way to show honor.

Sometimes we honor our parents by demonstrating forgiveness in what we leave unsaid.

Maybe the father who raised you was a father in name only.

Maybe he caused or allowed harm to you.

Look to show honor where you can.

Who acted as a father toward you?

A teacher or coach? A grandfather? A pastor? A stepfather?

Express your gratitude to the person or people in your life who demonstrated fatherly love to you in tangible ways.

Free to accept authority

Salute the uniform / Honor fatherhood, motherhood

Give thanks - If there’s anything you can thank God/parents for, thank them

Here is a clear way to live honorably among unbelievers.

In a culture that is obsessed with worshiping youth, the fifth command offers Christians a simple means to be light in the darkness.

Rather than adopt the common mantra that the elderly are adorable, irrelevant, burdensome, or expendable, we instead show them honor as full image bearers, filled with a kind of wisdom that only the passage of time can impart.

By seeking out and valuing this wisdom, we honor the giver and we gain from the gift. Psalm 90:12 “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

How very likely that God answers this prayer through the wisdom of a saint who has numbered more days than you.

Free to rest in God’s approval & acceptance

Stop depending on parents’ opinions

I love reading the stories of past saints, one man George Muller has always been amazing to me.

He went from a kid that rebelled against his dad, took his money and instead of going to college wasted it living a life of sin.

God so radically changed his life that he served as a minister and lead an orphanage serving 10,024 orphans during his lifetime

He was asked what was the secret of his service, George Mueller said:

“There was a day when I died, utterly died;” and, as he spoke, he bent lower and lower until he almost touched the floor—“died to George Muller, his opinions, preferences, tastes, and will—died to the world, its approval or censure—died to the approval or blame even of my brethren and friends—and since then I have studied only to show myself approved unto God.”

Free to be an honorable person

Treat all w/dignity, respect, & honor

Follow Jesus closely / Repent quickly / Set tone in life & family But honoring our parents is not just a matter of obedience to God's law; it is also a way of living out the Gospel in our daily lives.

Jesus himself honored his mother, even in his dying moments on the cross.

By following his example, we can show the world the kind of love and compassion that God calls us to.

So let’s commit ourselves to honoring our parents, not just today, but every day.

Let us thank God for the gift of our families, and let us seek to build them up in love and grace.

Questions

1. Where does the command to honor father & mother seem most difficult to me?

2. What does my resistance to honoring parents say about my honor for God?

3. How can trusting in Jesus free me to receive God's love and acceptance and honor my parents?

4. Would my parents say that they feel honored by me? Would my children say that I am living honorably? What can I do to become more honoring/honorable?