Now and Later

Favorite Christmas present game -> Reasons why I married my spouse

Now & Later

The candy Now & Later started in 1962 at the Phoenix Candy company, located in Brooklyn, NY. The candy quickly became a sensation in New York City.

The concept behind the name was all about how a person would like it now and definitely want some more later.

The first point that I would apply the NOW & LATER principle..

Invest Now for the Reward Later

The bible has a lot to say about the importance of investing now for the reward later.

Proverbs 6:6-8

Go to the ant, you sluggard;  consider its ways and be wise!  It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.

Proverbs 21:20

The wise store up choice food and olive oil, but fools gulp theirs down.

Proverbs 21:5

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.

Ecclesiastes 11:2

Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight; you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.

We can look to the wisdom of Joseph, in his interpretation of Pharaohs dream. The wisdom was to save NOW in the time of plenty so that there is abundance LATER when the time of scarcity comes.

There are three areas that I believe this NOW & LATER principle can bring strengthen and bring life into our marriages…NOW & LATER.

Just as ant that labors in the summer, he is rewarded with a harvest in the fall.

There are investments that we can make into our marriage NOW that are certain to bring about rewards LATER

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

My wife is going to speak to this a little more in detail tomorrow… But speaking words of affirmation into your spouse is like pouring water into a potted plant and setting it in the sunlight.

Words of affirmation NOW bring appreciation from and give confidence to your spouse LATER.

Everyone one of us have a war going on in our mind. We have internal voices that are telling us that we aren’t good enough, that we don’t perform well enough…the trending name for these thoughts are limiting beliefs.

These thoughts and beliefs can be crippling and debilitating…we need these words of affirmation to help us to defeat those beliefs, take captive those thoughts and release us to become everything and accomplishing everything that God has created us to be and to accomplish.

I know that this may not be your top 1 or 2 in your love language…but I assure you that we all need to hear words of affirmation.

Exercise: Right now, I want you to write a note on the sticky pad that you have to your spouse…for their eyes only…I want you to write three notes of affirmation:

Spiritual attributes:

One about their spiritual attributes (It means so much to me when you worship in church, I am grateful that you are a Godly example for our children…or I appreciate you spending time to pray for me every day, it makes me feel important to you)

What they provide for your family:

One about their role in the family (Thank you for your hard work in providing for our home and our family…I feel secure knowing that you put your family first. Thank you for always fixing my favorite meals for the Holidays…it makes me feel important)

A steamy sticky

One that can be a little steamy (please don’t drop your sticky notes when you leave here today…and I’m not going to share any examples….if you can’t figure out what to write here…you probably need some counseling).

TIME

I am going to speak to this more in a little while, but it can be easy to defer quality time. Especially when we have infants, toddlers, and teenagers that demand our time and attention.

Investing Time into our marriage NOW results in familiarity and fondness LATER

ACTION: I want you to get out your calendar and I want you to schedule a date in the next 4 weeks (Valentine’s Day doesn’t count).

Here are the rules:

The kids can’t come with you. It has to be longer than an hour Your phones/iPads/laptops can’t come out to play (no disruptions)

Affection

Affection is the expression of caring for someone, a tender attachment.

When you are affectionate toward your spouse, it sends the message that they are important to you.

Men and women use affection to gauge the interest and commitment of their partner. When it is lacking, marriages suffer. When this happens, couples begin to disconnect, and verbal forms of communication are negatively affected.

Affect is likely low on the totem pole of love languages for one of you…but it is more than likely at the top of the totem pole for one of you. A marriage without affection is baking a cake without eggs.

Affection NOW will result in a Secure relationship LATER

Here is a list of some ideas for how we can show affection to our spouse:

Start and end the day with a kiss. Make it more than 5 seconds. Sit together on the couch instead of in individual spots. Smile at them when they are not expecting it. Tell them something you love about them. Give them a love pat when you walk by them.

Check them out as they walk past. Make sure they catch you. Hold hands often. Talk about your dreams with each other.

On another sticky note, I want you to write down, for your spouse, the top 3 acts of affection that are most meaningful to you.

Finances

Finances are not as relational as the first three that we mentioned…but finances will for sure impact a marriage. In fact it is one of, if not the, leading cause of divorce.

Making good financial decisions NOW will result in peace LATER!

Make financial decisions together

Have a budget Put God first in your finances

Don’t be so frugal that there’s no fun!

Now that we have discussed INVESTMENTS that we can make NOW that will result in REWARD LATER, I want to look at some crucial mistakes that we can make NOW that will have DEVASTATING impacts later.

Missteps NOW that lead to a mess LATER

When I was younger, I played a lot of basketball. I played full-contact flag football…I wish 47 year old me could go back to the 28 year old me and tell him not to play full contact flag football. To not play so much basketball…or if I was going to play that much basketball, get better shoes…take better care of my knees.

The LATER me is paying the price for the things that NOW me did.

BREAKING TRUST

When we enter into a marriage covenant with our spouse, we say these words…”forsaking all others”. That means that we are making our spouse the focal point of our trust and reliance (obviously second only to the Lord)

Trust is a very fragile entity. One that must be handled with great care. It is unlikely that we haven’t all broken the trust of our spouse at some point in time. Wether it was intention or unintentional, real or perceived.

Some of the ways that we can break trust in our relationship.

Breaking promises Infidelity Lying Leaving our spouse vulnerable or embarrassing them

Breaking Trust NOW will result in a cold and distant relationship LATER.

IF trust is broken, it cannot be ignored…it must be attended to:

Sincere apology

Discontinuing the behavior that broke trust.

2. Manipulation

Manipulation is a tactic someone uses in order to gain control over another person, usually in an attempt to get what they want, and often at the other person's expense. Manipulation is using our emotions to leverage the situation in order to gain control or to get our way. Mostly likely we have employed this tactic at some point, wether that be in an argument or when we know we are in the wrong and we aren’t ready to apologize. For instance, a person who is manipulative might use strategies like lying, gaslighting, passive-aggressiveness, and the silent treatment, among others, all in order to get you to believe that you are wrong and they are right.

Manipulation NOW will lead to resentment LATER

Just as with Broken trust, manipulation in a relationship must be attended to.

By identifying the emotional tactics that are used to gain control and get ones way, and addressing those emotions.

Unforgiveness

Hebrews 12:15 KJV 1900

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

A root, defileth many. This speaks to the long reaching impact of bitterness and unforgiveness.

The fact is that we all have been, and will be in need of forgiveness from our spouse. Some for intentional wrongdoing, other times things that we were totally oblivious. I have found that I can accidentally mess up more than most people can do wrong on purpose.

I need forgiveness.

I have found that the enemy is the master of making mountains out of molehills. He is able to take one little things. Something our spouse did say, or perhaps didn’t say. One facial expression. One oversight. And he begins to build a case in our mind that extends far beyond the perceived transgression.

We all need forgiveness

Unforgiveness NOW leads to bitterness and far reaching impacts LATER

Withholding intimacy

1 Corinthians 7:3-9

3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.

4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Withholding Intimacy NOW will result in loss of desire and unnecessary temptation LATER.

The final principle within the NOW and LATER principle, is...

Sacrificing NOW isn’t always worth it later

Dave Ramsey has a saying, live now like nobody else, so that you can live later like nobody else does.

And obviously, Dave Ramsey has a great outlook on budgeting and finances…but here is part of the point that I want to bring out.

If I followed Dave Ramseys plan fully and completely, I would have never gone on any vacations with my children when they were little…now when they are all grown and married and moved out and it is just my wife and I, we could travel the world!

— Another illustration of this. From the time that our children were little, we have an agreement. We would spend one Christmas with my family and the next year, we would spend with my wife’s family. This really continued all the way up until just a few years ago.

I have no issue with that agreement…the only problem is that now that my daughter are all grown up, I probably only have a few years before they will likely be going out on their own…and then they will have their own families, and they will likely spend Christmas with their outlaws…I mean in-laws…

I bring up those illustrations to tell you that

some things need to be enjoyed NOW, because the opportunity will be gone later.

Many marriages go through tremendous strain, even divorce, when they enter into the empty nest stage…Why? Because they didn’t take the time to invest in the NOW so they don’t know each other LATER.

Here is what I want to do…I think the Dave Ramsey thing feels good to us, because we believe that we should sacrifice now so that we can have later. I want to give you permission to understand there are some areas that you need to invest in NOW!

There are areas that you need to ENJOY now…because you won’t have those moments later.

Go on that hike now…because you may not have the energy later.

Take your kids to that amusement park while they are little…because they will only be little once.

There is in money, a principle called compound interest. It is basically the interest that you gain on interest.

To illustrate the power of compound interest, I would use the example of the magic penny. IF I came up to you and said… I’ll give you two options. You can have this briefcase that is loaded with 100 dollar bills…totaling $5 million dollars, or I’ll give you this penny. But this penny is magic…every day for the next 31 days, this penny is going to double in value.

So tomorrow it will be worth .02 cents…they day after that .04 cents…which one you taking?

At the end of 7 days that penny is worth .64 cents. You’re feeling like a chump.

At the end of 15 days that penny is worth $163.84 cents. You are halfway to the end of the magic and your penny is worth less than $200.

Day 20 your penny is worth $5,242…but then the compound interest starts to really kick in…and on day 29 your penny is worth 2.7 million dollars and day 31…$10.7 million.

Here is the thing though…the longer that you wait to choose the penny, the less the impact of the compound interest. If I wait until day 10 to say, I’ll take the penny, it would only reach the value of $10,400. You can’t go back and regain opportunity that is missed because you hesitated to get started.

So start NOW.

The Average person spends two-and-a-half hours a day on social media…looking at other people live their lives, while they miss the opportunity NOW to enjoy their children.

Don’t sacrifice those things NOW and live with regret later…Decide today that you will enjoy the NOW so that you can be grateful LATER

Little things that you can do that over time they will result in huge impact in your marriage.

Little things like scheduling a date night once a month for the rest of 2023.

Little things like starting every day off with a kiss and ending every day with a kiss

Little things like telling him how much you appreciate him.

Little things like reading the Bible together and praying together in the morning.

Little things like bringing your family together during corporate prayer and praying over them.

Choose your magic pennies tonight.

What things will you being to do NOW that will build compound interest in your marriage and in your home?

Maybe its game night once a week.

Maybe it’s teaching a bible study in our home to your family and then having them help you teach a bible study to someone.

I want you to take some time right now…with your spouse to talk through some of what we have discussed tonight.

What will you do NOW…while you have the opportunity?

What are the magic pennies that you all will choose tonight?