Family Life for Christ’s Sake

Colossians 3:18-25

Genesis 3:16-19

(v.18) Wives, submit to your husbands

We are complementarian

Galatians 3:28 stands true

Galatians 3:28- There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Men and women are both equal in value and dignity

However, this does not mean that there are no specific differences in functional roles that God wisely designed

Wives, submission is what Paul means

The Message Bible reads: “understand and support your husbands”

This is not what the Greek word means

It means subordinate, be subject

Does NOT mean being a doormat or jellyfish

This is speaking, not of an absolute rule, but a pervasive posture

There ought always to be a joyful readiness to be submissive to the leadership of your husband

The exception to this rule is if he is:

Leading you into sin

Preventing you from faithfulness to Christ

Unwilling to lead in essential ways

This takes God-given discernment and grace

Adorn yourselves with internal God-given beauty

1 Peter 3:1-5- Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands

This is fitting in the Lord

He is the one who created you and your role as a woman in marriage

This reflects God’s wisdom and goodness

This reflects Christ and His Church

Ephesians 5:22-24- Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

To live is accordance with this picture is glorifying to Jesus

Two last words to wives

Many of you have been so faithful in this, praise God for you!

This does not leave me time to address many complexities in marriage

If you ave questions, please talk to me

If you are struggling, get wise counsel and help

If you are in need of help, do not be afraid to come to us for help

(v.19) Husbands, love your wives

You must lead in love

Lead in showing love

Model sacrificial love

Take responsibility for the lovingness of the relationship

You will always take ultimate responsibility for your marriage

May we tremble at the responsibility of being a husband

Do not be harsh with them

You are the stronger vessel, but you must never use that to get your way

1 Peter 3:7- Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Could it be that some of you husband have had your prayers hindered because you have not loved your wives faithfully and tenderly?

Not a vague kind of love

This is Christ-like love

Ephesians 5:25-28- Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Sacrificial

Desires her good above yours

Self-denying

Humble

Tender and compassionate

Put on this kind of love

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a- Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

(v.20) Children, obey your parents

The fifth commandment

Honoring and obeying parents is not unimportant

It is the fifth commandment, and it is the only commandment with its own promise attached to it

Ephesians 6:1-3- Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

In everything

Not just the things that you like

Not just the things that are convenient

God desires for children to be obedient in all of life

Even if none go with you

Kids, even if none of your friends obey their parents you should obey yours

All children who love Jesus and want to please Him should want to obey their parents

(v.21) Fathers (and mothers), do not provoke your children

Let the love of Christ be your guide

Teach them the truth of God

Nurture them in the way of God

Discipline them with desire for their good

Ephesians 6:4- Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

It’s not about you

Your child’s rebellion is not about you

It is almost never an intentional personal attack against you

It is the outward symptom of an inward heart issue- sin

Correct and lead and teach with the desire to see them grow strong in the Lord and trust in His power to do this work through you

(vv. 22-25) Slaves, obey your earthly masters

Doulos means slave, not servant

This Greek word never merely means servant

It always means slave

Slaves must obey their masters

The goodness of the master is not even referenced

This is so counter-cultural to how we think today

There is one central reason for this instruction

They are ultimately doing the work of THE Master

You are serving the Lord Christ

Slaves (how much more then, employees), work heartily for the glory of Christ

Wives, submit to your husband joyfully for the glory of Christ

Husbands, love your wives faithfully for the glory of Christ

Children, obey your parents for the glory of Christ

Parents, raise your children for the glory of Christ

This will not be easy

It will not be natural for you

It will not be the way others live

It will not be the comfortable road

You will have to constantly repent and keep growing

It will be hard and sometimes costly

It will be worth it

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To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

This is Genesis 3:16-19, which is where God pronounces the curse on the man and the woman for their sin. What is the curse? It’s pain. Pain in the normal parts of life and pain caused by dysfunction. And in this curse of pain and dysfunction is a statement about the effects of the curse of sin on the marriage relationship. He tells Eve that her desire will be for (or contrary to) her husband and he will rule over her. This is not the way that it was meant to be. This is no something being commended for husbands and wives, but rather it is a horrible effect of sin. She will desire to be the leader in the relationship, to buck his leadership in their marriage, and to be contrary to him. And he will, in turn, rule over her with an iron-fisted authority in a self-serving power play. This is not some distant problem found in the ancient world. This awful symptom of sin is running rampant all around us, and maybe even in some places among us that we have not dealt with or even recognized.

Wives, submit to your husbands

We are decidedly complementarian here. This means that we believe that men and women are not designed by God in exactly the same way. We ought to, of course, affirm that Galatians 3:28 stands true when Paul says: There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. It is true that in Christ there is no spiritual distinction, and there is no one who has more value or dignity than others. Men and women are both equal in value and dignity as people made in the image of God. However, this does not mean that there are no specific differences in functional roles that God wisely designed. They each are made specifically to function in a particular way in marriage.

So wives, what does Paul mean by submit? This may sound like a silly question to you, but it is amazing the interpretive gymnastics that many have employed to dodge the clear meaning of the New Testament writers when they use this kind of language. So, I think that it is worth saying: submission is what Paul means by submit. The Message Bible reads: “understand and support your husbands”, but this is not what the Greek word means. It does not mean that wives must be understanding and supportive, though that is certainly true. It means that they must subordinate themselves or be subject to their husbands. However, what it does not mean is that wives must become doormats or jellyfish. This does not mean that thoughtful dialogue and the great value of the wife’s intellect, personality, and opinions are to be rejected or suppressed. It simply means that the wive follows. She is not the leader of the family, the husband is.

This is speaking, not of an absolute rule, but a pervasive posture. It is not as though there are not some tragic family situations that require a temporary exception to the rule. There ought always to be a joyful readiness to be submissive to the leadership of your husband. The only exceptions to this rule is if he is leading you into sin, preventing you from faithfulness to Christ, or refuses to lead you and your family in particular areas. All three of these exceptions must never be abused. The wife’s desire ought to always be that an exceptional circumstance only be short and temporary, and her desire ought always to be for her husband to lead her and she submit happily to him. This takes God-given discernment and grace as it works itself out in the lives of wives. But God is faithful, and He will be faithful to lead guide you if only you humbly ask.

At this point, maybe it would be wise to mention what Peter says about this in 1 Peter 3:1-5- Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands. Wives ought to adorn themselves with internal God-given beauty. Not the external dressings of beauty, but the inward godliness of the heart.

Paul says that this is fitting in the Lord. Why? There are at least two main reasons, and I’m sure that there are many more. First, He is the one who created you and your role as a woman in marriage. To cast off the command of submission is to cast off life in accord with the way that God Himself has fashioned you as a woman. This is not ugly or undesirable. It reflects God’s wisdom and goodness. The second reason that it is fitting in the Lord is because it reflects Christ and His Church. Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:22-24- Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Wives, your submission to your husbands actually reflects the truth of Christ and His Church, and to live in accordance with this picture is glorifying to Jesus.

Two last words to wives. First, many of you have been so faithful in this; we ought always to praise God for you! We are here to encourage you and help you in your pursuit of faithfulness in this way. Second, this does not leave me time to address many complexities of marriage. With that being said, if you have questions, please talk to me. I’m confident that I do not have every answer you have have, but I will always diligently work to find biblical answers for you. Also, if you are struggling, get wise counsel and help. It is not God’s design for you to walk alone through the struggles of your life. If you have difficultly in this area or need biblical counsel, don’t be afraid to seek it. Finally, if you are in need of help, do not be afraid to come to us for help.

Husbands, love your wives

Now, husbands, you may have gotten really comfortable sitting there listening to how your wives ought to be submissive, but now the attention is turned to you. Paul gives you a command, and it is this: you must love your wives. This is not speaking of always having the romantic butterflies or the giddy desire to skip through the fields with her hand in yours. What he means is so much more than feelings. He is commanding you to lead your wife in showing love. She ought never to have to take the lead in showing love. It means that you must model sacrificial love. God did not design you to take leadership in your marriage so that you can serve your own needs and desires. To take up the mantle of biblical love for your wife, you must be ready to become her sacrificial servant, provider, and protector. It means that you must take responsibility for the lovingness of the relationship. If love does not flow in and fill up your marriage relationship, then you must bear the primary responsibility for that. Eve was the first to sin by eating of the tree, and yet it was Adam who bore ultimate responsibility for their sin. In the same way, you will always take ultimate responsibility for your marriage before God. May we tremble at the responsibility of being a husband, and never take it lightly.

Paul also includes that husbands should not be harsh with their wives. We are surrounded by husbands living this way with their wives. There is a reason that Paul specifically mentions this to husbands. It is because you are the stronger vessel, just as Peter says in 1 Peter 3:7- Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Most of your men are physically stronger than your wives, but you must never use that to get your way. So many men will use their strength and grit and shear will-power to force their wives to submit to whatever they want, but this must never be so. Could it be that some of you husbands have had your prayers hindered because you have not loved your wives faithfully and tenderly?

It is important to recoginize that this is not a vague kind of love. This is Christ-like love just as we see in Ephesians 5:25-28- Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. This love is sacrificial and self-denying, desiring her good above yours. It is humble just as Christ was humble. And it is tender and compassionate, never becoming harsh or uncaring. We know what love is by reading the Word of God, such as 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a- Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Brothers, put on this kind of love and lead your wives in it. This reflects the love of Christ for His people, and that glorifies His great name.

Children, obey your parents

Here we find the fifth commandment tucked into this passage. Kids, honoring and obeying your parents is not unimportant. It is not only a commandment, but it is the only commandment with its own promise attached to it. Paul says in Ephesians 6:1-3- Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” To obey the leading and instruction of your parents is not only pleasing to God. It is also wise, and has a direct connection to things going “well with you”. This doesn’t mean that if you obey then eveything will go well in your life. But it does mean that your parents are gifts of God to you because they guide you, teach you, discipline you, and correct you when you’re wrong. And is there a time when it’s okay for you to be rebellious and disobedien? No, because the same verse says “in everything.” Not just the things that you like, and not just the things that are easy or fun. God desires for children to be obedient in all of life. Even if none go with you, may you obey. Even if none of your friends obey their parents, you should obey yours. All children who love Jesus and want to please Him should want to obey their parents, because this is what is pleasing to Him and good for you.

Fathers (and mothers), do not provoke your children

Now, fathers, you are next. And actually, I want to include mothers here too, because I think that you are included, but fathers are specifically mentioned because they bear the primary responsibility to lead in discipline. So, parents, do not provoke your children to anger. Rather, let the love of Christ be your guide. There are many ways that parents can discipline their children which result in enraging and hardening their children. One of the greatest ways that we can do this without noticing is cold rigid legalism. Or another common way that parents do this is by nagging at their children constantly. Or maybe it is flagrant hypocrisy, where you tell your child to do something while blatantly failing to live in the same way.

Rather, teach them the truth of God diligently. Don’t simply tell your children to do or not to do things. Teach them the realities behind why you are leading them and correcting them in this way. Nurture them in the way of God. Don’t only teach them, but also nurture them in in care and love, and while praying that God would be pleased to work in them what is pleasing in His sight. Finally, discipline them with a desire for their good This is what Paul also means in Ephesians 6:4- Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Remember that it’s not about you. So often we struggle at properly responding to rebelliousness in our children because we take it personally. Your child’s rebellion is not about you. It is almost never an intentional personal attack against you, and even if it is, it’s not ultimately against you, it’s against God. It is the outward symptom of an inward heart issue- sin. Correct and lead and teach with the desire to see them grow strong in the Lord and trust in His power to do this work through you

Slaves, obey your earthly masters

Finally, Paul arrives at addressing slaves. Doulos means slave, not servant. This Greek word never merely means servant. He says that slaves must obey their masters. Notice that the goodness of the master is not even referenced. It is not as if a slave must only obey if their master is good. This is so counter-cultural to how we think today, and it is because we often miss the one central reason for this instruction: they are ultimately doing the work of THE Master. None of us in this building are slaves, but how much more then must this apply to willing employment?

You are serving the Lord Christ. Therefore, employees, work heartily for the glory of Christ. Wives, submit to your husband joyfully for the glory of Christ. Husbands, love your wives faithfully for the glory of Christ. Children, obey your parents for the glory of Christ. Parents, raise your children for the glory of Christ.

Here is where we end this morning, and that is to say that this will not be easy. Obedience in these ways will not be natural for you. It will only be by God’s grace through His Spirit. Pray that He makes you this way. It will not be the way others live around you. Don’t be content to go with the flow of the world around you. It will not be the comfortable road. There will be times when obedience in these ways will be the most uncomfortable and difficult road to travel. You will have to constantly repent and keep growing, but God is so faithful. If He has commanded it, He will pleased to work it in you if only you seek His face and ask. It will be hard and sometimes costly, but will be worth it.