The Unforgiving Servant

Hey: we’ve been in a series these last few weeks called “The Stories Jesus Told” where we’ve been looking at literal stories that Jesus told called “parables.” And we’ll be finishing that this weekend. So let me set up where we’re going real quick:

Illustration: Audience as an Umbrella

I know we say it all the time, but just for reference, we’re a “No Matter” church: no matter who you are, where you’ve been, what you’ve done, or what’s been done to you, God loves you, and you can look for him here.

No matter who you are… where you’ve been... what you’ve done... what’s been done to you… (repeat; repeat).

Question for you:

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If you imagined that “No Matter” mission of ours as an “umbrella,” let’s say...

Who couldn’t fit underneath it?

Not who wouldn’t; but who couldn’t?

Who could hear that message and conclude, “they’re not talking about me; they’re not talking to me?”

No one, right?

No matter who you are, where you’ve been, what you’ve done, what’s been done to you… no matter, no matter, no matter. This God loves everyone—including you, whoever and wherever you are—and this church of ours is a great place for you to go on a journey with God to discover that and grow in that.

Doesn’t matter where you’re starting from. Jump in.

It’s a huge umbrella, right? Underneath it, and in the seats at every one of our campuses are people who are coming from all over the place and at very different points in their journey. Prairie Lakes is this beautiful place full of people at almost every single point in their spiritual journey.

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And as great as that is to have that broad of an audience under one roof, it also creates some challenges—or “golden headaches,” as our Senior Pastor likes to say.

Here’s one of them:

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In a No Matter church,

Made up of people in different places on their journey,

It’s difficult to always match the right message to the right audience.

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I’ve followed Jesus for close to 40 years now. There’s never been a time in my life where going to church on a Sunday wasn’t a thing.

And some of you who can hear the sound of my voice right now would say “It’s been 50 years for me; 60 years for me.”

But others of you who can hear the sound of my voice right now would say “It’s my first time in church ever and if you knew what I did just last night there’s now way youd’ve let me in.”

And oh, by the way, there’s a bunch of people listening right now who are at some point in between those two extremes.

We’re one audience, but we’re also several different audiences. And while there’s one message being preached, how do you make one message the right one for every different audience in the audience?!

I don’t know. So if you thought that’s where all of this was going—toward the magic bullet answer to that impossible question—*shrug*—sorry to disappoint. I got nothing. Thank God for the Holy Spirit. That’s about all I got there.

But here’s the reason I bring it up:

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While all of the Bible is God’s Word,

And while God can use any part of it for anything with anyone,

Some passages have a particular audience in mind.

The audience matters.

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(Repeat.)

Transition

And this is especially true for the parable we were introduced to a few minutes ago on the video and will be diving into today—the parable of the Unforgiving Servant.

So turn in your Bibles with me to Matthew 18:21-35.

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Matthew 18:21-35

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We’ll have some of the verses on the screen for you as well. But as you find that, Matthew 18 - the whole chapter - is basically a collection of Jesus’ teachings that are all kinda related.

But the audience for all of these teachings, including the parable we’ll be looking at, is the same one:

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The audience for the parable of the Unforgiving Servant is insiders.

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Insiders. The audience is insiders.

Insiders and PLC’s Discipleship Path

Let me explain what I mean by “insiders” by using some of our language to describe it:

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So, at Prairie Lakes, this is my crude drawing of what we call our “Discipleship Path.”

Generally speaking, here’s a path that most of us follow on our journey with God:

We start “uninterested.” That’s U.I. Uninterested. Pretty straightforward. Church isn’t really relevant. God, Jesus, none of it. No thanks. Maybe I’m not really “anti” any of it; maybe I am. Either way, I’m just not interested.

And not all of us start there, by the way. I mean, we’re in Iowa; church is a thing. Most people I meet, whether they go or not, have some kind of belief in God and would say that they “can’t remember a time” when they didn’t.

Nevertheless, some of us start or even end up here at Uninterested. This might be you if your parents make you come, or if you’re just doing a friend a favor to get them to shut up about inviting you. Otherwise, you’re probably not even listening to this, because you’re not here, because you are not... interested. :)

But then something happens. Maybe it’s a felt need in your life; you go through something. Maybe you meet someone or are friends with someone who knows Jesus and they catch your attention. Or maybe it’s just this gut feeling inside of you. But one way or another, you move from being uninterested to “Spiritually Curious.” That’s S.C.

You start paying attention a little bit. Maybe asking some spiritual questions or exploring some things. Maybe even the church has some answers. You begin to be a little more open. Maybe even seeking some answers.

(By the way, just because these segments are all equally distant and these lines are all straight doesn’t mean someone’s journey is like that. You can last a long time in some of these; you can go backwards and forwards… life is messy and complex, and so are we.)

And I’d say we have a good amount of Spiritually Curious people in our seats. Don’t let the rest of the people around you know this, but you’re kind of our favorites. We do a lot of things with you in mind. And here’s why:

Because if you continue forward, there’s this moment—we call it a “faith line” moment—where you make a decision not about church or about the idea of God generally speaking, but about Jesus.

You confess that you’re a sinner separated from God.

You confess your need for a Savior apart from yourself. And you believe that Savior is Jesus.

You stop driving your life your own way, thinking that you’re good enough or can get good enough to balance the scales in some way, earning your way into God’s favor, and instead you make Jesus’ ways your ways, believing that God accepts you because of what Jesus did on the cross for you.

And it’s in that moment that you go from being spiritually curious to a “New Believer”—N.B. And your whole life trajectory and even eternity changes.

A different way of describing that step is that you go from being an “outsider” to an “insider.”

(Explain being discipled, disciple maker, reaching the uninterested/spiritually curious people in your Little Iowa…)

Blurring the Lines

Now, with that in mind, let’s capture one more thing about this picture and what it looks like at Prairie Lakes:

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At Prairie Lakes, we intentionally blur the lines between outsiders and insiders—

Not biblically or theologically, but practically:

Outsiders can belong before they believe.

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(Repeat.)

Listen:

This can be “your church” before you have everything figured out about Jesus.

This can be “your church” while you’re still a mess.

This can be “your church” as you’re going through some stuff, working through questions, not quite ready to take that step but getting there.

You can belong here before you believe. You can be in the seats with insiders, listening to the same messages as insiders, serving on some of the same teams as insiders, a part of the same groups as insiders, before you’re an insider yourself. You can do that.

In fact, that’s at the very center of why we exist—to be a safe place for you to do just that.

But also, we want to be so crystal clear about this:

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There’s a real difference between belonging to our church and being a part of the family of God.

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And that difference is the faith line. It’s what you confess and believe about Jesus.

And it’s that step that really takes you from being an outsider—maybe not to our church, but to the family of God—from being an outsider to being an insider.

From being just part of our church to part of God’s family.

Transition

Now, remember what we said:

This parable we’re going to be looking at is for insiders. It describes what life is like in God’s family between people who are a part of God’s family.

And when you’re a part of the family, there’s a different set of rules for you.

And this is true for any family, right? That’s where the phrase “My house, my ______ (rules)” came from.

When you’re a part of the family, you have to play by the family’s rules. That’s what it means to be a part of the family.

And this is true for God’s family as well:

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When you’re an insider—part of God’s family—you play by a different set of rules:

In your relationship with God and in your relationships with other insiders.

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And Jesus starts laying them down in Matthew 18.

Because his little family of disciples comes to him and asks him this question in verse 1:

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Matthew 18:1 “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

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And then Jesus goes off. He tells story after story, parable after parable, of what it’s like to be in his kingdom, a part of his family. Here’s the list:

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Jesus’ House Rules

House Rule 1: No celebrities allowed. (vv. 2-5)

House Rule 2: Be an adult and stop scaring the children. (vv. 6-9)

House Rule 3: Outsiders matter most to God, so they matter most to us. (vv. 10-13)

House Rule 4: We put our noses where they don’t belong—because that’s where they belong. (vv. 15-20)

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House Rule 1: No celebrities allowed. (vv. 2-5)

“Who’s the greatest in your eyes, Jesus?” “How can I get there?”

Well, greatness isn’t really a thing in my kingdom; in my family. Not a thing. In fact, we get kinda suspect of people who chase after it because they’re probably in it for themselves—and that kinda conflicts with the whole “love your neighbor as yourself” and “love your enemies” thing we got going on here.

We’re all about downward mobility in this family. No celebrities allowed.

House Rule 2: Be an adult and stop scaring the children. (vv. 6-9)

Yeah. Um… hey: this world is a pretty scary place, isn’t it? It’s crazy enough as it is, right?

Well, imagine how disappointing it would be if someone from that crazy, messed up world wandered into our house and found it to be full of people who freaked out about every headline, about every election, about every conspiracy theory or doomsday prophecy that was out there. Pretty disappointing, right?

See, in this house, we have a lot of confidence in the guy who is in charge, our heavenly Father. And so if someone from outside these walls wanders in, and they step across that faith line and start to believe—“little ones in the faith,” so to speak—we just think that the rest of us should maybe put the crazy back in the closet, be an adult, and give those new people in the faith a great picture of what it means to follow Jesus.

We are a family where the adults, those of us who are mature in our faith, don’t scare those who are new in their faith, but instead inspire them with our faith in the Jesus who loves us and the God who is in control of all of it.

House Rule 3: Outsiders matter most to God, so they matter most to us. (vv. 10-13)

In this family, we are all responsible for wanderers. Everybody’s kid is our kid. We’re all watching everyone’s kids.

In this family, we place the needs of the (1) wanderer ahead of the needs of the (99) who are already in.

In this family, we talk to ourselves about our tendency to make it about what we want before what others need. We talk to ourselves about that. And we tell ourselves that it’s not about us. We serve each other, yes; we grow together, yes; but even more important than that, we get after those who are on the outside looking in. This family exists to bring others into the family.

And:

House Rule 4: We put our noses where they don’t belong—because that’s where they belong. (vv. 15-20)

(Some of you are like, “Finally… a rule I can get behind!”)

We put our noses where they don’t belong—because that’s where they belong.

If there’s someone in this family who’s doing something they shouldn’t be doing,

We stick our noses in that. We stick our noses in their business.

We don’t judge;

We don’t gossip;

We don’t go tell someone else about it;

We go right to them in love and say, “Hey… you’re in the wrong here. You’re going the wrong way. You’re not living out what you say you believe. And I love you too much to let you keep going that direction. Turn around.”

And if they don’t listen, bring someone else.

And if they still don’t listen, tell more people and bring more people into it.

And if they still don’t listen, stop treating them like they’re family. Because they’ve stopped acting like it.

It literally says that, by the way. Take a look at this with me:

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Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you… But if they will not listen, take one or two others along… If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they still refuse to listen, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

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What’s a brother or sister? They’re part of the family. They’re insiders. They’re not outsiders who don’t know better; they’re insiders who do. And that’s important to not get that confused. Family rules apply to the family; other rules apply to people outside of the family. The audience matters. And here, we’re talking to insiders about insiders.

And when an insider—one of your brothers or sisters—someone who’s stepped across that faith line and is following Jesus—

When one of them sins, what are you supposed to do?

Go talk to them privately about it. Have a courageous, loving confrontation. More than likely, you’ll win them over.

Yep. You’re right. I’m in the wrong. Thanks for your approach and for giving me a chance to see it and correct it.

But maybe they don’t. Maybe that brother or sister of yours won’t listen to you.

Take someone else. Because the goal isn’t to prove them wrong, but to get them back in. Because they’re going in the wrong direction. They’re living more like an outsider would live—like a tax collector or a pagan would live, someone who doesn’t know God and doesn’t even want to.

The goal isn’t to judge or condemn them, but to get them to change direction. To get them back in the house, living by the house rules, a part of the family.

That’s the goal.

That’s how insiders treat insiders. Until when?

Until that insider simply doesn’t want to live like they’re an insider anymore. And you’ve talked to them. And someone else has talked to them. And the church knows. And… fine. You wanna live like you’re not a part of the family, then we’ll respect that. We won’t treat you like you’re a part of the family.

Not because we hate you or we think we’re better than you. But because that’s what you want.

You can’t be my brother if you don’t wanna live like you’re my brother. You can’t be my sister if you don’t wanna live like you’re my sister. And you can’t live like God is our father if you don’t wanna live by his rules.

Jesus loves the tax collector. Jesus loves the pagan. Jesus loves the outsider.

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But when insiders live like they’re outsiders and refuse to change—

When their wandering becomes their course,

And when their mistakes become their path,

It’s time to stop correcting and start letting go.

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Stop loving them? No.

Stop praying for them? No.

Start writing them off or condemning them? No.

Just stop treating them like they’re an insider. And start treating them like they’re an outsider.

And that’s about a 25 minute set up to the parable that we’re actually supposed to be talking about this weekend.

Because maybe now you can clearly see why one of his disciples who was listening to Jesus go off on all of these house rules, Peter, asked this question:

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Matthew 18:21 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

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What if my brother or sister—an insider—screws up and then asks me for forgiveness?

And then they screw up again and ask...

And again and ask...

And again and ask:

How many times should I forgive them?

It’s important to note that Peter is making up a story here; we’re not really meant to try and make that story literal by imagining someone doing the same horrible thing to us over and over again but just asking for forgiveness every time as a way of sanctioning their sin against us.

Remember our last “house rule:” if someone keeps on living like they’re an outsider, treat them as such.

But what Peter is asking here is this:

Is there a limit to how many times you can screw up and still be forgiven if you ask?

Is there a step too far?

Is there a place where someone can wander where they can’t find their way back, even if they wanted to?

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Matthew 18:22 “Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

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Which leads to our last house rule in the chapter:

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Jesus’ House Rules

House Rule 5: When it comes to forgiveness, we don’t keep score.

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And then he tells this story about a king who was settling accounts in his kingdom. Verse 24:

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Matthew 18:24 “As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.”

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Ten thousand bags of gold was more than anyone could earn in a thousand lifetimes. The debt was beyond his or anyone’s ability to pay.

As the story goes on, the man in debt realized it and did exactly what we described as crossing the faith line earlier:

He admitted to the king that he had a debt that he couldn’t pay and entrusted himself to the king’s mercy—because that was the only way his debt would be paid.

And the king in the story did what Jesus does to all of us when we make that faith line decision and trust in his mercy: he forgave him his debt. Not part of it; all of it. Clean slate.

But the story goes on:

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Matthew 18:28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.”

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This wasn’t a debt of a thousand lifetimes; it was a small debt. But it didn’t matter; he couldn’t pay it. So it might have well have been 10,000 bags of gold.

And this was his co-worker. His friend. He knew him. A fellow insider in the king’s court.

And so when the king got word of this, Jesus concludes his story by saying:

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Matthew 18:32-35 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

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When it comes to forgiveness—we don’t keep score.

When someone genuinely asks us for forgiveness, we give it. Why?

Because we’ve been forgiven a debt of a thousand lifetimes. No one could possibly be in as deep with us we were with God. And when we realize that, we’ll be quick to forgive in a way that doesn’t keep score.

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