The Third Word from the Cross: John the Beloved

“When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took his garments and divided them into four parts, one part for each soldier; also his tunic. But the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom, so they said to one another, “Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be.” This was to fulfill the Scripture which says, “They divided my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots.” So the soldiers did these things, but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.” John 19:23-27

It is interesting to consider that of the seven last words Christ spoke from the cross, not one of the first three words concerned Himself. Each of the first three words were aimed at others.

The first word was devoted to His murders when He said, “Father, forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

The second word was devoted to the thief on the cross next to Him who was about to be living the Garden Life with Jesus when He said, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” Luke 23:43

And now we see Jesus’ third magnificent word being aimed at His mother and best friend, John, when Jesus says, “Woman…behold your son. And John…behold your mother.” John 19:26, 27

BIG IDEA Witness and With-ness

Jesus takes care of his family

Not once has Jesus spoken of His own needs in His time of greatest distress to this point while on the cross. What an incredible moment to ponder as a parent or guardian. When you put your family’s needs before your own, you are imitating Jesus in a powerful way.

Dad, when you walk in from the office after a long day and the first thing your son asks you to do is to join him upstairs in a video game and you do it rather than heading to the place you really want to go which is your chair where you can plop down and exhale from the day: you look more like Jesus than you realize in that moment. Mom, when you get up early to make lunches for the kids before they head off to school instead of telling them to fend for themselves because you just want to sit and sip your cup of coffee in peace after folding the last load of laundry late the night before…and still have not heard a thank you yet; you are choosing to put your kids needs before your own wants: you look more like Jesus than you realize in that moment.

When you put your family’s needs before your own, you look more like Jesus than you realize in that moment. However, sometimes we find ourselves in situations with our family members and we wish we could do something to help them in their time of need. Most parents would change places with their kid in a heartbeat if they knew their kid was being bullied or hurt by someone else? We can’t stand to see our kids being hurt or in a situation where we feel helpless. And yet sometimes we find ourselves in such a situation where all we can do is be near them in the midst of their pain.

With-ness as sharing Jesus

Imagine what kinds of emotions must have been present in Mary, Jesus’ mom, who was right there suffering with her son as she watched Him suffering on the cross. Imagine seeing your kid up there on the cross; how would you feel in those moments?

Look back at the text in John 19:23-25.

Don’t you know Mary wanted revenge in that moment? Sometimes we need others around us to hold us back so we don’t react in the moment and try to destroy the ones who hurt our kids and make them cry. The range of emotions that Mary must have been feeling on that day in those moments were overwhelming for any person, let alone for a mom looking up at her son.

However, what is worth noticing about this scene in the passage is that we see Mary looking at her son writhing in pain not alone, but WITH some of her family and friends. Do you have those kinds of friends in your life right now who would stand WITH you even in that kind of horrible setting? No matter who you are, we need each other. We all need people in our lives who will stand with us during the most difficult days. Life was not meant to be lived in isolation. In this scene from John’s gospel we see a hurting mom not have to suffer in isolation at the foot of the cross. Instead, both Jesus and Mary were surrounded by others.

When you go through those seasons in life when you feel like you are getting crucified, it helps to have family and friends around you and with you. Jesus at least did not suffer and die alone. He had family and friends with Him according to this passage.

“…but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.” John 19:25

Notice those first words again.

“…but standing by the cross…” John 19:25

We need people “standing by” us in life. The word in the Greek for “standing by” is the word para. We get the English word “parallel” that means to be alongside, to stand alongside, or to walk alongside. May we be people who parallel our lives with others as we intentionally are with someone walking alongside, standing alongside and sitting alongside them in their life when they don’t need to be alone.

This concept is conveyed in Henri Nouwen’s definition of what it means to be a priest. Nouwen says, “A priest is a compassionate being-with.” There are moments in life when all you can do is compassionately be with someone who is suffering. When we cannot fix a problem, at least be with people going through the problem. As a follower of Jesus, God wants to use you to be a priest in somebody’s life. It’s part of what it means fully to understand our privilege and responsibility of what is called “the priesthood of the believer.” God designed you to have a priesthood, to exercise your priesthood and to grow in your priesthood.

What does that mean? Does that mean you need to wear a collar and work in a church and say your prayers in a special kind of way? No. It means God has put something in you that He wants worked out for His purposes in other people’s lives as you are WITH them on His behalf.

We must remember that our God is always at work. Jesus talks about that in John 5:17.

“My Father is working until now, and I am working.” John 5:17

This truth means Jesus is at work in the lives of your neighbors, at work in the lives of people in your office and at work in the lives of classmates at your school. In the middle of all this work that God is up to all around us each day, Jesus has a purpose for you to join Him in this work in the place you live, work and go to school. God knew where you would live even before you knew where you would live. And God wants you to be WITH those people who live in your neighborhoods and WITH those whom you work WITH and go to school WITH each day.

Leonard Sweet says in his book, Nudge, “Sometimes it’s less about our witness than our withness. In fact, our best witness is our withness. To be a witness you have to have withness.”

As we consider these perspectives about being WITH other people, think about these questions. How many non-church people are you doing life WITH? How many people in your neighborhood are you doing life WITH that do not have a relationship with Jesus? We must be careful not to fill all our time and calendar with activities that are only with church people at the church thus leaving no intentional time to be WITH our neighbors in our neighborhoods.

Don’t hear what I’m not saying. Am I saying having church activities, being involved in a Bible study, enjoying fellowships and activities at church with church friends is a bad thing? No. Do I think God still has us on this planet for purposes that go beyond just hanging out with church friends and filling our schedules with church activities? Absolutely.

Do I think God placed us in our home in our neighborhood to do more than pay bills and taxes and eat and sleep there so that I can get back up to church? 100% I do. God placed me on my street, in my neighborhood, to be a priestly presence to my neighbors who do not yet know God. And for me to be a witness to my neighbors, I first must have a withness among my neighbors.

And you do to if you are going to make God’s dreams for your life and the community you are living in come true in the days ahead. We must be willing to have “a compassionate being WITHNESS” among our neighbors. We must invest time being WITH people.

You are just as usable and priestly as any pastor or priest who serves in a church. That’s why the Holy Spirit inspired Peter to write these words down to remind us who we are in 1 Peter 2:9.

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9

However, you must be with people to be a priest to people. And when you are with them, know that God is at work through you in the middle of your withness.

With-Ness in the Church

As we look back at the scene of Jesus’ death, it is interesting to notice who was with Jesus at the cross that day.

“…but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.” John 19:25

There were four women and one guy who were “compassionately being with” Jesus. It’s interesting that of the eleven disciples who still were alive and had been with Jesus over the last three years, only John was still with Him on his dying day. The rest of the guys were in hiding for their lives. Do you know why the guys were in hiding? Because if they had shown at the cross, the Romans would have arrested them for being a threat to Rome.

So why didn’t they arrest John? Probably because he was so young and may not have had a beard thus possibly looking like a young boy who was not a perceived threat to the empire. Neither were the women viewed as credible threats in that time. Of those women present, Jesus’ mom was one of the four women mentioned at the cross.

Look back in John 19:26-27 again specifically about Jesus making eye-contact with His friend, John, and His mother, Mary.

“When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.” John 19:26-27

As Jesus is looking at His mother, He sees her suffering in her soul as she looks at Him. In those moments the prophecy that Simeon spoke over Mary when Jesus was dedicated in the temple as a baby was coming true.

Listen to what Simeon said would happen to Mary in Luke 2:34-35.

“And Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother, “Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed and a sword will pierce through your own soul also...” Luke 2:34-35

Moms, do you ever feel like a sword pierces through your own soul because of what is going on with your kids? If you do, then hang in there and know that your church family is meant to be WITH YOU. And what happened in the text for Mary is true for you today. Jesus not only saw His mom in pain on that day, but also Jesus sees you in your pain on this day. And Jesus calls for other people, especially for people who make up the church, to be priests to behold each other in the midst of your pain.

This is part of not only the greatness of our God but also the sensitivity, deep compassion and love of Jesus in His magnificent response to Mary while hanging on the cross.

“He said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.” John 19:26-27

Men, dads, and sons, please take a close look at Jesus at this moment in His life and consider something. Just as Jesus refused to let personal agony distract Him from the practical duties of a good and faithful son, we too must at times move through our pain and be a man like Jesus demonstrated at this moment. Even if you feel like life has you strung up and in pain, be faithful to do the right thing for your family. Even if you feel like your kids are sucking the life out of you, and at the same time perhaps, you’re taking care of your parents as well, be faithful to do the right thing for your family. While you are trying to keep your mortgage current and yourself employed, and you’re realizing that you are not going to retire a millionaire at age fifty, be faithful to do the right thing for your family. When the picture of life that you’re living in looks a little different and is a little more painful than what you ever imagined, remember this truth that Jesus demonstrated at the cross:

Our pain does not absolve us from our responsibilities.

What Jesus did on the cross before He ever went on to say, “It is finished,” was make sure His family was taken care of before He died. He made sure His mom was in good hands and provided for after He would breathe His last breath on the cross. Jesus called on His friend, John, to make sure that Mary had a roof over her head and protection. Jesus knew that as a widowed woman in the first-century culture, His mother would have been extremely vulnerable in that society.

Jesus loved His family and made sure that before His mission was complete that His family was taken care of before His death took place.

Men and women, if something happens to you sooner rather than you expect, would your family be taken care of on that day? Do you have a will? Do you have papers drawn up and in a secure place where your family knows where they are that deal with things like Power of Attorney, your estate, your wishes if something were to happen to you and if you were in the hospital and could not communicate with your family?

Don’t make your family guess. Take care of your family before that time comes. Be responsible and make arrangements on all necessary elements that are your responsibility just like Jesus demonstrated even from the cross.

After Jesus made sure His mom was taken care of, the next verse says, “After this, Jesus, knew that everything was now finished...” John 19:28, Living Bible Translation

What a beautiful element concerning the nature and character of our God. His mission was not deemed complete in rescuing the world from sin, death, Satan, and hell until His family was taken care of as well. What a perspective to ponder which communicates that our God values family in a huge way. May we live in such a way that we value our families and relationships as we see Jesus doing the same until the end. May our pain not thwart our responsibilities to others. May we be counted as one who regularly is compassionate with others even as we may find ourselves in pain.

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