The Original Pattern for Marriage

Introduction

Text Gen 2:18-25

Marriage is an important topic for many different reasons. The most obvious of them being that most of us either are married or will be someday married. As we have seen over the past couple weeks, the marriage relationship was established all the way back at the beginning. But even back then its importance was not fully known.

Eph 5:31-32 “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” According to Paul, the real significance of marriage was not known in the beginning because it was a mystery. Especially for the Christian, but all marriages in some way are a picture that points to the relationship between God and His people, between Jesus and the Church which is His bride. So if marriage fulfills such an important role in showing us this special relationship, we should be especially concerned with knowing what God intended marriage to be like. I looked up online benefits of being married on different websites and came up with these points:

According to Web MD, men almost always benefit from being married because they start eating right, get more regular doctors check ups, eliminate risky behaviors like bungee jumping and driving drunk.

According to Marriage.com, marriage gives you a partner who has committed to being with you through good and bad times.

According to the Heritage Foundation, marriage is good for a healthy society, families and culture.

But what makes marriage so important is that it is God’s design and it reflects His relationship with us.

This morning we are going to take a look at the Pattern for Marriage found in Genesis 2:18-25.

Principle One: Marriage was instituted by God

Throughout the creation narratives, we have come across a phrase that is repeated over and over again. After each day of creation, God said that it was good, but as we come to our text in Genesis 2, we find the first thing that God says is not good. Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” God sees this need and begins to work on a solution. Men and women were not made to live in isolation. They were made for relationships. As we will see next week, singleness can be part of God’s will for people, but this is the exception not the rule.

Genesis 2:19-20 “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” God gives Adam the task of naming all the animals. I think God did this for a reason. Adam is going along and he sees two giraffes, two cows, two monkeys and two horses. A pattern is starting to develop. Each of the animals comes in sets of two a male and a female. The fact that these verses are tucked in where they are highlights the fact that God must have wanted Adam to see that he was alone. God was bringing Adam to a point that he would see his need for a spouse. I think for most men they don’t realize they need a spouse until they have to wash their own dishes and clothes. Around that time they realize, “Hey, Mom isn’t around anymore to do this stuff.” Don’t get me wrong ladies, I am not saying thats all you are for, but guys tend to be pretty oblivious sometimes. So God helps Adam see his need.

But then God supplies that need. Genesis 2:21 “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;” God puts Adam to sleep. I don’t know why God chose to do it this way. Perhaps He wanted Adam to look to God to supply a wife. Some of us get so bent out of shape trying to find a wife and we never stop to ask God to send us a wife. God knows your need and He knows where you are to. There is no point in jumping somewhere else out of the will of God just to find a spouse. I am not saying don’t look for one. Proverbs 18:22 “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, And obtaineth favour of the Lord.” But in our looking, we need to be asking God to lead the right one to us.

Genesis 2:22 “And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.”

This verse is key to this point. Notice that it says God brought her unto the man. These verses that establish the beginning of marriage show God revealing the need for marriage, supplying a wife for Adam and then bringing her to him to be his wife. In this very first marriage, we see that God instituted marriage.

Today marriage is often redefined by the world. In America, marriage has been redefined to included between two consenting adults. So a man and a man can get married or a woman and a woman can get married. In Middle Eastern Countries, marriage can be between one man and and group of women and even in Bhutan it can be one woman and a group of men. In this first institution of marriage, we see that God created marriage to be between one man and one woman.

Principle Two: Marriage involves leaving something behind

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Some of the biggest battles in marriage during the first few years are the result of this right here. When a man and a woman get married, they form a new unit and that means they must split off from their previous family unit. Now understand me, I am not saying we ignore our families and in-laws, but we are a new couple now and my new spouse has to be my priority. Your husband or your wife come first before any other relationship other than God. For some, this leaving process begins before marriage when they move out on their own, but not everyone’s story is exactly the same. But one thing is for sure, you must leave home behind.

The word leave here means what it says: to leave behind, or to let go. This is a command to let go of those ties that keep you from forming a new relationship with your spouse.

This isn’t just moving out of the house. Leaving father and mother occurs on many different levels:

Physically- obviously the first step is moving out of the house. There are going to be problems if you and your new spouse aren’t going to start living together. If at all possible you should not move in with either set of parents. Two or more families living under the same roof is always going to have its own problems, but living in the same house as your parents means you have now put your marriage under their authority and you will not truly be your own family unit until you move out. This also touches on a wife who is always at her parents house and never home with her new husband. It sends the wrong message and at best delays your marriage being as strong as it could be. While there are some circumstances where living with your parents may be necessary or them moving in with you might be necessary, these should be viewed as temporary seasons of life. But especially at the beginning this is not healthy for your relationship with your spouse.

Relationally- Marriage creates a new relationship and your spouse is now number one priority other than God. Dad is no longer number one. Mom is no longer number one. It is not helpful to your marriage to be constantly comparing your wife’s cooking to your mom’s cooking. Marriage is the blending of two family cultural backgrounds, but you need to create your own family culture. Just because your mom cooked something a certain way doesn’t mean you wife must do it that way.

Emotionally- Maybe you had a good relationship with your parents and you are used to going to them about everything. It isn’t healthy, for newly weds to be texting or calling every day to check in with their parents. Your spouse is now intended to be your emotional support. When something goes wrong, who do you turn to first. When you have a problem to work through, whose advice do you get first? It isn’t wrong to talk to your parents about things, but do their opinions outweigh those of your spouse. Parents you need to be awfully careful not to be intruding into the marriage of your children too much or too often. Help you children make that transition.

Financially- Do not fall into the trap of depending on your parents financially to survive your first few years of marriage. This inevitably leads to other forms of dependance that keep you from growing your relationship with your spouse. When you first get married you are going to have to do without somethings. Why would you expect to have in the first three years of marriage what your parents accumulated over thirty years of marriage? Like leaving home, leaving your parents financially is a tangible boundary you need to erect in your marriage.

Sometimes Geographically- As I have said before one of the best things for my marriage was getting some distance between us and Katy’s parents. They were good parents, but that usually has a negative side effect. The children find it harder to let go. Physical geographical space is sometimes necessary to make that break. I had one professor in bible college who said you should never live in the same town as your parents. That was probably an extreme, but there are times when you need to move away.

All of this means you are going to have to set boundaries so you and your parents know the lines that cannot be crossed.

Principle Three: Marriage involves cleaving

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

The word cleave here means to cling to, stick to or hold to tenaciously or firmly. Marriage is intended to be a little clingy. If you can’t handle that, don’t get married.

The best illustration of this is glue. Glue sticks things together. You take two pieces of paper and glue them together. Let the glue dry a little bit and you might be able to get the pieces of paper apart, but there will be damage if you do.

1. A cleaving relationship should not lead to divorce.

I have mentioned this in the past. This is why God’s intention from the beginning was that no one would ever get divorced. In fact Jesus used this exact verse to teach on divorce in Matt 19:5-6 “And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” A few verses later He taught Matt 19:9 “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” While there are biblical reasons to allow divorce, Divorce was never God’s intention. Cleaving includes don’t get divorced. I’ll be preaching a three part series on divorce later this year, but let me encourage those who have been divorced in the past. God’s mercies are new every morning. The current marriage that you are in can bring glory to God; so seek to cleave to the spouse you have now.

2. A cleaving relationship is one that is close.

You should be drawing closer to your spouse day by day.

For a wife, this is going to mean intimacy but not necessarily sexual intimacy. Wives want to have face to face contact. Meaningful connection between husband and wife. This means talking. This means meaning what you talk about. This means listening to her talk about what is important to her and showing genuine interest in what she has to say. Remember last week when we talked about seeking to help our wives flourish. Cleaving to your wife includes this.

Women, men need to know they are appreciated and respected. If you are constantly tearing them down, criticizing them or complaining; they will not feel that connection with you.

This really is the opposite of the leaving. You must leave behind all physical, emotional, financial, relational dependence on your parents and you must place that dependence in your spouse.

Principle Four: Marriage involves weaving

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

This one flesh type of relationship speaks of at least two aspects of their relationship:

Companionship

I love this quote by Matthew Henry taking about how woman was created from the man:

The woman not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.

God made woman from the flesh of the man. He could have made her separately, but the fact that they are of one flesh shows that they belong together. Remember the words of Adam in Genesis 2:23 “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Men and women were made for each other. To go through life together. 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” There is debate about the meaning of the phrase heirs of the grace of life, but I believe it at least hints at the fact that we are sharing a life together.

Sexual Intimacy

I am not going to camp on this topic right now, but there will be a future message on this topic. At that time all the children and teens will have a separate program going on so we can talk frankly about this issue. But in marriage, sexual interaction is a necessary element. Failure to fulfill the sexual desires of your spouse is called in the NT defrauding them. The consequences of doing so is opening them up to temptation.

One of the main reasons for marriage according to the bible in Gen 1:27-28 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” is procreation. Obviously that can’t always happen and we will look at that in another message, but as a general rule marriages are intended to produce offspring.

Principle Five: Marriage should involve no shame

Genesis 2:25 “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

There are only so many people that any of us would be comfortable being naked around. Adam and Eve were both naked and there was no shame. The physical relationship of a husband and a wife should not be something we are ashamed of. A biblical view of human sexuality and the marriage relationship does not have a place for an over prudishness.

I take the literal sense here that they could be naked in front of one another and they were not ashamed. Shame comes into human relationships when we fear we will be rejected when they see our imperfections. I think this principle speaks to a greater truth, that marriage should be the type of relationship where a husband and wife can be secure. They know that their spouse is going to love them even if they fail. My boss may fire me if I fail. My friends may ignore me or stop calling me if I fail, but I can be sure that my wife is by my side even when I fail.

Is your home a safe place for your husband or wife to come to when the world is crashing in on them?

Conclusion

Marriage is a blessing given to us by God. In our society, it really isn’t viewed that way by most and part of that is because they have removed God from the picture. Without God, what is the purpose for getting married? Without God, how do we know how husbands and wives should function in marriage? Without God, how do we see how important marriage is? Obviously the world does get married and they have their answers to these questions, but for the Christian, we want to make sure that we are following God’s pattern for marriage. After all, who better to ask about marriage than the One who created it.