Teach Us to Number Our Days -- Death, Children, and Normalcy

Death, Children, and Normalcy: Teach Us to Number Our Days Contents Death, Children, and Normalcy: Teach Us to Number Our Days 1 Contents 1 The Normalcy of Death for Young and Old Quotes 2 A. From Paul-Gabriel Boucé. Sexuality in 18th Century Britain. Manchester University Press, 1982. 2 (B) Quote of by Paton (2007) from (Burnard, 2004) Regarding Slave Women 3 (C) Quote by Paton (2007) of (Landers, 1993) Regarding Avg Death Rate of Children in London 3 (D) Death rate among Slave Women Were High Say Paton as She Cites Several Resources. 4 (E) The Biblical Teaching About the Non-avoidance of the Topic of Death 5 (F) Biblical Verses Promoting Meditations on Our Death 6 Works Cited 9 David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill's Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling Death and Personal Responses When death is imminent, persons have needs that, if they are not met, can result in despair. These needs are [1] to control pain, [2] to retain dignity and self-worth as they participate in decisions that determine outcomes, and [3] to receive [comfort, that is] love and affection, from others . . .. [If those needs are not met, then despair is cultivated and nourished.] The despair that occurs is characterized by depression and feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and withdrawal. The emotional trajectory of or journey into death has been described by Kübler-Ross (1969). Her five stages of dying are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance [although other researchers] have not confirmed her findings. [These investigators of the journey] find that initially there are two general responses to imminent death-despair and withdrawal. The response to death by those who survive the loss of a loved one is grief. Grief is resolved by the decathexis (/ˌdi kəˈθɛkt iz/) of the lost love object. This process is accomplished by mourning. Facilitation of mourning is accomplished by talking about the death of the loved one [and by the caregivers being sympathetic] listeners. And if the mourner is a Christian, by committing the eternal destiny of the dead person to God and surrendering one's love for the person to him. The empty spot in life can be filled with God's love.30 The Normalcy of Death for Young and Old Quotes Post-Modern humans have a short and unhistorical understanding of the reality of childbirth, infant deaths, and mortality in general. The following informational quotes can help Christians to realize that the present state of affairs is the exception and not the rule for human existence and history. A. From Paul-Gabriel Boucé. Sexuality in 18th Century Britain. Manchester University Press, 1982. A fertile, married woman was likely to spend her middle years continually pregnant and bringing forth children. On the average, a gentlewoman bore six live children, with a number of miscarriages and stillbirths. Only half of her children could be expected to live past the fifth year.31 Poorer women had slightly fewer children; deficient diet impaired their fertility, and nursing their own children, rather than sending them out to nurse, helped to space their conceptions. Lady Fanshawe's Memoir gives a sobering account of the fecundity of a seventeenth-century woman: "My dear husband had six sons and eight daughters, born and christened," she wrote in her memoir, "and I miscarried of six more, three at several times and once of three sons when I was about half gone my time."32 According to her count he had fourteen children and she had six miscarriages; but to a modern sensibility, this woman spent twenty-three years of her life pregnant, with only five children surviving from her seventeen pregnancies. Almost a century later Hester Thrale Piozzi, Dr. Johnson's lively friend, told the same story--annihilating several decades in her diary with the single chilling explanation: "for bringing babies, nursing them, and losing them, was my constant Employ".33 Given these conditions of life, it is impossible to imagine a fertile woman living both as an intellectual and a sexual being. Virginia Woolf, in A Room of One's Own, points out that the only common quality shared by writers as diverse as the Brontë sisters, George Eliot and Jane Austen was that none of them had children. It could be said for the successful writers of Mary Astell's day that they were all widows and spinsters. Aphra Behn was a childless widow; Mary Delariviere Manley had been tricked into a false marriage and then abandoned; Eliza Haywood left her husband early; Jane Barker never married; Charlotte Lennox wrote before her marriage and after the death of her husband; Elizabeth Elstob lived with her brother; Penelope Aubin began to write when her husband died. And it is commonly held that once Fanny Burney married, she never again wrote as brilliantly. (Boucé, 1982, pp. 150-151) (B) Quote of by Paton (2007) from (Burnard, 2004) Regarding Slave Women In these circumstances, it is perhaps not surprising that enslaved women in the Caribbean had, on average, an unusually small number of children and that of those children they did have, a very high proportion died young. The diaries of the Jamaican planter Thomas Thistlewood, to take one example, record 153 pregnancies over thirty-seven years, resulting in 121 live births. (The thirty-two miscarriages and abortions must be an underestimate, since Thistlewood would not have known about all pregnancies.) At least fifty-one of these children - more than one in three - died before the age of seven. Only fifteen definitely reached the age of seven. (5) Enslaved women's experience of pregnancy, birth and motherhood was marked by ill-health and death, pain and grief; 'rooted in loss' as Jennifer Morgan writes. (6) The everyday loss of children was one of the hidden traumas of slavery. (Paton, 2007) (C) Quote by Paton (2007) of (Landers, 1993) Regarding Avg Death Rate of Children in London It is worth noting that in England the death rate for the period 1750-99 was 268 deaths per 1,000 children under the age of five, although in London death rates were higher (see John Landers, Death and the Metropolis: Studies in the Demographic History of London (Cambridge, 1993), 138). (Paton, 2007, p. footnote 5) (D) Death rate among Slave Women Were High Say Paton as She Cites Several Resources. The reasons for these high rates of miscarriage and infant death are much debated, but it is clear that the work regime that women encountered, requiring very strenuous physical exertion in conditions of inadequate nutrition, played a major role.(7) This work was, for the very large majority, agricultural. Overwhelmingly, enslaved women worked doing hard manual labour growing sugar and other commercial crops. Sugar was not the only crop grown in the Caribbean, but it was the reason for the existence of the colonies, and the main source of their profitability. About sixty per cent of all enslaved people in the Caribbean lived on sugar estates.(8) Caribbean slavery had always been a deadly system. Enslaved people died young and had few children to replace them. Although more than two million people were brought to the British Caribbean colonies through the period of the slave trade, only around 700,000 became free in 1834.(9) Notes (7) (Tadman, 2000); (Higman, 1990); (Morrissey, 1989); (Bush, 1990); and (Ward, 1988). (8) (Higman, 1990). (9) Hugh Thomas, The Slave Trade: The History of the Atlantic Slave Trade 1440-1870 (London, 1997), 805, Higman, Slave Populations of the British Caribbean, 72.The enslaved population in 1834 was smaller than the total numbers imported not because large numbers had become free earlier (as did, in contrast, take place in Brazil and parts of Spanish America) but because the population did not reproduce successfully. (Hugh, 1997) and (Higman, 1990) (E) The Biblical Teaching About the Non-avoidance of the Topic of Death Our human ancestors--as herders, farmers, and hunters--were constantly reminded of death! Something had to be killed, butchered, cooked, smoked, broiled, boiled, or dressed so that we would have food, clothing, and shelter. We today, are several steps away from that reality as our food, shelters, and clothing are prepared for us! (We buy them already manufactured, built, furnished, decorated, processed, packaged, proportioned, or sized.) The immediacy of birth and death and the connections between them have been lost to the generations who were born after the Great Wars. Death is no longer an everyday and common occurrence, event, or topic. I have heard many of my brothers and sisters in Christ say that death is and should be a stranger who shows up rarely or occasionally. They even say, "it's not natural for children to die before their parents." These sayings and thoughts are not historical and are not Scriptural. We should teach our children about the reality of death. We should teach our teens the finality and certainty of death, and that tomorrow--or their lives tomorrow--are not promised. This teaching should not be done when death is knocking, but when life is celebrated and routine. (When death is imminent or present, (a) showing compassion, (b) offering comfort, (c) being a helpful servant (e.g., cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and other chores, etc.), and (d) being a prayerful listener and a supportive presence are the ministries that should be practiced during such times of grief and grieving.) Here are a few of the verses that can be used. (I did not list the "take up your cross daily" verses for example.) My documentation above that describes children's deaths as common and as a commonly reoccurring event in our past should help Christians to see that we have been uniquely blessed in this post-modern era. We are living in the exception to the rule. We pastors, elders, deacons, Sunday School Teachers, and Bible leaders must do a better job of teaching our fellow Christians to think about death Biblically and historically, especially the youth (see ECC 7:2 and 12:1 and Ps 90:12). Christian shouldn't say or think that death is morbid or unnatural anymore that sleep is morbid or unnatural. We may feel that it is so, but death and dying for young and old is Scriptural, historical, and natural. Thinking about death makes us take life more seriously and earnestly. It helps us to focus on the most crucial thing (God) and on the things that have worth to God and ultimately worth to us. We appreciate more clearly what God had given and provided for us. We stop and smell the roses and the coffee. We treat others more graciously and lovingly--knowing not whether they or we will be among the living the next minute, hour, day, week, or month, etc. It helps us to put "First Things First." (A) Knowing that our days are numbered and (B) that God only knows (i) the length of our days and (ii) the day of our departure should remind us to enjoy: (1) the beauty of God's creation, (2) our relationship with God, and (3) our relationships with one another, all the while lamenting our personal and corporate sins that deface and mar God's creation and creatures. So Lord, God, "Teach us to number our days" so that we will become like the "wise" who, "thinks a lot about death." (F) Biblical Verses Promoting Meditations on Our Death Ecclesiastes 7:2-4 (A Wise Persons Thinks a Lot about Death) ‎2 Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. ‎After all, everyone dies- ‎so the living should take this to heart. ‎3 Sorrow is better than laughter, ‎for sadness has a refining influence on us. ‎4 A wise person thinks a lot about death, ‎while a fool thinks only about having a good time. Tyndale House Publishers, Holy Bible: New Living Translation (3rd ed.; Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2007), Ec 7:2-4. Psalms 90:1-6, 10, 12 (Teach us to number our days) 90 A prayer of Moses, the man of God. 1 O Lord, you have been our help ⌊in all generations⌋. 2 Before the mountains were born and you brought forth the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, you are God. 3 You return man to the dust, ⌊saying⌋, "Return, O sons of man." 4 For a thousand years in your eyes are like yesterday when it passes, or like a watch in the night. 5 You sweep them away like a flood. They fall asleep. In the morning, they are like grass that sprouts anew. 6 In the morning it blossoms and sprouts anew; by evening it withers and dries up. 10 As for the days of our years, within them are seventy years or if by strength eighty years, and their pride is trouble and disaster, for it passes quickly, and we fly away. 11 Who knows the strength of your anger, and your rage consistent with the fear due you? 12 So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom. The Lexham English Bible (Ps 90:1-6, 10-12). Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press. Psalm 103:15-16 NIV - The life of mortals is like grass ... 15 The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. Ecclesiastes 12:1-8 1 Remember the One who created you. Remember him while you are still young. Think about him before your times of trouble come. The years will come when you will say, "I don't find any pleasure in them." 2 That's when the sunlight will become dark. The moon and the stars will also grow dark. And the clouds will return after it rains. 3 Remember your Creator before those who guard the house tremble with old age. That's when strong men will be bent over. The women who grind grain will stop because there are so few of them left. Those who look through the windows won't be able to see very well. 4 Remember your Creator before the front doors are closed. That's when the sound of grinding will fade away. Old men will rise up when they hear birds singing. But they will barely hear any of their songs. 5 Remember your Creator before you become afraid of places that are too high. You will also be terrified because of danger in the streets. Remember your Creator before the almond trees have buds on them. That's when grasshoppers will drag themselves along. Old men will not want to make love anymore. Man will go to his dark home in the grave. And those who sob over the dead will walk around in the streets. 6 Remember your Creator before the silver cord is cut. That's when the golden bowl will be broken. The wheel will be broken at the well. The pitcher will be smashed at the spring. 7 Remember your Creator before you return to the dust you came from. That's when your spirit will go back to God who gave it. New International Reader's Version. (1st ed.; (Zondervan, 1998)), Ec 12:1-7. Hebrews 9:27-28 And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment. (KJV) 1 Peter 1:24-25 ‎24 For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away. (KJV) Job 14:1-5 (words of Job) ‎1 Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble. 2 He cometh forth like a flower, and is cut down: he fleeth also as a shadow, and continueth not. 3 And dost thou open thine eyes upon such an one, and bringest me into judgment with thee? 4 Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean? Not one. 5 Seeing his days are determined, the number of his months are with thee, thou hast appointed his bounds that he cannot pass. (KJV) JOB 14:1-5 NLT (words of Job) ‎1 "How frail is humanity! ‎How short is life, how full of trouble! ‎2 We blossom like a flower and then wither. ‎Like a passing shadow, we quickly disappear. ‎3 Must you keep an eye on such a frail creature ‎and demand an accounting from me? ‎4 Who can bring purity out of an impure person? ‎No one! ‎5 You have decided the length of our lives. ‎You know how many months we will live, ‎and we are not given a minute longer. (NLT) PS. If you know of any commercial publication that does a good job of teaching about death from a Christian perspective for various age groups, let me know. I want to create a longer bibliography of those sources. Works Cited Boucé, P.-G. (1982). Sexuality in Eighteenth-Century Britain. (P.-G. Boucé, Ed.) Manchester, England: Manchester UP. Burnard, T. (2004). Mastery, Tyranny and Desire: Thomas Thistlewood and His Slaves in the Anglo-Jamaican World. Chapel Hill, NC, USA: U of NC P. Bush, B. (1990). Slave Women in Caribbean Society 1650-1838. London. Higman, B. W. (1990). Slave Populations of the British Caribbean 1807-1934. 1984; Mona, Jamaica. Hugh, T. (1997). The Slave Trade: The History of the Atlantic Slave Trade 1440-1870. London, England. Landers, J. (1993). Death and the Metropolis: Studies in the Demographic History of London. New York, NY, USA: Cambridge UP. Morrissey, M. (1989). Slave Women in the New World: Gender Stratification in the Caribbean. Lawrence, KS, USA: U of Kansas P. Paton, D. (2007). Enslaved Women and Slavery Before and After 1807. Retrieved February 7, 2021, from Institute of Historical Research: https://archives.history.ac.uk/history-in-focus/Slavery/articles/paton.html#5 Tadman, M. (2000). The Demographic Costs of Sugar: Debates on Slave Societies and Natural Increase in the Americas. American Historical Review, 105(5). Retrieved February 7, 2021 Ward, J. R. (1988). British West Indian Slavery, 1750-1834: The Process of Amelioration. New York, NY, USA: OUP. 30 David G. Benner and Peter C. Hill, eds., Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling (Baker reference library; Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1999), 317. 31 See T. H. Hollingsworth, "A Demographic Study of the British Ducal Families', pp. 354-78; and Thomas McKeown and R. G. Brown, "Medical Evidence Related to English Population Changes in Eighteenth Century", pp. 285-307, reprinted in D. V. Glass and D. E. C. Eversley, Population in History; Robert Bland, M. D., "Some Calculations of the Number of Accidents or Deaths which happen in Consequence of Parturition", Philosophical Transactions, LXXI (1781), pt. II, 355-71; and Edward Shorter, "Maternal Sentiment and Death in Childbirth". 32 Memories of Lady Fanshawe, ed. Sir Nicholas Harris Nicholas (London, 1830), p. 46. 33 Houghton Library, Hester Thrale's Diary, 1, p. 20. Mrs. Thrale brought twelve live children into the world: four survived into adulthood. --------------- ------------------------------------------------------------ --------------- ------------------------------------------------------------