The Practice of Forgiveness in the Family

“Forgive us our sins, for we forgive everyone who is indebted to us” Luke 11:4

Introduction

“Jesus Christ came into this world to be our Savior (Matt. 1:21). He came to save us from the consequences of sin, the control of sin, and the terrible penalty of sin. Jesus came to Christianize the disposition of those who receive him as Savior and Lord. He came to deliver us from attitudes, ambitions, and activities that are harmful to ourselves and others. Jesus wants to save us from the destructiveness of resentment and bitterness, hate and hostility within family relationships. To harbor hate and hostility is contradictory to the spirit of being Christian. But in reality such attitudes are possible within the family circle.

Jesus, as heaven’s infallible Teacher, provides us with a technique for dealing with injury and mistreatment in family relationships. In Matthew 28:18 our Lord claimed to have authority both in heaven and on earth. This means that we must listen to him. His is the authority of perfect love, total wisdom, and absolute truth. We need to recognize and respond to his authority as he teaches us how we are to handle mistreatment and injury in family relationships.”

Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

“I. How do you respond to mistreatment and injury within the family?”

“Let us not be so naive as to believe that injury and mistreatment do not occur among those who have trusted Jesus Christ as Savior. To respond with anger, hostility, bitterness, and retaliation is to follow the devil’s way for destroying your home life, your family, and your fellowship. But many people are stingy with the grace of forgiveness. They assume that forgiveness is to be granted only when it is merited. They fail to recognize that forgiveness is always a gift. To neglect, to refuse, or to fail to forgive is to open the door for Satan to come in and destroy that which is very precious in family relationships.

Paul warned the believers in Corinth against the peril of an unforgiving spirit when he commended the church for their attitude of forgiveness toward the wayward brother (2 Cor. 2:5–11). He called attention to the fact that when we do not practice forgiveness, we leave the door open for Satan to gain an advantage over us (v. 11). There is no place where the practice of forgiveness is more essential than in family relationships.

Peter asked a question that all of us should ask. How often “shall we practice forgiveness toward the brother who sins against us? Peter was being very generous by extending the limit to as many as seven times. Jesus responded by saying, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:22 RSV). To interpret Jesus’ reply as an oriental hyperbole is to miss the point. Injured persons must practice forgiveness every time they hurt because of an injury inflicted upon them. Accepting these words of Jesus about forgiveness literally will have a positive healing effect within the family.”

“II. The benefits of practicing forgiveness in the family.”

“The practice of forgiveness is absolutely essential if your family is to experience any degree of happiness and stability. There are various kinds of forgiveness that we each need to experience. Each of us needs to forgive ourselves and accept forgiveness for mistakes made in the past. Each of us needs the forgiveness of others against whom we have sinned. And each of us needs the forgiveness of God. Each of us also must grant the gift of forgiveness to others. Not to do so brings harmful repercussions into our lives.

A. A forgiving spirit prevents the acid of hate from collecting as a corrosive force in your heart. Hate does more harm to the vessel that holds it than it does to the victim upon which it is poured.

Benefits continued

“Joseph provides us with a beautiful example of the grace of forgiveness in his treatment of his brothers who sold him into slavery. They expected him to retaliate following the death of Jacob (Gen. 50:15–17). Joseph revealed by his actions that he had forgiven them fully and freely (Gen. 50:18–21). While the brothers benefited as a result of this act of forgiveness, Joseph had responded to injury in such a manner as to prevent the acid of hate from corroding his heart.

B. A forgiving spirit delivers one from becoming involved in a vicious cycle of self-destructiveness. Repeatedly throughout the New Testament we are warned against following the policy of retaliation when we are injured. Paul states this dramatically in his epistle to the Roman Christians (Rom. 12:19–21). To be eager for revenge brings harm to others, but it brings greatest harm to the person who appoints himself or herself as the prosecuting attorney, jury, judge, and executioner.

C. A forgiving spirit brings healing to the broken heart and injured spirit. Perhaps there was some wound in Peter’s heart that caused him to ask, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against “me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” (Matt. 18:21 RSV). In Jesus’ response to this question, his primary concern is for the injured one. He is declaring that the only way to healing and health and happiness is through forgiveness. In nearly every congregation, some people are quivering with pain caused by the cruelty of someone near and dear to them. How are they to deal with this problem of pain? Jesus told us that healing is through the grace of forgiveness.”

Benefits continued

“D. A forgiving spirit permits you to reveal the love of God in Jesus Christ to your friends. An attitude that demands retaliation makes it impossible to reveal the love of God simultaneously. As we practice Christian love toward our enemies, even within the family circle, we manifest the fact that we are the sons and daughters of God (Matt. 5:44–48).

E. A forgiving spirit prevents the devil from establishing a beachhead in your mind and in your thought processes (2 Cor. 2:11).

F. A forgiving spirit toward those who have injured you enables you to experience God’s continuing forgiveness (Matt. 6:14–15). The practice of forgiveness is not a price to be paid but a condition to be met. To experience forgiveness, the forgiven must forgive. To be unforgiving toward those who injure us is to remain unforgiven because one thus makes oneself unforgivable. To close the door on the opportunity of forgiving is to close the door on the receiving of forgiveness.

The basic idea in forgiveness when used in connection with sin is that of canceling a debt. It removes the barrier to reconciliation.”

Conclusion

“Alexander Pope said, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Forgiveness is a divine work that stands at the beginning of our salvation experience. The practice of forgiveness on our part makes it possible for us to experience God’s full salvation in the present. Forgiveness is not indulgence and tolerance. Forgiveness is overcoming evil with good.

To experience forgiveness we must recognize and forsake our sin. We need to repent of our sin and return to God to experience the joy of forgiveness.”