10 Commandments for Corrective Communication (Part 2) (030123)

NC House passes bill to allow guns at religious services held on school grounds. It must now pass the NC Senate. Gov. Cooper has vetoed this type of legislation in the past however, this year, there is a better chance of being able to override the Governor’s veto.

Legislators are right now working on presenting some type of legislation - a Heartbeat Bill - to protect as many children as possible.

Republicans, who hold a majority in both the House and Senate, believe that this is their best opportunity to get such a bill passed and signed into law. (They believe that they have enough votes to override a certain veto by Governor Cooper.)

Contact your state representatives.

When the legislation is passed and before it is put to the Governor, Return America plans to hold a rally, in Raleigh, to show the Governor how much the people of NC desire a Heartbeat Bill.

Praying Preachers

A reporter who has been covering the state legislature for 20-plus years said he had never seen anything like this prayer meeting in the building before. Maybe this should become the normal instead of the abnormal.

Soul Winning Saturday

Starting Point

Scripture Reading

Text: Matthew 5:21-24; 18:15-22

Message

Philippians 1:27 KJV 1900

Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;

Striving Together

This past week I have spoken with a number of pastors regarding starting a Hispanic ministry.

One of the pastors that I spoke with made this comment:

“Division is already built into a Hispanic ministry because of the different languages.”

In other words, even under the best of circumstances, maintaining unity within a church family is difficult.

But, when you add offenses, unity becomes much more difficult to maintain and some might even say it’s impossible to maintain that unity once an offense has been added to the equation!

With that…Here are the 10 Commandments to Corrective Communication once again.

The Ten Commandments to Corrective Communication

#1 - Thou shalt go to thy brother first before going to anyone else. (Matt. 18:15)

#2 - Thou shalt have examined thyself before approaching thy brother. (Matt. 7:1-5)

#3 - Thou shalt listen before speaking. (James 1:19-20)

#4 - Thou shalt have searched out the facts before going to thy brother (Prov. 18:13)

#5 - Be honest & Be humble (Eph. 4:25)

#6 - Keep current (Eph. 4:16)

#7 - Thou shalt not make 100% statements.

#8 - Thou shalt ask the Lord for the right time and the right words with the right heart. (Prov. 15:23; Eph. 4:15)

#9 - Thou shalt not attack the person but attack the problem. (Eph. 4:29-30)

#10 - Thou shalt act not react. (Eph. 4:31-32)

Matthew 18:15 (KJV 1900)

...go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone...

Within those words, we would hope that individuals would be able to resolve any offense and these 10 Commandments for Corrective Communication explain how to fulfill those words in Matthew 18:15.

The remainder of the passage is there in the event that your brother “will not hear thee.”

Corrective communication is necessary because we each are imperfect,

living and serving alongside others who are imperfect,

and we’re living in an imperfect world.

The Goal

It is not to prove ourselves right and the other party wrong.

The goal of corrective communication is Purity and...

Restoration & Reconciliation.

If our goal in going to our brother is anything else, than we should not go!

Now, before we begin to look at each of the “commandments” individually, I want to consider this:

What qualifies as an “offense?”

In Matthew 18:15, Christ says, “…if thy brother shall trespass against thee...”

The word that is used there is the word for sin.

Has your brother or sister in Christ literally sinned against you?

That’s one question to ask yourself.

However, sometimes the answer to that question is found in:

1 Peter 4:8 KJV 1900

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

Peter, in this verse, is quoting from two, Old Testament verses:

Proverbs 10:12 KJV 1900

Hatred stirreth up strifes: But love covereth all sins.

Proverbs 17:9 KJV 1900

He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; But he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.

Back to 1 Peter 4:8:

Exploring the Epistles of Peter: An Expository Commentary 2. It Should Make Us More Practical (4:8–10)

The believers to whom Peter was writing were in a world that hated them. Toward each other there must be love (agapē), intense love, love that goes out of its way to be thoughtful, kind, and forgiving, being gentle with the failings of others.

Perhaps Peter was remembering Christ’s words to him, that we should be prepared to forgive and offending brother not just seven times but seventy times seven!

Or, perhaps, Peter was simply remembering Christ’s treatment of him after his very public denial of Christ!

Regardless, our love for one another, within the church family should be so fervent that we do everything that we can to forgive and maintain unity with others.

However, that may not fully answer the question:

What qualifies as an “offense?”

In Matthew 5:25, Christ simply says, “…if thou…rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee...”

Some might take that verse to mean that an offense is anything that someone else has done to me.

However, in the context of the passage, it is referring to anger.

Matthew 5:22 KJV 1900

But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

Notice, in that verse, the phrase, without cause.

I shared this two week ago:

Exploring the Gospel of Matthew: An Expository Commentary c. The Moral and Its Consequences (5:23–24)

The moral is simple: We are to get right with those we have wronged, those who have something against us, those with whom we have been angry. Reconciliation is so important that Jesus said it must even take precedence over our worship of God.

I still understand that that may not fully answer the question:

What qualifies as an “offense?”

So, I want to take you to one more passage of Scripture.

Turn to and read Romans 14:1-13.

I want to bring your focus to vs. 13:

Romans 14:13 KJV 1900

Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.

The Greek word for stumblingblock in this verse is the same word that is used in Luke 17:1

Luke 17:1 KJV 1900

Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!

In this verse, it is translated as offences.

Now, going back to Romans 14:13

Romans 14:13 (KJV 1900)

Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.

We don’t - or simply won’t - take the time to fully look at Romans chapter 14.

I would simply share with you this:

Paul is not, in this passage in Romans, referring to something that one’s brethren will merely dislike but something that threatens the brother’s spiritual progress, that may make him stumble into sin.

While those are some wonderful truths that each of us should reflect upon and seek to live by, I cannot, for each individual, answer the question as to what constitutes an offense. Often, that is a question which, with the Lord’s guidance, you will need to seek to answer.

However, I believe that I can say that, the stronger our faith in Christ, the more difficult it will be for us to take an offense and the more readily we will be to reconcile when others feel as though we have offended them.

Maybe that is partly what James had in mind when he wrote:

James 1:19 KJV 1900

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

Now, let’s get into it...

The Ten Commandments to Corrective Communication

1. Thou shalt go to thy brother first before going to anyone else. (Matt. 18:15)

Matthew 18:15 KJV 1900

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Allow me to expound on this truth a little bit:

Take responsibility

Who is responsible to take the first step? Is it the one who has done the trespassing or is it the one that has been trespassed against? Reason would tell us that it is the one who has done the trespassing. However, what if that person has no idea that they have done something that has offended another.

Illustration: Receiving a phone call to inform me that someone had been offended by something that I had done.

In Matt. 18, Christ places responsibility upon the individual who has been trespassed against.

But, in Matt. 5, Christ places responsibility upon the individual who has done the trespassing.

So, what does that mean? It means...

If you are aware of a problem between you and another individual,

whether you are the one who has been trespassed against or are the one who has committed the trespass,

you are responsible for taking the first step.

Take responsibility.

Stay on God’s good side.

Do want to get on God’s bad side? Prov. 6:16-19 lists 7 ways in which you can get on God’s bad side.

Proverbs 6:19 (KJV 1900)

A false witness that speaketh lies, And he that soweth discord among brethren.

One of the ways to get on God’s bad side is to sow discord (lack of harmony among persons, disagreement, difference of opinion, strife) among brethren. And that is exactly what you are doing when you go to others instead of the brother that has trespassed against you.

Stay on God’s good side.

Going along with that...

Strive for unity.

Psalm 133:1 states:

Psalm 133:1 KJV 1900

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity!

However, going to others first before going to the brother that has trespassed accomplishes only one thing – division. And, as Jesus says, in Mark 3:24-25, a “house divided against itself cannot stand.” This division will destroy the work place, it will destroy a family, and it will destroy a church.

Just as Smokey the Bear says, “Only you can prevent wildfires!”

Proverbs 26:20 KJV 1900

Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: So where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.

When you do not follow this first command, the Bible calls you a talebearer which we most often call “a gossip.” Twice in the book of Proverbs it states,

Proverbs 18:8 (KJV 1900)

The words of a talebearer are as wounds, And they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

Proverbs 26:22 (KJV 1900)

The words of a talebearer are as wounds, And they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

God commanded the Israelites,

Leviticus 19:16 KJV 1900

Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I am the Lord.

We must not be guilty of adding wood to the fire or of throwing gasoline on the fire!

Instead, we should look for ways and opportunities in which to either pull wood off of the fire or putting water on the fire!

I like this saying:

“If I’m not part of the problem and if I’m not part of the solution, I don’t want to know.”

1. Thou shalt go to thy brother first before going to anyone else. (Matt. 18:15)

Prayer Requests

Pastor and Mrs Scott

Praise - Donna received the results of the full body bone scan today and doctor said all looked well concerning her bones.

Donna is scheduled to have a CT scan of the brain on March 16th. The oncologist scheduled this because of her continuing headaches and dizziness.

They are waiting for test to be scheduled for test to be scheduled for follow up from her latest appointment with ENT doctor which is also related to her headaches and dizziness.

Estates at Sugar Creek

Islamic Center of South Charlotte

NC Rep Terry Brown Jr.

NC Senator Deandrea Salvador

Now…the Academy class to pray for...

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