Me We Us 3 (Dating)

Introduction

So we have discussed the last couple of weeks what relationships and eve the lack of relationships means for the life of the Christian. of course this is not assumptions that I am trying to make, rather building a case for what Scripture teaches us about these things.

We have nailed down that relationships and partnership is a gift from God. This is in the most broad since of terms up to this point. Relationships from God always bring us closer to God.

It is of course not fair that we discuss only romantic relationships but also the lack of romantic relationships. Scripture of course is not saturated in teachings on singleness, but of course there is some references that we discussed. All of that pointed to a truth for all of us which is this. We must ultimately all be content in Christ before we are ever able to enjoy any blessings of relationship.

In a sense, we all ought to strive to get to a place where we say with no doubt whatsoever that if all I have is Jesus, then I am perfectly content. BUT GOD is so great that he blesses us with one another. No not just in marriage and dating. But meaningful partnerships which help us demonstrate God’s love for His glory.

Today we are going to focus on dating. In one sense, I would like to think I have been done dating for several years. But in another sense, I certainly still enjoy “dating” my wife. But more on that next week.

Dating can be like milk. It can be fantastic. Nothing pleases the pallet more than when after eating a biscuit or some cookies. You dive into a big glass of milk. But man, when its bad, its bad and nobody wants a part of it.

There was a popular book that released when I was younger, called, “I kissed dating goodbye”. The premise was essentially this. Premarital sex is bad. Dating can, a lot of times, lead to premarital sex. Therefore, dating is bad and you shouldn't do it.

I aint gonna lie, I made many mistake in my past relationships and some of which I will speak about today. But I didnt want anything to do with that principle. As a matter of fact, turns out that the author didnt want anything to do with that principle either. He denounced the book later and then denounced his faith in Jesus unfortunately.

Turns out, he built a standard that many people could not live up to and one he ultimately could not live up to either.

I grew up in purity culture. We had conferences that we would go to and they would ask all those who are virgins to wear a silver ring to show that you are waiting till marriage to have sex. Then a pastor said that if you have sex, or behave in any sexually immoral activity that you should take the ring off and spit on it. He even went as far, and I am actually toning it down a little to say he would spit on it and would throw up because it was like spitting on the cross.

WHAT? I mean look. Do not mistake what I am saying. Pre - marital sex is a sin. Remaining pure for your marriage is God’s design and will for your life. There is no question about this.

But this example and this way is NOT scriptural teaching on sin or righteousness and demonizing and villainizing dating and relationships is not the way.

This is why we did not begin this series in week one talking about the sin and debauchery you can fins in relationships. We have known that from the beginning. Rather I want to instill in us, the BLESSING of relationships.

SO WHAT IS BIBLICAL DATING AND WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? You’re a teenager in here and you want to know how do you pursue Jesus and righteousness, AND ALSO dating the opposite sex. You’re an adult and not yet married. You’re an adult and divorced and you want to know how can I give glory to God and lead others to God through dating.

Let me remind you of three points from our last 2 weeks that help us at our starting point today.

Week 1

RELATIONSHIPS FROM GOD NEVER SEPARATE YOU FROM GOD

GODLY RELATIONSHIPS ARE A BLESSING FROM GOD, DESIGNED TO GIVE GLORY TO GOD, AND BRING OTHERS TO GOD

Week 2

IF YOU ARE NOT CONTENT IN CHRIST IN SINGLENESS, YOU WILL NOT BE CONTENT IN CHRIST IN ANYTHING ELSE

If these principles are not instilled in you and you do not believe these things, then do not expect to find success in your pursuit of a Godly dating relationship.

Mom and Dad, you know what that means? Your child needs to know these things BEFORE dating begins. These are principles we must start at the earliest of ages.

What we should be clear on today is the purpose of dating. Why do we date? Let me say that a desire to date is a good thing and comes from the Lord.

I promise you, no one wants Emma to not date more than I do. But I say that as a joke mostly and understand that I pray for a good and Godly man that will point her to Jesus.

I think parents, out of fear, can often terrify their kids with only speaking on the dangers of dating rather than teaching them the purpose and goodness that God has for dating.

THE PURPOSE OF A GODLY DATING RELATIONSHIP IS TO HELP DISCOVER A GODLY MARRIAGE.

I am not trying to say that because you date someone that you should marry them. Of course not. But dating just to date will set you and the other person up for needless heartache.

Before entering a dating relationship, you should ask, “Is this someone that I could POTENTIALLY marry?”. Of course, you dont know that answer at that time? But you should have at least a few hints. And then you should continue to ask that question as you date. If at any point it becomes evident that this is not something that would lead to a Godly marriage, then you should evacuate as quickly and peacefully as possible.

Guys I dont want to oversimplify this, but it really is just that.

So why does it seem so much harder than that? Why does it seem to be so much more complicated then that?

It’s because of some of the fatal purposes that we allow into our dating relationships that make this seem impossible.

The first fatal flaw of dating relationships is this

YOUR DATING PARTNER BECOMES YOUR FUNCTIONAL SAVIOR

I am gonna start at what I think is wanna of the biggest pitfalls of all dating relationships. Another term we could use for this is idolatry. When you put your faith, hope, trust, and peace in the hands of another human. You will be let down AND set the other person up for failure.

A guy or girl or man or woman was never meant to replace Jesus, and your need for him in your life.

So many dating relationships that turn toxic and marriages as well is when they place the expectation on the other partner to be their functional Savior.

And let me say this. for females especially.

And I know that we live in a culture where gender characterstics are taboo and no one wants to say what women and men are. But at KCC we not only do not deny those things, we embrace and accept the specific giftings and charactersitics that God created in each gender

But females specifically and naturally look towards the male and help mate to supply a certain amount of protection and care. It is the role of the man in a relationship to provide protection, stability, and care for the female. This has been this way from the very beginning.

But as long as that has been around men have used and misused this calling to control women and even convince women to do whatever it is that they want them to do.

All over college campuses we see this type of thing happen. Ladies are entering serious relationships for the first time. They have moved away from their father for the first time and they find a guy that they like. They have so many doubts and fears and they are even scared to a degree as they are away for the first time and they place all of those things in the hand of a college dufus rather than Jesus. And now this young man has more control and power than he is even ready for.

This is a challenge for you ladies and you gentleman.

Ladies dont let your vulnerability and absence of stability drive to the arms of a flawed and sinful man. Rather, run to Jesus who will strengthen you to be the strong woman that He has designed you to be.

Man I am all about biblical roles for the man and the woman, but for so long the church has made a picture of what a man and woman is. Men are strong bearded men that enjoy bourbon, woodworking, sports, and cars. Ladies enjoy raising babies, making cakes, and hand sewn clothes.

Nothing wrong with liking those things, but man what about Esther. What about Naomi? What about the female folowers of Christ? and female deacons of the early church.

I want to empower you ladies in here the same way I would empower my want to empower my daughter.

So ladies that dont want to fall to their own vulnerabilities as the weaker vessel ought to follow this.

The New International Version Chapter 6

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

What happens when you read this? Are you like me and envision a tall big burly dude putting on this armor.

You see the kingdom of God is not like any other kingdom. It isnt a battle of flesh and blood, but rather it is a battle much tougher in the mental and spiritual realm. We need to envision people like me and you doing this. Young ladies. if you want to be prepared for dating and finding your mate. You must first place all confidence in Jesus and ready yourself in his protection and care.

Young men your challenge is different. Yes the instruction of Paul in Ephesians is the same for you and you should also put on the full armor of God but in order to not either a) believe you are some sort of functional savior or b) place your faith in a woman as your functional savior, you need to embrace the pursuit of Godliness.

Women love to be pursued. This is age old lesson that has never failed. Even if they tell you they dont want to to be....they want to be pusued, maybe just not by you.

But for a woman of God, the type you ought to be pursuing, the most attractive thing is a man that pursues Godliness more than anything else.

I am not saying to be pharasaical prude. Dont look at your girl and say I aint got time for you i am just reading scripture and fasting the rest of my life.

The New International Version Chapter 4

7 Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. 8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. 9 This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. 10 That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.

The second fatal flaw is impatience.

YOU RUSH INTO DATING RATHER THAN WAIT ON THE LORD

Dating and engagement story and job in LC

The New International Version Psalm 27

14 Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD.

The New International Version Psalm 130

5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

6 I wait for the Lord

more than watchmen wait for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for the morning.

The New International Version Psalm 37

7 Be still before the LORD

and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Main I could have avoided so many errors in dating if I would have not hastily pushed forward and been patient in waiting for the Lord.

True lovE WAITS ON THE LORD

waiting for marriage for sex yes but wait for the lord

Trust in the Spirit of God and

The final thing I want to touch on is this. And this is key.

DATING IS FOR MARRIAGE BUT IT IS NOT MARRIAGE

The New International Version Chapter 4

4 As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. 2 For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.

3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body a in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. e The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.