Marrital Endurance

Intro

Have you ever heard the phrase “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”? I think most of us have.

This saying encapsulates the idea that if something is currently work the way it is, then don’t change anything about it because what’s the point if its working?

The problem with this phrase or with this mindset is that it produces stagnation.

What I mean by that is if we believe something is good enough the way it is, then we are never going to challenge ourselves to make it better.

This prevents growth and when something stops growing it is often times a sign that it is dying.

I want you to imagine for a moment if we adopted that mentality when it came to cell phone technology.

Imagine if we just decided that it was working so why mess with it and we were still using the same technology as 25-30 years ago.

Look at how the technology has changed and improved. And we could spend time debating how this technology has caused damage or its dangers, but as a whole, this technology has like any other tool, improved our lives in many ways.

Just because something is working now, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be improved. Longevity and success in the communication industry was only possible because we didn’t assume things couldn’t get better.

Growth is essential in anything if you want to achieve long-term success.

Look at your career. Even if your career didn’t require a formal education it still required you to learn something you didn’t know before you did that kind of work.

And chances are high that if you have been doing that kind of work for any significant amount of time you have had to continue to learn more and grow in your knowledge and practice in order to stay successful.

This is true of almost anything. It is certainly true in our relationships, including our relationship with God.

Long-term success is the goal, but this take endurance.

This morning I want to bring our Tighten the Knot marriage series to a close by talking about marital endurance.

Power in the Text

The idea that marriage has to be viewed as a long distance marathon rather than a fast short sprint.

Do you remember your vows from your wedding day? You may not remember them word for word, but whether you used the standard traditional vows or you wrote your own, there was a component to those vows that indicated that what you were committing to on your wedding day was for the long haul.

Until death do you part. That no matter what happened in the years that followed, you weren’t going anywhere.

Those vows were more than part of a ceremony, they were a covenant that you made with your spouse.

But as time marches on in life and that includes in our marriages things happen that challenge that promise.

All of the sudden what on your wedding day seemed like a no brainer all of the sudden becomes a lot harder to follow through with.

Paul in when writing to the Colossians opens his letter with some words of encouragement as well as his hope for this young Church.

Colossians 1:3-8 NLT 3 We always pray for you, and we give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 4 For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God’s people, 5 which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven. You have had this expectation ever since you first heard the truth of the Good News.

6 This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace.

7 You learned about the Good News from Epaphras, our beloved co-worker. He is Christ’s faithful servant, and he is helping us on your behalf. 8 He has told us about the love for others that the Holy Spirit has given you.

Paul had received a report from Epaphras about this Church and Paul is writing to them in response to that report.

He shares that he is grateful for them and is praying for them. He mentions that they are a loving group and commends them for their faith.

He then goes on to say that he is praying specifically for them about something.

Colossians 1:9-10 NLT 9 So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.

Here Paul is sharing with them his desire for them to grow and and learn to know God better and better.

Paul has a lot of good things to say about them, but he also wants them to understand that although they have great faith and are loving, that doesn’t mean they have arrived. It doesn’t mean that have become everything God desires them to become.

And there is a reason this is so important to Paul.

Colossians 1:11-13 NLT 11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. 13 For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, 14 who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.

Here Paul is reminding them that the redemption they have experienced through Jesus is a special inheritance.

He wants them to live their lives and walk in that deliverance but in order for them to do that he knows they need God’s help.

They need to keep growing so that when they need it, they will find strength in Christ to endure whatever they may be facing.

To put it simply, Paul is saying that to live a life worthy of the Lord we need his help. Our marriages are no different.

Big Idea/Why it Matters

There is an old country song by Alan Jackson called Livin’ on Love. Maybe you remember it, maybe you are singing it in your head right now.

But the song espouses the idea as the lyrics say that “it doesn’t take much when you get enough” to live on love.

But like most love songs, while their message sound great it is unrealistic. If love was all that was needed to have an enduring marriage then we probably wouldn’t need to have message series like this and divorce lawyers would go out of business.

Love, if we could live it perfectly, might be enough, but we know that we are not able to love perfectly. Troubles will arise. Our commitment to one another will be tested.

Humans have a way of being annoying, testing our patience, and being sinners. So the only way we can spend a lifetime living on love is when it is rooted and strengthened to endure through Christ.

Marriage will have many ups and downs, but as followers of Jesus, we play the long game, knowing that in Christ, we have the strength and grace to love our spouse well in all seasons, for better or worse, for a lifetime.

If you want a marriage that endures you have to come to a place where you are humble enough to admit you aren’t good enough. You can’t love well enough on your own.

That is part of it. Not only do we have to acknowledge that we can’t do it alone, but we have to be willing to allow God to enable us to endure for the long haul, especially in difficult seasons.

But this endurance is only possible if we have a growth mindset about ourselves as individuals as well as a couple.

Application

Chances are good that if you have been married for 10 years or more, that you are not the same person that said I do all those years ago.

Chances are equally high that your relationship doesn’t look the way it did all those years ago either.

There is a reason for that. It is because in order for your marriage to have lasted as long as it has, it was because you have been growing and changing throughout it.

As I said at the beginning of my message, when something stops growing it starts dying.

I believe this whole-heartedly and I believe it plays out in scripture. This is why I always say that I don’t care how long a person has been married, there is always room for growth and improvement.

As soon as you think there isn’t, you are opening yourself up to pride and we all know where pride leads according to scripture.

So here is what I want to encourage you to do. I want you to think about where you are right now in your marriage and I want you to think about where you want to be down the road.

First, consider your relationship with God. Is it where you know it should be? Knowing what you know now, are you living up to the standard and calling as a man or woman of God that you know God wants for you?

Because if you aren’t, then don’t expect your marriage to be the kind that can not only stand the test of time but to leave the mark you want it to in the lives of those you care about.

If your life isn’t lining up then what are your goals personally for your life? Who do you want to be and how are you going to get there?

What changes do you need to make and what habits do you need to break or develop?

Then think about your marriage. What goals do you have for your relationship? Have you ever thought about it before?

Marriage goals are important because it keeps you focused. It allows you to live out your marriage with the end in mind.

Lastly, what goals do you have for your family if you happen to have children or even grandchildren?

Are you and your spouse’s goals aligned?

To help with this I am providing one last activity for you to consider doing with your spouse on achieving your goals together.

This may seem silly or necessary if you have been married for a long time, but it is still beneficial, even if all you do is consider the goals that have already been met as you compare them to the things you have yet to do.

Closing

My goal for this series was never to provide a quick fix for marital strife or to give you all the answers to the questions you may have about having a great marriage.

My goal was simply to help us all recognize that if we are honest with ourselves, we have areas where we need to grow.

That tightening the knot is more about being proactive than it is about waiting until there is a major problem in the relationship.

I hope that I have provided you some things to think about and given you an opportunity through what has been taught and the practical activities I have shared to at the very least, get a conversation started about some of these things.

Our marriages matter. They are the greatest defense against the enemy’s attempt to dismantle God’s created order.

Our marriages when done correctly are a reflection to a lost a dying world of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Our marriages produce the training ground for our children as they grow to become disciples of Jesus themselves.

Our marriages matter, do they matter enough to you to do what it takes to keep tightening the knot?