The Family in the Church

Introduction

Have you ever seen an organized, happy, functional large family gathering??

The holidays are templates for either success or disaster in this area.

If you get 30-40 people together, including the children you’ll either have chaos, or celebration.

But it takes work!

To really enjoy it there has to be organization, administration, planning and follow through.

Everyone has to know what part of the meal they are responsible for and bring it.

The structure of the meal, who sits where, who sets up the tables and sets the dinner ware requires oversight and care has to be articulated.

The question of where can the children play and where can the babies nap has to be answered.

Who gets to choose what to watch… and a whole host of a million other questions.

Now if you’ve experienced one of these going well… then you know how life-giving it can be.

If you’ve had a negative experience here, you know the chaos and frustration of dealing with it.

So what about the church?

I bring the church up because we have the value and make the declaration “we are family”

But we don’t want to be a spiritual family of chaos.

We want to be a life-giving, God-glorifying family of celebration and joy in Christ.

God calls us to that as well.

If the church will be the well-ordered, gospel-oriented family he had made us to be then we will shine the light of Christ into the world well.

But if we are a chaotic, self-oriented, set of individuals that care little for being a family together, then we will hinder and hide the light of Christ in the world.

This is a burden that Paul carries to Timothy about the church as he writes this letter to him, and now here in Chapter 5, Paul instructs Timothy as the pastor about how the church should relate and live as healthy, vibrant, God-glorifying family.

We need the perspective to see that [Big Idea:] The church relates as a family of God.

But we have to ask, how does God want his family to relate?

How will we be a life-giving, God-glorifying family of celebration in this world?

The Holy Spirit illuminates our way with three ways that God wants his family to relate in this chapter:

Treat one another with honor (1 Tim 5:1-2)

First we are called to treat one another with honor.

Paul here is instructing Timothy about his relationship with various segments and communities in the church.

How should he relate to the older men, the younger men, the older women, and the younger women? Basically every group and person in the church.

Paul’s frame of reference for our relationships in the church is the family.

His language is family language.

Notice this in the text:

Fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters.

One of the issues within American Christianity and culture is that we come to the world with an aggressive and deeply rooted DNA of independence and personal autonomy.

Individualism is our default setting, and we’re reinforced in that in our culture.

So we don’t view the church as a family that provides spiritual formation and character development.

The church is seen as an event where we are affirmed in our individualism and given tools to enhance our private spiritualized identities.

So, if the church doesn’t maximize or affirm our individualized pursuit of self-fulfillment then we do one of two things:

find another church

abandon the church altogether

Here is a very necessary and important reorientation we have embrace… the church is a family.

You have fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters here… and your spiritual development, flourishing and growth is tied up to theirs as well.

We are a family together - and you don’t get to bail out on your family easily.

But what if there are issues? How do we relate to and respond to one another?

In the family way - with honor, respect, purity.

Paul says “do not rebuke an older man”

The word here rebuke carries the sense of publicly striking and humiliating someone.

Don’t get punchy with older men…

Instead, Timothy (and we in general) are to honor older men by “encouraging” him.

The word for encourage here is the same word Jesus used to identify the Holy Spirit, that of the advocate, counselor, helper.

Instead of anger and shame and arrogance in rebuke, we’re to treat older men with humble, gentle, support, encouragement and correction.

Honor!

You treat the younger men like brothers… with honor.

Older women, care for them and love them and treat them as you would your mother.

Younger women, like a sister, caring for, protecting, serving ‘in all purity’ - that is with utter and complete holiness and dignity.

Again, honor.

The relational nature of the church is to be family, as God’s household, God’s family.

Illustrate:

I am reminded of a time when I as a elementary aged student was very disrespectful to my mother and I got caught.

I was told that I needed to and practice the piano for my lessons the next day.

So I went and piddled around on the piano for all of 5 good minutes and checked the box.

My mother did not find that sufficient and adequate time for me to practice and told me to go back and keep working on it.

I did not like that instruction, however, and behind my mothers back stuck out my tongue at her.

About the same that I was doing that, my father was walking through the living room and saw me…

It was at that point I was sent to my dad’s study in the basement where he sat behind his big desk, and I sat in front of him awaiting my death sentence.

I remembered my dad handing me a bible and asking me to read some choice passages from the Old Testament, particularly about how children who were rebellious and disrespectful to their parents should be stoned to death.

And then my dad turned and reminded me the punishment that I deserved for my disrespect and dishonor of my mother had been laid on Jesus Christ, who died for my rebellion.

I would not be put to death by stoning for dishonoring mom.

That was good news.

But my dad also reminded me because I was a son in the family, I bore an obligation to respect, honor, and treat my mother well and that he would not tolerate me to dishonor her.

I wasn’t thrown out of the family, or disowned… I was called to the higher family value and virtue.

Illustrate:

As we think about how we are to live in light of the good news that Jesus took our penalty for the dishonor we’ve leveled against our family, we’re called to a higher regard for one another.

Just as Jesus died for you, so we must remember he died for the other members of our spiritual family.

That means not only as image-bearers of God, but also as persons who have been redeemed by Jesus’ cross, those who are blood bought, we are called to honor and respect one another.

We don’t quit, or give up on, or look down upon one another when there are tough moments.

Jesus died to make us one in him, so we work it out in respect and love and we live the long road of faithful obedience to Jesus together.

So we relate as family by treating one another with honor.

Secondly, we relate as family by…

We care for one another with discernment (1 Tim 5:3-8)

In verses 3-8 Paul addresses a specific social need within the church community.

The application for us will come in the specific, but also in the general.

I just want to correct the notion that some Christians today that the Bible doesn’t really speak to or have much to do with the social issues of our day.

They may even say “just preach the gospel”

Well friend, I will preach the gospel, and all it’s implications to us.

The gospel has a social impact and a social outworking in our world.

If we are family because of Jesus’ cross then we have an obligation to one another as a result of that act of atonement.

So let me show you how Paul is speaking about our care for one another…

In matters of need and vulnerability there is an obligation and a practice for us as believers in the church.

We are to exercise care with discernment.

Let’s look at the specific case of that in vv. 3-8

Notice the word Paul uses to start verse 3 - honor!

This word has more than just respect behind it.

he word here for “honor” has the sense of

Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament based on Semantic Domains 57.117 τιμάω

to provide aid or financial assistance, with the implication that this is an appropriate means of showing respect

Who are to be honored, provided for, cared for financially?

True widows.

Now this is where specific case has general application - care for the family of God… with discernment.

Paul gives focus to the church on who is to receive this care and financial attention, “true widows”

Who are these true widows? He answers this by showing a true widow is not in verse 4-6 by a couple of traits:

A true widow is a woman who has no extended family to care for her.

In the first-century context widows were very vulnerable. Their financial provision mostly rested on their husband and children.

If a man died leaving his wife behind the estate, or will, usually went immediately to the sons - and there was no obligation for them to provide or care for their mother.

Widows were exploited, robbed, taken advantage of and deeply vulnerable in society.

There wasn’t social security or pensions to provide for them.

So Paul says,

1 Timothy 5:4 ESV

4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.

The family of a widow, her children especially, should “learn to show godliness” by their provision and care for her.

This is basic Fifth Commandment stuff - honor your father and your mother!

Make a return on their care of you…

Your parents invested so much in your wellbeing and care in your youth, it’s godly for you to take care of them in their advanced years.

Furthermore, this is pleasing in God’s sight!

He delights in the biological family operating like the spiritual family.

So a true widow is a woman without extended family to care for her.

Paul even goes so far as to day in verse 8

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

If you won’t care for your family - your parents, grandparents.... you’re denying the gospel!

Christ died for his family… take care of your family!

Even unbelievers do this!

A true widow in the church is one who’s life is set on God, not on possessions.

He points this out by way of a contrast..

1 Timothy 5:5–6 ESV

5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives.

This widow has nothing, she is dependent on God’s provision and grace!

She’s a godly woman who sets her hope on God and is crying out in prayer for him to provide for her night and day.

She’s not a woman who is looking for fiscal gain from the church so she can wear Prada and spend her live in self-absorbed, self-indulgent, luxury.

That kind of woman “is dead even while she lives”

So Paul sets out this implication - care for widows, but have discernment about who qualifies for the financial provision from the church.

This is how Timothy serves as a faithful pastor in Ephesus by establishing this order and direction in the church.

Care, with discernment.

This is one of the reasons we have a benevolent fund at our church that is managed and dispersed by faithful deacons and deaconesses here.

When there are financial needs in the church family this fund can be leveraged to provide that financial support and care.

But discernment is applied by these leaders to apply the right care and the right support to those in need.

We want to encourage to give to this benevolent/mercy fund to help support their care with discernment.

If you give online and see the “Deacons” fund - that’s this space.

Or on your envelope.

If you are member and have a need, you can apply for help… we want to care for you.

That’s how family relates!

We fulfill our responsibility with faithfulness (1 Tim 5:9-16)

Verses 9-13 speak to a different situation than just the destitution of widows in the church.

The verb in verse 9, enroll, has the meaning of

A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, 3rd ed. καταλέγω

to make a selection for membership in a group

Many point to this as an early formation of a specific order of women in the church who dedicated themselves to serving the church.

These women who were widows who became a sisterhood of servants dedicated to serving the church.

They took vows not to remarry, and dedicated themselves to the Lord.

The early church fathers talked about this group or order of women and it was evident, as John Stott writes:

The Message of 1 Timothy and Titus b. Widows to Be Registered (5:9–16)

the registered widows gave themselves to prayer, nursed the sick, cared for the orphans, visited Christians in prison, evangelized pagan women, and taught female converts in preparation for their baptism.

These women were entrusted with ministry… they were serving in the church as leaders.

As they took on this responsibility Paul instructs Timothy on the qualifications to be “enrolled” or made a member of this team.

You could think of it as a job description.

Just a elders and deacons/deaconesses had qualifications in chapter 3, these paid church staff members had to be appropriately qualified.

The qualifications were simple:

Over the age of sixty (v. 9)

Faithfulness to her husband - a “one-man woman” (v. 9)

An earned reputation of faithfulness in good works. (v.10)

Paul gives Timothy some important reasons in vv. 11-13 about why younger widows should not be brought into these church-focused roles. He tells Timothy don’t make them members!

They are young… and they will want to be married. And that’s okay.

Remember they made a vow to Christ… and Paul is concerned that making that vow to Christ will come in conflict in their conscience. They will be torn between devotion to God and a desire for marriage.

Then they will be guilty of breaking their vow (pledge) — “faith” in verse 12.

They will have time on their hands being focused on the church… and they have more energy than just that…

The temptation to only serve the church as an older widow would be to go from house to house, church need to church need and to get bored, idle, and just start chattering (vv. 13)

The kind of ministry these widows were doing was focused on members of the church.

It was not “heavy lifting” kind of ministry - it was prayer, visitation, care, slow, unseen, low-energy kinds of ministry that older women could carry out very faithfully.

I love how dignifying this is to the older widows in the church this is - they aren’t discarded, seen as useless or invaluable.

Their ministry was the low, slow, conversational love and care that every church needs.

But it would be too slow for energetic younger widows - they’d get bored really quick,

and that would turn into idleness, and the gossip clubs, and all kinds of verbal troublemaking…

But Paul has a positive way of life for these younger widows… instead of being in an community of older women in service to the church through the rest of your days,

be faithful women and responsible in the world as missionaries

Display and demonstrate the gospel in the world - it’s a mission focus…

Do normal, ordinary, faithful, responsible life as a younger woman in the world as an ambassador for Jesus.

Energetic work as faithful women in the world!

1 Timothy 5:14 ESV

14 So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.

So faithfulness to your family and relatives.

1 Timothy 5:16 ESV

16 If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.

Now again, this is the specific, so what does that mean generally?

The framework for our family dynamic is there:

We are all called to various stations and vocations in life.

All of us, men, women, young and old are responsible to care for one another and the church.

We must be faithful to our various responsibilities well!

The problem was these younger widows were trying to fulfill the role that was intended for older widows - living outside their station in life.

They wanted the honor that belonged to the older women without fulfilling the responsibility of their particular age.

If I could paraphrase what Paul is saying to Timothy about how the church family should care relate, he’d say, “Stay in your lane! Fulfill your calling.”

How does this apply?

So young men, get jobs, work hard as missionaries for Jesus in the world. Provide for your families and earn and be faithful.

Older men, be wise sages and examples of industry and godliness for the younger men. Mentor the younger men in godliness, diligence, faithfulness…

Young ladies, be faithful and industrious in vocations and roles that fulfill the calling of God in your life.

Older ladies, lead the way in serving, dedication to the Lord, mentoring younger women and setting the example.

Don’t look for the responsibility that’s outside of your lane, and be unfaithful to your present calling.

Be faithful in your setting and calling and “give the adversary no occasion for slander.”

Conclusion

We are family! We have a calling and responsibility to each other.