Friends for Life

One of the little towns near where I grew up is Lakeville. It sets on the north end of Conesus Lake. There is a McDonald’s that I often visit when I’m in town and it seems like every time that I go into the restaurant in the morning there is a group of men seated and drinking coffee together. I’ve often wondered how long they have known one another. Did they play sports together in high school? Did they work together? They probably average 75 years old, so they’ve experienced American history from JFK, the moon landing, civil rights, and the Vietnam War.

I like to think that they’ve been friends for life.

Friendships are Endorsed by God

John chapters 13-17 are some of the most powerful chapters in the Bible. In chapter 13 Jesus washes the feet of the disciples. In Chapter 14 He comforts the disciples and promises the Person of the Holy Spirit. And, in chapter 15 He calls them ‘friends’

John 15:13–15 NIV

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

He calls us friends!

We live in a historic time when loneliness is greater than ever before. Probe Ministries describes the problem loneliness is in our world…

Periods of living alone are now longer due to lifestyle choices on the front end and advances in modern medicine on the back end.

In the 1950’s 1 in 10 houses had one person in it, today 1 in 4 have only one person.

Surprisingly Thomas Exeter in American Demographics predicts that the most dramatic growth in single-person households should occur among those aged 45 to 64, as baby boomers become middle-aged.

Loneliness is independent of gender or numbers, male or female we can be lonely in marriages or crowds.

Can I add the devastating effect of Covid closures, especially on the elderly and the school age children.

Friendships Ought to Be Life-Giving

Proverbs 12:26 NIV

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

A British publication once offered a prize for the best definition of a friend. Among the thousands of answers received were the following:

"One who multiplies joys, divides grief, and whose honesty is inviolable."

"One who understands our silence."

"A volume of sympathy bound in cloth."

”A watch that beats true for all time and never runs down."

The winning definition read: "A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." Bits & Pieces, July, 1991.

In our friendships we need to work on being ‘life-givers’.

We need to demonstrate the heart, “There you are, not here I am”

We need to want more for our friends than from our friends.

We need to help our friends find their destiny and purpose, not shut them down.

We Need Friends Who Keep Us Sharp

Proverbs 27:17 NIV

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

One of the things I enjoyed about being in the Army Reserves was the opportunity to be with other people outside my ‘bubble’. People have all kinds of different experiences and opinions about their experiences. In the Army I had to work with them, and they had to work with me.

Sharpening metal requires friction. It always generates heat and may cause sparks to fly. We often try to avoid difficult personalities and conversations, but the wise will learn through these relationships.

Jesus has told us:

· Be not angry; instead agree with your adversary and be reconciled (Matthew 5:21-26)

· Resist not the evil; turn the other cheek instead (Matthew 5:39)

· Go an extra mile beyond what is required (Matthew 5:40)

· Forgive as your Heavenly Father has forgiven you (Matthew 6:14-15; 18:21-22, 35; Luke 17:3-4)

· Love even your enemies (Matthew 5:43-48)

The wise workman knows that sharpening the tool only makes the quality of the project better. True friends are willing to be both sharpened and sharpen others.

We Need Friends Who Will Help Us to the Next Level

The Apostle Paul is well-known for his actions and letters in the NT. Over ½ of the NT was written by him and his travels stretched from Arabia to Spain. This may have never happened if it wasn’t for a man that became his close friend and traveling companion – Barnabas.

Before he was known as Paul, he was a passionate persecutor of the Christians named Saul. In a dramatic encounter with God, Saul met Jesus and his life changed. But, who could convince the new Christians that Paul could be trusted? Enter Barnabas…

Acts 9:26–27 NIV

When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.

Barnabas helped Paul to the next level.

· Can you imagine how Paul would have felt? He has a vision and a thousand unanswered questions. What would have happened had Barnabas shut him out.

· Barnabas was a faithful giver (Acts 4:36-37) – he sold his land and gave the money to the apostles.

· He was a committed encourager (Acts 11:22-26) – It wasn’t long before the persecution drove the disciples from Jerusalem. They settled into Antioch. Barnabas showed up and saw evidence “of the grace of God”. He was glad and encouraged them all.

· He was a forgiving brother (Acts 15:36-41) – When Paul and Mark had a ‘falling out’, Barnabas teamed up with Mark and Silas went with Paul. The ‘falling out’ would be resolved later but the immediate result was a doubling of the evangelistic work. Now 2 teams were on the field.

We Need Friends Who Will Hold a Mirror in Front of Us

William Bennett served as President Ronald Reagan’s Secretary of Education from 1985 to 1988. He wrote a book called The Book of Virtues which is really a compilation of other articles and stories about courage, responsibility, friendship, and other virtues. Speaking of friendship, he once said:

The demands of friendship: frankness, self-revelation, taking friends’ criticisms as seriously as their expressions of admiration or praise, for stand-by-me loyalty, and for assistance to the point of self-sacrifice.

In the story of King David there was a time when he needed to have a mirror held up in front of him. As an isolated all-powerful king, David had committed adultery and murder. In a high stakes move Nathan steps onto the scene to hold up a mirror to David.

2 Samuel 12:1–7 NIV

The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.” David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul.

Now they were God’s prophet and the king, but this is the type of relationship had should be encouraged in friendships. Friends should be receptive to friends holding the mirror up when it is needed…and when it is beneficial. It's healthy to adopt a prayer like 15th century church leader Thomas Fuller's: "God send me a friend that will tell me my faults."

Be a Friend for LIFE

As an antique I remember the show The Lone Ranger. It is ironic that the Lone Ranger wasn’t alone. He always had his faithful companion, Tonto, with him. The Lone Ranger Creed was once as familiar to boys in America as The Boy Scout Oath. Written by Fran Striker, it was the kind of creed that felt good. The creed said, “I believe that to have a friend, a man must be one.”[1]

We have seen this morning that to be a life-giving friend it requires…

· The strength to sharpen one another.

· The determination to help your friends move to the next level.

· The courage to hold up a mirror when necessary.

Dan Pena is a California businessman and trillionaire. He is credited as saying, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future”. Maybe he was talking about business networking, but I think it is true across the board. Whether you are a junior high or high school student or a seasoned adult, the truth is that you need to be concerned about creating life giving relationships. Not only should you be looking for those types of friends, but you ought to be developing that quality in your own life.

Creating a Culture of Life-Giving Friendships

I suppose that what we’ve discussed today is what everyone of us wants to have in a friend – and what our friends want from us. Unfortunately, hurts and insecurities often get in the way. To avoid being hurt by a friend, we choose not to let people get too close. We cover up and isolate ourselves.

Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations. Henri Nouwen, the scholar, mystic, and — in his later years — caregiver, elaborates on this point:

I discovered the real problem — expecting from a friend what only Christ can give ... Friendship requires closeness, affection, support, and mutual encouragement, but also distance, space to grow, freedom to be different, and solitude. To nurture both aspects of a relationship, we must experience a deeper and more lasting affirmation than any human relationship can offer ... When we truly love God and share in His glory, our relationships lose their compulsive character.[2]

I think that is where the source of our energy needs to come from. I can love others because Jesus loves me. Jesus loves them too and so should I.

Some 400 years ago a Puritan by the name of Richard Baxter said…

I converse with … with my godly friends, as believing I shall converse with them forever, and take comfort in the very dead … as believing we shall shortly meet in heaven:[3]

Think of that! Not only do we have friends for life but we are engineered to be friends for eternity! Isn’t that worth the investment!

[1]Craig Brian Larson and Phyllis Ten Elshof, 1001 Illustrations That Connect (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 2008), 331. [2]Foth, Dick and Ruth. “What’s a Friend? Experience and companionship as God designed it.” www.influencemagazine.com. Accessed Feb 15, 2023. [3]Elliot Ritzema and Elizabeth Vince, eds., 300 Quotations for Preachers from the Puritans, Pastorum Series (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2013).