Ephesians 6

Honor and Obey, Discipline and Instruct

Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV)

6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Intro video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz_3KbIRtdM

Kids:

Obey

In the Lord

Submitting to your parents is submitting to the Lord. Trusting that God has you where you are.

Not mechanical obedience but a reverent obedience.

Colossians 3:20

English Standard Version

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Jesus submitted to his parents

Luke 2:48-52 (ESV)

And when his parents[g] saw him, they were astonished. And his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” 49 And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?”[h] 50 And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. 51 And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.

This obedience leads to a path of learning to respect pastors.bosses,leaders, coaches and God.

Honor

Ephesians 6:2 (ESV)

“Honor your father and mother”

Exodus 20:12 (ESV)

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Timao ..revere

Exodus 21:15 (ESV)

15 “Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.

Exodus 21:17 (ESV)

17 “Whoever curses[a] his father or his mother shall be put to death

Honor is not the same as approval

Forgive

Pray

Let go of your expectations.. Your parent may never be a parent

Have compassion for them

Show them gratitude for anything they did right

Dont talk bad about them

Set boundaries

You are not their prisoner

Honor them from bringing us into the world..forgive so they do not hold us captive in bitterness forever.

Show them Jesus

Psalm 68:5 God is a Father to the Fatherless!

Promise

Deuteronomy 5:16 (ESV)

16 “‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Go well

Live long iron

Fathers

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Why just dads?

Roman culture.. Fathers final authority and young girls where sometimes abandon.

Negative and a positive command.

Stats: Children who grow up with involved fathers are: 39% more likely to earn mostly A’s in school, 45% less likely to repeat a grade, 60% less likely to be suspended or expelled from school, twice as likely to go to college and find stable employment after high school, 75% less likely to have a teen birth, and 80% less likely to spend time in jail

Do not provoke

Colossians 3:21 (ESV)

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Ways we provoke our kids?

Overprotection

Favoritism

Unrealistic expectations

Your child is not you… what you accomplished or did not should not be expected of your child. Perhaps they are wired differently or are passionate about other things.

Criticism our words matter..nothing you do is enough or if you dont do this you dont love me

Neglect not being there, time is valuable

Best Friend Syndrome

Invite up Amy….we don’t have it all together/not perfect/learning as we go/Olivia guinea pig

Bring them up!

Ephesians 6:4b (ESV)

but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

joe

Hebrews 12:7-11 (ESV)

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them,(doing the best they knew how NLT) but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Proverbs 13:24 (ESV)

24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son,

but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Staff and rod

To use the rod defensively, simply lob the club toward a predatory animal to scare it away. Practice with your rod to improve heft and control over the weapon. Once skilled accuracy is achieved, toss it near sheep splintering from herd movement without compromising flight-zone-safe placement and your point of balance with the overall herd.

Staff 1 pic

Uses of staff..

Staff 2 pic

1/ It gives you a longer "arm" and reach. When you want the sheep to for example go into a trailer or pen, or turn at a crossing, waiving a stick in your outstretched arm helps you block them off and steer them in the direction you want them to go.

Staff pic 3

2/ It is used to catch sheep that you for example need to treat. Using a crook for this purpose means you can catch for example a limping sheep that needs to have a hoof trimmed. with much less stress than if you needed to chase after the sheep.

You calmly come up behind her close enough that you can hook the crook around one of her back feet, lift it up and she can’t run away since she’s leaning all her weight on her other three feet. Below a picture that shows the same technique used with a calf.

Staff pic 4

3/ guiding the sheep

as they are moving along, because sheep tend to wander off. They always think the pasture is greener somewhere else, and they start to wander away. The whole flock will be going one way, but there will be one that heads in her own direction. The shepherd will frequently use the blunt end to jab the sheep in the ribs and nudge it back in the direction of the flock.

Spanking?? Race car track.. switch.. not the hand…

Not in anger

Proverbs 19:18 (ESV)

18 Discipline your son, for there is hope;

do not set your heart on putting him to death.

Proverbs 22:15 (ESV)

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13 (ESV)

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;

if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

Proverbs 29:15 (ESV)

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom,

but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

When our discipline comes out of anger instead of love, we end up provoking anger in our kids and driving our children away.

Proverbs 15:1 (ESV)

15 A soft answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Kids do not know how to course correct/ we barely do.

Revelation 3:19 (ESV)

19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

Amy

Our children need to understand the purpose of our discipline.  Like the Hebrews 12 verses teach us, discipline is for our own good, for our children’s good.  Because the goal is to raise children who become God-loving, God-fearing adults.  (vs 11 the peaceful fruit of righteousness)

A wise woman once showed me how God’s interaction with the Istraelites in Deut 30:15-20 is exactly how we should speak to our children when we are at a crossroads, or a conflict, or a moment where discipline might be necessary. God said to Israel, his people….”IF you chose to obey me and keep my commands, THEN you will live, multiply and be blessed.  But IF your heart turns away from me, you disobey, and refuse to listen, THEN you will be cursed, destroyed, not live a long life”.

IF/THEN reasonable consequences for actions.  God put the ball in Israel’s court to make the choice between life and death.

If God used this type of discipline and logic with his people, it should work for us too, right?

Son, If you run out into the street THEN you will get hurt, but IF you hold my hand, THEN I will help us across so we can go to the park.

Son, IF you arrive home after curfew, THEN I cannot trust you to use the car again tomorrow.  But IF you arrive home on time, I will trust you to use the car again tomorrow.

Whenever we discipline our children, we need to make the distinction between

Childish irresponsibility vs direct defiance (disobedience, moral failure).  Never yell at your child over spilled milk.  Accidents happen.  Children mess up.  Adults do too.  Show them grace.  Jesus shows us grace every single day.  Our kids deserve the same grace. But if they choose to disobey or directly break a rule, a consequence must be given and carried out.

Instruct(NURTURE)

Joe

Duet 6:4-7 (ESV)

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and

with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I

command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them

diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house,

and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

1. Take care of our walk first.

Amy:  Verse 5 says that we are to Love the Lord with all our

heart, soul, mind and strength.  We have to be working on our own walk

with God, falling more in love with him daily, before we can expect to pass it

on to our kids. Verse 6 says we are to have His Word on our heart.  That

means we read it, we study it, we memorize it, we know it! Our kids will see Jesus in us if we are connecting with him daily.

When Jesus took the five loaves and two fish and fed the 5000 people, the word says the disciples kept going back to Jesus to get the food to distribute it to the people,  Jesus is the Source.  In order to give to others we have to go to Jesus to get filled up first.

Joe: Airplane Mask bring cpap mask

Read the Bible

Amy:

We have to put our Marriage first.  See last week’s sermon.

Kids can suck the life out of us…..

Schedule a daily download, weekly date night, yearly getaway.

Let’s be honest, some day the kids will be gone and it will just be the two of you.  Joe and I always enjoy our little get aways because it reminds us that we still like each other.

Always be on the same team.

(Your kids need to see a united front.  They need to know

that the world does not revolve around them. This is an easy trap to fall

into.  Don’t do it!   In mom’s heart, dad is first, and in dad’s

heart, mom is first.  Studies show how this provides a sense of security

and belonging for children.  When there is tension in your marriage,

kids sense it.  That doesn’t mean you can’t argue, disagree, or

fight.  In fact, kids can learn a lot from conflict.  But they need to have the secure feeling that even though things are kind of crappy in the house right now, everything is going to be ok.)

Joe:

2.  Talk the Talk

Joe: 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk

of them when you sit in your house

Rules without Relationship = rebellion

Situational Learning: using life circumstances to point back to God’s way of living.

Amy: We haven’t been very consistent about family devotions or reading

bible stories to our kids.  We just try to weave it into everyday life or

discussions we are forced to have with them because of their behavior or a life

situation they have encountered.  Our kids are PKs, and whether you know it or not, they sacrifice a lot for their dad to do his job

Pastor meme pic

But PK or not, there are two verses I forced my kids to memorize/be familiar with….

Ephesians 4:29  (ESV)

29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but

only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give

grace to those who hear.

Words matter. Sibling relationships are important.  We don’t tolerate

unkind words said to siblings.  I love it when our kids “bond”...hang out and watch a movie together, play a video game, do a workout.

Proverbs 13:20 (ESV)

20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the

companion of fools will suffer harm.

We want our kids to understand that the friends they choose

matter. Bad company corrupts good morals.  They will carry this with them throughout life!

Phones/social media???

3. Walk the Walk

Joe  and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and

when you rise.

Experience life with them

Connect before you correct….

4 stages of Kids and parents

Idolize

Demonize

Utilize

Humanize

Love languages

Prov 22:6 (ESV)

Train up a child in the way he should go;

even when he is old he will not

depart from it.

B Experiences vs Expenditures

Experience hurt with them

Have them work with you

Amy: Walking through life with kids can be completely overwhelming.  Little kids little problems. Big kids big problems.

Examples of parents loving their kids:  Matt 15 (mother begged Jesus to heal her daughter). Mark 9 (father brought his son to Jesus to be healed).  They brought their children to Jesus.  Often we have to let go of the all-consuming issues of parenting and give them to Jesus.

QNA

Joe

John 19:26-27

26 When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” 27 Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.

Communion with kids

Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV)

6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.