Learning to Lean on One Another

Good relationships are to be highly prized.

We live in a highly technological age when a social media collection of names has replaced the construct of true friendship.

Even with a myriad of social media “friends” many in our society suffer from loneliness.

The rat race of a fast moving culture driven by ambitious people leaves little to no time to build lasting and meaningful relationships.

In a world equipped with a reckless spirit, it is wise to have good friends who can buoy your spirits. Without a strong community of good friends, we can easily be crushed under the weight of a sin cursed world set on our destruction.

Building committed relationships is a recurring theme in the wisdom literature of Scripture…one of my favorite verses is…

Prov 13:20 “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

The problem is that we tend to fill our lives with many diversions that keep us from building those meaningful relationships.

Granted, some diversions seem impossible to avoid.

For many, taking the time to develop friendships and keep them seems unrealistic…

often hear “I’m too busy”...“I deal with enough people at work, so I don’t need anymore people in my life right now.”

One of our Key Principles as a church is that we are Relationship Focused… what that means is that we strive to intentionally focus on loving one another and prodding each other towards spiritual maturity.

Solomon takes some time in this next chapter of Ecclesiastes to address some of the issues that prevent and perhaps even complicate the development of meaningful relationships.

Also take note, that the writers of the OT often used a strategy of comparison…to show the way of wisdom or the path of obedience they would compare one thing to another...

Solomon will do that in this text based upon his observations of life under the sun… you will see them in the phrase “better than”… he makes a series of comparisons to drive home his point.

If you haven’t already, please turn to Eccles 4…so as we examine those comparisons, I think the point Solomon wants us to derive from all this is that...

Main Point: Relationships Are More Valuable Than Accomplishments.

Let’s examine this text for 3 insights Solomon gained regarding the need for good relationships...

Why do we need strong relationships?

We Need Meaningful Relationships that Bring Comfort During Difficult Days (1-3)

v1 — “All the acts of oppression” — Oppression here is a broad term that not only includes the injustice of the courts he already mentioned, but also the misuse of power by those who have the authority to exercise it… “all kinds of oppression”…

the focus here is on the effect of it…repeats the phrase “no one to comfort”.

Comfort is more than speaking comfort…it is active help and assistance to deal with the oppression.

Notice that both the oppressor and the oppressed have no one to comfort them…

We can understand the side of the oppressed not finding comfort, but how can that be true about the oppressors? They have all the power…

we’ll talk about it later here in just a moment…Solomon says at the end of this chapter that people are fickle about who they want in power… “being in charge” provides little comfort when you know your time of being in charge is limited or that someone else wants you ousted...

v2, 3 — this is Solomon’s response to the observation of the effects of oppression…

he is using exaggeration to drive home his point… Hebrew wisdom literature often surrounds the issue by coming at it from different viewpoints…this is not to be taken literally…he is expressing his dissatisfaction with the human condition in exaggerated terms.

He sees the grievous nature of corruption and justice and goes as far to say it was so painful that not existing at all was the preferable option.

His point is that the oppression is painful to him and there is a desperate need for someone to comfort the hurting, and that because comfort seems impossible to find, death is preferable to life…it is better than life.

By saying “there is no one to comfort” is in a real sens, a plea for someone to provide comfort.

The NT is filled with one another commands for the very reason that God knew what “living under the sun” was going to be like and that we would need strong relationships with each other!

God never designed us to live on an island in isolation…when the world is crashing in on us, we need the close friendships of others to help lighten our loads…to comfort when and where comfort is needed...

Early on in my ministry career, I had an elderly pastor tell me that the ministry is lonely because you cannot have friends in the church…and for a while I believed that and worked hard at drawing a line that no one could cross…boy were we wrong… I think back to that pastor and conclude how sad his life must have been...in the short 1 1/2 years that we have been here, time and time again y’all have stepped up to the plate big time and blew that philosophy out of the water… in a multiplicity of ways God has used y’all as examples of 2 Cor 1:3-7.

Turn quickly to 2 Cor 1:3-7…read…the ultimate source of all comfort is God…and God uses us to provide that comfort to others… the word for comfort there is also used to describe the ministry of the Holy Spirit…means to come alongside, to help…the Holy Spirit uses you and me to do that…

What is sobering to think about is, that to the degree we do not make efforts to strengthen our relationships with one another, it is to that degree we can diminish the comfort of God in the life of someone else and even ours!

You may be the only person in that individual’s life who knows first hand how God comforts…

You and I need to consider how much time and effort we are expending to develop the relationships God wants us to develop, if for no other reason, to be a source of comfort for those who need it!

2nd insight Solomon makes is that...

We Need Meaningful Relationships to Help Us Alleviate the Frustrations of Life (4-12).

Here Solomon compares the various options people choose for their existence in this sin cursed world under the sun.

The word “labor” is a common theme in this section…you see it in 4, 6, 8. 9.

Remember “labor” is not limited to what you do to earn money to eat…labor includes that, but also includes all the ways you expend your energy and efforts…your achievements are also included.

He already told us that labor is a gift from God, but like all God’s blessings, it can be distorted by sin.

Recognize that Frustrations Often Arise When We Have the Wrong Motivations (4-7)

Solomon identifies 4 primary motivations in his comparison of motives.

v. 4 — ultra-competitive

v. 5 — laziness

v. 6 — balanced

v. 7-8 — workaholic

v 4 — Ultra - competitive — Some people determine they way to “make it” is to be ultra-competitive… that in itself is not wrong…but it becomes sinful when that competition seeks to overpower another or make them look stupid or inferior…it is when you are driven by envy…that desire to get ahead in life by getting ahead of and even hurting other people.

That is common in our world and sadly leads to heartache and destruction.

Solomon makes a point to show the reason for envy is to get what our neighbor has…to keep up with the Joneses… the world is full of Joneses trying to keep up with the other Joneses.

v 5 — laziness… “what’s the use”… this is the opposite of the ultra-competitive person…the fool is someone who doesn’t pursue anything…fold their hands…this too is destructive… he eats what he has until he has nothing left at all…the imagery here “consumes his own flesh” is the idea of erosion of his self-control, his grasp on reality, his self-respect.

Solomon is comparing two equal and opposite errors...

v. 6 — balanced…those who are balanced reach the conclusion that contentment is much more valuable than the material benefits that come from destructive ambition....

this is far better than reckless competition and superior to laziness…

there is a real peace that comes from simplified living!

v 7-8 — workaholics… Solomon shares a story of the miser who looses sight of relationships and has no one to leave his wealth to…

Solomon looked at the sum of this man’s life and saw it was futile from beginning to end…he worked continuously and for what purpose?

No matter what he gained, he had no one with whom he could share it…He worked too hard to have friends or a family.

Here he was making costly sacrifices to advance his career and build up his bank account and never considered whether it was worth it…his life would end in unhappiness...

Ecclesiastes has taught us that work can be a pleasure, but not if we pursue it for our own selfish purposes.

To find pleasure in our work, we need to ask ourselves the question in verse 8 and come up with the right answer: “For whom am I expending all this energy and effort?”

1 Corinthians 10:31 NASB95

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Everything we do is to be for the glory of God and the good of other people, including the people we love in the family of God.

It is better to share our life and work than to try and make it our own (9-12).

v 9 — This is often used in wedding ceremonies and of course every God-centered marriage is proof of this principle.

Solomon is talking about ALL our relationships…we we never designed to go it alone, but always to live in community with others.

The buddy system is not just something we use on field trips…it is God’s plan for our life and service to Him.

Solomon gives us reasons why a partnership is better than isolation.

v 9 — more productive

the man in verse 8 had no one for whom or with whom to work.

However, when two people work well together, they accomplish more than twice as much as they could do on their own...

Whether at home, work, or the church, our work is more rewarding when we share it with someone else.

v. 10 — they help each other in times of trouble

“if they fall” — remember the commercial “I’ve fallen and I can’t up”…

sometimes that happens literally and sometimes it happens metaphorically…our trials knock us down, or we simply get in our own way and stumble…either way we are on the ground…we try something and end up failing...

Relationships get broken…financial difficulties make us feel desperate…lack discernment and sin

If we were alone in life, those things would knock us down and keep us down…but God gave us the body of brothers and sisters whom the Holy Spirit uses to life us up…to encourage us…to remind us of God’s love and mercy…they help us rise again.

v. 11 — keep each other warm

at first we want to think of this in terms of marriage, but the implications are much wider...

I’ve heard stories from those who serve in our military of times when it was so cold outside they would lay next to the other person in the fox hole to keep warm...

Solomon is thinking of the individual traveling through the wilderness and night falls with the cold…if they are alone, they will more than likely freeze, possible die from it… but not if he has someone else there…sleeping back to back keeps you warm…if they are your spouse, even better!

There is great wisdom in surrounding ourselves with people who will help keep us warm spiritually…

It is easy to grow cold in our Christian life, to be numb to what God is seeking to accomplish…when we are growing cold spiritually, we need the presence of other believers to warm us back up!

The prayers of a prayer warrior…the encouraging verse from a friend…the exhortation from a preacher or teacher… helps that get that fire started again...

v. 12 — provide safety

traveling in Solomon’s time was very dangerous…there was a constant threat of being attacked by robbers...

When facing dangers, two are always better than one…they can protect each other…safety in numbers… knowing someone is there to protect and help you can provide great strength...

In the movie Batman Begins, Police commissioner Gordon wonders how he can ever bring a dangerous criminal to justice. He is just one man after all. How can he stand against all the evil forces in Gotham City…then Batman comes forward and says “Now we are two!”

Even though our travelling the open road is much safer than those of Solomon’s day, we still face spiritual dangers on our journey of every day life...

The world is full of temptation — the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, the pride of life…1 John 2:16.

Satan is always prowling looking to devour us … 1 Peter 5:8.

If we stick together, we help each other fight off the forces of evil…there is always someone who will stand with us and fight…and to protect us through the power of prayer...

At this point, you probably know what I am going to say next…we need to let this text challenge us to greater levels of faithfulness to assemble and be focused on building those relationships…we cannot become complacent...

Hebrews 10:24–25 NASB95

and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

We need to take an inventory of our lives right now and think about how faithful we are to consistently be with God’s people and the efforts we are making to continually speak truth to one another.

The third insight we gain from Solomon’s observations is that...

Choose Your Friends Wisely (13-16)

Admittedly this last part of the text poses some difficulty in translation…many scholars differ on varied points throughout the text… but I think as we walk through this section we can gain some practical insight that will hopefully help us choose our friends wisely...

Lets look at the details first and then we’ll put it all together…Solomon contrasts the 3 different kings who all had the power everyone craves, yet shared the same fate.

v. 13 — Solomon makes it very clear that a young wise person is better than an old foolish king who no longer accepts instruction.

v. 14 — a younger dude who is accepted because of his wisdom, ascends to the throne after being released from prison and he comes from a life of poverty.

v. 15 — a 3rd youthful dude replaces the 2nd youthful dude of whom we know nothing about.

v. 16 — the 2nd youthful dude was extremely popular amongst a humongous multitude...”no end to the people” but eventually falls out of favor with the people...

Story summary: King #1 - Old, foolish man set in his ways is replaced by King #2 — a young wiser lad who rose up from the bottom of the pile is replaced by King #3 — a young fellow with a huge following who after time falls out of favor with the multitudes...

The fate of them all is the same...

King #1 — his reign ended because he would not listen to advice

King #2 — In spite of ruling with wisdom, his reign ended because someone came along that was more popular.

King #3 — In spite of having a multitude of followers, his reign ended because people grew tired of his leadership.

Solomon uses this story to prove his point of everything under the sun is meaningless.

We need to recognize the truth that people are fickle and easily swayed by the allurements of someone they think is better for them.

Regardless of what you and I can bring to the relationship, there are always going to be others who will be drawn away to someone else…good or bad…that doesn’t minimize the hurt we experience when those relationship are lost.

The focus of our relationships ought to be built first and foremost from an equal love for Jesus.

The Ecclesiastes 4 friend is one who...

Never forsakes you, but is willing to face injustice.

Comforts you in times of trouble

Not driven by envy, but willing to abandon riches.

Not self-centered

Provides help along your journey by being willing to face danger with you.

Does not shift their loyalty like the fickle crowds

The ultimate companion who fits this description is Jesus Christ. He renounced His own self-interest, put aside the wealth of His glory, faced the injustice of a mock trial, experienced the fickle crowds who one minute acclaimed Him and the next wanted to crucify Him, and went willingly to the cross in demonstration of His love.

Upon His ascension He sent His Holy Spirit, who will never abandon the one who trusts in Jesus.

Solomon recognizes that a human companion is a great blessing, but even greater is the One whose presence can never be taken away.

Application:

Your relationship with Jesus is your first priority.

Regardless of how others view you or treat you, you choose to be the friend they need to help them navigate life.

As you focus on honoring God in your life, you can find your greatest rewards by partnering with another believer who is also focused on pleasing Him.

Don’t choose friends because of the externals, rather look to their character to see how much they are focused on reflecting Christ in their relationships.