This life is not the End

Introduction

The topic today is a heavy topic and if you have ever been down this road, you know how hard it is. Katy and I have been married for 13 years now and God has given us 4 wonderful, amazing children. I love my kids so much; they overflow my heart with so much joy. To be honest my previous statement is not completely true: we have 4 children, but we have had 6. Between Chloe and Bella we found out that we were going to have another child, but the excitement of that moment didn’t last long. Pretty early on Katy lost that child. We didn’t really have as much time to process the loss because Bella was conceived not much later. Probably, the hardest loss we went through was in losing our 6th child that was to be born after Levi. It was still too early to know the gender so we called it little baby Z. If it was a boy, his name was going to be Zeke short for Ezekiel and if it was a girl Zoe.

I imagine the pain felt during these times is different for different people and at different stages. Katy most likely felt this lose more than I did and the felt pain of losing baby Z was greater than the felt pain of losing our second child. Often times the felt pain of miscarriage is a silent pain. Most women don’t express what they are going through because it is often too personal and yet these are the moments when you do need other people to Lament with you.

It is also a silent pain because most people do not know how to help. Most couples have not been here. They don’t know what to say. Let me challenge you that the biblical example is to weep with those who weep. Sometimes just being with them and crying is enough. Later, you can encourage them.

Today’s message is the result of years of distance from the loss of baby Z. It is after we have had some time that we can process how we feel, that the Lord brought this message into my heart. Today we are going to look at one question and two truths about miscarriage.

Why did God allow this to happen to me?

Lam 1:1 “How doth the city sit solitary, that was full of people! How is she become as a widow! she that was great among the nations, And princess among the provinces, how is she become tributary!”

Why is almost always going to be the question that we ask at times like these? It is a hard question to ask. It is so full of emotion and meaning. And it isn’t the wrong question to ask. The very first word of the book of Lamentations is ekah how. It is the cry of a hurting heart for answers. It is question of why from hearts cut in two by the blade of pain.

Asking why is not inherently evil as we see from the book of Lamentations. Asking why is perfectly fine when it comes from a heart that still chooses to trust in God. It isn’t the heart of unbelief that we saw in the wilderness. The whole point of Lament is to reaffirm our trust, to process our grief in light of the belief that God is good.

God will not always give us the answer to our question? Deut 29:29 “The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.” Can we trust Him even then?

Sometimes the answer comes many years down the road. I know of one reason God allowed us to go through a miscarriage; so we could be a help to others who were going through the same thing.

But can we trust God when we don’t have all the answers?

God is still good

The foundation of our trust has to be in knowing God. What is the heart of God? Lamentations 3:31-33 “For the Lord will not cast off for ever: But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.”

Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

The hurting heart asks what good can come from the death of children and I don’t have an answer for that question. But if I am not grounded in my knowledge of who God is, I will drift around like a boat without an anchor and all of life will be one giant storm about me.

My God is good even then. Even then.

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; And saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”

Psalm 56:8 “Thou tellest my wanderings: Put thou my tears into thy bottle: Are they not in thy book?”

God sees, God knows, God cherishes all the pain we are going through. My tears are stored up in a bottle and a record of my sorrows is written in His book.

It wasn’t all for nothing

This third point is really where I want us to spend our time tonight. Turn in your bibles to the story of David after he had committed sin with Bathsheba and killed Uriah. Bathsheba has conceived a child because of their adultery and Nathan in his famous Thou art the man sermon confronts David for his sin.

2 Samuel 12:15-24 “And Nathan departed unto his house. And the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife bare unto David, and it was very sick. David therefore besought God for the child; and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night upon the earth. And the elders of his house arose, and went to him, to raise him up from the earth: but he would not, neither did he eat bread with them. And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died. And the servants of David feared to tell him that the child was dead: for they said, Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spake unto him, and he would not hearken unto our voice: how will he then vex himself, if we tell him that the child is dead? But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead. Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the Lord, and worshipp…”

David’s response:

Acceptance vs 20 Then David arose from the earth- I don’t know that healing will happen as quickly as it did for David. In fact I would say it doesn’t and probably didn’t for David. But we see some important points that apply to this situation. The first stage is acceptance. David had to come to the point where he accepted God’s will. Nothing could be done to change it. At that moment, you have two choices get bitter or trust God. Job 1:21 “And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return thither: The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

cleansing -washed and anointed himself- In those days, when people would grieve they would dress in sackcloth and anoint their head with ashes. David put off the signs of grief and sorrow. At some point you can’t continue to live in the pit of despair. I don’t know when that point will be and how soon it should be, but you can’t wallow in it the rest of your life.

worship- Reaffirm your trust in God. This is the point of all true biblical lament. Find your comfort in Him.

Went about his daily life- he did eat- at some point normal life needs to begin. You can’t give up on life because of this loss. Your husband needs you, your family needs you. People need you.

Comforted his wife- vs 24 In David’s case, there was someone who probably suffered more than he did: his wife. Men when your wife has gone through a miscarriage, you need to be there to comfort your wife. This does not mean rebuking them for feeling the pain, this does not mean useless platitudes, this does not mean demanding that they snap out of it, this does not mean expecting them to be cheerful.

If you want to know how to comfort someone who is in the depths of despair take a look at the book of Lamentations. The first two chapters are a dialogue between Lady Jerusalem and the Narrator.

How did the narrator interact with grieving lady Jerusalem?

He talked with her Chapter 1 dialogue

He sympathized with her position 1:1

He was physically there

He weeps with her 2:1

He identifies with her 2:11

He sits in silence with her 2:13

He reminds her of truth 2:17

He challenges her to call out to the Lord 2:18

He empathizes with her Ch3: 1

He points her to the Lord Ch 3:22

Tucked into David’s response is a statement that has formed the opinions of Baptists about the death of children for a long time. Many Baptist’s believe in what is called the age of accountability, an age where a child knows right and wrong and is able to understand and receive the gospel. Any child who dies before that moment, we believe is in heaven in the arms of Jesus. When questioned about his response to the death of his son, David replies he is dead, why should I fast? Can I being him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me. David had hope that he would see his child again in heaven.

Now this story may not seem to relate to miscarriage directly because this child was at-least seven days old, but the truth remains the same.

The child conceived in the womb is a living human being.

Job 3:3 “Let the day perish wherein I was born, And the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.”

Psalm 139:13-16 “For thou hast possessed my reins: Thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Marvellous are thy works; And that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, When I was made in secret, And curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; And in thy book all my members were written, Which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.”

You might be feeling like all this effort to get pregnant, all this time that you have been pregnant, the life of that child was all for nothing. This is not the case.

I was listening to a podcast in the car the other day and I heard a story that hit me really hard. My only response was just to say “oof”. Have you ever had that response to something that you heard. It was so powerful, so true that it moved me to my core. Immediately I thought, I need to share this with others who have suffered through a miscarriage. This story was told by Marshall Shelly who is now the president of Denver Seminary:

I was with my son his entire life — two minutes. He entered the world of light and air at 8:20pm on November 22, 1991. And he departed, the doctor said, at 8:22.

“Do you have a name for the baby?” asked one of the nurses. “Toby,” Susan said. “It’s short for a biblical name, Tobiah, which means ‘God is good.’”

John’s vision of eternity suggests what is in store for all the saints: “The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. . . . And they will reign forever and ever” (Revelation 22:3–5). Serving God and reigning — those tasks sound like they have more significance than the careers most of us pursue in our lifetimes. Could it be that when I finally begin serving with God’s name on my forehead, I will find that this is what I was truly created for? I may find I was created not for what I would accomplish on earth, but for the role I will fulfill in heaven.

Why did God create a child to live two minutes? He didn’t. . . . God created Toby for eternity. He created each of us for eternity, where we may be surprised to find our true calling which always seemed just out of reach here on earth. (“Two Minutes to Eternity,” emphasis added)

What was I created for? What if this life is merely just the prelude to a greater, more beautiful more purposeful life awaiting me in eternity?

Isaiah 43:7 “Even every one that is called by my name: For I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.”

Sometimes we think that God’s purpose is that I should live for His glory while I live here on earth and that point is true, but God did not ultimately create me just to bring Him glory and enjoy Him while I live here on this earth. I was created for His glory and to enjoy Him forever, throughout all of eternity. And there is so much more of that eternity than this fleeting vapor of a life.

Marshall’s child only lived two minutes and the average person would say what a waste of a life because they don’t truly believe in an afterlife. But Tobi was created for something more than this flash in the pan of a life. Tobi was created for an eternity of glorifying and enjoying the presence of God.

1 John 3:2-3 “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.”

This is hope. This is confidence. This is joy. This is amazing. Baby Z is in heaven. Baby Z is enjoying every moment of his new existence with His amazing savior. Baby Z is no perfectly conformed to the image of God. There is no more pain. There are no more sorrows. He is rejoicing in heaven today. These two babies were not a waste of a life. These two babies are fulfilling their true purpose even now at this moment in heaven.

Conclusion

This message was meant to be an encouragement. I find strength, I find hope I find courage in two things today: I will see Baby Z again someday in heaven. This is why at the beginning of my message I said I have six kids. My child exists today. I can’t lay my hands on him, I can’t hold him; but he exists in reality. He is not just a potential child. He is not just a thought that exists in my mind. The reality of Baby Z is in heaven today.

The second truth that encourages me is that it wasn’t all for nothing. Baby Z never got to breathe God’s good air, but Baby Z is living the life that God intended him to live. Baby Z was not created for this world but he was created for the world which is to come.