Character

Grace to you and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. It is a privilege to share the Word of God with the Saints of Durbin Memorial Baptist Church.

Today we are beginning what will likely be a three week series on the book of Philemon with a particular emphasis on how our relationship with Christ influences our relationships with others.

This past week, on Tuesday, it was Valentine’s Day. Now, that’s not a holiday that gets a whole lot of fanfare in my house so I don’t really care to go into the particulars or background of the holiday. However, I will say, it is most definitely not a bad thing to set time aside to celebrate the relationship God may have given you with your husband or your wife. I would like to say that cultivating my relationship with my wife is always at the forefront of my mind, but sadly that is not always the case. In fact, as we are beginning to talk about the idea of forgiveness, it came to my realization that my wife is probably the human who I need forgiveness from the most egregiously and consistently. I am not a sociologist, but I don’t think that my realization here is unique to my situation.

Before we get into the particulars of forgiving others as seen in Philemon, I want to chase a rabbit that I believe is important enough to chase. Husbands, we need to ASK our wives forgiveness! I know I have the ladies, attention here, so fellers are you listening?

If you are struggling, if there is tension in your marriage, if things are cold, if things just aren’t quite where they should be, it is almost certainly your fault. This isn’t to say that our wives are perfect creatures who never make mistakes, but it is the husbands burden to bear. I am saying that God has designed marriage in such a way that husbands are to lead their families and cultivate their relationships with their wives. “If you want to change a marriage, change the man.” So men, we need to own up to the calling of manhood!

I’m not just grasping at straws here either, we see the foundation for the Husbands responsibility woven into creation! God made man and placed him in the garden. Then he gave Adam a two-tiered mission:

Genesis 2:15 ESV

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.

God gave Adam, the first man, the mission of working and keeping the garden. He was to cultivate the garden and to guard the garden. This isn’t just poetic language either. It was an immense responsibility entrusted to the first man. And men, we all draw our ancestry back to that first man, Adam. Part of being a man is being entrusted with the responsibility to cultivate and guard the garden, the area in which God has placed us. “To be a man is to know God put you on this planet to cause life to flourish.”

God called Adam to cultivate and guard. Adam messed it up. God calls men now to cultivate and guard. We mess it up.

After God gave Adam his job, He then gave Adam his wife. What would Adam have known to do with this beautiful creature and gift? Cultivate her and guard her! That is what he failed to do when Eve was tempted by the serpent. He stood by and watched instead of actively pursuing and protecting his bride. Men ever since have been falling into the same folly. Whether it is intentional or not, we stand on the sidelines when we should be pursuing and protecting our brides.

Now today’s sermon isn’t going to primarily focus around marriage, but I bring this up as an introduction for a couple of reasons. First, a primary purpose of the church is to spur one another on in love in good works. I hope that this brief look at the husband’s job of cultivating and protecting marriage will accomplish that. We should not be ashamed to promote healthy, God-honoring marriages no matter the occasion. But I also bring this up because as we begin to talk about biblical forgiveness, I am going to challenge the husbands to do something out of the ordinary. I’m going to challenge every husband listening to this to take your wife on a date this week and “Speak two powerful words to her: ‘I’m sorry.’ …make time to confess ...[a] list of ways you’ve hurt her and failed to cultivate and guard her. Ask for your wife’s forgiveness and ask for God’s forgiveness. Cultivate a new habit of being the first person to say ‘I’m sorry’ in your marriage. This can only be done through God’s grace and power, so rely on God’s strength not your own.”

Marriage is not the only way to glorify God, there are many who serve in magnificent ways while remaining single, but if you are married, cherish your marriage and take it seriously. One way we do that, men, is by owning our faults and actively seeking God’s grace and improvement in our lives and our marriages. I hope that all husbands take me up on my challenge this week. Those two words can be quite hard to say, “I’m sorry”, but the truly repentant heart does not hide from owning the weight of its shortcomings.

On the flip side of this introduction, we are going to be spending the bulk of our time this morning looking at the character of someone who is empowered by the grace of God to forgive. So fellers, if you complete the challenge that has been extended to you this morning it is my hope that your bride will be prepared to receive your words and extend forgiveness. It is my hope that this church as a whole would be filled with repentant and forgiving people. May the grace of God that we have received exude from us and through all of our relationships. Amen.

With that said, would you turn in your Bibles to the book of Philemon.

Philemon is an often overlooked book of the New Testament. Often even Pastors skip over this book. I found it interesting that an online commentary I consult often for my studies did not have a verse-by-verse break down of Philemon as it does for just about every other New Testament Text I look for. So why is it that this little book is overlooked? Is it because of its short length? I mean the entirety of the book is less than 350 words. But we shouldn’t let length be a standard of worth. Others may disregard the book because they see it as pertaining to something we no longer deal with, that being the relationship between slave and master. But that didn’t stop us from learning from the book of Colossians, nor should it! Other’s write off the book of Philemon because they see it as Paul’s handling of a personal situation between Philemon and Onesimus. It may have been good and instructive for that situation but does not have an impact on the church as a whole.

But for the next three or so weeks, I hope that as a church we will see the immense profitability of a little book like Philemon. God has preserved this Word and brought it to us today for a reason. It certainly does deal with personal issues between Philemon and Onesimus, but through this relationship we are blessed to see the application of God’s grace! We will be encouraged to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us because we have been extended the highest forgiveness from the highest authority for the highest offenses.

Let’s begin now working through this letter, beginning with the introduction:

Philemon 1–3 ESV

Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our beloved fellow worker and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

In this greeting we are introduced to the primary recipient of this letter, along with a cast of characters around him. Paul is primarily writing to Philemon, but before we get into more specifics on him, I’d like to explain the importance of the rest of this greeting.

First we see Paul’s description of himself, A prisoner for Christ. Paul is emphasizing the humbled position he is in at the moment due to his imprisonment. This letter is being written with the tender affection of a friend rather than an order of an apostle. We’ll see next week that Paul could have used his position to force Philemon’s hand, but that is not the intention of the letter. We are reading through healthy, open, uplifting dialogue within Christendom that we should seek to model in our own dealings and disputes.

Then Timothy is mentioned. Timothy may have been the secretary recording Paul’s words for this letter, or it could simply be mentioning him because Timothy is there with Paul learning about ministry work and Paul wants the churches to know that Timothy can be trusted with spiritual matters. Timothy is identified as a brother. This shows us the familial bond between those who belong to Christ. It’s unknown how much Philemon knew of this Timothy, but it is possible they met while Paul was preaching in Ephesus.

If you then skip over Philemon, you see his family. Apphia, considered to almost certainly be his wife, Archippus believed to be their son, and the church that is meeting in their home. It is good to note that especially if Archippus was Philemon’s son, calling him a fellow soldier shows the commitment to ministry within that household. Philemon’s house was not only a family home and not only a house church, but both! And in so it was full of workers for the Kingdom of God!

This personal, familial, and corporate greeting set the stage that even though this letter is particularly talking about and addressing Philemon, it has intention and implication for the church at large. “Paul’s reference to the church suggests he does not regard his communication with Philemon as a purely private matter, but rather as related to how all Christians live their lives in Christian community.”

To put that into practical application, we, as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, better listen up to what God is saying through the words of Paul to the heart of Philemon.

All of those saved by grace through faith receive gladly the greeting: grace to you and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

For the remainder of our time this morning, we are going to look at verses 4-7 and breakdown the Character of Philemon. Paul spends these verse explaining what he knows about the way the Lord has impacted Philemon’s life. Next week we are going to go deeper into the details of what happened between Philemon and this other guy named Onesimus. You may even remember some of that from our study a few weeks ago in the last few verses of Colossians. But for our purposes this morning, you need to know three things about Philemon.

First, he was wronged deeply by Philemon. No where in Scripture are we given any indication that Philemon provoked Onesimus. We aren’t shown any signs of him being abusive or overly authoritarian.

Second, every evidence we have following the book of Philemon is that this man actually DID extend forgiveness though he did not have to. We will certainly explain more of why Philemon wasn’t obligated to forgive from a cultural perspective in the following weeks.

Finally you need to know that Philemon’s life was transformed by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ. You need to know that Philemon was a sinner in need of salvation and he found that salvation in Christ alone. You need to know this because today as we look at his Character, it is the character of someone who has been forgiven and so they forgive others, but our intention is not to lift up Philemon onto some spiritual pedestal. Rather, the intention is to see how CHRIST can change and mold our CHARACTER too! We shouldn’t leave here this morning thinking, geez that Philemon was such a great guy. We should leave here this morning thinking Geez that Philemon HAS such a great God and you know what? I have the same God! He lives in me! I can strive to show godly character like that is identified in Philemon because Christ lives in me and is shaping me to His image!

As we seek the things that are above where Christ is, as we put off the old self and put on the new as God’s chosen one’s holy and beloved, we should strive to have a character like that of Philemon knowing that that is only possible through the power of Christ for the glory of God!

If you struggle with forgiveness, don’t focus on what the other person did to you. Focus on what Christ did for you, how Christ lives in you, and how you can honor Christ in the way you live your life. When our lives our consecrated to our Savior, forgiving others is a bit easier because we’ve experienced ultimate forgiveness. Let’s look at the character of one who has been forgiven now starting in verse 4

Philemon 4–7 ESV

I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.

Now it should be noted that Paul was never afraid to speak truth and call out offense in Scripture. He had no trouble calling out the Apostle Peter when Peter was not acting as he should. Many of Paul’s epistles are sharp in rebuking the various churches and the wrongdoing happening there within. Seeing Paul be so open with rebuke elsewhere in Scripture helps us see here that this is a genuine assessment of Philemon. This isn’t trying to butter someone up. But rather, it is Paul spurring Philemon on to continue in service to the Lord letting Philemon know that Paul has heard good reports of conduct and service to the Lord.

Paul points out Six godly characteristics that have manifested in Philemon’s life. These are characteristics that have come by the grace of God, through Philemon’s experience of forgiveness from sin and the Lord has providentially given him these characteristics so that he would be able to extend forgiveness to Onesimus.

The first Characteristic of the godly person empowered to forgive those who wrong them is this:

1. A Concern for the Lord

It is noted in verses 4 and 5 that Philemon has a great concern for the Lord. Paul writes, “I thank my God for you…because I hear of your love and of the faith you have toward the Lord Jesus Christ.”

This is not only a characteristic of someone who forgives others, this is the first and highest characteristic of all the redeemed! May it be able to be said truly of you that you are clearly identified by your love and your faith toward the Lord Jesus Christ! We love the Lord because He first loved us. The redeemed know that they are saved by grace through faith. They have been forgiven for their offense by the Holy Father through their God-given faith in the Holy Son! Everything in this life starts and ends with Jesus Christ, may it be so for your very identity as well! If you don’t have Jesus, you don’t have anything! But if you have Christ, you have everything! We often talk about the eternal hope for glory there is for the believer. That is very true and should be celebrated. But Christ makes immediate impact on our lives as well! This happened for Philemon and it continues to happen today.

“Because the Lord had forgiven him, Philemon could forgive others. Conviction from the indwelling Holy Spirit and from the Word of God would also provide the impetus for Philemon to do what was right. … His unwavering faith gave Paul confidence in his willingness to forgive.”

When Christians understand the forgiveness they have received from God and have the presence of the indwelling Holy Spirit and direction of the Word of God, we are empowered to forgive others. That begins by having a deep concern for the Lord shown through love and faith in Him.

The second characteristic of the godly person empowered to forgive those who wrong them is:

2. A Concern for People

Paul not only says that he has heard of Philemon’s love and faith for the Lord but also in verse 5, Philemon is has love, “For ALL THE SAINTS.” Philemon has a deep care for the body of believers! This is the natural concern of the redeemed. We know that when Christ saves us we are being adopted into the Family of God. Just recently we talked about how we have more in common with our brothers and sisters in Christ around the globe than we do with our next door neighbor that looks exactly like us but denies our God. The redeemed should have a deep love and affection for the body of believers. The redeemed are self-sacrificial for the rest of the redeemed. The redeemed are empowered by the Holy Spirit to love their heavenly kindred.

This great love between the sons and daughters of the Kingdom helps set the foundation for forgiveness.

I know that there are often issues in our earthly families. It is just a fact that families fight. You can even see that all throughout Scripture. The first murder in human history was brother on brother crime. But I also know that our familial bonds tie draw us together in ways that we are often quicker to forgive the offenses of our siblings. May the ties of the Spirit be even deeper than the ties of blood. May our shared salvation empower us to forgive our brothers and sisters in Christ when the faults of our flesh has caused harm among us.

I want to quickly make a side note of the parallel nature there is between the first two characteristics mentioned here and the great commanded of Lord Jesus.

Matthew 22:37–39 ESV

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

The Christian life is built on the Rock of Jesus Christ and straight from His mouth and the Word of God we see that we are to first Love the Lord and from there Love others. May our lives be ordered according to His command.

The third characteristic of the godly person empowered to forgive is:

3. A Concern for Community

Paul writes in verse 6, “I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective.” Now this is an interesting turn of phrase for the English reader. When we hear, “sharing of your faith” our minds go to evangelism. And it’s never a bad to keep Evangelism at the forefront of our minds, but that isn’t the primary meaning of this verse. Almost every English translation uses a different word for “sharing” here. You’ll see “communication of faith,” “participation in the faith,” “fellowship of your faith” depending on the translation you look at. This is one of those times in which it is really hard to have a 1:1 translation between English and Greek. The word in Greek “refers to a mutual sharing of all life, … Believers belong to each other in a mutual partnership, produced by their faith in Christ. This plays directly off of having a concern for people as we just looked at it and expounds upon it. Not only do we have love for the body, we share in commonality. we put up with one another and bear with one another. When you forgive another believer no matter their offense against you you are making a strong statement for the importance of fellowship and community within the body of Christ!

The fourth characteristic of the godly person empowered to forgive those who wrong them is:

4. A Concern for Knowledge

Paul writes that he prays for the Christian community Philemon is in so that there would be, verse 6, “full knowledge of every good thing that is in us.”

This knowledge is deep, rich, full, experiential knowledge. As we live out our lives for the glory of the Lord we grow in our knowledge of Him. We see more and more of His goodness. We begin to scratch the surface on the deepness of His mercy. We feel the steadfastness of His love when the winds of the world beat down on us. In our sanctification God is giving us opportunities to grow in our Christlikeness. This is going to be a big one for Philemon. He has the opportunity to understand the forgiveness of God in a richer way by extending forgiveness to Onesimus.

Everyday you are presented with sanctifying experiences. There are opportunities for you to grow in your service to the Lord. As you practice the truth of Scripture, you grow in knowledge which is in turn growing your spiritual maturity. We should all have a desire to grow in knowledge, application, and experience of the Word of God. Forgiving others is one of the way the Lord allows us to do that.

The fifth characteristic of the godly person empowered to forgive those who wrong them is:

5. A Concern for Glory

Paul writes at the very end of verse six, “for the sake of Christ.”

All the growth in knowledge and maturity is great, but what is it for? It’s not for our own self promotion but for the very glory of Christ! Everything the Christian does should be done for the sake of Christ. All of our goals and aspirations in life should be crafted for the sake of Christ. May whatever we do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving God the Father thanks through Him!

Someone who is devoted to giving Christ glory in all things would certainly be the same person who shows forgiveness to others because a cold, unforgiving spirit gives no glory to Christ!

The final characteristic of the godly person empowered to forgive those who wrong them is:

6. A Concern to be a Blessing

Paul writes in verse 7,

Philemon 7 ESV

For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.

Philemon is a joy to the Kingdom of God and the saints have been refreshed by his service to the Lord.

Man, what a joy it would be to hear those words said of ourselves! Do you think that your character and conduct is refreshing to the saints around you? Do you think that your character and conduct is a blessing to the church?

We should all desire to be a blessing to others. Not so that others look up to us, but that through us they may look up to God. That others may see our good works and give glory to our Father who is in heaven.

A specific way to be a blessing is to extend forgiveness to the brother or sister who has hurt you. What a refreshing experience it is to be forgiven! What a blessing it would be for our churches if people looked at each other and forgave. I know that when I have harmed my wife that I pine for her to look me in the eyes and tell me its okay, and she loves me.

A wife’s forgiveness is a beautiful thing. But even that cannot compare to the immense beauty of the forgiveness extended by the Holy God to the Repentant Sinner.

Three Circles