The Catalyst of Friendship is Love

It’s Planting Time!

We’ve had a week of 80-degree weather. The trees are budding out and some are even pushing out the leaves. Gardeners are getting seeds and plants into the ground hoping for a good harvest this year or, maybe, just enjoy the beauty of the plants in their yards for the upcoming seasons.

Friendships are planted and cultivated. Some of us are, perhaps, more aware of it than others. John Wesley once said:

Christianity is essentially a social religion.… To turn it into a solitary religion is indeed to destroy it.[1]

This is certainly true, but friendships can be very difficult to maintain. Friendships are filled with thorns like betrayal, neglect, gossip, and the list could go on. It would be nice to say that this isn’t the reality, but truthfully it is. The Apostle Paul reveals that problems between people were simple realities of life.

Philippians 4:2–3 M:BCL

I urge Euodia and Syntyche to iron out their differences and make up. God doesn’t want his children holding grudges. And, oh, yes, Syzygus, since you’re right there to help them work things out, do your best with them. These women worked for the Message hand in hand with Clement and me, and with the other veterans—worked as hard as any of us. Remember, their names are also in the Book of Life.

We get a peek behind the curtains of relationships in these statements and realize that friendships need maintenance and intentionality. Sometimes others have to step in and help friends become restored. Managing our friendships well is simply obedience to the Lord’s command to love one another.

The Green Thumb Rules for Relationships

Some people seem to have green thumbs. Everything they plant seems to flourish and produce flowers and fruit. Others of us must work at it – learn where to plant, how much sun, and how much water a plant will tolerate.

Fortunately, in growing friendships the Bible is offered to us a guide to develop healthy friendships, but it all begins with the love of God. We can’t love others without first loving God.

1 John 4:7–21 NIV

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

I think that it is interesting that in this single passage we can find 4 powerful ‘Green Rule Rules’ that will help us cultivate our friendships.

#1 – Love is Others Focused

#2 – Love Does

#3 – Love is Intrinsic

#4 – Love is Modeled

These 4 qualities of love lay out a powerful understanding of what it takes to have flourishing and fruitful friendships in our lives!

#1 – Love is Others Focused

1 John 4:10–11 NIV

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

John makes the point that love is others focused. God loved us and He sent for us his Son. Christian love (or friendship for our theme) is not about getting what we can out of people around us. It is about acknowledging them.

We had a chance to be with our daughter, Austin, and our grandkids in Albuquerque this past week. The boys are growing up so quickly. Joshua is at a stage where he will repeatedly say, “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Etc.” until he gets her attention. Our friends and, really, our communities are doing the same thing and we need to take the time to say, “I SEE YOU AND YOU MATTER”. To ignore them would be cruel.

Too often we get focused on only ourselves. Instead, we need to:

Find out their story. What is happening in his life? What can you do to bring joy into her life? Celebrate his successes. Show compassion in her sorrow.

Accept that “you are not me and I am not you”. This means that we all don’t react or feel the same way to the circumstances in our lives.

Choose to be a “door keeper” (a servant) regardless of recognition.

These are just a couple of ways that we can love others unselfishly and without any expectation of anything in return. Love is others focused.

#2 – Love Does

Another “Green Thumb Rule” that Paul gives is that love does or love acts

1 John 4:13–14 NIV

This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

Now we could use this verse to emphasize the importance of the Holy Spirit in any of our relationships, but I think the main point here is made through the parallel structure of (1) Jesus giving us the Holy Spirit and the Father giving us the Son. In each case, an actor gives something to another. We know that the love of God is in us when love is moving through us.

The NT provides guidance on what we can do for one another:

We already know that we are to love one another – 15 times in the NT

Encourage one another – 5 times

Be at peace with one another – 3 times

Humbly serve and submit to one another – 6 times

Show kindness and honor one another – 5 times

Instruct one another – 2 times

Forgive one another.

Stop judging one another.

Pray for one another.

And carry one another’s burdens.

On August 6, 2009 the General Superintendent of the Assemblies of God, George Wood spent a sleepless night in Orlando. On the previous day the delegates at the General Council debated a resolution to amend the Constitution of the Assemblies of God to make compassion the fourth reason for being. Evangelism, worship, and discipleship had been the 3 reasons for being for close to 100 years. Adding a fourth was significant, and it failed. George Wood was devastated. He thought, “Here we are, a compassionate Movement telling the world we are not compassionate…this does not add up. This does not make sense.”

He determined to yield the chair and go to the floor on Friday morning and ask the delegates to reconsider. They did and they adopted the resolution. Rev. Wood considered it one of the most satisfying moments of his life.[2]

#3 – Love is Intrinsic

1 John 4:16 (NIV)

...God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

Our love for others radiates from the love of God inside of us. We can love one another because God loves you and me. We can forgive one another because God has forgiven each of us. This is essential for us to understand as Christians!

Bruce Barton explains it this way…

The statement means, rather, that God’s very nature and personality resonate love. Everything God has done and will do from eternity past to eternity future overflows with love. This attribute of divine affection does not contradict any of his other perfections. God can be both loving and holy, loving and just, loving and sovereign. Practically speaking, this truth means that as we relate to God, we can always know that we are being treated with perfect, unconditional love.[3]

Now, I want to point out something that Barton said because it is important for us to understand. Because God is loving doesn’t make Him a pushover. God is loving, yes. But He is also holy, just, and sovereign. We are made in His image and as adults we are not supposed to be pushovers either. We can love and be strong in our convictions and boundaries that are wise and moral. We’ll unpack some of that next week!

For now, though, I want us to understand that John is pointing out that as Christians we are encoded with the Spirit of God. The saying “the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree is true”. As sons and daughters of a loving God we will reflect the love of God.

#4 – Love is Modeled

1 John 4:19–20 (NIV)

We love because he first loved us.

Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. ..

Some versions render this verse, “We love him because he first loved us”; however, the word “him” is not present in the earliest manuscripts. Instead, the text simply reads, we love. Believers’ love, whether for God or for others, is based on God’s love for them. God’s love is the source, the initiator.[4]

In Paul’s letter to Titus he describes the way Jesus modeled His love

Titus 3:3–5 NIV

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,

In other words, we were pretty messed up but God loved us anyway. In practical terms, parents are constantly modeling love. How do they love one another? How do they speak about their friends and people in their community? Parents are imprinting on their children all the time. Modeling love is a very effective way to learn to love one another.

Gardening is Part Reward and Part Sweat

For anyone who has had a garden, you know that gardening is both rewarding and work! The seed seems miraculous. It goes into the ground as a dried-up kernel and comes up tender and green. It is exciting! But, the weeds also come up around the seed and the battle begins – watering, weeding, feeding and all over again and again.

I was coming home from Walmart yesterday after picking up a couple of things and I heard the Christian radio station remind us to love one another. I thought, “It is not like we don’t know this stuff. The problem is in the doing of it.” Life messy with our plans.

We want to choose which neighbor receives our love. Is it the neighbor who we grill with or the neighbor who gets mad when our kids ball goes into their yard?

We want to love those who are easy to love. They like our football teams and enjoy the music we enjoy.

We want to love others as long as our plans are working out but when the chaos of life hits we are ghosts.

How many conversations have you had this past week about problems with personal relationships? I’m not saying that loving others is easy. I’m just saying what the Apostle John is saying. If we don’t love others, the love of Christ is not in us.

The good news is this – if the catalyst of friendship is love. It is the Spirit of God that births that love in us. Since the Spirit of God is given to all who accept Him…loving others is possible.

Prayer:

- You need a fresh impartation of the Spirit to love others.

[1]Elliot Ritzema and Elizabeth Vince, eds., 300 Quotations for Preachers from the Modern Church, Pastorum Series (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2013). [2] Wood, George and Paul. “Compassionate Christ, Compassionate Church”. Accessed Feb 25, 2023. [3] Bruce B. Barton and Grant R. Osborne, 1, 2 & 3 John, Life Application Bible Commentary (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House, 1998), 99. [4]Bruce B. Barton and Grant R. Osborne, 1, 2 & 3 John, Life Application Bible Commentary (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House, 1998), 101.