Divorce and Kingdom Citizens

Introduction: I want to have a Word with you about Divorce. Like in the last chapter my purpose was NOT to inflict guilt or shame on anyone reading these words who has been divorced for unbiblical reasons. I am teaching this section of Matthew because it is a part of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. It is where we are in our study of the Gospel of Matthew. You will have to receive what Jesus taught – please don’t shoot the messenger. I am trying my best to provide you with the clearest possible teaching about divorce as I can in all my human frailness.

What is your take on divorce?

· Divorce is okay if find someone better?

· Divorce is okay if you get tired of the person you are married to.

· Divorce is okay until you reach an impasse and are unable to resolve a conflict.

· Divorce is okay after 20 years of marriage.

Just what is your take on divorce? Is your take secular or biblical? I think that most people have a secular or worldly view of divorce.

Divorce Statistics

Currently, the divorce rate per 1000 married women is 16.9. In the early 1980s, it was at 22.6. Almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation. Researchers estimate that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce. 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce. The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world. Russia has the highest, and Hungary has the lowest divorce rate.

Every 42 seconds, there is a divorce in America. This equates to 86 divorces per hour, 2,046 divorces per day, 14,364 divorces per week, and 746,971 divorces per year.

Every 16 seconds, there is a marriage in the U.S. That equates to 230 marriages per hour, 36,762 marriages per week, and 2,015,603 per year.

There are nearly 3 divorces in the time it takes for a couple to recite their wedding vows (2 minutes).

More than 172 divorces occur during your typical romantic comedy movie (2 hours).

430 divorces happen during the average wedding reception (5 hours).

There are 5,975,768 divorces over the course of an average first marriage that ends in divorce (8 years). (https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/).

Dr. J. Vernon McGee once said, “The background for all divorce is sin.”[i]

We would have no divorce today if we could eradicate sin once and for all. But where we have divorce we have sin!

Now, why did I share all that information with you about divorce? Because whether we like it or not, divorce is a reality. It is a painful reality. And it leaves devastation in its wake.

Is divorce something that Kingdom Citizens should do?

My take is simple – it's biblical:Marriage is between a man and a woman for life. It is until death do you part. Marriage is a Covenant relationship – not a contract, and the only thing that can end a Covenant is death.

In Malachi 2:14 we read,

“Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”

And in Malachi 2:16 we read,

For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

We should never think that divorce is the answer until we have exhausted every possible option. And if divorce happens it is because of the hardness of the human heart. All issues, even marriage and divorce flow from the human heart.

So, then, what do we need to learn in this chapter about divorce?

I. What the Old Testament taught about Divorce – 5:31

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’

Where is this teaching found in the Old Testament? It is found in the writings of Moses. We read in Deuteronomy 24:1-4,

1“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, 2 when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, 4 then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.

The normal custom of the ancient Near East was for a man to verbally divorce his wife. The Arab custom was to say “I divorce you” three times and the divorce was consummated without any legal protection of any kind to the wife. In contrast, the ancient law of Israel insisted on a certificate of divorce. This written statement gave legal protection to both the wife and the husband. Jesus explained elsewhere (Matthew 19:8) that Moses's concession was not intended to be taken as a license.[ii]

Here is what Jesus taught in Matthew 19:8,

8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

Two Schools of Thoughts about Divorce

During the time of Jesus Christ, there were two Rabbinical schools of thought about how Deuteronomy 24 was to be interrupted. They are:

1. Hillel – He taught that it was permissible for a husband to divorce his wife for any reason at all.

2. Shammai – He taught that divorce was permissible only for a major offense.

Those were the two popular schools of thought that were prevalent during the time of Jesus, but now Jesus comes along as a rabbi and presents the right view.

3. Jesus Christ – He taught that marriage is sacred and viewed by God as an indissoluble unit and should not be terminated by divorce.

Let’s move along and dive deeper into the teachings of Jesus Christ about marriage and divorce.

II. What Jesus taught about Divorce – 5:32

32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

I have been telling you that when Jesus teaches about the laws taken from the Old Testament and He instructs His disciples about them in the New Testament that He takes them up a notch – to a whole other level. We have a basic understanding from the Old Testament, but Jesus is going to provide the exegesis – the right understanding we all need here in the Sermon on the Mount.

Here is what Jesus taught about divorce:

1. Jesus taught that you can’t divorce for just any reason:

Allow me to walk through a list of some of the possible reasons a man may wish to divorce his wife. This list will not be exhaustive by any means of the imagination. You would be amazed at the reasons people give for divorce.

Reasons for Divorce - Jesus’ Answer

Wife burns my meals - No, you can’t divorce her

Wife doesn’t keep a clean house - No, you can’t divorce her

Wife doesn’t please me sexually - No, you can’t divorce her

Wife has lost her youthful glow - No, you can’t divorce her

Wife is older and has wrinkles - No, you can’t divorce her

Wife spends my money recklessly - No, you can’t divorce her

Wife is a mental case - No, you can’t divorce her

All those reasons are off the table, and any other reason you might dream up is also off the table. Jesus clearly taught that divorce for any reason was not right – it was plain wrong!

2. Jesus taught that there is only one reason for divorce:

What is the only reason for divorce? It is what many Bible teachers refer to as the “exception clause”. What is it? It is,

Sexual immorality – which means, sexual unfaithfulness.

These two words “Sexual immorality” here is translated “porneia”, which covers all sexual sin, all sexual intimacy outside marriage between man and woman (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Judges 19:22–26; Romans 1:24–27; 1 Corinthians 5:1–13; 6:9).”[iii]

Bible teachers view the “exception clause” in one of four ways. Such as:

1. A single act of adultery.

2. Unfaithfulness during the period of betrothal (Matthew 1:19).

3. Marriage between near relatives (Leviticus 18:6-18).

4. Continued promiscuity.[iv]

Jesus tells us very clearly and in a manner that we cannot mistake that the only reason for a man to divorce his wife is if she had committed sexual immorality. No doubt this is speaking about adultery, or sex with another person while you were engaged. Listen to what Dr. Charles Ryrie penned,

“Fornication may mean adultery prior to or after marriage, as well as unfaithfulness during the period of betrothal.”[v]

I would suggest that you go back and reread the last chapter. I mentioned that there is absolutely no reason on God’s green earth for any Kingdom Citizen to commit adultery on their spouse.

So, then, we are looking at adultery or fornication as the only biblical ground for divorce.

A Second Exception Clause

I might make mention that when Paul writes about marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, he names desertion as a second exception for divorce. If an unbelieving spouse deserts a believing spouse, there are grounds for divorce. The believing spouse is free to remarry.

So, then, Sexual immorality and desertion seem to be the only biblical grounds for divorce.

3. Jesus taught that illegitimate divorce leads to adultery:

Jesus also taught that if a man divorces his wife for any reason (excluding sexual immorality), he becomes the CAUSE of his wife committing adultery.

And not only that, but Jesus went on to say that if a man marries a woman that has been divorced illegitimately, he too has committed adultery. Why? Because there were no biblical grounds for the divorce.

In the Tony Evans Bible Commentary, we read, “Because hers was an illegitimate divorce unsanctioned by God. Marriage vows are to be viewed as sacred and permanent. Notice that it is the person seeking the illegitimate divorce who is blamed for the sin—not the woman who remarries.”

And what about the man who marries a woman tossed aside by her husband? Well, the man who marries her commits adultery. He is marrying a woman who rightfully in God’s eyes is still in a covenant relationship that can only be broken by death.

Charles Spurgeon in his Commentary penned, “The Saviour abolished that evil once and for all and made divorce a divine crime, as it always is “saving for the case of fornication.”

J. Vernon McGee wrote, “If someone is divorced for a reason not given in Scripture, that person is an adulterer.”[vi]

What should you do if someone in your marriage has committed adultery? You have two options:

1. Separate from the offending spouse.

Why? To see if your partner has repented. True biblical repentance is a sorrow from the heart. It is the recognition that one has sinned against God first, spouse second, family third, and community fourth.

King David committed adultery with Bathsheba, and afterward, when confronted by Nathan the Prophet, he repented (2 Samuel 11-12). You can read David’s prayer of repentance in Psalm 51.

When adultery has been committed counseling is a must. The unfaithful spouse MUSTbe open to godly counseling. If they refuse to submit to godly counseling, then they have not truly repented.

Remember that you are in the driver's seat if you have been cheated on. The offender then must submit to your requirements. Such as church attendance, counseling, accountability partner, and so on. If they refuse, you stay separated until you either see progress or until you have reached a point of impasse.

What is the second option?

2. Divorce from the offending spouse.

Please hear carefully what I am about to say next. The Bible does not teach that a man or a woman must divorce an unfaithful spouse. They can, and Jesus taught that sexual immorality was the only reason for divorce, but many Kingdom Citizens have extended forgiveness to their unfaithful partner. A spouse who has repented, and who has worked through the process of restoration.

I will tell you from my experience as a Pastor, that it will take years for married couples to rebuild the trust that has been lost through adultery. But if you will take all the necessary steps, it can be done. Marriages can be saved.

Conclusion: So, here is what Jesus taught us about Divorce and Kingdom Citizens:

1. Marriage is sacred and divorce should not be an option.

2. You cannot divorce for just any reason. No fault divorce is shattered here.

3. Divorce was permissible in the Old Testament because of the hardness of man’s heart. But from the beginning it was not so (Matthew 19:8).

4. Divorce is permissible only for sexual immorality, which is adultery.

5. Unbiblical divorce leads to adultery – which is a sin.

Now, what should you do if you ever find yourself in a marriage where your spouse has cheated on you?

1. Separate from the offending party. Wait for genuine biblical repentance (2 Corinthians 7:9-11). Is the person willing to take all the necessary steps to get healthy? If there is no repentance you have a big decision to make.

2. Divorce the offending spouse. You must not stay with someone who refuses to admit, confess, repent, and forsake their adultery.

My prayer is that we as Kingdom Citizens might walk away with a much HIGHER view of marriage today, and that DIVORCE would not be a part of our vocabulary. Let’s not go there. And if you have gone there, REFUSE to go there again.

You BEST marriage is the one that you are in right now – make it work! For God, your spouse, your children, your family, your church, your community, and your nation.

[i]Dr. J. Vernon McGee, Thru the Bible Commentary, P. 103 [ii] (Liberty Bible Commentary, P. 25) [iii] Excerpt From ESV Expository Commentary Iain M. Duguid https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewBook?id=0 [iv] The Bible Knowledge Commentary, P. 30 [v]Liberty Bible Commentary, P. 25 [vi]Dr. J. Vernon McGee, Thru the Bible Commentary, P. 103