Broken Marriages

Text: Gen 3:1-24

Introduction

Many marriages today are broken and that is why younger generations are often skeptical about getting married. They don’t want to be in a miserable but committed relationship with someone. We can all agree that something seems to be wrong in many if not most marriages today. We see the evidence in broken marriages:

1. Husbands and wives are walking around like they are on eggshells because they are afraid of a blowup.

2. More and more time is spent away from home because they just don’t want to be around their spouse anymore.

3. The passion has dried up. They no longer do sweet things for each other just because they love each other. Date nights are a thing of the past. There is no kissing and no intimacy.

4. They don’t talk anymore and if they do it is like they are talking past each other.

5. They feel agitated around one another.

These are just some of the symptoms of broken marriages but what has caused this decay in marriage? The world would say, they just grew apart or they found someone else to love. They weren’t compatible to begin with. But the bible’s answer is that sin causes broken marriages. Somewhere along the line, sin entered the picture and destroyed that marriage.

Sin came into the picture when Satan tempted to Eve.

1. Satan caused her to doubt God. Genesis 3:1 “Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”

2. Satan caused her to believe a lie: Genesis 3:4 “And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:”

3. Eve gave into temptation because selfish lusts

a. The lust of the flesh- good for food

b. lust of the eyes- pleasant to the eyes

c. pride of life- desired to make one wise

Sin stemmed from Eve’s selfish, pride. When we are living in selfishness and pride, we are going to have problems in our relationship with our spouse. But sin always has consequences.

The husband who cheats on his wife sacrifices a stable home for his children.

Pornography sacrifices the trust and intimacy with one’s wife.

Constantly tearing down your husband sacrifices his connection to you.

Adam and Eve face consequences for their sins that impacted their marital relationship.

Consequence One: Shame enters their relationship

Gen 3:7- 11 “And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?”

Between themselves- In our text we see Adam and Eve hiding from each others nakedness. In vs 7, for the first time they make clothes from fig leaves. As we saw this morning, the way things were created to be was that husband and wife would be naked and there be no shame. This speaks of an honesty, openness and security within marriage. Now that sin has entered into the picture, we see the flaws and faults in one another. Marriages have to struggle to keep things honest. Probably more lies are told between spouses than any other group of people. We have to struggle to be open. Men especially tend to be closed off, personal and private; but marriages don’t thrive when we don’t let the other person in. Shame in marriage results from insecurities and fear. We are afraid the other person will not still love me and accept me if they really knew how I felt.

Between them and God- Not only did they feel shame and hide from each other, but they hid from God. Vs 8, tells us that Adam and Eve hid from the presence of the Lord. Sin causes us to run away from God. Either the shame of that sin or our desire to hold on to that sin makes us hide sin. But to be honest, we can’t hide sin from God.

Proverbs 15:3 “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, Beholding the evil and the good.”

Psalm 139:7-13 “Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: If I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, And thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; Even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; But the night shineth as the day: The darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: Thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.”

Consequence Two: Blame Shifting

Gen 3:12-13 “And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.”

As we saw last week, God had established a role of authority which was given to Adam in the beginning. This is evidenced by the fact that Adam is the first one called to account when they had sinned. But notice how things have changed when Adam is help accountable.

Adam blames Eve but really Adam was blaming God. The woman whom thou gavest to be with me…

Eve blames the serpent.

What we see here is a refusal to take any blame for the sin. This tendency did not go away. Men and women today are still blaming each other and God for all their problems. Whenever there is a breakdown in a marriage, it is almost always the fault of both parties. When couples come to counseling, they want to tell you all the problems of the other person and get you on their side. True healing in that marriage cannot occur until both parties admit their own faults and begin to work on their marriage. The counselor/ pastor cannot make anyone change, we can only hope that they will see the needs for change and put in the work. But as long as we are constantly passing off the blame for the state of our marriage, we will not see any improvement.

Consequence Three: Pain

Gen 3:16 “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

The third consequence of sin entering into their marriage is that there would now be pain in childbirth. Children are intended to be a blessing from God. Psalm 127:3 “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: And the fruit of the womb is his reward.” But when sin entered into the world, what once was beautiful was now tainted by pain. Some women have even gone so far as to avoid having children because of a fear of the pain that is involved. I think many women all around the world would tell you that it was worth it, the moment they held that little one in their arms.

To those who cannot have children or have lost children, my heart hurts with you. This too could fall under the pain in the realm of childbearing.

I can’t help but think of 1 Tim 2:15 “Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.”

Pastors and teachers have debated the meaning of this verse and come up with many different conclusions and I have to admit that I am not settled in my opinions on this verse. But at the very least I think we can see a reversal of the curse for those who are saved. Does this mean Christian women will have no pain and suffering in childbirth? Experience tells us no, but perhaps it reminds us to look forward to the fact that for the believer the sting of death, the curse of sin has been conquered. We have hope of an eternity without pain and suffering in heaven with our Lord.

Consequence Four: Conflict

Gen 3:16 “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

Egalitarians believe that roles in marriage are only the result of the Fall. They only exist because of sin and so for the Christian who is freed from sin, they should be abolished. We have already looked at the fact that leadership in the home was given to Adam before the Fall. So what exactly is the curse that is involved here. To understand what the curse is we need to breakdown these last two clauses:

thy desire- desire here is pretty simple but it does not tell us what kind of desire. One Egalitarian view teaches that this is sexual desire. You will want your husband physically as in Song of Solomon7:10 “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.” A second egalitarian opinion about this verse is that desire means concern for your husband or even an idolatrous concern for your husband. Most Egalitarian interpretations seek to make woman the innocent party and man into a tyrant.

shall be to thy husband- the word “to” in this passage is also pretty generic. It can mean unto, to, towards or against.

he shall rule over thee- this word speaks of a position of authority though egalitarians have tried to make it mean harshness. It is used in 2 Sam 23:3 “The God of Israel said, The Rock of Israel spake to me, He that ruleth over men must be just, Ruling in the fear of God.” in a positive sense. Authority, ruling doesn’t have to be oppressive and harsh.

The key to understanding what these phrases mean is not so much the words themselves, but how those exact same words are used elsewhere in scripture. If you turn over probably one page in your bible to (Tell story of Cain and Abel)

Gen 4:7 “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.” This is the confrontation of Cain after he has been rejected for his offering. God confronts him and says sins desire shall by toward thee and you must rule over him. The idea here is that sin wants control, but you must exert control over sin.

Taking this back to the curse on the woman. Her desire would be to control her husband, but he would have authority or rule over her. As we saw before, headship existed before the fall, the thing that has changed is conflict. Imagine a marriage where both partners are going the same direction and living in harmony. Leadership is not a threat nor is it a conflict. But when sin enters into the relationship and both husband and wife want their own way, conflict enters the picture.

Consequence Five: Hard work

Gen 3:17-19 “And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”

Hard work doesn’t seem like it would have an impact on the home and I think most men probably don’t think about the effect their job has on their home. Work provides the money to pay the bills and put food on the table after all, but there are negative consequences to hard work on the home.

Hard work mean less time at home. The more hours you spend in the office or at the job, the less time you have for your wife and family. Relationships need both quality and quantity time.

Hard work mean stress. Hard work stresses us out and so when we get home, we want to veg. We want to just sit there and do nothing, but your wife has been waiting all day to talk to you or maybe she needs a break from the kids. Stress can also cause us to want to vent and so we can take out the stress of the day on our wives and children.

Hard work mean exhaustion- Hard work wears us out so we are emotionally and intellectually distant from our families.

Conclusion

Sin caused man to fall from the paradise that marriage was intended to be. What they had before could not be restored on their own. In Gen 3:22-24 “And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.” God drove them out of paradise.

Sin will always affect marriage. Marriages take work. You can’t just give up on them when things get hard. They involve pain at times and conflict. They involve being vulnerable to shame and hurt. But this isn’t how God intended marriage to be and when God is in the marriage things don’t have to be doomed to failure. God can restore that which is broken and heal the hurts.

Henry Cloud in his book Boundaries in Marriage related the following story:

I was once meeting with a couple who had given up hope in their relationship. From their perspective, divorce was the only option. At the same time, I knew that their problems were curable.

I felt that we first needed to put this couple’s hopelessness on the table. “Do either of you have any hope for this marriage?” I asked.

“No, we don’t,” they both said.

I knew they didn’t have any hope in their own ability to save their marriage. I said something that threw them: “Good! Now we can get to work.”

“What do you mean?” they asked.

I said, “There is not enough love between the two of you to hold you together. I’m glad you are facing that reality, because deep down you both know it. But I know something else about you: You both love God enough to make the changes that He wants you to make, and if you do that, I promise you that you will do very well in your relationship. Will you both commit to that kind of love? Can you both commit to doing what God is going to ask of you in this process?”

Both said that they could, but both were downhearted about it. They thought I meant that just because God says He is against divorce, I was asking them to remain faithful to Him and just stick it out in a miserable relationship. I was asking them to stick it out, but not in a miserable relationship. I wanted them to stick it out because I knew that if they could submit to the changes God would ask them to make, the marriage would get better. Since they could not believe that, they had to take it on faith.

He concluded with the following principle that I thought was so good, “When loving God is our orienting principle in life, we are always adjusting to what He requires of us.”

Sin destroyed marriage. Sin destroys marriages today; but our loving God can fix that which is broken. That couple, God began to work to fix their marriage and He can fix yours too. Dr. Cloud relates more of their story:

The “hope-less” couple and I worked hard for a while. And they learned something: She learned that at times she would want to be judgmental of her husband, but God said no. She would be very angry toward her husband, but she would submit to God and give up her judgmental attitude. At times, the husband would get so angry toward his wife that he would want to snap back with sarcasm, something he was skilled at. But he knew that Someone higher was asking him to deny himself that little “treat.” He would submit to God and bite his tongue.

About a year after the hopeless conversation mentioned above, we had an interesting session. This couple did not have anything to work on. They were doing so well they had nothing to talk about!

She was a little giddy, reminding me of a teenager. “We are just having so much fun together! It is everything that I married him for in the beginning.”

“I can’t believe what I was missing,” he joined in. “I just love being with her. None of that other stuff — mostly work — that I used to spend all of my energy on matters very much any more. I just want to be with her and talk.”

Jesus came to redeem mankind from their sin and that means that Jesus came to redeem mankind from the sin in their marriages.

Gen 3:15 “And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.” This is why any marriage without Jesus Christ as the center cannot hope to be everything that God intended it to be.