Finding Your Way

Finding Your Way Through the Fog

Clear Thinking for Confusing Times

From Colossians

Bruce Goettsche

Introduction

1  The Serious Need to Find Our Way

2  In Search of the Real Christ

3  Communicating the Truth of the Gospel

4  Doctrine in a Bottle

5  The Cancer Within

6  Watching What You Eat

7  A Spiritual Exercise Program

8  A Poster for Spiritual Maturity

9  Forgiveness: Letting Go of the Hurt

10 Job Description of a Disciple

11 Marriage God’s Way

12 The Christian Family

13 God and Your Job

14 Final Thoughts

Dedication

To Maggie, Rick and Rachel

Richard and Grace Goettsche

Mike and Donna Lawrence

Hiram, Janis, Kaitlyn and Lauren Kinser

My family, my foundation and God’s treasured gift

Acknowledgments

          After my first book, Faith Lessons: Lessons in Faith from Genesis, was published the most common question people asked me was, “How long did it take you to write the book?” That’s a difficult question. In one sense every book is a product of a lifetime of influences. And every book gets into print because of the encouragement and help of many.

            I am so grateful for my family. They not only enthusiastically encourage my writing; they allow me time to write. This book (like the last one) is largely a product of their love. 

            Thank you to the congregation of the Union Church of La Harpe, Illinois. I have been their teacher for twenty years, but I have also been their student. I have learned from their wisdom, been spurred on by their encouragement and friendship, and been delighted by their sense of humor and joyful approach to the journey called life. I love my job because I love the people I work with, and they love me.

            Thank you to the people of La Harpe, Illinois and the surrounding communities. I grew up in Chicago but I love living in rural America. I love the fact that it’s hard to go anywhere in our community without it taking twice as long as it should because you have to stop and visit with people. I love the way everyone rallies around when someone has a need. And I cherish the way everyone celebrates milestones. They celebrated when my first book got published, and their joy increased my own.

            Thanks to the Wednesday morning guys. Your commitment, honesty, enthusiasm, sense of humor and love over these many years we have studied together has deepened my life. I consider you guys to be my dearest friends.

            Thank you to Tom and Nancy Freiling and the staff at Xulon Press for their hard work, their encouragement and their consistently wise suggestions. Working with someone as experienced as Tom has been educational and fun. I’ve appreciated his continuing support and counsel. I respect Tom as a publisher and have come to cherish him as a friend.

            Thank you to Ray Pritchard once again for his encouragement and wise counsel. What a treasure it has been to have a successful author willing to take time to instruct and encourage me.

            Thank you to Sherry Blanchard for reading the manuscript and for her helpful and encouraging suggestions. Thank you also to Angie Kiesling for another great job of editing.

            And though it may sound trite, I do thank the Lord God Almighty for His grace in my life. Each day is an adventure and a delight because God placed His hand on my life. As I grow in the faith I become more aware of the greatness of my need and the wonder of His grace. May He be pleased with this book and may He use it for His glory and honor.

Introduction

            I remember the night I heard that Dannen died. Dannen, a redheaded fireball filled with life and joy, was a junior in high school and my son’s classmate since kindergarten. He and his friend Stuart were coming home from visiting Dannen’s sister for “sibling weekend” at the University of Illinois. The route they traveled was very familiar. They went over the train tracks they had gone over dozens of times before. The gates were up and traffic was steady. But this time as they crossed the tracks they were struck broadside by a passenger train and killed instantly.

            The investigation showed that a railroad worker had neglected to reconnect the crossing gates after some work was done on the gates. The railroad admitted 100 percent responsibility for the first time in its history. The train came around the corner with no warning. Dannen didn’t have a chance.

            Anytime someone dies suddenly it is devastating, but in a small town the devastation is multiplied. A fog descended on our community and in my life. I was stunned, confused, merely going through the motions. It’s been a couple of years, but much of that fog remains.

            One year after Dannen’s death, my wife and I returned from going out to dinner for our anniversary and I learned that Ryan, a young man from our church, had been hurt in a work-related accident. He was in critical condition. Ryan was in his early twenties and in love. I had known Ryan for years and liked him. Over the previous few months he got involved in our church with his girlfriend, and his spiritual life was beginning to take hold. He was starting to think about marriage. Just days before the accident he attended “Bring-a-Friend” Sunday and brought his brother and dad as his “friends.”

            It was a freak accident. Ryan was working with his uncle and grandfather in a confined space when a pressure pump blew up and hit him in the head. One minute he was filled with life, the next he was motionless. He never regained consciousness. So much life, gone in an instant. The fog rolled in once again. In times of tragedy life becomes very confusing.

            Perhaps you were one of the millions who stared at your television in disbelief as terrorists struck the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Our entire country seemed dazed for weeks.

            But life isn’t just confusing in tragic times. The aging process brings about a certain haze. Disease throws us off balance. Our hearing, vision and memory get muddy. A midlife crisis may lead us to question our values and personal worth. It’s not uncommon for people in a midlife fog to do bizarre things. They feel like life is slipping away, and they’re overwhelmed with the question “Is this all there is to life?”

            The wide variety of religious or spiritual beliefs that affirm different (and often contradictory) truth creates a fog of spiritual perception. On every street corner, it seems, a new religion calls to any who will listen. New Age gurus encourage us to “focus” and use the energy within us. Islam and the occult, both growing in popularity, offer to serve as guides for life.

            Even in the “Christian” world it is easy to be confused. There are people who scream, sweat, wear too much makeup, fall over as if dead (slain by the Spirit), and preoccupy themselves with prosperity. Others seem to make Christianity and the Republican agenda synonymous. Still others deny basic tenets of the faith and proclaim that we ought to tone down our rhetoric and embrace all religions as equal. No wonder so many people are confused about what Christianity really believes.

            Chances are, you have your own list of things that bring a fog to your life:

• aging parents
• a declining body
• false accusations
• a job termination
• a failed pregnancy
• a financial reversal
• a spouse who seeks divorce
• the death of someone you love

            This book is about finding your way through the foggy times of life. No matter what causes the fog, the key to getting through the fog is the same. We must have a firm grasp of what is true and a set of values we can rely on, even when we aren’t thinking straight.

            One night my son and I had to travel to the hospital. He broke his finger in basketball practice, and it needed attention. The hospital is thirty minutes away from our home--usually. On this night the fog was so thick the thirty-minute trip took us ninety minutes. Much of the time I could only creep along at 20 mph.

            It was a stressful trip but we kept moving forward. We were able to keep going because we knew the road well, we kept our eyes on the centerline and we knew what landmarks to look for.

            It’s the same way you and I will get through the foggy times of life. We need to know the truth and have solid values to guide us. We need something dependable in the uncertain times of life. The Bible provides us with these invaluable resources.

            Paul wrote to the church in Colosse because false teachers were infiltrating the congregation, confusing the people. They questioned their values. Their beliefs became uncertain. In this short and wonderful letter, Paul gives the Colossians the tools they need to survive the confusion. The centuries have passed but the same tools still serve very well.

            Paul begins his letter by directing us to our firm foundation. When I took my son to the hospital it was important to know the road well and to keep our eye on the centerline.  Before you and I can find our way through the fog we have to be focused on the centerline of faith.  The first five chapters of this book and the first two chapters of Paul’s letter to the Colossians establish that centerline. These chapters may be slow reading but they are essential if you want to find your way through the fog.

            The second thing Paul does is give us a set of values (or landmarks) that we can depend on. Chapters 6-14 in this book (and chapters 3-4 in Colossians) deal with these core values--principles and disciplines we can trust when life gets confusing.  These chapters are very practical.

            I have not written this book as a commentary. The market is full of many great commentaries already. Some are listed in the footnotes. What I am trying to do is answer a specific question: What truths will give us the anchor we need for turbulent times?

            I hope you find my reflections on Paul’s words to be helpful, practical and interesting. Each chapter includes discussion questions at the end to help you interact with the text. I also hope you’ll consider using the book for a Sunday school class or Bible study.

            Thank you for joining me on this journey. I am honored that you have entrusted me with your time. I pray that God would help us not only to find our own way in the fog, but also to become “fog lights” to those around us.

One

 The Serious Need to Find Our Way

Colossians 1:1-14

            It seemed like a typical flight for Jay Kesler, the former president of Youth for Christ and Taylor University, but it wasn’t. When the flight attendant served lunch, the young man next to him declined a lunch tray. Instead, he sat with his head bowed, apparently in prayer.

            Impressed, and a little humbled, by the man’s devotion, Kesler asked the young man if he might be a Christian, since it appeared he was fasting. The man’s reply shook Kesler to the core of his being. “No, I’m not a Christian. I am a Satan worshiper, and the members of my church have agreed to fast every Friday at noon. During that time we pray that the leaders of the Christian world will fall. We pray specifically that they will fall into sexual sin and that their family life would crumble.”

            The account takes my breath away. I don’t want to believe that the antagonism against Christianity is really this strong. But Paul spoke plainly when he wrote, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph. 6:12).

            A spiritual battle that is invisible to the naked eye rages all around us. It’s not a figure of speech; it is very real. It’s not a game; it is a matter of spiritual life and death. The devil and his army are hard at work seeking to derail and minimize God’s people. These forces are crafty and persistent. Whether we recognize it or not, we are part of an enormous battle. The evidence is staggering.

• There is rising interest in the occult; television commercials urge us to call our psychic guides or to get a free tarot reading.
• The New Age movement exalts the “god that is within each of us.” The idea of spirit guides and channeling is commonplace. It is not uncommon to hear people talking about their “past lives.”
• The Internet peddles pornography without discrimination. Television is filled with talk shows hosted by those openly antagonistic to Christian belief. They belittle, ridicule and promote revolt against the Christian mindset.
• Spiritual talk is so prevalent on television that the words have lost their Christian meaning.
• Christians are called bigots because of their moral stands and their willingness to label certain practices “sin.” They are called hate mongers because they claim there is only one way to salvation.
• Biblical illiteracy is on the rise, and a staggering theological poverty exists in Christian churches. There is less concern with fidelity to the truth and more concern with drawing bigger crowds. Theology is sacrificed for pop psychology and a pandering to the cravings of men. Worship is more entertaining than reverent.

The prayers of the Satan worshipers are being answered. We are under assault.

            The people in first-century Colosse faced a situation not too different from our own. Satan’s tactics have not changed much over the years. He has constantly used contemporary culture to try to turn us away from faith in God.

            A wide variety of travelers came through city due to the nearby trade route. These travelers brought with them a host of contemporary ideas and offbeat religions. Colosse was a “global village.” These foreign ideas and slick arguments confused the young church in Colosse. As the theological fog descended on the church, the apostle Paul got out his parchment and dictated a letter.

            From the opening words of the letter, Paul goes on the offensive. The Satanist on the airplane knew the power of prayer, and so did the apostle Paul.

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way.

                                                                      Colossians 1:9-10

            Three times in the first ten verses Paul tells the Colossians he is praying for them. Paul knew that if these Christians were going to stay faithful in a world where public opinion ran against them, they would need his prayers on their behalf. And they would need to pray. If you and I hope to stand in the fierce spiritual battle that is raging around us, we will need to learn to pray as well.

What Is Prayer?

            The first question we must ask is the most elementary question: What is prayer? The simple answer to that simple question is: Prayer is talking with God. We pray when we open our heart to the Almighty.

            Have you noticed that many people seem to think prayer is something spoken in Shakespearean English, rich in theological terminology and engulfed in religious piety? Some believe prayer can only take place in church and only in a certain posture. In other words, many people view prayer as awkward, foreign and ritualistic. But you can sound and look holy and still be talking only to yourself. True prayer is simply sharing your heart with the Father.

            I love the story of a young man who met Christ after many years of wild living. After his conversion he went to his first prayer meeting. People around him spoke eloquently and knew all the catchwords (“bless,” “be with,” “anoint,” “guide,” etc.). The new convert didn’t know what he was supposed to say, so he stood to pray and said, “Lord, this is Sam. I’m not sure whether You remember me or not . . . I met You last Tuesday night. I just wanted to say, well, thank You for changing my life.” And then he sat down. The simplicity and honesty of that prayer brought tears to the eyes of many. I suspect it also brought a smile to the face of the Father.

            True prayer is honest and humble, a personal communication with the God of the universe. You don’t need a special vocabulary or a certain look. Prayer is simply talking to God from your heart.

Four Reasons to Pray

            There are many reasons to pray. Let me list four. The first reason to pray is because it is a great privilege. Suppose you were given thirty minutes to talk to the president of the United States. Would you consider that an honor? Would you prepare diligently and choose your words carefully? You bet you would.

            I would love to sit down and talk to some of the authors who have impacted my life. I would love to tell them what their books have meant to me. I’d love to know how they get their ideas, where they find their illustrations and what wisdom they’ve learned about their craft over the years. I’d like to know the person behind the words.

            I wish I could have thirty minutes with Moses, Abraham, David or Noah. I’d love to ask about the details of their stories. I have a million questions. I’d love to hear about their experiences with the Almighty.

            But can you think of any greater honor than to have an audience with the One who rules over all creation? That’s what prayer is. It is an invitation to talk with the One who put the stars in place. Prayer is our chance to obtain counsel from the One who is truth and wisdom. It is an opportunity to sit down with the One who knows all things. The Puritan John Preston lays it out very plainly:

Prayer is a privilege purchased by the blood of Jesus Christ. Christ died for this end; it cost him the shedding of his blood, so that we, through him, might have entrance to the throne of grace. And will you let such a privilege as this lie still? If you do, so far as is in you, you cause his blood to be shed in vain. For if you neglect the privileges gotten by that blood, you neglect the blood that procured them. [1]

            Conversation is a part of any vital and growing relationship. We measure the quality of a marriage by how well a couple communicates. To state it another way, one of the first indications that a marriage is in trouble is the lack of communication. The same is true for our relationship with the Father. True, honest, heartfelt conversation is a sign of a healthy relationship. A lack of such conversation is a sign of a relationship in trouble. We should pray because it is a great privilege.

            Second, we should pray because we are in a fierce battle. As we’ve already mentioned, the followers of the Evil One are praying and marshalling their forces against us. We ought to prepare as well.

            Think how foolish it would be to head into a battle with rocks in hand while the enemy was coming at you with guns, tanks, fighter jets and tomahawk missiles. When we try to fight the devil in our own strength, we are being just as foolish. We need to pray because we need the strength that the Lord can give us.

            Do you find it at all instructive that Jesus, the incarnate (God in flesh) Son of God, found it necessary to pray? If He did not feel He could face the battle in His own strength, neither should we.

            Third, prayer is a deterrent to sin in our lives. In the quiet times of private, honest prayer, God exposes the rationalizations we use to cover our sin. In prayer God holds a mirror up to our lives so we can see the way we really are, and repent.

            I remember a time when I was complaining to the Lord about a particular person in prayer. I felt I had a right to complain. The person was arrogant and had publicly ridiculed beliefs I held dear. At least that’s the way I felt at the beginning of my prayer.

            As I voiced my complaints to the Lord He began to probe my heart. Quietly, God’s Spirit questioned my own arrogance at presuming to know what this person was thinking. He pushed me to consider the possibility that this person was just insecure and really wanted to be liked. He even questioned whether I might be the one who was being petty!

            I didn’t like what I was hearing, but the Lord was right. I was acting childish (not Christian) toward a fellow believer. I was unwilling to overlook faults that I hoped others would overlook in me. And when I finished my prayer I had a new attitude. I knew I might never be a friend of this person, but I was resolved not to be an enemy.

            We are so good at justifying our sin. We can rationalize every wrong, excuse any wickedness and make our greatest weakness sound noble. But we can’t get away with that in the presence of the Lord. When we really talk to God we can’t pretend, because He knows the truth. We can’t hide, because He knows where to find us. We can’t make excuses, because He sees our heart. Prayer helps us live honest and pure lives.

            Finally, prayer makes a difference. Prayer is mysterious. I know the Lord knows what I need before I ask Him. I know He doesn’t need my permission or help to change a person’s life. I know the Lord’s will is not fickle. I know His wisdom is not limited so that He needs my insights. So why pray?

            We pray because we know that circumstances change when people pray. Diseases are often healed, strength is imparted, guidance is given, hearts are softened, needs are met. I know that when I pray for others, it helps them. But I also know that when I pray, I am changed. I don’t know how prayer “works” in the scheme of God’s providence, but I do know that when I pray as He has instructed me, things change.

            I wish I could remember how many times someone has told me that as they went through a crisis they sensed the prayers of God’s people. They reported a remarkable peace, an enhanced clarity of thought and a strength that defies logical explanation. Prayer makes a difference.

The Content of Prayer

            Many people don’t pray because they don’t know what to say. Notice how Paul prays for the Colossians. He does not focus on the material and temporal, as we often do. He is not primarily concerned with the Colossians’ comfort. He is concerned about their growth and faithfulness as Christians.

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

                                                                                      Colossians 1:9-13

Discerning God’s Will

            Paul’s first request is that “God…fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” Paul’s primary concern is for the Colossians to grow in their love and understanding of God’s will, and to be empowered and led by that will.

            I wonder what would happen if we started to pray in this way. I suspect your prayers are often like mine; we pray for people to feel better, to overcome difficult circumstances and to come to salvation. We are concerned with surface matters. When was the last time you asked

·       that the sick person be able to glorify God in their sickness?

·       that the missionary find depth in their personal relationship with God?

·       that your children experience an authentic, fruitful relationship with Christ?

·       that our churches grow in obedience, holiness and love for the Lord?

·       that we see beyond the outward appearance of those around us and see the person through the eyes of God?

            Our goal in prayer should be for God’s will to be done in and through our lives. I know some pastors believe that praying “Thy will be done” is a weak prayer. And it is, if we are just repeating the words. But there is nothing weak about seeking God’s will in our lives. Jesus was not praying a weak prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane.

            We must remember that our inheritance is not mansions, fast cars, fame, fortune and large-screen TVs. That stuff is not our inheritance, He is. Our inheritance is found in relationship, not in possessions. We need faithfulness more than health. We need relationship more than riches. In fact, when we have found God’s will we don’t need the other things at all!

Pray to Do God’s Will

            Paul not only prays that the Colossians discern God’s will, he prays that they might have the power to do God’s will. In verse 10 Paul asks that the Colossians might understand “in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way.” We pray often for God to give us wisdom. We need to pray just as often for God to give us courage to live according to the wisdom He gives.

            Have you ever had the sense that God was nudging you to do something? Perhaps it was to make a phone call to an old friend or to stop by and visit a person confined to their home. Maybe God whispered for you to give a certain sum of money to your church or to a family you had never met. Maybe He prompted you to mend a relationship or to reach out to a stranger. How many times have you had that “sense” and ignored it? I have ignored those whispers more than I have the courage to admit.

            We need to pray that God will give us courage to do what He tells us to do. We should ask that God give us the courage to

·       run from tempting situations

·       forgive rather than stew in bitterness

·       profess our faith rather than hide it

·       give of ourselves rather than indulge ourselves

·       trust rather than fret

·       repent rather than justify

Let’s pray that Christians everywhere will not just know God’s will but will do God’s will.

LIFE LESSONS

            I feel like a novice when it comes to prayer. I struggle just like you do. But the fact that we struggle doesn’t mean we should give up. I’m not very good with household repairs, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to fix things (even though everyone keeps telling me to stop trying to be so helpful). I don’t stop rooting for the Chicago Cubs, Bears, Blackhawks and Bulls just because they struggle (although I do sometimes cry myself to sleep). We shouldn’t stop working at prayer either.

            Here are a few suggestions on how to get serious about the spiritual battle we are engaged in.

1) Set aside a time for prayer. Write it in your day-timer or put it on your. Get up early. Find a quiet place. Give prayer priority in your schedule. Determine that prayer is so important you will find time for it even if you have to skip breakfast, leave the paper unread or miss the news. Satan will always try to convince you to put prayer off. The most difficult believer to derail is the one on his knees.

2) Discuss your life with the Father. Too many times we “do our prayers” and then move on. We present a list of the sick and lost in our lives and figure we have done our duty. But we never get personal. Talk honestly about your struggles, your fears and your calendar. Present the day’s decisions to the Lord. Talk to Him about the things that make your heart churn. And don’t just talk to God; take time to listen carefully. Let the Father show you where you need to grow.

3) Use the Word of God as a starting point. Read through a passage of Scripture and then apply it to your life. Use the Psalms as a model of heartfelt prayer. When you read a command to “forgive others,” ask God to help you release the bitterness and hurt that make you resist that command. When you read about the importance of “thinking pure thoughts,” confess those areas where your thinking is polluted, and ask God for His help. When you are told to “go into the world and proclaim the gospel,” ask God for opportunities and the boldness to obey. This practice will help you focus on the deeper issues rather than the superficial.

4) Keep a prayer list. The prayer list will not only help you remember those who are in need, it will help you be aware of the answers God sends your way. It will show you that God is listening. Put your family, your friends, your fellow workers or classmates on the list. Pray for your pastor and those in the public eye. Pray for those who share their hearts in their books (please!). Don’t forget to add the personal issues God is working on in your life: your attitude, your use of time, your calendar, your integrity and your finances. Be specific in your praying. You will never know that God has answered your prayers if you aren’t specific in what you pray.

5) Don’t tell someone you will pray for them--pray for them. Right where you are, quietly say a prayer for your friend. It helps them to hear you pray for them, and it helps you to do it right now. How many times have you told someone you would pray and then forgot about your promise until you saw them the next time? Don’t let that happen. When someone asks for prayer, pray right then and there.

6) Read books on prayer and read biographies of people who prayed. Don’t do this instead of praying, do it as an encouragement to prayer. These books and resources remind us of the things the devil hopes we forget. They will spur us on.

7) Write out your prayers. Do you sometimes ramble in prayer? I do. Sometimes I find myself praying words and not really paying attention to what I’m saying. I may be talking holy but I’m disengaged. When we write out our prayers we are more focused. We choose our words more precisely, we think things through more fully and we slow down rather than rush.

            There are no quick-fix gimmicks for our prayer lives. Just as other relationships take time and energy to develop, our relationship with God will take time and energy to develop as well. We must be persistent and consistent in our prayers.

            Satan does not want us to have any genuine prayer time with the Father. He wants us to do battle on our own because he knows he can defeat us if we work in our strength rather than His. And just to be sure, the devil has enlisted a whole army of volunteers that apparently give their lunch hour to cheer him on in his attempts to derail our spiritual life.

Discussion Questions

1.     Do you think the prayer of the Satanist mentioned at the beginning of this chapter has any power? If so, where does the power come from?

2.     Which of the four reasons for prayer do you find most compelling?

3.     When you evaluate what you pray for, what percentage of your prayers is for physical things? What percentage is directed at heart issues?

4.     What is the greatest obstacle to prayer in your life?

5.     What things have you found helpful to keep you focused in prayer?

6.     What one suggestion will you use right away from this chapter?

Two

 In Search of the Real Christ

Colossians 1:15-20

            I am amazed at what can be done with computers today. You’ve probably seen a photograph that has been retouched. You can place a man’s head on the body of a beautiful female model. You can put yourself in a picture with a famous celebrity. You can pull in your gut, add hair to your head, increase your bust size, narrow your hips, and change the length of your nose or the color of your eyes. You can even pass these changes off as what you really look like--as long as you never plan to meet in person!

            What is fun with computers is deadly when it comes to faith. Today there is a “morphing” going on with the person and nature of Jesus Christ. People alter His appearance and nature to make Him fit their ideas of what He “ought” to be. In New Age religions Jesus is presented as a nice guy who shows us what humans can achieve. In Mormonism Jesus is presented as our “elder brother.” He is a god--just like the rest of us can be. Islam presents Jesus as a great prophet (not as great as Mohammed) sent only to the Jews. And many other religions see Jesus as an astounding revolutionary, a great moral teacher and certainly one of the most influential people of history. They all balk, however, at the thought that He is in the “very likeness of God” (Heb. 1:3) and the only way of salvation.

            If you stop the average person on the street, they will generally have good things to say about Jesus. Many will call him Lord. Some will call him Savior. But let me caution you. Whenever you ask anyone about Jesus, listen very carefully and ask the person to define their terms. What does a person mean when they call Jesus “Lord”? Is it merely a form of address, a formal title, a religious catchphrase, or are they claiming Christ to be the ruler of their life and the only way of salvation?

            In what sense do they call Jesus “Savior”? Is He the Savior because He shows us how to live in a way that pleases God? Is He Savior because He taught us to believe in ourselves and in each other? Or is He the Savior because He died as our substitute; the One who bore the wrath that we were due?

            “Who is Jesus?” is the key question to separating truth from error. If a teaching is wrong about Jesus it leads you away from God rather than toward Him. Consequently we need to understand who Jesus really is. Paul writes:

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

                                                                                         Colossians 1:15-20

He Is Unique

            When I was younger my youth group took a trip to the B’hai temple in Wilmette, Illinois. At the time, we were exploring the beliefs of other religions. As we took the tour we walked into one room where several pictures hung on the wall: Moses, Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, Confucius and the founder of the B’hai faith. We were told that God had sent many prophets through the years. One of those prophets was Jesus. The tour guide had lots of nice things to say about our Lord. But to him, Jesus was just one of the prophets. The “latest” prophet was the one who founded the B’hai faith.

            Paul affirmed that Jesus was more than one of the prophets. He speaks in much stronger terms: “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.” In other scriptures similar statements are made:

“The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by His powerful word” (Heb. 1:3).

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made” (John 1:1-3).

“The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” (2 Cor. 4:4).

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped” (Phil. 2:5-6).

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good” (Titus 2:11-14).

            The doctrine of the nature of Christ has been widely debated throughout the course of Christian history. Some deny the deity, or God nature, of Christ. They contend that Jesus reveals God, He points us to God and He represents God. But they would not say that He is God. He was a great man, but only a man. To assert that the Father is God, the Son is God and the Holy Spirit is God is to claim there are three Gods, they believe (this is the contention of Islam). The Bible doesn’t seek to explain this mind-boggling concept of the trinity--that three persons are one in essence. It simply declares that God is one and then calls the Father God, the Son God and the Holy Spirit God.

            Others deny the human nature of Christ. They go to the opposite extreme. They teach that God “borrowed” Christ’s body at His baptism and left before the cross. They believe the physical realm is evil and God could never be a part of the human existence. But the apostle John states in 1 John, “Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God: and every spirit that confesses not that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God: and this is the spirit of antichrist” (1 John 4:2-3). Jesus was divine (God) and human.         

            He is unique among men. Jesus is unique among men. When we accept Christ as Savior and Lord, we are empowered by Christ and filled with the Holy Spirit, but we do not become God.

            Jesus is not “the best that man can be.” He is God. He makes us sons of God when we come to Him in faith. But Jesus is the Son of God. We are not, and never will be, the same as Jesus. We will forever be the created. He is the Creator. When you hear someone claim that we become “little gods,” or that God will live in us the same way He did in Christ, or that every believer is just as much of an incarnation as Jesus was, remember one word for such teaching: blasphemy.

            God loves us, He has placed His Spirit in us, He sees the Lord reflected in us, and we will gradually reflect more and more of His character, but we will never be the Son. We will never be eternal. We will never be the Creator. We will never be the One to whom “every knee shall bow.” Jesus is unique among men.

            He is unique among religious teachers. Jesus is also unique among other religious teachers. C. S. Lewis made the classic statement

If you had gone to Buddha and asked him ‘Are you the son of Bramah?’ he would have said, ‘My son, you are still in the vale of illusion.’ If you had gone to Socrates and asked, ‘Are you Zeus?’ he would have laughed at you. If you had gone to Mohammed and asked, ‘Are you Allah?’ He would first have rent [torn] his clothes and then cut your head off. If you had asked Confucius, ‘Are you Heaven?’ I think he would have probably replied, “remarks which are not in accordance with nature are in bad taste.’ The idea of a great moral teacher saying what Christ said is out of the question. In my opinion, the only person who can say that sort of thing is either God or a complete lunatic suffering from that form of delusion which undermines the whole mind of man. We may note in passing that He was never regarded as a mere moral teacher. He did not produce that effect on any of the people who actually met Him. He produced mainly three effects--Hatred - Terror - Adoration. There was no trace of people expressing mild approval.[2]

            No other religious teacher claims to have created the world. No other religious teacher is willing to claim that He is eternal. And no other religious teacher can back up his statements with his resurrection from the dead!

He Is Supreme

            Paul does not stop at telling us that Jesus is uniquely God in human form. He also emphasizes the supremacy of Christ.

            He is the Creator. Listen to these words: “For by him all things were created.” Jesus was not one of the created; He was the Creator! And notice that this creation included not just the creation of the earth. He created all things “in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities.” Everything that exists comes from Him. He alone is supreme. He alone is God.

            In Paul’s day there was a great fascination and worship of angels. But our text reminds us that He made the angels! The worship of angels or any spiritual being is idolatry because it is the worship of the created rather than the Creator.

            Jesus is not only the agent of creation; He is the reason for creation. Paul says, “All things were created by him and for him” (v. 16). The purpose of creation was to bring praise and honor to the Son. In the Book of Philippians we read, “God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Phil. 2:9-11).

Do you see the practical nature of these truths?

• Since Christ created all things, we owe our allegiance and our worship to Him.
• Since Christ created all things, He understands who we are and what we need better than we do ourselves.
• Since Christ created all things, nothing can hurt us if we rest in Him. No power in the world is superior to His.
• Since Christ is the end of all things, only the person who follows Him is heading in the right direction.

            He is the firstborn from the dead. What does this phrase mean? It means He is the One who knows the way from death to life. Jesus is the One who leads the way. He is the One who pioneered the path to eternity. If we want to find life beyond the grave we must follow Him. There is no other way of salvation.

            He is supreme over all.  The passage ends with these words: “so that in everything he might have supremacy.” Jesus is supreme. There is no one above Him, no one more important. He is to have first place in our

·       thinking

·       worship

·       work

·       families

·       leisure activities

·       time with friends

·       use of our money

·       use of our time

·       relationships with others

·       ambitions

·       dreams

He Is the Sustainer

            Jesus is not only “before all things,” but we are also told that “in him all things hold together.” Jesus did not create the world and then walk away. His leadership and Lordship over creation are essential for every moment of every day.

            He is the One who keeps things going. He makes the sun to shine, the rain to fall, the earth to rotate, the seasons to come and go. He is the One who grants life to our bodies. At any given moment He could withdraw His hand and we would be finished.

            If we recognize Jesus as the Sustainer we will live gratefully. We will understand that every day we live is a gift from God. We owe Him our life. Jesus is not an optional part of our lives--He is essential.

He Is Sufficient

            The final point Paul makes is in verses 19-20: “For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”

            Paul tells us that everything necessary for our redemption was accomplished through Christ’s work on our behalf. Nothing needs to be added to His work. We don’t have to “look for God”--He has made Himself available to us in Christ. Author Max Lucado draws us a picture:

Want to know the coolest thing about his coming? Not that the One who played marbles with the stars gave it up to play marbles with marbles. Or that the One who hung the galaxies gave it up to hang doorjambs to the displeasure of a cranky client who wanted everything yesterday but couldn't pay for anything until tomorrow.

Not that he, in an instant, went from needing nothing to needing air, food, a tub of hot water and salts for his tired feet, and, more than anything, needing somebody--anybody--who was more concerned about where he would spend eternity than where he would spend Friday's paycheck.

Not that he kept his cool while the dozen best friends he ever had felt the heat and got out of the kitchen. Or that he gave no command to the angels who begged, "Just give the nod, Lord. One word and these demons will be deviled eggs."

Not that he refused to defend himself when blamed for every slut and sailor since Adam. Or that he stood silent as a million guilty verdicts echoed in the tribunal of heaven and the giver of light was left in the chill of a sinner's night.

Not even that after three days in a dark hole he stepped into the Easter sunrise with a smile and a swagger and a question for lowly Lucifer--"Is that your best punch?"

That was cool, incredibly cool.

But want to know the coolest thing about the One who gave up the crown of heaven for a crown of thorns?

He did it for you. Just for you.[3]

            The way of salvation is this: “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved.” That’s it. Salvation is found only through Christ. There are not many ways to salvation; there is only one. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). We don’t need psychics, and we don’t need formulas. We don’t need anything but Christ’s work on our behalf. He is the only way to eternal life. We cannot simply nod our heads when someone says, “After all, we’re all going in the same direction.” We are not! Any other way of salvation is a delusion.

            Because Jesus is who He is, He is sufficient for our salvation. He is the only One who could supply the perfect righteousness (or right living) that would clear our accounts. Jesus is the only One whose life and position is valuable enough to secure the salvation of anyone who believes in Him. Jesus took our place. He took the penalty we deserved. By His death we can be set free.

            Christ is not only sufficient for our salvation. He is sufficient for every area of our lives.

·       He is sufficient to fill the ache of loneliness.

·       He is sufficient to give strength for the trials.

·       His Word is a sufficient guide for your life.

·       His provision is sufficient for your needs.

·       His sacrifice is sufficient to pay for your sin.

·       His grace is sufficient to carry you to heaven.

·       His wisdom is sufficient to overcome your confusion.

LIFE LESSONS

            The first priority of the devil is to turn us away from Christ. If he can’t turn us away, he will seek to distort the true image of Christ so that we serve an illusion rather than reality. Jesus doesn’t help us find God. Jesus is God. When we “see Him we have already seen the Father.”

            Even our best television shows can lead us astray. The shows Touched by an Angel and 7th Heaven are touching dramas. They warm our hearts with their efforts to introduce people to the reality of God. They are among the best shows on television. However, don’t miss the fact that to be “politically correct” these shows minimize the uniqueness of Jesus. All faiths are equal. All roads lead to God. In this they lead us astray.

            A man purchased a new computer. He brought the thing home and set it up. He flipped on the power switch and nothing happened. He read the manual. He tried everything he could think of. As time passed he grew angrier and angrier. He was mad at the computer. He grumbled about the people who sold him the “defective piece of junk” and had no glowing words for the manufacturer. He was close to dropkicking the thing out the door when his young daughter came in and said, “Hey, cool computer, Dad. Can I plug it in?”

            Just as plugging the computer into the outlet is essential to getting it to work, having a clear picture of the nature of Christ is essential to a life of faith. In this day and age, when we are confused by all kinds of people who say “the answer is Jesus and…,” the Bible reminds us that the answer is Jesus--period.

            He is the One who can provide what you need for eternal life. He is the One who will equip you for life. He is the One who will see you through the hard times and give you everything you need for every situation. He is the One who answers the churning of your heart.

            I encourage you to do two things. First, listen to how Jesus is portrayed by those around you. Listen to the description of Jesus in your church. If the true Christ is not being presented, find out why. If necessary, go elsewhere.

            Listen to the description of Jesus in the media and how He is portrayed by other religions. Don’t settle for platitudes. Keep pushing until you know the truth.

            I attended an ordination service once. Pastors from churches of our denomination gathered to examine this man’s “calling.” The candidate for ordination began with what was called a simple statement of faith. It really was a mish-mash of personal history and philosophical meanderings. This was followed by an opportunity for questions. And I raised my hand.

            “In your statement I never heard anything about Jesus? Who is Jesus to you.”

            He responded, “I’m getting to that.”

            I apologized for asking the questions prematurely. He continued talking about his “faith history” and did talk about Jesus and the importance place Jesus held in His heart. But there was something superficial about his words, and I needed to hear more. When the time for questions came, I had my chance.

            “I’m still a little confused about your view of Jesus. Let me pose a question. If someone asked you how to get to heaven, what would you say?”

            He responded, “I’d tell them to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you’ll be saved.”

            I raised my hand again. At this point other pastors were looking at me. I guess this was a breech of protocol. This was supposed to be merely a formality, not a genuine examination. I said, “I certainly agree with such a scriptural answer, but I’m wondering if you would explain this in your own words.”

            What followed was a long and wandering discourse on faith. I knew this man was now trying to bury me with words, hoping I would just back off and not make him say publicly what he didn’t believe. At the end of his speech he made some comment about Jesus on the road to Emmaus.

            I raised my hand again. Since the allusion to the road to Emmaus was an obvious reference to the resurrection account in Luke, I decided to take a different approach to the issue. Since the resurrection is the cornerstone of our faith and the boldest declaration of Christ’s deity, I asked, “When you talked about the men walking with Christ on the road to Emmaus, do you believe these men were walking with the ‘idea’ of Christ or the ‘power of Christ,’ or were they walking with the actual risen-from-the-dead, present-in-the-flesh Jesus?”

            To his credit, he finally answered directly. “I would have to say I was more comfortable with the former than the latter.” In other words, he publicly confessed that he did not believe in the literal resurrection of Jesus.

            Sadly, this gathering of ministers still voted to ordain the man to pastoral ministry. (Incidentally, I left and would not participate in those proceedings.) Today he is leading others away from the One who alone can save. This may be just as scary a thought as the Satanist in chapter one. Please examine your teachers carefully!

            Second, you must answer a personal question: What is the basis of your hope? Who are you trusting to lead you to heaven? This is the preeminent question. Where you stand regarding Jesus Christ will determine whether or not you are a child of God. In the fog of human discussions on religion it all boils down to this one simple issue. Who is Jesus to you?

            One evening the great conductor Arturo Toscanini conducted Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. It was a brilliant performance. At the end of it, the audience went absolutely wild. They clapped, whistled and stomped their feet, caught up in the greatness of the performance. As Toscanini stood there, he bowed and bowed and bowed, then acknowledged his orchestra. When the ovation finally began to subside, Toscanini turned and looked intently at his musicians. He was almost out of control as he whispered, “Gentlemen! Gentlemen!” The orchestra leaned forward to listen. Was he angry? They could not tell. In a fiercely enunciated whisper, Toscanini said, “Gentlemen, I am nothing!” This was an extraordinary admission since Toscanini was blessed with an enormous ego. He added, “Gentlemen, you are nothing.” They had heard that same message before in rehearsal. “But Beethoven,” said Toscanini in a tone of adoration, “is everything, everything, everything!”

            This is the response of believers when they fully understand and appreciate the greatness of the work of Christ. When we truly believe and repent of our sins and realize all that Christ has done for us, no matter what the crowd says, no matter how many people applaud our greatness, we must say, “I am nothing, but He is everything, everything, everything!”

Discussion Questions

1.     What different views of the nature of Christ have you heard? Think about the view of Jesus held by: the Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Buddhism, Scientology and some of the current religious “fringe groups.” How do their views differ from the biblical view?

2.     What are some catchphrases that non-Christians may use to sound more “Christian”? How can you cut through this fog of deception?

3.     Review the key characteristics of the nature of Christ (He is unique, He is supreme, He is the sustainer, He is sufficient). What practical difference do these truths make to our daily living?

4.     Do you agree that a person’s understanding of who Jesus is really is the key issue?

5.     What does your church (and pastor) believe about the nature of Jesus?

6.     What things in your church (and in your life) stand in the way of the truth that Jesus is “everything, everything, everything”?

Three

 Communicating the Truth of the Gospel

Colossians 1:21-23

            For the last several years I have been invited to speak to the College Prep English Class in our local high school. I am asked to talk to the students about public speaking. The first point I always make is that the key to public speaking is to communicate.

            This sounds elementary, but it is the key point. The goal of public speaking is not just to express information, it is to pass on information in a way that is understandable and persuasive. Consequently we must be well prepared and choose our words carefully. It is foolish to use a computer metaphor to illustrate a point when speaking to a senior citizens group. It would be just as foolish to use an illustration about stock portfolios when talking to kindergarten students. You might be passing on valid information, but you would fail to communicate with your audience.

            Have you ever watched a television commercial that was captivating, but when it was over you had no idea what product it promoted? If I were the manufacturer of the product I would fire the advertisers. They may be great artists and skilled at creating a graphic image, but they shouldn’t be in advertising. They failed in their first responsibility: to make people aware of the benefits of your product.

            We need to keep these ideas in mind as we seek to present the gospel to contemporary society. We must speak clearly and in terms that people will understand. The gospel message can be quite confusing to people today. The real message is lost in talk about styles of worship, music, spiritual gifts, the sacraments of the church and denominational labels. Christians often talk in “code words” that the world does not understand. Sometimes we use these words because we have merely memorized the presentation but don’t really understand it.

            In this chapter we take a close look at Colossians 1:21-23. These verses state the gospel message in a nutshell. We’re going to look at those words and try to understand them so well that we have a firm foundation on which to build our own faith and are able to explain the life-saving truth to others.

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation--if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

Our Problem

            Paul reminds the Colossians of what they were before they became followers of Jesus--“alienated from God and…enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.” I bet you’ve never seen this verse on a Christian T-shirt or a refrigerator magnet!

            Paul understood that before we can ever hope to receive the message of salvation, we need to face the truth about ourselves. We delude ourselves into thinking we are decent people just looking for a break. But the Bible confronts that notion with strong words. The Bible tells us that before we become followers of Jesus, we are enemies of God. We are enemies in our thinking and in our behavior.

            Paul writes similar words to the Ephesians.

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.

                                                                                  vv. 2:1-3

            And you wonder why Paul spent so much time in jail? This is a scathing exposé on the human heart. Notice what he says:

·       We were spiritually dead and lifeless.

·       Our actions were characterized by sin and rebellion.

·       We were followers of the devil.

·       We were led by our sinful cravings.

·       We deserved God’s judgment.

·       This indictment applies to all of us without exception.

            Most of us recoil at such words. They seem overly strong. But they aren’t. Remember, the core problem of sin is not so much the “sins” we commit but rather the attitude of rebellion that dictates so much of what we do.

            Before we trusted Christ for salvation we may have sounded religious and even declared that we wanted to know God, but it wasn't really true. We didn’t want to know God; we wanted to control God. We wanted God to do what we wanted Him to do. We wanted Him to be our servant. We wanted to be God. We really had no interest in honoring and serving Him. In Romans 1:21-32 Paul makes his point relentlessly. Here is just a piece of that explanation.

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

                                                                                            Romans 1:21-23

            Paul tells us that sin, rebellion and wickedness are so prevalent in our lives that we don't even notice those things. Over time our conscience becomes numbed to the reality of good and evil. Do I overstate the case?

·       How do you explain how a man could command that tens of thousands of Jews be sent to the gas chamber?

·       How do you explain how a person could pick up a gun, walk into a school (or place of business) and start killing innocent people?

·       How do you explain how drug dealers can peddle death to children?

·       What other explanation is there for a person who has an adulterous relationship even though it will break the heart of family members?

·       How do you explain how quick we are to attack each other with our words even though we know it is wrong, destructive and can never be taken back?

·       Where do you think prejudice has its origin?

·       What other explanation can we give for how easily we justify our lies to each other and even on legal documents?

·       How do you explain why we break speed limit laws and disregard God’s commands about money?

·       How do you explain the rampant sexual abuse in our society? How can an adult victimize a child? How would you explain the brutality of forcing someone to be sexually intimate?

·       How do you explain the human tendency to assume the worst about people?

·       How else do we explain the popularity of raunchy talk shows that focus on the perverted behaviors of society?

            Our natural sinfulness is verified by simply looking around us. We can see that what the Bible says is true just by examining our own hearts. Without Jesus we are lost and rebellious. Listen to Paul’s devastating rebuke in Romans 3:

              There is no one righteous, not even one;

                        there is no one who understands,

              no one who seeks God.

                        All have turned away,

              they have together become worthless;

              there is no one who does good,

              not even one.

                        Their throats are open graves;

              their tongues practice deceit.

              The poison of vipers is on their lips.

                        Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.

                        Their feet are swift to shed blood;

                        ruin and misery mark their ways,

                        and the way of peace they do not know.

                        There is no fear of God before their eyes.

                                                       [emphasis added]

            When the Bible talks about sin and rebellion, it is not talking about the other guy. It is talking about you and me! But how can we be so bad when it seems like we’re pretty decent people? The answer is that we are really good at justifying our behavior. We soothe any latent pangs of conscience by

• Denial – “I didn't do anything wrong.”
• Diversion – “Everyone is doing it,” or “What gives you the right to call me a sinner?” If we can put the other person on the defensive then we can get them off our case. Sometimes we are even successful at putting the blame for our behavior onto another.
• Repression - We avoid any value judgment. We believe that if we never examine or discuss the rightness or wrongness of an action, the issue of morality becomes irrelevant.
• Rationalization – “It's not like it's stealing. The insurance company expects to pay this money, and they can afford it.” In other words, we try to explain that the evil we did was really a good thing.
• Redefinition - If we call our sin something other than sin, it doesn't seem so sinful anymore. So adultery becomes a “fling,” lying becomes “sparing another the painful truth,” gluttony becomes “eating too well,” greed becomes “seeking God's abundance” and a divisive spirit becomes “sharing my concerns.”

People may feel that the Bible is cruel when it calls us enemies of God. But let me ask you: Has Paul overstated the case?

            The story is told of a man who used to stop by a clock shop every morning to stare at one particular clock in the window. One morning the store owner came out (sensing a chance for a sale) and remarked that he had seen the man stop there every day to look at that “beautiful” clock. The stranger replied, “I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that I stop here every day because my watch is not very accurate. Every morning I synchronize my watch with this clock. You see, I am the time keeper at the factory and I am the one charged to blow the whistle at 4:00 to denote quitting time.” The shopkeeper laughed. He said, “I must admit that this clock is not very accurate either. Every day I set it by the 4:00 whistle at the factory.”

            When neither clock is a dependable standard, the standard will become more and more corrupted. This is what is happening in our world. People determine their standard of right and wrong (and their view of God) by the prevailing view of public opinion. And public opinion is determined by the prevailing standard of right and wrong! Is it any wonder then that our society is drifting deeper and deeper into the mire of perversity? There is no dependable standard of truth!

            G. K. Chesterton understood things clearly. He wrote a letter in response to a question posed in The Times of London. The question was: “What's Wrong with the World?” Chesterton replied, “I am. Yours truly, G. K. Chesterton.”

            This is the starting point of the gospel. People may be offended at Paul's words, but someone has to tell us the truth! Someone has to point out that we are on the road to destruction, not life. We cannot point people to grace and forgiveness unless we are honest about sin and condemnation.

God's Plan of Rescue

            Once we understand the problem, we can comprehend how God meets that need in Christ. Paul writes in Colossians 1:22, “Now He has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.”

            Notice several things. First, God is the One who does the reconciling. Most people believe the key to salvation (becoming friends rather than enemies of God) is to work harder or to believe better. When I ask people why they think they are going to heaven, the majority say it is because they have tried to be good or because they have always gone to church.

            But understand our condition. Unless something happens inside us, we have no interest in God. We do not seek Him, we do not love Him and we do not want Him. If salvation depends on you and I taking the initiative, none of us will be in heaven! Jesus said, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him” (John 6:44). God must work in us before we will even “want” to be saved. God has to change us on the inside before we will be willing to turn to Him.

            Second, notice that this salvation is made possible through Christ’s death (and resurrection). The perfect Son of God died for our rebellion and sin. He was executed in our place. It was as if we switched places at the cross. It was our penalty and our crime, but His death. The demands of justice were met, the penalty for the crime was paid, and we are set free.

            But there is still a question isn’t there? How can one man pay for the sin of millions of people? Let me draw you a picture that will help you understand.

            Suppose the president of the United States was under attack by an assailant. How many Secret Service officers do you think would give their lives to defend the president? If given the opportunity, they all would. In fact, our entire armed forces would give their lives to protect the president. Thousands, maybe even tens of thousands, would give their lives to protect the one life of the president.

            Is this one man really worth the loss of so many lives? Yes and no. No, the one man’s life is no more precious than any other. But, yes, the one life is worth many lives because of the office or position of that man. The thousands are not giving their lives for the man, but for the office.

            Let’s look at it another way. Suppose an embassy somewhere in the world has been taken hostage. And suppose the president offers to become a hostage so the others can be set free. If you were the one holding the hostages, would you make that trade? Of course you would. Why? Because the value that resides in this one man’s office is worth more than the value of many individuals.

            Stay with me here. If the office of president of the United States is more valuable than many men, how valuable do you think the position of the Son of God is? Jesus is able to pay for the sin of all who believe because of His office. It is because He is the Son of God that makes it possible for Him to pay for the sin of any who will trust Him. As the Son of God He is so valuable that His life is a fair trade for an eternity of repentant sinners.

            Christ’s death allows us to be presented “holy in His sight.” Not only is our debt paid by Christ’s death, His goodness is applied to our account. Think of it like a business debt.

            Suppose you were deep in debt and sure to lose your business. Then a man came into the store and gave you a check to pay all your past-due bills. Wouldn’t that be great? But what if this man not only gave you what you needed to pay your debt but also eliminated all trace of debt from your credit record and bank records? And what if this man also gave you the resources you needed to become successful and well respected in business?

            This is what Christ does for us. He not only wipes away our sin debt, He also applies His obedience or right living (righteousness) to our account. It’s not that we are perfect (we still struggle), but when we stand before the judgment seat, God’s sees Christ’s goodness instead of our sin. Isn't that a staggering thought?

            The devil will make a lot of noise. He will hurl all kinds of accusations against us, but none of these will be accepted in the court of God's justice. In Romans 8 Paul asks, “Who will bring any charge against God's elect? Nobody, it is God that justifies.” When God declares us forgiven, we are forgiven indeed.

What Do We Need to Do?

            Paul continues with these words, “If you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel….” Paul is not declaring that we will only be Christians if we never make a mistake in the future. He is affirming that salvation only comes to those who truly receive and trust Christ.

            Let me use marriage as an illustration. Are you really married if you had a fancy ceremony and then went off your separate ways? Legally you may be considered married, but true marriage is much more than simply going through a ceremony. Marriage is an ongoing relationship. It is a commitment that endures and perseveres.

            This is what Paul means here. Saying we love Christ and want to belong to Him is not enough. We can go through the ceremony, say a prayer, shed a tear and even get baptized, but a true commitment is measured by what happens following the profession. We must not only profess faith, we must possess it. Christianity is intensely practical. Paul tells us that we must follow through; we can’t just say that we believe--we must really believe.

            Believing in Christ means making a commitment to trust Christ with the rest of your life. It means deciding to live by His standard of right and wrong. It means continuing to follow Him even when we don’t understand what He is doing. Sure we will stumble. At times we will fall. But true faith keeps coming back to the Father seeking to realign its heart with His. And over time we will get closer to the goal.

            The faith that God wants from us is a willingness to “bet our life” on Christ. It means putting all our hope for eternity on what Christ did on our behalf. Truly trusting Christ means I abandon all efforts to save myself and instead follow Him. When we ask someone to make a “decision” for Christ, this is the decision we should be asking them to make.

LIFE LESSONS

            Three things as we conclude. First, I hope you have heard these things before. If you have been going to church all your life and this is the first time you have heard these truths, it is time to find a new church! Paul tells us “this is the gospel you have heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.” I hope this is the gospel you have heard over and over again.

            But maybe someone gave you this book as a gift. Maybe the message of salvation is new to you. Perhaps you’ve always felt that you could never be good enough to get to heaven. And you’re right. In fact, you are closer to the kingdom of God than the religious person who feels secure in his religious observances. You see, religious people trust what they are doing--they trust their own efforts. But you know that you cannot save yourself.

            The gospel message is for people like you and me. The message of salvation is offered to common people. It offers us a new beginning. It offers forgiveness, eternal life, and a new heart, spirit and direction for this life. I hope you will put down this book at the end of this chapter and make the commitment to “bet your life” on Jesus.

            Of course, it's possible that you have heard the gospel but have never made a decision regarding the truth proclaimed. A wedding ceremony is not a marriage, but it is a starting point. It's good to be able to look back on the day you made a conscious declaration of your commitment to your mate. In a similar way, it is helpful to be able to point to a particular day when you declared your faith in Christ. It helps keep us on track and focused. Have you made a commitment to trust Christ for today and forever?

            I’ve heard a riddle that asks, If three frogs are sitting on a log and two of them decide to jump in the water, how many are left on the log? Most people will answer, “One.” But the correct answer is “Three.” Why? Because deciding to jump and actually jumping are not the same thing. The frog is still on the log until he actually jumps off. Until then he is just “making a decision.” [4]

            Lots of people have reached a point of intellectual belief in the Savior. They are attracted to Jesus. They believe Jesus died for them. They believe He rose from the dead and is coming again. They believe Jesus is the only way a person can get to heaven. But they have not jumped. They have not actually placed their lives in His hands.

            If you’re ready to make that “jump,” consider telling Jesus something like this:

Lord, Jesus, I know that my heart is rebellious. I know that I rationalize more sin than I recognize. But I also know that you love me. Today I declare my commitment to follow you. Today I cling to what Christ has done for me on the cross. Today I acknowledge Him as the risen Lord. Today I submit myself to your love and ask that you begin the process of transformation in my life.

It's a simple prayer, and the words alone hold no power. Like marriage, what matters is the commitment of your heart. Receiving Christ is not something to be done on a whim. It is a decision that will impact the rest of your life. So make the commitment wisely, but do make the commitment.

            Second, take time regularly to remind yourself of where you have come from. When we become Christians, our sins are forgiven. We are free from the condemnation of our rebellion. But we must always remember the state of our heart and our life before Christ changed us. If we remember then we will no longer have any reason to feel smug and self-righteous. We will live with a sense of gratitude and humility that shows we appreciate God’s grace.

            You see, when we look at any other sinner (no matter how vile) we should be able to say, “There but for the grace of God go I.” If we constantly remember where we have come from, we will view others with compassion. And we will be reticent to write anyone off. We know that the person being written off could have been us.

.           Finally, once we understand the gospel, we will want to tell someone else. Work hard to put the gospel into words people will understand. Look for a way to explain the problem of sin, the remedy of grace and the call to commitment that makes up the gospel message.

            When we share our faith with others we often make one of two mistakes. We either soften or eliminate the painful truth about sin in hopes that people will find the gospel more attractive (even though no one will seek a Savior unless they need a Savior), or we talk in a language that people don’t understand. The average person doesn’t understand words like “atonement,” “justification,” “redemption,” or even “grace” and “sin.” These are great words, but they may not communicate to contemporary society. Some false religions use these same words.

            Let’s go back to my opening illustration. When you talk to a senior citizen about a mouse, they don’t immediately think of a computer pointing device, they think of a rodent. Phrases like “hard drive” (riding over a rough road), “boot up your computer” (give it a swift kick) and “save your files” (find a box for those manila file folders) don’t mean the same thing to that audience as it does to me. Remember, the number one goal in communication is to communicate!

            As believers we must understand the gospel well enough to explain it to others using their own language. It is not enough to memorize a “canned approach” to sharing your faith. A good translator must know the language of the audience and how to use that language to communicate truth in a way they will understand. 

·       Perhaps to a child you would explain that the Bible says we have done many things that God told us not to do. Because of our bad behavior we needed to be punished. But Jesus took our punishment for us so that we could be friends with God again.

·       To the adult you might say that we broke God’s law (or committed cosmic treason), which is a capital offense. And the mandatory sentence for our crime is hell (or eternal separation from God). Jesus took our place and paid our sentence for us. He was our stand-in for judgment.

·       To a person of another faith you might explain that the gospel says that no matter how religious we are, we are all trying to make ourselves god. We are trying to construct God in our image rather than recognize that we are created in His image. The Bible calls this activity idolatry. In spite of our efforts to make our own gods, the true God reaches out to us and offers us a new beginning in Jesus Christ.

            You see, it isn’t a particular vocabulary that will lead people to salvation; it is the gospel that leads people to salvation! The words we use are meant to convey truth. If the words no longer convey the message, we must use more appropriate words.

            However you state it, if you convey the message that we are alienated from God; that God has provided a way for us to be His children; and that we must commit ourselves to trust what Christ has done for us, then you have communicated the gospel effectively.

            When we communicate accurately and in a language people understand, we have a chance to see people’s lives change. Mind you, these lives do not change because of our communication techniques. The change will come because these people have been introduced to the truth. And it is the truth that sets people free.

Discussion Questions

1.     Why do you think people resist the notion that we are “by nature children of wrath”?

2.     Someone has said that the doctrine of total depravity (the teaching that the stain of sin has affected and influenced every aspect of our life) is the only doctrine that can be verified by personal experience. Do you agree with that statement? What do you learn about sin by looking at the sinners around you?

3.     Does the analogy of the president and the Secret Service help you to better understand how the Son of God could give His one life as a payment for millions of lives?

4.     What practical value does understanding the true nature of the gospel have on your life?

a.   How does it affect your relationship with others?

b.   How does it affect your worship?

c.   How does it affect your pride?

d.   How does it affect the urgency of your witness?

e.   How does it affect your daily life?

5.     Where are you in the story about the frogs? Are you the frog that has not decided to jump? Are you the frogs that have decided to jump but haven’t left the log? Or have you actually “taken the plunge” and trusted Christ?

6.     What would be a good way to communicate the gospel to:

a.   a video game fanatic?

b.   a sports enthusiast?

c.   a gambler?

d.   a senior citizen?

e.   a model citizen?

f.    a good student?

g.   a poor student?

h.   a New Age movie star?

Four

 Doctrine in a Bottle

Colossians 2:8

            High school football is a big deal in our community. Our local team is perennially in the playoffs because the players are dedicated. They prepare all year long for the three-month season. The coaches put the team on a yearlong weight-lifting and agility program. The boys know that conditioning is the key to success. They work hard to be bigger and stronger than their opponents.

            Because weight training gives players such an edge, it’s easy to understand why some athletes experiment with anabolic steroids. Imagine the seductive attraction of a substance that promises to make you stronger and more intimidating with the same amount of work. Our school has strict rules about such substances, but I am not naïve enough to think that the temptation isn’t very real.

            Steroids, or “muscles in a bottle,” hold out great promise. They do make you stronger and bigger in a shorter amount of time. But doctors have discovered that these steroids also have a rebound effect. The same pill that at first made you stronger will eat away at the body you thought was indestructible. You consume the steroids, and they consume you. The benefit is temporary, but the liability is long lasting and could kill you.

            The apostle Paul didn’t have to concern himself with muscles in a bottle. But he was concerned about something just as deadly. Paul warns about those who sell doctrine in a bottle. They peddle faith in attractive packaging. They sound good and look harmless, but they are peddling spiritual death.

The Danger

            There was a problem in Colosse. False teaching had invaded the church. Many believe that Epaphras (who may have founded the church in Colosse) made the journey to visit Paul in prison because of the strange new teaching invading the church. This false teaching is most likely the primary reason that Paul wrote the letter.

            We know several things about the teaching that infiltrated the Colossian church and created a fog in their understanding of the truth.

·       It claimed to be some sort of philosophy (2:8).

·       It had a strong Jewish flavor (2:16).

·       It encouraged a fascination with angels (1:16; 2:10,15, 18).

·       It held a diminished view of the nature of Christ (from Paul’s emphasis on the deity of Christ).

·       It believed matter (for example, our earthly bodies) is evil.

I don’t know much about the details of the teaching so I will resist the temptation to speculate. We may not know the specifics of the threat facing Colosse, but Paul’s letter can help us in our own fight with the perversions of our faith.

            Every day we are bombarded with new theologies. These theologies may not present themselves as “religions,” but they are forms of idolatry. We are exposed to them through television, radio and the Internet. These ideas are found in music, in the books we read and in our daily contact with others (who have also been exposed to these ideas). Today false teachers proclaim that

·       we are gods

·       we must find our spirit guide and discover our previous lives

·       pets are people too (if pets were people wouldn’t they be called people rather than animals?)

·       every religion teaches basically the same thing. The only thing that matters is sincerity

·       drugs will help us find God

·       true believers will be prosperous and never get sick

·       salvation is achieved through keeping laws

          No wonder so many people who are searching for the truth are desperately confused. Since false teaching surrounds us on every front we must know what we believe (see chapter three), and we must keep up our guard. All false teaching has a common characteristic: It leads us to depend upon something or someone other than Christ. False teaching always encourages us to be more dependent on ourselves or our systems. False teachers may talk about Jesus and His importance, but their teaching will always turn us gradually away from complete dependence on the Savior. Here are some warning signs of false teaching.

            It will be attractive. No one will follow something they find abhorrent. So false teachers package their teaching in very attractive terms.

·       It emphasizes man’s potential to achieve. False teachers make us feel good about ourselves. They talk very little about sin and the need for repentance.

·       It focuses on material and personal benefit rather than on the greatness of God.

·       It appeals to man’s inner desire to be “as god” (the same desire of Lucifer in Isaiah 14, and Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden). Many present-day religions believe that man is “one with God” or will one day “share in God’s god-ness.”

·       It promises to give us something more than simple faith in Christ can give. Gnosticism, a heresy that may have been the focus of Paul’s concern, emphasizes a “deeper experience.” It promotes a “secret truth.” These false teachers promise an experience that is “better” than what most believers have known. (They make it sound as if after two thousand years someone has finally “understood” the truth. How’s that for arrogance?)

            It will often quote the Bible. Many false teachers use parts of the Bible to reinforce their false doctrines. This makes them sound biblical. They surround their philosophies with a truckload of Bible verses. But you can use the Bible to prove anything if you don’t care about context!

            Not long ago I watched a popular speaker on “Christian” television. He told his audience the key to Christian victory is to “speak the truth.” He proclaimed, “God will not bless us unless we confess out loud the blessing we desire.” (Some call this the “name it and claim it” approach.)

            For proof he turned to Numbers14:28, which says, “As surely as I live, declares the Lord, I will do to you the very things I heard you say.” He repeated these words and had the people repeat them over and over to “prove” the principle that God will not give us the blessing we desire until we “claim” that blessing out loud.

            I looked up the verse in the Bible. The verse is found in the story of the twelve spies who were sent to check out the promised land before Israel took the land. Ten of these spies returned and convinced the people the land would be too difficult to take. They said it would have been better to die in Egypt or in the desert than to be killed and have their wives and children taken by the “giants.” They became rebellious and wanted to make someone else their leader so they could return to Egypt.

            Caleb and Joshua urged the people to be faithful and trust God. But the people refused. God was angry and considered destroying the entire group. Moses interceded for the people. God said, “As surely as I live…I will do to you the very things I heard you say: In this desert your bodies will fall--every one of you twenty years old or more….”

            God was not giving us a principle about positive confession; He was punishing the Israelites! He was saying, “So you think it would have been better to die in the desert? Fine. That’s what will happen.” And the Israelites wandered in the desert for the next forty years until everyone over the age of twenty had died.

            The speaker on television was using the Bible to prove something it didn’t teach. You may have heard that “a text without a context is a pretext.” At this point, this man was a false teacher and needed to be confronted.

            It will be subtle. False teaching usually does not wave a banner that says, “We don’t agree with the Bible, and we don’t believe in Jesus.” Most false teachers emphasize those areas where we do agree. They make us feel good and move us slowly but surely away from the truth of God’s Word.

            We see this in the way the Church of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) promotes its religion. It doesn’t spotlight the points where Christianity disagrees--it emphasizes how similar it is to orthodox Christianity. The Mormons show touching commercials about family values, they talk about Jesus as the Savior and Lord, they talk about the importance of the Bible. They try to appeal to the traditional church.

            What the ads don’t tell us, of course, is that Mormons don’t believe Jesus is uniquely God (they believe we will all become gods someday). They believe the Bible needs the added enlightenment of the Book of Mormon, the Doctrines and Covenant, and the Pearl of Great Price (all these books are bound in with the King James Bible in the Mormon Bible). Mormons believe we must earn our salvation by good deeds; the Bible teaches that our only hope of salvation is God’s grace. The Mormon faith is not a Christian religion even though it uses Christian terms.

            Many false teachers come from within the church. They wear the name of Christian but really lead us away from God rather than toward Him. Some of the people will be sincere and unaware that their teaching is unbiblical. Satan is good at the business of deception.

Defending Ourselves

            How do we guard ourselves against those who peddle doctrine in a bottle?

            First, we must use God’s Word as our sole reference point. Paul turns from his cautions about hollow philosophies and immediately focuses on the true nature of Christ. In other words, he underscores what is true. We cannot defend against error unless we can recognize it as error. And before you can recognize error, you must know the truth.

            A builder will not know when something is being constructed incorrectly unless he knows what the blueprints require. A surgeon cannot repair a body unless he knows how the body is supposed to work. An obstetrician cannot tell if a baby is in distress unless he knows how a baby normally responds.

            This is why it is so important that we know the Word of God. We must strive to take every thought captive to the Word of God. It’s time consuming, but we must check every teaching by the Word of God (in context). The moment we let our guard down, we become prey for false teachers.

            I am deeply concerned that the Christian world is becoming less biblically focused and more celebrity focused. We often absorb what our favorite teachers and speakers say without examining their teaching carefully. We are sometimes persuaded by personality or style more than reason. Churches put more emphasis on presentation than on content. We focus increasingly on experience and less on truth. We are more concerned with “what works” (what draws a crowd) than with what is true. And that is extremely dangerous.

            Max Lucado gives this chilling example.

No one ever expected it would happen the first time. Especially with this church. It was the model congregation. A heated swimming pool was made available for underprivileged kids. Horses were provided for inner city children to ride. The church gave scholarships and provided housing for senior citizens. It even had an animal shelter and medical facility, an outpatient care facility, and a drug rehabilitation program.

Former Vice-President Walter Mondale wrote that the pastor was an “inspiration to us all.” The Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare cited the pastor’s outstanding contribution. We are told “he knew how to inspire hope. He was committed to people in need, he counseled prisoners and juvenile delinquents. He started a job placement center; he opened rest homes and homes for the retarded; he has a health clinic; he organized a vocational training center; he provided free legal aid; he founded a community center; he preached about God. He even claimed to cast out demons, do miracles, and heal.”

Lofty words. A lengthy resume for what appeared to be a mighty spiritual leader and his church. Where is that congregation today? What is it doing now?

The church is dead . . .literally.

Death occurred the day the pastor called the members to the pavilion. They heard his hypnotic voice over the speaker system and from all corners they came. He sat in his large chair and spoke into a hand-held microphone about the beauty of death and the certainty that they would meet again.

The people were surrounded by armed guards. A vat of cyanide laced Kool-Aid was brought out. Most of the cult members drank the poison with no resistance. Those who did resist were forced to drink. . . all was calm for a few minutes, then the convulsions began, screams filled the Guyana sky, mass confusion broke out. In a few minutes, it was over. The members of the Peoples Temple Christian Church were all dead. All 780 of them . . . And so was their leader, Jim Jones. [5]

We must not fall prey to the delusion that this could never happen to us. We can and will succumb to false teaching of some sort unless we test everything by the Word of God.

            Second, we must learn to think clearly and critically. Thomas Gilovich, author of How We Know What Isn’t So, [6] makes some valuable observations about human nature and how we respond to things we are taught.

            We are attracted to information that confirms something we want to believe. If we like a statement or agree with it, we tend to accept it without examining it. Gilovich uses the example of the oft-quoted “fact” that bad things always come in threes. If you want this to be true, you can convince yourself it is true. But we should ask some key questions about this widely held belief: In what period of time do these three things have to happen? Certainly if we wait long enough, three bad things will happen. How do we know when one set of three begins and another ends? How can we be sure that bad (or good) things don’t come in twos or fours? His point is simple: If you want to believe something, you can convince yourself it is true.

            On the other hand, we tend to reject anything we don’t fully understand or like. We will latch onto any excuse (even a poor one) to reject difficult things. We arrogantly conclude that if we don’t understand something, it must not be true. We see this happen with the Christian doctrines of the trinity, predestination, eternal judgment and even grace. Sometimes truth is more complex than our minds can grasp.

            Much of the information we base decisions on are “facts” built from secondhand information. Often this means that it has been changed or embellished to make it more interesting. We see this all the time on the Internet. A story is passed via e-mail and everyone assumes it is true. We are told that little children will have their dreams fulfilled if a particular story is passed on to our friends. When these stories are checked out we find they are a hoax.

            Much deception is stated in the form of self-fulfilling prophecies or circular arguments. For example, someone says, “You can’t help a person until they hit rock bottom.” But what does that really mean? How do you know when someone has hit rock bottom? We are left to conclude that if a person responds to intervention, they must have hit rock bottom. If they don’t respond then we conclude they are not at rock bottom yet. We call this a circular argument.

            The same circular reasoning is promoted in some Christian circles. It is proclaimed, “Everyone will be healed if they have enough faith.” But what does it mean to have “enough faith”? How do you know if you have “enough faith”? The answer is simple: If you are healed you had enough faith; if you aren’t, you didn’t have enough faith. This is another circular argument or self-fulfilling prophecy. How do we know that some people are healed and some are not for other reasons (such as God’s sovereign will)?

            We must work to think clearly in all areas of our lives. We need to discipline ourselves even in daily conversation to make sure we hear correctly and not simply hear what we expect or desire to hear.

            Let me give you a real life example of the kind of mumbo jumbo that goes on all around us. My son is enrolled at a state university. Recently the campus newspaper printed letters debating the evangelistic efforts of a Christian group on campus. One professor wrote to address a letter from another student who favored the evangelistic thrust of the group. I quote the actual letter so you can see the context.

I want to apologize to you for the apparent shortcomings in your education, and take this opportunity to try again.

You have confused two things--facts and beliefs. I am sure that you do, in fact, believe that God, the Judeo-Christian one, is the one true God, and that the Bible is the ultimate statement of his truth. However, the fact that you believe this does not make this a fact.

You see, I can believe things whether or not there are facts to support my beliefs. A good scientist, and there are many around you if you’d like to continue this discussion, will tell you that facts are things which can be explained objectively, verified independently and observed repeatedly.

If your God were in fact the one true god, all bright Muslims would see this, drop their Korans in the recycle bin, and join up. If Jesus were in fact the Son of God, all bright Jews would toss their Torahs and join up too.

Those are not, however, facts. They are beliefs. That is why what you practice is called faith, and not science. Faith means that you believe something despite the lack of hard, external, empirical evidence. That is why finding, having and keeping faith is so difficult. You don’t see lots of folks having crises of belief over the existence of gravity, or having conversion experiences in which they suddenly “feel the weight” and begin to believe. Gravity is a fact.

Belief in God is faith, which brings me to the point of this little missive of mine.

Tolerance, is respecting others’ rights to their own beliefs. If you blow up a building filled with innocent people, they die. This is a fact, and no good people of conscience, regardless of their particular beliefs, would question or tolerate this.

However, whether Jesus was the son of God, or homosexuals live a “deviant lifestyle,” are beliefs that you hold.

If you still don’t understand this, then perhaps you should consider taking a class. Almost any one would do. [7]

            Many people would read this letter and shake their heads at the “devastating arguments.” But, in truth, the arguments are extremely poor.

            First, the professor engages in a logical fallacy called “argument to the man.” In other words, he attacks the Christian rather than confronts the argument. At the beginning and the end of the letter he implies that these particular Christians are mental pygmies. This type of argument is designed to get a person to “back off” because they have been insulted, not because they are wrong.

            Second, the professor has created a false dichotomy. Faith and facts are not mutually exclusive. The professor wrote, “Faith means that you believe something despite the lack of hard, external, empirical evidence.” In other words, he is proclaiming that faith has no factual basis. But he is wrong again.

            Christians base their faith on the fact of the historical reliability of the Bible (its strong textual evidence and the astounding verification by archaeology), the historical life of Christ and the factual evidence and eyewitness testimony of the resurrection. It is true we cannot prove the deity of Christ or the reality of salvation by the scientific method. But that does not mean these are not reasonable conclusions based on the facts.

            In truth, the scientific method does the same thing. In science you draw reasonable conclusions based on the factual information you have. This professor reveals that he has faith in science’s ability to draw correct conclusions from the data available. Do you want to bet that this professor believes in evolution even though it cannot be “explained objectively, verified independently and observed repeatedly?”

            The notion that if something is truthful everyone will embrace it is false. We know that cigarette smoking increases the likelihood of lung cancer, but people keep smoking. We know that those who drive while drunk are a hazard on the roads, but people keep doing it. Human nature is such that we would rather embrace what is wrong than admit we are wrong. And of course many Muslims and Jews have renounced their former beliefs to follow Christ, but not everyone will do so.

            Even the argument on tolerance is flawed. The professor is pleading for tolerance and understanding, while at the same time refusing to show tolerance toward evangelical Christians.
            This is one isolated example, but you probably know someone like this professor. They sound educated, they believe they are intelligent, but they have never learned to think. Unfortunately, people assume they must be right. We must be prepared to see through the flawed reasoning of those around us.

            Third, we must pray faithfully. The power to transform evil does not rest in our intellect and our reasoned argument. Transforming power comes from God. We must get a firm grasp of the truth, sharpen our minds and, above all, pray for

·       protection from error and wisdom to recognize that error

·       wisdom in responding to antagonists

·       compassion in dealing with the hurting and confused

·       boldness to present the truth of the gospel without dilution

·       God’s Spirit to open the eyes of the false teachers

            God does amazing things in response to prayer. The late Herbert W. Armstrong founded the Worldwide Church of God. The group had a popular television show called The World Tomorrow and published Plain Truth magazine. Ten years ago almost every book on cults (perversions of Christian faith) or false religions included a discussion of Armstrong-ism or the Worldwide Church of God. This organization departed from biblical Christianity.

            When Armstrong died in 1986, Joseph Tkach took over as president of the organization. Tkach was sincere in his desire to follow the Lord. As he studied the Word of God he realized that many of the organization’s teachings weren’t biblical. And Tkach had the courage to repudiate those false teachings and lead the church to embrace biblical Christianity. These changes created quite a controversy in the church, but he stood squarely on the truth.

            Tkach died, and now his son, Joseph, is president of the Worldwide Church of God; the organization is biblical and evangelical. Today its magazine stands for historic Christian faith. The prayers of many were answered. [8]

            Only God can change people and only God can change organizations. Sharp debating skills, impeccable logic and great knowledge of the Bible cannot equal what God can do in a human heart. As we affirmed in chapter one, prayer is our greatest weapon.

LIFE LESSONS

            False teaching lurks around every corner. You’ll hear it on talk shows, read it in books and sometimes even hear it from pulpits. We have an obligation to weigh the teachings of others by a careful study of the Word of God.

            We must be cautiously suspicious of teachings that have people barking like dogs, laughing uncontrollably and receiving new “revelation” from the Lord. We must beware of those who “tickle our ears” with teachings that appeal to our greed and who are no longer accountable to anyone. We must be on guard toward those who talk about their past lives or their spirit guides. We don’t want to become heresy hunters, but we do need to recognize that there are many confused people in the world. Much error is being proclaimed as truth. People are running after every new idea as if it had been delivered from Mount Sinai.        

            The best way to guard against false teaching is to learn some basic questions to ask:

• Is the teaching consistent with the Bible? Have you checked it out yourself, or have you taken someone’s word for it? Have you checked the context or just read an isolated verse?
• Do these teachings move us toward Christ or away from Him? Do they exalt man or God?
• Are the arguments for the teaching sound? Are they self-fulfilling prophecies or circular arguments? Do they rely on personality rather than reason?
• Does the teaching anchor salvation to your works or to God’s?

            I encourage you to become more acquainted with the truth. Read a good Christian book that explains what Christians believe. [9] Don’t be lazy when it comes to understanding Christian doctrine. Many people speak of doctrine with a sneer. But doctrine is the foundation on which we stand or fall. There is too much at stake to be lazy in this area.

            Standing up for truth won’t make you popular. In fact, it will make you a target. People will tell you that you should “just get along.” Some will call you a zealot, a fundamentalist, and label you as narrow-minded, empty-headed and dangerous. But those who heed your warning, those who are kept from wandering into the fog of contemporary religious nonsense, will call you a friend and a brother.

            Doctrine in a bottle is just like muscles in a bottle. It looks good at first, but in the end it will kill you.

Discussion Questions

1.     What are some common false teachings?

2.     What is the difference between heresy and honest differences of opinion in interpretation? How do we tell the difference?

3.     Why do people continue to use steroids even though they know they are dangerous? Why do people continue to smoke cigarettes when they know they are bad for your health? How do these examples illustrate why people embrace false teaching?

4.     Look back at the insights from Thomas Gilovich. Think carefully about those observations. Do you think they are valid? Can you cite other examples?

5.     How would you respond to the letter from the professor that says Christianity is based on faith, not fact?

Five

The Cancer Within

Colossians 2:16-23

            I hate cancer. As a pastor, I have watched too many people lose their lives to this unseen enemy. An apparently healthy person notices a weakness or an annoying growth and goes to see their doctor. Months later, this same person is dead.

            I also hate Alzheimer’s disease. This devastating illness leads to a shrinking of the brain and the loss of a person’s personality. The life of the one we love slowly disappears. An affected person can’t find words for their thoughts. They lose their sense of direction and can easily become lost. A father or mother no longer knows their children. A dignified person becomes socially inappropriate, and cherished memories disappear. I’ve seen what this disease does to a family. I’m watching it take away my dad. And I can tell you, it’s devastating.

            I also hate neuromuscular diseases. I remember Jimmy, who lived down the street from us. He was filled with life but his body kept that life imprisoned. He died before he really had a chance to live. I’ve seen healthy and vital adults slowly lose their ability to walk, to stand or to help themselves because of multiple sclerosis or muscular dystrophy or some other neuromuscular disease.

            These diseases apparently develop when maverick cells in the body become traitors and begin an insidious attack on the other healthy cells in the body. These killers come from within.

            In the last chapter we looked at false teaching. In this chapter we continue that discussion but look at a different kind of false teaching. This false teaching comes from within the church. The apostle Paul pinpoints three different “cancers” that come from within.

Emphasizing Performance Over Relationship

            In Colosse the Christians were being judged by what kind of meat they ate, what beverage they drank, what holidays they observed (or didn’t observe) and how well they conformed to Jewish practices. Paul gave the people of Colosse a stern warning: “Do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality however is found in Christ” (2:16-17).

            The Pharisees and Sadducees were big on rule keeping. They made rules to help you obey the rules that were made to help you keep the rules! In Paul’s day a religious group called the Judaizers emphasized performance. They had a fit when Paul extended the message of salvation to the Gentiles. They believed the Gentiles hadn’t been properly trained. They didn’t know the rituals. The Judaizers believed a person couldn’t become a Christian unless they did the right things.

            Today these kinds of people want to know whether you smoke cigarettes, drink wine, play cards, go to movies or even think about dancing before they will call you a brother or sister in Christ. They want to know if you speak in tongues and read from the King James Bible. They want to know what “kind” of church you attend. They want to know how much water you use in baptism, when you baptize and how often you celebrate communion. They need to know what kind of music you sing in worship and what kind of format you follow for worship. And if you don’t agree with them on any of these things you are considered to be “outside the kingdom.”

            What is necessary for salvation? Do you need to wear a tie to worship? Do you have to give up smoking before you can be saved? Do you have to abstain from watching football on Sunday afternoons? Do you have to get rid of all your non-Christian music? Do you have to give up card playing?

            Max Lucado captures the spirit of these folks.

Some time ago I came upon a fellow on a trip who was carrying a Bible.

"Are you a believer?" I asked him.

"Yes," he said excitedly.

I've learned you can't be too careful.

"Virgin birth?" I asked.

"I accept it."

"Deity of Jesus?"

"No doubt."

"Death of Christ on the cross?"

"He died for all people."

Could it be that I was face to face with a Christian? Perhaps. Nonetheless, I continued my checklist.

"Status of man."

"Sinner in need of grace."

"Definition of grace."

"God doing for man what man can't do."

"Return of Christ?"

"Imminent."

"Bible?"

"Inspired."

"The Church?"

"The Body of Christ."

I started getting excited. "Conservative or liberal?"

He was getting interested too. "Conservative."

My heart began to beat faster.

"Heritage?"

"Southern Congregationalist Holy Son of God Dispensationalist Triune Convention."

That was mine!

"Branch?"

"Pre-millennial, post-trib, noncharismatic, King James, one-cup communion."

My eyes misted. I had only one other question.

"Is your pulpit wooden or fiberglass?"

"Fiberglass," he responded.

I withdrew my hand and stiffened my neck. "Heretic!" I said and walked away. [10]

            It seems silly doesn’t it? But this kind of thing divides churches and limits the effectiveness of the church in the world.

            When I served as an associate minister in Michigan I began a Campus Life group in the local high school. I gathered a team of adults and we assembled a group of key Christian teens in the high school and made them our core group. One night we went to an established Campus Life meeting at another school. It was a great night and I thought the teens had caught a vision of what we hoped to accomplish in their high school.

            The next day one of our core group told me she would not be able to continue her involvement with Campus Life. When I asked her why, she said it was because “that guy last night was reading from the Living Bible.”

            I thought she was kidding at first. Then I thought she had a problem with the fact that the Living Bible was a paraphrase rather than a true translation of the Bible. But that wasn’t her problem. Her problem was that he wasn’t reading from the King James Version of the Bible.

            She explained to me that since the King James Version was the “authorized” version of the Bible, it is the only one we should read. I explained that the King James translation was “authorized” by King James in the 1600s and that did not mean it was the only version approved by God. But she was ready for me. She quickly quoted Revelation 22:18-19: “For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.”[11]

            She said other versions of the Bible were “adding and taking away” from the Word of God.

            Again I tried to reason with her. I explained that translations of the Bible are not trying to change God’s Word; they are trying to make the message of God’s Word understandable to contemporary people. “In fact,” I said, “John wrote those words in the Book of Revelation in Greek. By your argument, when the King James Version was developed the translators were changing the words of the book of prophecy by translating the Greek to English.” But her mind was made up. In her thinking Campus Life was a cult.

            I learned that there was a large “King James Only” group in the area where we lived. They published a regular newspaper that called people who disagreed with them “heretics.” The paper was filled with cartoons that made sport of other believers who didn’t see things their way. They concluded that you couldn’t be a true believer unless you read the King James Version of the Bible.

            These people had set up certain behavioral tests for who was or was not a true believer. People who emphasize obeying certain laws to gain salvation are called legalists. Rather than trusting God’s grace, they emphasize man’s efforts. They do the same thing the Pharisees of Jesus’ day did. All forms of performance emphasis are deadly to the church because:

·       It is a perversion of the gospel. The Bible declares that “no one is righteous” (Rom. 3). We can never do enough to earn salvation. In Romans 4 Paul emphasized that we are saved by grace and through faith. Grace is a gift. It is not something we earn; it is something we receive. If we are granted salvation because of anything we do (get circumcised, be baptized, give lots of money to the church) then grace becomes unnecessary. The legalist adds requirements to salvation.

·       It gives power to the wrong person. Plenty of people would like to control our lives. But if we let them “call the shots,” we have given them the position reserved for Christ. This is a form of idolatry.

·       It puts the focus in the wrong place. Focus on performance emphasizes a superficial spirituality. Frankly, it is a lot easier to keep external rules than deal with the issues of the heart. It’s easier to not play cards than it is to deal with bitterness in our heart. It is easier to not go shopping on Sunday than it is to forgive. It is easier to put on acceptable clothes than it is to put on the nature of Christ. It is easier to abstain from drinking wine than it is to be filled by God’s Spirit. Focusing on externals distracts us from the real issues of discipleship and life.

·       It gives people a false sense of security. Those who focus on externals feel good about their spiritual state because they are fitting in. But they don’t realize that all they have done is conform to peer pressure--they may not have come to Christ at all.

·       It makes us narrow and divisive. Those who focus on externals insist that everyone attain the standard they have adopted. In other words, everyone needs to be like me. These people miss the delight of diversity and the growth that can come from others of different experience and culture. The legalist chooses to walk in a tunnel when the Lord has given us a great and wonderful world to enjoy.

Legalism alienates the world. Nothing pushes people away faster than legalism. Steve Brown writes:

My friend, Jim Green, told me about an interesting incident that happened on the first live nationwide television broadcast. Because it was a first, a number of prominent people were asked to address the nation. Conrad Hilton was among those who had that opportunity. Everyone waited to see what this great man would say to such a tremendous audience. He said, “A number of you have stayed at Hilton hotels. Let me ask you to do something for me. When you take a shower, make sure the shower curtain is on the inside of the tub.” [12]

            What an opportunity missed! Hilton could have told people how much he appreciated their business. He could have shared his philosophy of service. He could have encouraged people to be better citizens. He could have told an inspirational anecdote to brighten the hearts of the listeners. Instead he whined about the shower curtain.

            This is the way Christians sound when they spend all their time talking about rules. They portray Jesus as someone who is more like a drill sergeant than a friend. They picture a Jesus who says, “Stand up straight, cut that hair, put out that cigarette, turn off that radio, put down that book, sing this song, read this version of the Bible, pray this way, seek this experience.” Is it any wonder that many want nothing to do with the Savior? Legalists make it impossible for people to see Jesus.

            No one is going to get to heaven by keeping rules. They can only get there by trusting the Savior who loves them and has set them free from the drudgery of rule keeping.

            The legalists siphon joy from the Christian life. They make us uptight people who are focused on minor things, rather than people set free to love and serve the Lord by grace.

            Just before this discourse on legalism the apostle Paul wrote:

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.

                                                                                    Colossians 2: 13-15

            Have you experienced the sense of triumph that comes from grace? Do you realize that Christ has done for you what you could not (and cannot) do for yourself? Are you letting other people tell you what hoops you need to jump through if you want to be a Christian, or are you running to the embrace of the Lord who loves you and has saved you?

Emphasizing Experience

            Paul moves on to a second threat to our spiritual life: the threat of those who put the emphasis on experience. The text says:

Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him with idle notions. He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.

                                                            Colossians 2: 18-19

            Notice the stern warning given here. Paul says, “Don’t let these people disqualify you for the prize.” The word for disqualify carries the idea of an umpire calling you out because you have not obeyed the rules.

            These folks focus on feelings and impressions rather than the objective Word of God. They “delight in a false humility.” Can you see Paul smiling as he writes these words? Basically he is saying these folks are proud of how humble they are.

            They say their belief is anchored to the Word of God, but if it is a matter of God’s Word or their experience, they trust their experience or will seek to twist God’s Word to validate their experience. Paul describes them further:

• They worship other beings. They have a spirit guide or carry a special angel charm.
• They have seen visions. These people are eager to tell you the “latest word from the Lord.”
• They are “puffed up with idle notions.” They draw false conclusions. They come up with all kinds of aberrant teachings that promise to lead a person to God but really lead them away from Him.

            Do you see the inherent dangers here? First, we cannot trust our own emotions and imaginations. Our emotions can be manipulated. Our emotions are affected by music, by circumstances, by our physical health and even by the weather! I can be moved by the playing of the “Star Spangled Banner.” I can be brought to tears by a television program. Emotions are fickle and unreliable as a measurement of true devotion. I am concerned when people evaluate a time of worship by how it makes them feel. That “presence of the Lord” you say you feel may just be the effects of outward stimuli.

            Everyone has weird dreams on occasion. It is dangerous to try to draw spiritual meanings from these things. It is also dangerous to make our experience the measurement for truth. Just because we “feel” that something is true doesn’t make it true. There is only one objective (unbiased) standard of truth. That is the Word of God. It must be given careful attention and placed alone in a position of supreme authority.           

            An alarming thing is happening in some churches today. “Prophets” are telling people they must take their “revelations” by faith. Anyone who questions the validity of these words is considered a skeptic and a non-believer. In other words, these people have removed any check on their subjective experience. We must test all things by the Word of God.

            Our experience is not the measure of the depth of our relationship with Christ. The fact that you have (or have not) spoken in tongues does not make you more spiritual than someone who has had a different experience. The fact that you prefer a quiet, reflective worship does not make you more or less spiritual than someone who prefers expressive worship. These things reflect a difference in personality and preference and are not a measure of spirituality.

            There is room for different kinds of experience within the body of Christ. It is truth that must be the constant. And we must always measure experience by truth and not the other way around.

Emphasizing Restrictions Over Grace

            Paul mentions one more threat to our Christian freedom:

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch! These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

                                                                        Colossians 2:20-23

            These rules focus on what you cannot do. The church, says Robert Farrar Capon, “has spent so much time building into us the fear of making mistakes, that she has made us like ill-taught piano students: we play our songs, but we never really hear them because our main concern is not to make music, but to avoid some flub that will get us in trouble.” [13]

            Does that sound like your life? Are you so focused on “not doing anything wrong” that you are missing out on the joyful freedom that comes from life? The believer who is spiritually free is learning to appreciate the music of life. He is learning to see the blessings God has given. She is learning to laugh, smile and enjoy. Why give this up to make yourself miserable?

            Martin Luther went into the monastery in the hope of drawing closer to God. He believed that spirituality was gained through subtraction. (If you eliminate enough of the carnal things in your life, you will find God.) Luther worked hard to eliminate all his sins. He spent hour after hour in the confessional until he wearied the priests. Then one day Luther was getting ready to teach a class on the Book or Romans. In the first chapter he read, “The just will live by faith.” And these words awakened Luther to the true nature of grace. Luther realized he was trying to live by the law. He was trying to live in his own strength. He was miserable. Suddenly it dawned on him that what he needed was not greater effort but a joyful acceptance of an undeserved grace.

            Martin Luther was set free from the shackles of life. He was set free to enjoy the journey. In fact, at one time Luther said, “If you are going to sin, sin boldly.” Please understand that Luther was not encouraging us to disregard God’s standards. He was trying to say, “Live full throttle! Enjoy the grace of God, and if you sin, may it be due to your exuberance rather than your reluctance.”

            Sure, God still has standards. He still wants us to obey His Word and to purify our lives. But our obedience to the Lord should be based on love not fear. We should seek to live holy lives because we know that God’s way is the best way, not because we are afraid of being kicked out of heaven.

LIFE LESSONS

            If you asked the typical non-churchgoer to describe Christianity, what would they say? Most likely they would talk about a faith that involved a lot of don’ts. In fact, some would say that once you become a believer you can no longer do anything fun.

            Where do they get this notion? Why don’t they see the joy and freedom that come from forgiveness? Why don’t they see the tremendous satisfaction that comes from His grace? Why don’t they see that “peace that passes all understanding”? The world has this image of Christianity because we have allowed the cancers of requirements, restrictions and experience to define our faith.

            Is it possible that you are missing out on the joy of life because you are too busy trying to measure up to others’ expectations? Is it possible that you

·       feel unspiritual because you haven’t had certain experiences (like speaking in tongues, having visions or being “slain in the spirit”)?

·       feel immature because you don’t know as much about the Bible as those around you?

·       feel disqualified from the kingdom because you are still battling an addiction to nicotine?

·       feel guilty if you dance with your spouse?

·       feel anxious because of a pierced earring?

·       are reluctant to laugh for fear that it is inappropriate?

            If any of these things is true in your life, you may be suffering from spiritual cancer. Take radical action! Cut these expectations and limitations out of your life and then submit to a regular dose of grace.

            Is it possible that you are guilty of robbing others of the joy of discipleship by your

·       preconditions to fellowship?

·       preoccupation with experience?

·       your sour disposition (anyone having fun must be sinning)?

            Take a hard look at your life. What qualifications are essential in your mind before you consider someone a true brother or sister in Christ? If it is anything more than a genuine relationship with Christ based on repentance for sin and confidence in God’s rich grace, then you are a “carrier” of this disease. You are part of the problem rather than the solution.

            Reread the last three chapters and grasp the true nature of the Christian faith. Instead of merely playing the notes, start enjoying the music.

            Should we debate issues like baptism, the Lord’s Supper, spiritual gifts, election and free will, and the nature of God-pleasing behavior? Sure, but we should do so not as adversaries but as brothers and sisters in Christ who are less concerned with being right and more concerned with being faithful. We should do it not as those who try to determine whether others are true believers but out of a desire to enjoy the riches of His grace.

            It is devastating to know someone dying of cancer. But it is delightful to know someone who has survived cancer. They understand that life is precious. They live every day gratefully. They no longer let little things weigh them down. They savor every moment.

            My prayer for you is that you will be a “sin and condemnation” survivor. May you live each day with the freedom and joy that come from knowing God has forgiven you. May you dance with the freedom that comes from new life. And may you stop focusing on technique so you can begin to enjoy the music of His grace.

Discussion Questions

1.     Of the three “cancers” that live inside the church, which do you think is the most prevalent? Which one do you struggle with the most?

2.     What are some examples of legalism (judging by externals)? How could daily prayer be made into something legalistic?

3.     What should be the proper response to those who claim to have “a new Word from the Lord”? Why?

4.     What guidelines could help determine when a restriction is excessive and when it leads to spiritual growth?

5.     What steps can you take that will allow you to enjoy the music of grace?

Six

 Watching What You Eat

Colossians 3:1-17

            I’ve always struggled with the concept of exercise. To be more precise, most of my life I haven’t struggled with it at all. I just didn’t do it! But as I’ve gotten older, my body aches and blood pressure have increased, and I’ve had to face the fact that, like it or not, I have to exercise if I want to see my children finish their growth to adulthood.

            I never thought I would say these words but I actually enjoy lifting weights. Even though I have added semi-regular exercise to my life, I still have another problem: I’m not losing any weight. I’m losing hair, but not pounds (I don’t think the exercise has anything to do with the hair loss). So now I’m being forced to face yet another painful truth. If I want to feel good, I’m going to have to stop eating junk food and change my attitude at meals (if a little food tastes good, then a lot of food will taste great!). Good health means eliminating that which is harmful and practicing what is beneficial.

            Spiritual health is similar to physical health. We have to practice (or exercise) certain things and eliminate others. In the first seventeen verses of Colossians 3 Paul gives us some practical thoughts on becoming spiritually healthy. He gives us the diet (things we need to eliminate) and the exercise program (things we need to practice). In this chapter we will look at the diet and in the next chapter we will look at the exercise program.

            What does this have to do with getting through the foggy times of life? It’s simple. When times are confusing we need a set of spiritual values we can rely on. From this point on in the book we will seek to understand the values that will help us find our way through the fog.

It Starts With the Right Attitude

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

                                                                             Colossians 3:1-4

            Paul tells us we need to “set our minds” on things above. We must make a deliberate choice and take intentional action. Most people don’t think about it, but we choose our attitude. We decide where we will focus our thoughts, either on the positive or the negative. We basically choose whether we will be in a good mood or a bad mood. Often that choice is so quick and habitual we don’t even think about it. But we are making the choice. Paul encourages us to think and choose deliberately.

            Thinking heavenly thoughts is more than thinking religious thoughts. It is not the same as thinking about the church or about the Bible. Heavenly thinking is focused on Christ.

            Do you remember when you were first dating (oh, go ahead and at least try to remember)? That special someone you loved occupied your thinking. In the classroom when you should have been taking notes, you were drawing a heart with your initials in it. If you are a guy you may have been carving initials into school property (kind of “staking your claim”). You would spend the day together and then call each other when you arrived home and talk some more. Girls would even practice writing their new “married” name.

            When we were young and in love we thought about our sweetheart all the time. And that’s what heavenly thinking is like--to be so in love with Jesus that we think about Him constantly, yearning for Him and trying to be the kind of person He has called us to be.

            Why should we have this kind of focus? It’s because of our relationship with Christ. When Christ died, our sin was taken care of. We died with Jesus in the sense that our old life ended. When we become a believer we gain a seat in heaven and our focus turns from this world to the next. A true believer is in love with the Lord because of what He has done for us.

            To be spiritually healthy we have to focus our thoughts on the Lord. In order to maintain that focus we need to guard ourselves from some dangers. As the person on a diet must avoid the things that add calories and fat, the person who sets their mind on “things above” must guard against those things that corrupt our thinking, stain our heart and destroy our relationships.

Eliminate Things That Defile Us

            Paul tells us to “put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming” (v.5).

            The word for “put to death” is very strong and suggests radical action. The things on this list are like a cancer to our spiritual life. If we don’t eliminate them, they will destroy us. We must have the same kind of attitude Jesus talked about in Matthew 5:29-30:

If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

            These things are serious problems. We are to take radical and decisive action against any these influences in our life.

            Immorality, impurity, lust and evil desires. Immorality is any sexual relationship outside the context of marriage. The Bible is crystal clear. Sex is right only in marriage. Society may have changed, but God hasn’t. God understands that sex used wrongly

·       causes us to lose a purity that can never be regained and takes something from our future mate that can never be replaced.

·       creates memories that can never be erased and therefore become barriers in our marriage.

·       may cause us to view people as objects to exploit rather than people to cherish.

·       opens us to sexual disease.

·       distorts our view of marital intimacy.

·       promotes the risk of pregnancy that we are not ready for.

In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 we read:

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.

            Impurity and lust take the idea of immorality a step further. This command involves our imagination. Immorality is the sinful act; impurity and lust are sinful thoughts. Paul says we should not even imagine immoral relationships. Do you remember Jesus’ words? “If you even look at a woman with lust in your heart you have already [in a sense] committed adultery.”

            “Evil desires” is a more general phrase that embraces all those desires that lead us to look for greater thrills.

• the “innocent” flirtation
• the sexual innuendo
• the quest for a greater high through drugs, alcohol or some other substance
• the feeling of power or the rush of excitement that comes from gambling
• the challenge to take what doesn’t belong to us
• the desire to break the law just for the fun of it

All these things and much more come under the heading of “evil desires” because they lead us away from the life God has called us to.

            These are the things we must root out from our lives. Practically speaking, here are some suggestions:

1.     If you are living with someone outside of marriage, either get married or live apart. Stop making excuses and do what is honoring to the Lord.

2.     If you are involved in an adulterous relationship (please don’t call it a “fling” or an “affair”--call it what it is, adultery) stop it and return to your spouse and seek forgiveness.

3.     If you are involved in a homosexual relationship, end it. Get counseling. Refuse to act on the feelings that seem to haunt your life. Just because you have desires doesn’t make them right.

4.     Put an Internet filter on your computer. If you have trouble with pornography on the Internet, have someone else set the password on your filtering software or get rid of your connection entirely.

5.     Cancel your subscriptions to movie channels that broadcast pornography. Let the provider know exactly why you are canceling your subscription.

6.     Stay away from places that feed your lustful desires (you know where they are).

7.     Be deliberate about filling your mind with worthwhile things. Make it a point to “set” your mind on that which is holy and good.

8.     Begin a Scripture memory program and/or get involved in a Bible study with people you look up to.

            Jack Eckerd, owner of the Eckerd Drug chain, became a Christian and knew his life would never again be the same. He walked into one of his stores one day and spied some pornographic magazines on the rack. Immediately he was convicted that it was wrong to sell these magazines, so he ordered his chief of operations to remove the magazines from all his stores.

            “But, Mr. Eckerd,” the man said, “you don’t know how much money those magazines bring in! Let me get some information together and show you tomorrow.”

            Early the next day the man walked into Eckerd’s office and showed him the figures. The magazines did earn a substantial profit. But Eckerd ordered them taken out. He understood that when he asked Christ to take over his life he had a new allegiance.

            This is the kind of decisive action that helps us grow in our relationship with God.

            Greed. There is one more item in this list of things that defile us. Greed is the desire to have something another possesses. In simple terms, greed is dissatisfaction with what God has given. We are told to eliminate greed because in it’s simplest form it is idolatry. Greed desires more than what God has seen fit to give. Greed is a desire that controls us. And anything that is more influential in our life than God is a false god.  

            It is greed that leads to immoral behavior. You are not content with your spouse so you take someone else’s. You are not content with your relationship so you seek to augment it through pornography and other lusts. It is greed that causes us to take foolish risks. You want more, so you gamble on the slim chance of a big payoff. It is greed that leads us to debt that enslaves us. It is greed that causes us to undermine those who have authority over us. We want what someone else has, and it begins to control our life.

            Like lust, greed is encouraged in our society. Advertising is designed to breed discontent. It is designed to make us want something we don’t have. We must take decisive action. Here are a few suggestions to get you started in your thinking:

1.     Memorize verses that deal with contentment.

2.     Shop deliberately. Make a list of what you want to buy and stick to your list. Avoid impulse buying.

3.     Cultivate contentment by looking at what you do have rather than what you don’t have. For example, instead of focusing on the fact that you don’t have a new car like others, focus on the fact that you don’t have payments like other people.

4.     Get rid of sale fliers before you read them. Most of the time we don’t know we “need” something until we see it advertised.

5.     If you have a gambling problem (if you gamble regularly, you have a gambling problem) get help--and do it now.

6.     Focus on the treasures of heaven. Invest in things that pay an eternal dividend. Invest in people, in compassion, in outreach ministry. 

            These things defile us. They corrupt our heart and cause us to drift from the Lord. But there is a second group of things we must eliminate from our lives. These things destroy relationships.

Eliminate Things That Destroy Relationships

            I’m sure you can think of a time when anger and violence touched your life. Maybe it was a fight you had with someone. Maybe it came from scars you received or scars you inflicted by angry and hurtful words. Maybe you carry the scars of an abusive parent, spouse or friend. Perhaps you’ve had a relationship end due to an angry encounter. You may even have family members you haven’t talked to in years because of a conflict that happened long ago.

          If you can remember some of these things, you can understand why Paul continues his list by calling us to rid our lives of the seeds of violence: “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” (Col. 3:8).

            Anger seems to sneak up on us. People don’t respond the way we expect, and we get angry at them. Circumstances don’t go as expected, and we get angry. Someone says something that offends us, and we get angry and want to strike back. We all know what anger is. Some people restrain anger better than others, but everyone experiences anger.

            Rage is when anger boils over. It is anger out of control. The person in a rage is often violent. Sometimes this violence is even directed at those we love. Have you ever been so angry you felt out of control? That’s rage. People who are in a rage are dangerous to themselves and to others. An enraged person is the one who will use their vehicle as a weapon against someone who cut them off on the road. It is during a rage that much domestic abuse takes place. Many murders happen because of a person’s rage. Rage is exceedingly dangerous and needs to be avoided at all costs.

            Malice is settled anger. It results in bitterness and resentment and shows itself in hurtful feelings, words and actions. It is like a wound that will not heal. Malice replays hurts again and again. The person filled with malice is just waiting for others to make a mistake. They are ready to pounce. When the person filled with malice boils over, it is amazing the depth of bile that can spew out of their mouth.

            Slander is the subtle outlet of malice. Our malice toward another comes in the form of speech that will embarrass another or make them look bad or cast doubt on their character. Slander is never positive. We hide slander behind “well-meaning words,” but the truth is that we intend to harm another’s character. If we cared about the other person we wouldn’t say anything.

            Filthy language. Another outward indication of a vile and hateful heart is filthy language. A person’s vocabulary reveals a great deal about their character. The person who is vile in their conversation reveals corruption on the inside. The person who thinks coarse words are funny shows that they have no regard for the serious nature of sin. The person who jokes about immoral behavior, or regards people as sexual objects, demonstrates that their heart is filled with impurity.

Dealing With Anger

            I hope you can see why anger needs to be eliminated from our lives. Anger, rage, malice and slander have no part in the life of a believer. A believer can’t excuse their angry actions with a simple, “Well, I just have a quick temper.” We must not only recognize the problem, we must deal with it.

            We need to do three things to deal with our anger. First, we need to grow up. The world does not revolve around us. Most of the time people don’t intend to do things that annoy us. Most of the time people aren’t thinking about us at all. We get mad because we think someone deliberately cut us off in traffic, or intentionally ignored us. We get angry because a waitress takes too long to bring our order. We get mad when a salesman is not attentive enough. Come on! We aren’t nearly as important as we think we are.

            We’ve all heard reports of some celebrity going crazy in a public location. This happens because the “star” believes they deserve to be treated better than others. Where do they get such an idea? It comes from the arrogance that resides in all of us. So if we want to control our violent tendencies, we have to stop making ourselves more important than we really are.

            Where did we ever get the idea that things are always supposed to go the way we expect them to go? Whatever gave us the idea that we have the “right” to strike back against anything inconsiderate or stupid another person does to us? The heart of anger is sin. It comes from an exaggerated sense of self-worth.

            Second, learn the warning signs of anger. If you find yourself raising your voice, clenching your fists, becoming sarcastic or moving into attack mode, it is time to take a step back. This is the time to ask a very important question: “Why am I getting angry?”

            There are three main causes of anger.

            Fear. Suppose you are walking down a darkened hallway and someone jumps out at you to scare you. Do you laugh and say, “That was a good one!” or do you get angry and start yelling at or beating the person? Probably you do the latter. Why? When we are afraid we fight. When we are backed into a corner we become aggressive. Sometimes we get angry because we are afraid.

            Suppose your spouse is late coming home from work. They aren’t just a few minutes late; they are an hour or more late. When they come in the door most of us don’t run up and say, “I was so worried about you!” Most of us get angry. We ask, “Where were you?” or “Why didn’t you call?”

            Why are we angry? Because we were afraid. We were afraid that something happened to the one we love. In our fear, we lash out.

            Hurt. Suppose you are at a party and your spouse starts telling a story about a time when you acted foolishly. What do you do? Often we will tell a story that embarrasses our spouse! We strike back out of anger. We’re angry because we feel that our spouse deliberately embarrassed us, and it hurt.

            Someone gets overlooked for a promotion, and they are angry. Why? It’s because they are hurt. They felt that they deserved the job. They feel unappreciated and taken advantage of. Often anger comes from our hurt.

            Frustration. You’re working in the garage making a repair. You’re trying to get a bolt loosened, and suddenly the wrench slips and you bang your hand. You grab the wrench (which up to now had been your friend) and throw it across the garage. You storm into the house to wash the blood off your fingers, and your spouse asks, “What happened to you?” If your experience is like mine, your words tend not to be sweet and nurturing.

            You planned a family trip to a tourist location. You arrive at your destination and the site is closed for remodeling. You get angry. Why? It’s because you are frustrated. You had plans that you cannot implement. You had a schedule in mind that now is thrown into confusion.

            In my life I find frustration to be the greatest cause of my anger. The computer freezes up or doesn’t act the way I expect, and I get frustrated. The day has been filled with interruptions and the work I needed to complete by the approaching deadline is still not finished. The turkey isn’t done in time for a holiday gathering. These things are frustrating. The person who comes into the room when we are frustrated and asks us a question is likely to get a curt or angry response. Did they do anything to cause the anger? Nope. It was frustration that caused the anger.

            The reason it is important to identify the cause of our anger (fear, hurt, frustration) is because it is easier to deal with the cause than the manifestations. Much of the time we don’t know why we are angry. If we can identify the source of our anger, we can deal with it. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m really frustrated because this chapter isn’t coming together the way I would like. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” It is so much more effective to say, “I was so worried about you . . .why are you so late?” than to ask, “Where have you been?” with a note of accusation. If we can deal with the cause we will diffuse much of our anger.

            Third, once we have grown up and learned to identify the real cause of our anger, we need to take wise action.

1.     When you see anger rising, get some distance--walk away. Do some deep breathing. Read your Bible. Recall verses you have memorized. Do something to short-circuit what you know is going to be a hurtful response.

2.     Consider other options. Let’s go back to the driving illustration. Is it possible that the driver didn’t mean to cut you off in traffic? Is it possible that the person didn’t see you and it was just a mistake? (Come on, you’ve done it too.) Is it possible that this is a new driver and they acted before they looked? Consider all the possibilities before jumping to conclusions and getting upset. Your anger isn’t going to help anything.

3.     Keep quiet. Talk is never a good idea when we are angry. Many people say we need to “let our anger out” or it will kill us. But guess what? They are wrong. Studies show that those who vent their anger increase that anger. Talk is often like pouring gasoline on a fire. It is no coincidence that the angriest people are usually the ones who are most verbal in expressing their anger. Cool off, then talk.

4.     Resolve issues as soon as possible. Eliminate all that stewing that distorts things out of perspective.

LIFE LESSONS

            I’ve tried to be very practical in this chapter. If we want to eliminate harmful things from our spiritual lives, we will need to do

:

·       admit our struggle. Let’s stop pretending that we have it all together. We all struggle with these things. We can help each other if we will stop pretending. And when we stop pretending, the world will stop seeing our hypocrisy and will start seeing a refreshing honesty that will draw them to the Savior.

·       ask God for help. I’ve known alcoholics, gamblers, abusers and others who have told me they could overcome their problems on their own. They didn’t need my help or the help of a support group. They were wrong.

            Many of us are just as pig-headed in our spiritual lives. We are too proud to admit we need help. The Lord wants to help us. He will give us strength to resist temptation. He will help us learn new ways of coping. He will bring us Christian friends who will hold us accountable. But He won’t do any of these things until we ask for help. And we have to keep asking day after day.

            Immoral thoughts, violent behaviors and insatiable greed will battle us the rest of our lives. We are like the recovering alcoholic who realizes they are just one drink away from returning to their old life. They can’t allow any compromise. And neither can we. These are matters of life and death. And if we do fall, we must get help immediately.

            We all want to be spiritually healthy. It would be nice if there were a pill we could take or a book we could read that would produce spiritual vitality. But no such thing exists. We become healthy physically and spiritually the same way: by eliminating what is harmful and cultivating what is helpful. It's not easy, but it is the only way.

Discussion Questions

1.     What diets have you tried? What have you learned from your experiences?

2.     Which of these three do you think is most difficult: keeping the right attitude? dealing with internal desires? or addressing the thoughts and actions that hurt others? (Different people will have different answers.)

3.     In what ways does our society encourage immorality? What can we do to counteract this influence in our own lives? in the lives of others?

4.     When have you seen anger’s destructive power?

5.     What most often produces anger in you: hurt, fear or frustration?

6.     What are some practical ways you can foster a deeper relationship with the Lord?

7.     Who do you know who can help you with your spiritual “diet”?

Seven

 A Spiritual Exercise Program

Colossians 3:9-11

            One of the frustrating things about beginning an exercise program (apart from the exercise itself) is the patient process of developing endurance and the habit of exercise. You may have heard that for aerobic exercise to be beneficial you need to sustain your exercise heart rate for at least twenty minutes. That doesn’t sound too difficult unless you find yourself winded going up a flight of steps!

            Many people jump right into their exercise program. They sweat and strain for the twenty minutes of aerobic exercise and then push the maximum amount of weight they can handle. But for many of these folks that day is also the end of their “program,” because they weren’t able to get out of bed the second day. On the third day they feel even worse! By the time the fourth day comes around many people have given up.

            Getting in shape involves working systematically and gradually. You do what you can and try to make progress from there. You begin with three or four minutes on the treadmill or exercise bike and work up to twenty a little at a time. That way you will be making a lifestyle change.

            Many people approach their spiritual life the same way they exercise. A person becomes a new believer and is filled with energy and enthusiasm. They read their Bible two hours a day, pray for hours at a time, read books, attend classes and never miss a time of worship. But after a while they start slacking off. It’s not uncommon for these people to drift away from their professed commitment entirely.

            May I make a suggestion? Start where you are and strive to make progress in your spiritual life. As we read the commands of Scripture, it is easy to become overwhelmed with how far we have yet to go in our Christian life. Rather than be overwhelmed by the journey, focus on serving faithfully today. Learn to celebrate the “inches” of progress.

            In this chapter we continue with Paul’s instructions for growing toward spiritual maturity. Paul gives us some simple exercises that will help us move toward that goal. These exercises will help us develop the character traits needed to make our way through the fog. 

Speaking Truthfully

            The first thing on Paul’s list is a command to stop lying to each other and start telling the truth. “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator” (Col. 3:9-10).

            This is not a new command. It’s been around since the Ten Commandments where we are told, “Do not bear false witness.” We could go throughout the Old and New Testaments and list the commands to “speak truthfully from our heart” (Ps. 15:2c). But we don’t have to make a list because we know that this is what the Bible teaches. We do not have to be convinced of the need to stop lying and speak truthfully. Our problem is doing it.

Why Do We Lie?

            Paul begins by telling us to “stop lying.” This means he assumes we are liars by nature. And if we are honest, we know he’s right. The question we have to start with is a simple one: Why do we lie?

            To escape consequences. Early in life we learned that when we get caught doing something wrong, unpleasant consequences usually follow. So we learned that one of the ways to escape unpleasant consequences (spanking, rebuke, argument) is to lie. And over the years we become quite good at it.

            The police officer stops us and asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” and we say, “I didn’t realize I was speeding.” Our spouse asks if we made the phone call we were supposed to make. We respond, “I tried, but I haven’t been able to get hold of them yet.” (Even though we really forgot about it altogether.) We are asked if we will do some job around the church. We say “sure” even though we have no intention of doing the job. We are asked to sign a contract and we don’t even read it. The list could go on. In each of these cases we lie to spare ourselves consequences. Have you ever lied to a telemarketer just to get them off the phone?

            To promote ourselves. How could lying promote us? Simple. You are filling out a job application and you exaggerate your experience. Maybe you have under-reported income to get government aid. Perhaps you lie about how well you know a person who is famous. Have you ever embellished a story? You know, the fish became a little bigger; the crowd a little more enthusiastic; the praise a little more profuse? Have you ever replayed a conversation you had with another and seasoned it a little? Have you ever exaggerated the faults of another so you would look better by comparison? We all have. In each case we are lying to promote ourselves.

            Because we don’t think God will meet our needs. This is the most sobering reason for our lies. We are afraid that if we tell the truth we will get “burned,” or someone will take advantage of us. In other words, we are afraid God won’t protect us. The thirty-year-old tells God she will trust Him for the right mate, but then heads off to the bar to see what she can do herself. Why? She doesn’t really trust God. We see bills piling up. We’ve told God that we trust Him to supply all our needs, but we spend our tithe money to pay our bills. Why? We don’t really trust God. We tell God we are willing to follow Him anywhere, but then we refuse to go. Why? We don’t trust Him.

            I think you can fit every lie into one of these three categories. We are proficient liars.

Why We Should Tell the Truth

            Paul’s argument is simple: Lying is inconsistent with our new nature. In John 8:44 Jesus tells us the devil is the father of lies. Jesus tells us that He is truth. When we lie we follow Satan. When we are truthful we are acting like God. This is Paul’s primary argument. He says, “Do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”

            Paul argues that the believer is a new person. The Holy Spirit now resides within us and we should be more and more like our Father. We used to resemble the devil, but now we should reflect the Savior.

            There are also some very practical reasons to tell the truth.

·       It frees us from living a lie. Think how much better it would be if we were honest about our struggles and not pretending we had everything together all the time.

·       It frees us from the fear of being discovered in our lie.

·       It guards us from false teaching. Once we begin to lie to others we have trouble distinguishing truth from error. We become prey for deception.

·       It keeps us from the pangs of guilt. If we want to escape the pangs of conscience we need to tell the truth.

·       It gives us credibility in life, helping others to trust us.

So how do we begin? Let me suggest two things.

            Once again we must start with a familiar principle: Immerse yourself in God’s Word. The better acquainted we are with the truth, the less attractive a lie will be.

            Second, be truthful in the little things. Honesty is a habit we develop. If we are honest in little things we will find it natural to be honest in the big things. So make sure you are telling the truth about

·       what time you got out of bed

·       how much time you spent on a project

·       who deserves the credit for a success

·       how much weight you lost

·       how much money you made at the job

·       how fast you ran

·       how big the fish was

·       what your source was for your term paper

·       why you were late

As we begin to be honest in little things, the big things will follow suit.

            One more thing, telling the truth is not an excuse for being hurtful. Some people blast away at others and excuse it by saying, “I was just telling you how I really feel.” When dealing with others, truth must be stated with compassion. We call that tact. Rather than saying, “Yes, that dress makes your hips look like a truck,” we could say, “I don’t think that dress does justice to you.” Both are truthful but one is also compassionate.

See Others With New Clarity

            The second exercise we need to work at is seeing other people with the eyes of Christ. Paul says, “Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all” (Col. 3:11).

            Paul speaks to the prejudices of his day. People then, as now, were divided on the basis of nationality, race, gender and social class. Paul’s argument is simple: There is no place for such divisions in the body of Christ. We are one in Christ. The barriers are demolished. So why is prejudice so prominent?

The Reality of Prejudice

            Like it or not certain prejudices exist within us. It may have to do with the color of someone’s skin. We might be prejudiced because of someone’s gender (women are “emotional” and men are “insensitive”). We may be prejudiced about a person because of their nationality (we assume all Arabic people are terrorists and all Scottish people are cheap). We are often prejudiced by a person’s appearance. Dr. Dobson reports an interesting study of how teaching methods change according to whether or not a teacher thinks a child is attractive.[14] These are the more common prejudices. But there are others.

            We may have a prejudice based on a person’s social class (have you ever referred to someone as “white trash,” talked about “welfare mothers” or called someone a “snobbish rich person”?). We may be prejudiced against people because of their reputation (what if people wouldn’t let us escape from the stupid choices of our pasts?). We might have a prejudice about someone because of his or her educational background (they are “uneducated” or “educated beyond their intelligence”). We may be prejudiced against someone because of his or her vocation, such as lawyers and salesmen. Prejudice doesn’t show itself in the same way in all people, but it’s there.

            Subtle prejudice is why the church has trouble attracting certain people. We are comfortable with some folks but would rather not be around others. Why? Because of their background, grooming or social position. Most of our judgments are made on surface issues. I wonder how often someone has come into the church I serve and felt they were not welcome there? The Book of James says:

My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

                                                                                  James 1:1-4

            This reminds me of a corny joke on prejudice. A man of Chinese descent and a man of Jewish descent are eating lunch together. Suddenly the Jewish man gets up, walks over to the Chinese fellow and smashes him in the mouth, sending him sprawling. The Chinese man picks himself up, rubs his jaw and asks, “What in the world did you do that for?” And the answer comes back, “For Pearl Harbor!” His response is total astonishment: “Pearl Harbor? I didn’t have anything to do with Pearl Harbor. It was the Japanese that bombed Pearl Harbor!” The Jewish man responds, “Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese--they’re all the same to me.”

            With that they both sit down again, and before long the Chinese man gets up, walks over to the Jewish man and sends him flying with a hard jab to the jaw. The Jewish man yells, “What did you do that for?” And the answer comes back, “The Titanic.” “The Titanic? I didn’t have anything to do with the Titanic!” Whereupon the Chinese man replies, “Goldberg, Feinberg, Iceberg--they’re all the same to me!”

            The story is admittedly stupid, but so is prejudice.

The Difference the Gospel Makes

            The gospel of Jesus Christ is revolutionary. In Paul’s day the doors of salvation were opened to the hated Gentiles. Women were treated with new respect and honor. Slaves were welcomed as brothers in Christ. The church was knocking down barriers.

            You see, the gospel declares that we are all sinners in need of a supernatural work of grace. It doesn’t matter what we look like on the outside; inside we are all rebels against God. We share a common need.

            Not only are we all in the same predicament, we also get out of it in exactly the same way. The Lord does not offer one salvation for whites and another for blacks. He doesn’t offer one type of grace for the young and another for adults. Salvation comes only through faith in Christ’s work on our behalf.

            The result should be a unity that is based on a common experience. It doesn’t matter who you are; every person has the same need and the same opportunity to be part of God’s family. The Father welcomes everyone who responds to the gospel. Paul argues that we should not be divided in the body of Christ. We should not see differences; we should celebrate our common experience in Christ. God’s grace is the same

·       for the tongue-pierced teenager and his parents

·       for the former gang member and the kids in rural America

·       for the murderer on death row and the judge who sentenced the criminal

·       for the Ph.D. as well as the redneck

·       for the girl with the bad reputation and the girl everyone admires

·       for the boy suspended from school as well as the valedictorian

·       for the person who wears Nike® shoes and the person who wears Keds ®

·       for the “jock” and the “nerd”

·       for the person who has refined “social graces” and those who do not

·       for democrats and republicans

·       for the members of the ACLU and the Christian Coalition

            We have the same problem (sin), the same means of salvation (grace through faith) and, for those who respond, the same eternal destiny (heaven). We all have the same Spirit within and the same calling for life (do all for His glory). All our earthly distinctions are abolished.

            We live in a world where people make endless distinctions. We are compared, evaluated, ranked, ridiculed, exalted. But in Christ we are brothers and sisters. We need each other, and we celebrate each other. Paul encourages you and I to learn to see with new eyes. We are to see others not with the blinders of worldly labels but with the eyes of God’s grace. The same grace that has set you free is the grace that can set the most rebellious free. The only way some will experience that grace is if they see it first from us.

LIFE LESSONS

            These two exercises are a simple beginning to a spiritual fitness regimen. It’s only a start, but if we can learn to be truth tellers and see others through the eyes of God, we will have taken great steps toward spiritual maturity. So here are some practical suggestions.

            Determine to be a truth teller. Begin by telling the truth to God. Be honest about your sin, your motives and your thoughts. God knows the truth anyway, so being honest carries no risk. God will not be surprised when you tell Him the truth. It may startle you, but it will delight Him. If you are angry with God, tell Him. If you feel like giving up, be honest about it. If you feel like you are just going through the motions, confess that. Once we are honest with God, He can help us. As long as we hide behind our lies, a barrier exists between the Lord and us.

            We must be honest with ourselves. We must drop the facade. We must stop hiding behind our rationalizations and justifications. We must face the fact that we are sinful human beings who rely on the mercy and grace of God for our salvation. We must stop pretending we are something we are not and face the truth about ourselves before we can celebrate the goodness of His grace.

            Be vigilant in your efforts to report facts, to relate experiences, and to answer questions honestly. Take aim at exaggeration, “white lies”, and all the other ways we color the truth.   

            Confront prejudice in your own life. It is always easier to see prejudice in others. Do a thorough personal inventory. Start by asking yourself why you don’t like certain people. Is it possible you don’t like some people simply because they are different from you? Is it possible you don’t like them because they use different methods, have different tastes, come from a different background? Is it possible you don’t like them because you haven’t given them a chance? Confront these prejudices. Remember that “different” doesn’t mean “better than” or “worse than.” It just means different.

            Be a bridge builder. Make the effort to love someone you would not naturally reach out to. Make the effort this week to get acquainted with someone you have never talked to before. Be the one who reaches out to someone of a different race. Be the person who extends a hand to the person from a different socio-economic background. Give an opportunity to the person with the checkered past. Dare to extend grace even when others show hatred.

            Some of these people may be tough to get close to. They may have been ridiculed, rejected and hurt so many times they won’t allow anyone to get close to them. They won't trust you at first. But be determined. Be gentle. Show others the love of Jesus.

            Keep at it. In any exercise program you may get sidetracked at times. You miss your exercise for a day or two or even a week or more. At these times you can get discouraged and call yourself a failure, or you can pick up where you left off.

            You may catch yourself looking at others through the eyes of stereotypes. You may hear yourself shading the truth (lying). When you do, confess the sin and keep working. Keep asking God to make the necessary changes in your heart and life.

            Physical fitness does not come overnight. It is a way of living. Once you “get in shape” you have to keep exercising or you will quickly regress to the way you were. The same is true in our spiritual life. There will never come a time when we can stop working at being truth tellers. This is a lifetime commitment. The minute you think you have arrived is the minute you begin to regress.

            So, in my best Richard Simmons voice (no, I’m not clapping or wearing skimpy shorts), I say to you, “Keep at it. Don’t give up! With God’s help you can reach the goal. If you keep at it you will soon look in the mirror and like what you see. You’ll see Jesus shining through you.”

Discussion Questions

1.     What has your experience with exercise been like?

2.     Make a list of common lies you hear every day. Do you agree that little lies can make us numb to the truth?

3.     Why are lies inconsistent with Christianity? What consequences can result from telling lies?

4.     How can we help each other be more truthful?

5.     What do you think is the basis for prejudices of our day?

6.     How will seeing our common place in Christ help break down the walls of prejudice?

7.     In what ways might your church be erecting barriers that tell people they are not welcome?

Eight

 A Poster for Spiritual Maturity

Colossians 3:12

            When I was a teenager I had several opportunities to go to Wrigley Field in Chicago with my friends. After the ballgame we waited outside the leftfield corner of the stadium for the players to come out to their cars. This was the prime spot to get autographs. In those days, the players had to cross the street to get to their cars, and they graciously stopped to sign autographs.

            Unfortunately, several groups of people came out that same exit: vendors, security guards, front office executives and more. Since the players weren’t in their uniforms we often couldn’t tell whether someone was a player, vendor or office worker. So whenever anyone walked out the door, we crowded around them asking for their autograph (what a rush this must have been for a peanut vendor). Inevitably someone would ask, “Hey, are you somebody?”

            We recognize lots of people because of their attire. We recognize those in the military because of their uniforms. Those who wear lab coats in a hospital we recognize as medical personnel. In our neighborhood you could recognize the children who went to Catholic schools by their uniforms. In Colossians 3:12 the apostle Paul points to various character traits that help us recognize God’s children. In some respects this chapter points to the goal we are striving to achieve. These traits serve as our foundation in tough times.

            The five character traits we see in chapter 3 verse12 are all similar, but before we look at the individual traits, notice how Paul introduces them: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved.”

            Let me stress again that what God prescribes for us is not due to His desire to make our lives difficult. God wants to build these character traits in us because He loves us. God is not trying to inhibit our lives; He is seeking to enrich and fill our lives. With this in mind, look at the traits that make up a mature believer.

Compassion

            The first characteristic of the mature believer is compassion. The word used here for compassion relates to the bowels. In fact, the King James Version translates this as the “bowels of mercy.” The Greek people of the day thought emotions come from deep within us, such as from the bowels.

            Compassion involves feeling another’s pain. Before you can be compassionate, you must empathize with another. This empathy is not just for a few seconds. It means entering into the pain of another person and helping to carry that pain.

            Despite his busy schedule during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln often visited the hospitals to cheer the wounded. On one occasion he saw a young fellow who was near death. “Is there anything I can do for you?” the president asked. “Please write a letter to my mother,” came the reply. Unrecognized by the soldier, the chief executive sat down and wrote as the youth told him what to say. The letter read, “My dearest mother, I was badly hurt while doing my duty, and I won’t recover. Don’t sorrow too much for me. May God bless you and Father. Kiss Mary and John for me.” The young man was too weak to go on, so Lincoln signed the letter for him and then added this postscript: “Written for your son by Abraham Lincoln.” Asking to see the note, the soldier was astonished to discover who had shown him such kindness. “Are you really our president?” he asked. “Yes,” came the quiet answer. “Now, is there anything else I can do?” The lad feebly replied, “Will you please hold my hand? I think it would help to see me through to the end.” The tall, gaunt man granted his request, offering warm words of encouragement until death stole in with the dawn.

            Lincoln showed compassion. He entered into the pain of that soldier. Compassion involves seeing things through the eyes of another. We develop compassion when we

• work to understand the unique circumstances of another’s life
• listen closely to the emotion in the words as another speaks
• watch the non-verbal messages that another is sending (moist eyes that revel pain; a clenched fist that reveals anger; a restlessness that reveals anxiety; a lack of eye-contact, which reveals embarrassment or reluctance)
• ask clarifying questions such as, “How do you feel about this?”

We can become more compassionate people, but we have to learn to look beyond the surface. It takes effort. We must work at seeing the heart of an individual.

          Compassion involves extending mercy to the one who has fallen. In the Gospel accounts, we see a stark contrast in the way Jesus dealt with people and the way others dealt with people. For example, the woman at the well whom Jesus talked to was considered an outcast by Jewish society. He had dinner with Zacchaeus, a man despised by the community because he was a tax-collector. He extended mercy to the woman caught in adultery while the mob stood around her with rocks in their hands. He embraced the children that others thought a nuisance. He forgave Peter, the friend who betrayed Him. He expressed love to the crowd that crucified Him. In other words, when the crowd pointed fingers in condemnation, Jesus extended love and friendship.

            Do you realize how difficult this is? We easily get involved in “neighbor bashing.” Most people relish talking about another’s failure, and we tend to jump on the bandwagon. It is easier to condemn than embrace. We are prone to assume the worst about another rather than look for the pain in their lives. I heard Dr. James Dobson say once, “There are only two types of people in the world: those who are in pain, and those who are going to be in pain.” Keeping this in mind helps us see each other differently.

            We intentionally need to go against the flow. That means drawing close when others pull away. It means standing up for someone who can’t defend himself. It means daring to love the one everyone else hates.

            Imagine having failed greatly (most of us don’t have to imagine). Maybe you got pregnant out of wedlock or arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. Maybe you embezzled funds from your company. Maybe you used to be a mean dude with a reputation for scorning the law. Everywhere you turn, people bring up your past. What is the most loving thing a person could do for you? The answer is obvious: simply be your friend. When others want to shackle you to your past, a friend reminds you that God can help you begin again.

            Not long ago I talked with someone who had just been released from jail for some things he deeply regretted. He was honest enough to say, “What I need right now is a friend.” And that’s just what I tried to be.

            We all fall on occasion. We all have enough dirt in our past to make others think twice about hanging around us. We should understand what it means to have someone extend a hand to help us get up. The Bible calls this compassion.

Kindness

            The Greek word for kindness is used to describe a lovely quality of wine that has grown mellow with age. In other words, it is a wine that has lost its harshness. That’s what kindness is, treating another without harshness. Kindness is treating another person with respect and honor. It is attributing value and dignity to another.

            We live in a harried world. A word or act of kindness can make all the difference. One night my family and I went to a restaurant, and the service was slow. The waitress apologized and explained that it was her first night. In talking we discovered that she was a young single mom trying to make ends meet.

            When the waitress returned with our meal everything was mixed up and some items were forgotten. She seemed to get more harried. When the meal was over she presented our check with an embarrassed apology.

            Her service was poor, but we left better than a 20 percent tip to encourage this young woman. While we were at the register paying the waitress ran up and said, “You left money on the table!” I responded that I thought this was the customary place to leave a tip. The young woman said, “But it’s too much.” We waved her off and encouraged her to use the money to help take care of her baby. She was stunned and grateful. I hope the young woman sensed God’s love for her through our actions.

            Kindness can transform a life. Everywhere you go there are people who will benefit from a smile, a compliment, a kind word. People aren’t used to someone holding a door, helping with packages, paying their parking meter. There is no age barrier for kindness. Esther Mary Walker underscores ways to be kind to the elderly in this popular poem:

Blessed are they who understand

My faltering step and my palsied hand.

Blessed are they who know today

My ears must strain to catch what they say,

Blessed are they who never say,

“You’ve told that story three times today.”

Blessed are they who know the way

To bring back memories of yesterday.

Blessed are they with cheery smile

Who’ve stopped on their way to chat a while.

Blessed are they who ease the days

On my journey Home with loving ways.

Look for ways to extend a kindness to someone else.

• Make it a point to smile at people you don’t know
• Look someone in the eye when you say, “How are you?”
• Hold a door for someone
• Look for things to affirm in another
• Let somebody out ahead of you in the parking lot
• Bring out something cold to the kids playing in your yard
• Share the fruit of your garden with someone
• Make a pie for a neighbor
• Help someone to their car with their packages

It may not seem like much at the time, but when you do these things you reflect Jesus.

Humility

            The third trait of the spiritually mature is humility. Humility is the opposite of pride. Winston Churchill once said of Sir Stafford Cripps, “There but for the grace of God, goes God.” It’s a great line. Maybe you have known someone like that. Perhaps you are someone like that.

            A young woman went to her pastor and said, “Pastor, I have a besetting sin, and I want your help. I come to church on Sunday and can’t help thinking I’m the prettiest girl in the congregation. I know I ought not think that, but I can’t help it. I want you to help me with it.”

            The pastor replied, “Mary, don’t worry about it. In your case it’s not a sin. It’s just a horrible mistake.” [15]

            Every one of us can recognize pride in another, but we aren’t so good at spotting it in ourselves. Humility is easier to talk about than to practice. Humility is anchored in an accurate understanding of our own significance. It stems from understanding we have received everything from Christ. It recognizes that anything we accomplish is because of His work in us. Humility comes when we understand our own sinfulness in light of His magnificent mercy. Humility is not belittling things we do well, it is remembering that we do them well because Christ works in us.

            We have no basis for pride. We have every reason for humble gratitude. In Philippians 2:3 Paul tells us “in humility consider others better than yourselves.” This is not the way we naturally work. You don’t believe me? We display our arrogance when we

·       believe people should drive at the speed we want to travel at, not the speed that is posted

·       get annoyed that people in front of us in line are taking too long (after all, our time is valuable)

·       resent others for receiving an honor we are sure we deserved more

·       are upset that people don’t seem to care about the things we feel strongly about

·       feel something is wrong because it is not done the way we would have done it

            In each of these cases the point from which everything else is measured is us. God wants us to see others not in terms of how they measure up to our standards, but as people He loves and cares about.

Gentleness

            Gentleness in our society is often viewed as weakness. We are taught that if you want something, you have to insist on it. You need to get louder, not softer. We believe we should not “let anyone get away with anything.” We are proud of the times we demanded respect and received it. We are proud of the times we flexed our muscles and won. We want to be confident and self-assured. Unfortunately the result is often an attitude that is rude, abrasive and obnoxious.

            I’ve dealt with a good many people in my life. I have learned that tantrums, force and obnoxious behavior may get you what you want, but they won’t get you respect. You may win in the present but you will lose your opportunity to influence over the long haul. These tactics certainly don’t open any doors for the gospel.

            I’ve found that a soft answer does indeed turn away wrath. Starting a confrontation with “I may be wrong, but is it possible that there is a mistake here?” works much better than shouting, “What kind of an idiot are you?” (Have you ever wondered what an appropriate response to that question would be?) When I am soft, others are responsive. When I am harsh, others back away.

            The gentle person is the one who seeks to resolve a problem rather than win an argument. The gentle person listens, tries to understand and then seeks solutions based on this information. A gentle person goes into a situation knowing they may have misread the facts; there may be things they don’t understand.

            Every once in a while I meet a testy cashier at a store. They extend no greeting, are rough with the items they are ringing up, and often are huffing and puffing. I look at the person and say, “Tough day?” Usually that is all that is necessary. The person immediately relaxes and says, “Yeah, I’m overdue for my break and I’m really tired” or “It’s been busy all day long.” I follow up their answer with a sympathetic comment, and it never fails to leave that person smiling. In those few words, their day and their attitude are changed.

            Consider the same situation but a different tactic. This time I am offended by the brusque manner of the employee. Instead of saying, “Rough day?” I say, “Well, is this the cheerful way you treat all your customers?” I might call for the manager or make a scene. In this case there is a good chance that my eggs will not arrive home unscathed. And just imagine how pleasant things will be for the next customer in line!

             Here are some practical hints on becoming more gentle.

·       Pray that God will make you softer.

·       In time of conflict lower your voice rather than raise it.

·       No matter what the circumstance, speak calmly.

·       Make eye contact.

·       Remember that most people you encounter are not trying to annoy you, they are just trying to do their jobs.

·       Consider that some people are carrying tremendous burdens we can’t see. Assume that the person you are dealing with may be one of those people.

·       View nasty people as a challenge. I love trying to break through the rough exterior of these people. And when I do, I inevitably find a delightful person who was just having a tough day.

Patience

            In talking about this trait, William Barclay wrote,

This is the spirit which never loses patience with its fellow-man. Their foolishness and their unteachability never drive it to cynicism or despair; their insults and their ill-treatment never drive it to bitterness or wrath. [16]

            I worked for a year as a drive-in teller at a bank in Chicago. I found myself frequently stressed out by the large amounts of money and the long lines of cars. I got exasperated by the customers’ requests. I hated the fact that some restaurants brought their money to my window just minutes before I was closing to go home. When that happened I didn’t reflect Christ very well.

            This sinful personality defect (it’s not the only one) troubled me. So I put up a sign that read, “Please be patient with me. God is not finished with me yet!” (I got that one from Bill Gothard.) And do you know what happened? I became more patient. I remembered I was in transition to something better. And that sign reminded me that the people I met were people in transition too. I could not expect them to be perfect. I became more patient with them when I realized they were a lot like me.

            Patience then is

·       giving another room and time to grow and mature. My growth takes time; so does theirs.

·       giving others the same “benefit of the doubt” you want for yourself

·       remembering that growing comes through making mistakes, and that most mistakes are not as tragic as they first appear

·       remembering that things that are easy for us may be difficult for others. Computers make sense to me, electricity doesn’t. Patience understands that sometimes we have to explain something many times.

LIFE LESSONS

            Don’t you want to be the kind of person who possesses these five traits of spiritual maturity? Everyone loves to have this kind of person around them. These are the people you feel comfortable sharing your struggles with. These are the people who leave you feeling better after you talk to them. These are the people you want as friends.

            It is certainly worth repeating that these traits are not natural. They are brought about by God’s Spirit working in the lives of His children. If we want to become more like this, we must let God have His way in our lives. Every time we follow Him rather than our own desires, we make progress in our spiritual life. Every time we act toward another as He has told us to, rather than follow our instinct, we reflect Him a little better. Every time we choose His way over our own, joy deepens.

            When we choose to deal with others with the compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience that come from God, people will meet Jesus. It is Christ, and Christ alone, who can transform, strengthen and enrich any human life.

            If we really want to represent Jesus in the world, we have to act like Him in our dealings with others. If we do this, people may still not know our name. They may not ask for our autograph. But they will sense there is something in us that they want to find for themselves.

Discussion Questions

1.     When have you experienced compassion? What was it about the person who showed you compassion that made you feel loved?

2.     Do you think kindness is becoming a rare commodity? Why or why not?

3.     Why is it so hard to be humble? Do you agree that any time we measure the behavior of others by what we want, we are being arrogant?

4.     Do you think the world is becoming more aggressive? Is it true that people are taught to “stand up for themselves” by being more aggressive? What is the downside to such behavior? What is the better way?

5.     Why does realizing we are in transition help us to be patient with others?

6.     Which of these five traits do you need to work on the most?

Nine

Forgiveness: Letting Go of the Hurt

Colossians 3:13

            It is impossible to talk about living the mature Christian life in a foggy world without addressing the issue of forgiveness. Every one of us has been hurt deeply by someone else. It may have been a parent that abused us, an ex-spouse who rejected us, a mate who cheated on us, a sibling who took us to court over the family inheritance, a friend who betrayed us or even a stranger that offended us. The hurt may be from some violent or reckless act, or it may be caused by some omission by another. It may be something that took place over a period of many years. It may be something that happened in a moment. We all struggle with forgiveness.

            We live in a world that applauds those who get even. Revenge is popular. The public flocks to movies with a simple theme: getting even. The Rambo movies made millions as we cheered for the underdog who single-handedly set out to right the wrongs from the Vietnam War.

            But this mentality is not just in the movies. Bernard Goetz shoots a man who tries to rob him on a New York subway, and Goetz is applauded. Even in cases where students shoot their classmates, the killers are painted as victims who are getting back at those who have tormented them. Somehow this justifies their actions. But God has a better way to deal with the offenses that come our way. He tells us to forgive.

            When talk turns to forgiveness we immediately put up defenses. We all have wounds from people we are called to forgive. The command to forgive is difficult because much of the time we don’t want to forgive. We want to strike back. We want justice. We want the other person to know the pain they inflicted. And if we can’t have justice we vow that we will never have a relationship with that person again.

            It is not surprising that when we talk about forgiveness, we are more interested in finding loopholes than we are in obeying. I’m learning about and struggling with forgiveness too. In this chapter I share what I’ve learned in that journey.

The Call to Forgiveness

            Let’s begin with the facts. The Bible tells us we are to forgive. There’s just no way around this simple truth.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

                                                                        Matthew 6:14-15

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” [followed by the parable of the ungrateful servant]…“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

                                                                         Matthew 18:21-22, 35 

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

                                                                          Mark 11:25

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

                                                                          Luke 6:37

So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, “I repent,” forgive him.

                                                                           Luke 17:3-4

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

                                                                            Ephesians 4:32

Let’s face the fact squarely. We are to forgive those who offend us. Understanding the command is simple. Obeying the command is not.

Why Forgiveness?

            Why does God make such an issue of forgiveness? We can answer that question several different ways. First, forgiveness reflects God’s character. When we forgive we reflect the Father’s love. Forgiveness gives us the opportunity to extend to others what God has extended to us. We are to forgive as He has forgiven us.

            Do you remember what your life was like before you became a follower of Jesus? Can you recall some of the countless times you ignored God, spurned Him and did what you knew was wrong? In your rebellion the Lord reached out to you and offered His forgiveness. When you received His love, He promised that He would “remember [your] sins no more” (see Jer. 31:34). Of course, God’s memory is not defective. God doesn’t forget our sin. But He declares that He will disregard the past in the way He relates to us. Because of God’s love and mercy the child of God has been forgiven. We no longer fear eternal judgment (which we deserve) because of God’s forgiveness and love.

            Having received such astounding grace, God wants us to extend this same freedom to others. So when we forgive others we show that His Spirit is at work within us. When we forgive we demonstrate that we have not forgotten what we have been forgiven.

            Jesus made the point dramatically when He told the story of the man forgiven a great debt who was unwilling to forgive the lesser debt of another. Do you realize that every time we refuse to forgive we are just as guilty as the man in the story? A refusal to forgive shows a lack of appreciation for what we have been forgiven. The offense others have committed against us is nothing compared to the offense we have committed against the Lord. When we forgive another we show that we have understood and received grace.

            But, you may ask, “If we forgive, aren’t we just letting someone get away with a wrong?” We feel if we “simply forgive” we will allow someone to take advantage of us. Shouldn’t we make people aware of the wrong they have done? Thomas Watson, a Puritan Pastor, answered this objection quite effectively:

To pass by an injury without revenge, is not eclipsing our honor. The Scripture says of a man, “It is his glory to pass over a transgression.” Proverbs 19:11. It is more honorable to bury an injury than to revenge it. Wrath denotes weakness; a noble heroic spirit overlooks a petty offense.

            But what if the wrong is great . . . not forgiving is a greater wrong. In injuring you he has offended against man, but in not forgiving him you offend against God. [17]

            One of the best ways to show someone the wrong they have done is to contrast their action with grace. We need faith to forgive another.

            Second, forgiveness releases us. The alternative to forgiveness is bitterness and resentment. Dale Carnegie tells about a visit to Yellowstone Park where he saw a grizzly bear. The huge animal was in the center of a clearing, feeding on some discarded camp food. For several minutes he feasted alone; no other creature dared draw near. After a few moments a skunk walked through the meadow toward the food and took his place next to the grizzly. The bear didn’t object and Carnegie knew why. “The grizzly,” he said, “knew the high cost of getting even.” [18]

            Those who refuse to extend forgiveness to another hurt themselves. Bitter people are no fun. They can’t sleep. Ulcers line their stomach. Their blood pressure is high. They see the negative in every situation because their life is polluted with feelings of resentment and anger. People unwilling to forgive may feel that they are punishing the other person, but they are the ones paying the price.

            Many people suffer mental and physical illness because they either need to be forgiven, or they need to forgive. The lack of forgiveness is literally destroying them. Robert Harvey and David Benner draw us a picture that helps us understand how deadly refusing to forgive can become.

            Try a simple experiment on yourself. Make a fist and hold it tight. One minute is sufficient to bring discomfort. Consider what would happen if the fist were maintained in that state of tension for weeks, months or even years. Obviously it would soon become a sick member of the body.

            You may hurt a person by not forgiving them and thus feel some satisfying sense of getting even, but almost without exception, the hurt you do to yourself may be even greater. After a while you may not feel the pain of the clenched resentment in your soul, but its self-inflicted paralysis will have its effect upon your whole life. [19]

            Forgiveness not only releases us physically and emotionally, it also releases us spiritually. One of the greatest barriers to effective prayer and spiritual vitality is an unforgiving heart. The great theologian D.L. Moody wrote,

I believe [unforgiveness] is keeping more people from having power with God than any other thing--they are not willing to cultivate the spirit of forgiveness. If we allow the root of bitterness to spring up in our hearts against someone, our prayer will not be answered. It may not be an easy thing to live in sweet fellowship with all those with whom we come in contact; but that is what the grace of God is given to us for. [20]

            An unforgiving heart binds the Holy Spirit’s ability to work in and through us. It becomes a barrier to fruitful ministry. An unwillingness to forgive disrupts our fellowship with God. It steals the joy of knowing His forgiveness in our lives. An unforgiving heart disrupts our prayers.

            A third reason for forgiveness is that forgiveness brings God’s power into the life of the one forgiven. Just as God’s grace had a transforming effect in your life, your extension of that grace to others has power to transform them. In these painful situations we must keep in mind that every lost person matters to God. Paul endured all kinds of persecution and pain to share Christ. Jesus endured the pain and shame of the cross to redeem you. When we endure and forgive rather than strike back and resent, we introduce grace to someone else.

            When someone experiences forgiveness, they can better understand what it means to be forgiven by God. Often when people encounter mercy from another, they want to know what power is behind that willingness to forgive.

            Finally, forgiveness is the proving ground of faith. God told us that vindication, judgment and vengeance are His responsibility. Letting go of the hurt and extending forgiveness means we trust God to do what is right. We forgive because we believe that God is the only One who can judge correctly. God alone knows the mitigating circumstances. He alone knows the heart of the offender. When we forgive we place the other person and our own hurt in His hands.

            It takes true faith to trust God with the hurts of our life. It takes even more faith to trust God with those who have hurt us. When it comes down to it we are forced to ask a simple question: “Do we believe that the judge of all the earth will do what is right, or don’t we?” Are we willing to forgive another and let God take care of righting the wrongs that were done to us?

Principles of Forgiveness

            True forgiveness is an act of grace empowered by God. Forgiveness is not easy. In fact, you may be bristling at the idea of extending forgiveness to someone who has hurt you. It’s an unnatural act. We desire justice and vindication. Forgiveness requires the work of God in our life. This is not a natural act, it is a supernatural act. How else do you explain a parent who can forgive someone who murdered their child? How else do you explain the spouse who forgives a mate for their adultery? These things happen only as a result of God working through them.

            True forgiveness results in a changed attitude toward another. What does it mean to forgive a person? Forgiveness has taken place when we can honestly seek good for the other person. It is when we make an effort to restore a relationship rather than avoid that relationship. Forgiveness has taken place when past actions no longer hold a present bearing. Forgiveness is real when hate is replaced by love. True forgiveness is not just saying, “I forgive you”; it is acting as if the offense never happened.

            True forgiveness takes time. Forgiveness is seldom a one-time affair. We have to consciously seek to forgive again and again. One moment we may feel we have let the matter go, and in the next moment something stimulates a painful memory that must be dealt with again. The roots of bitterness go deep. The deeper the hurt, the more time may be needed for the difficult work of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a decision of the mind and heart that must be reaffirmed over and over. Philip Yancey writes,       

            I have often said, “I forgive you,” but even as I said these words my heart remained angry or resentful. I still wanted to hear the person tell me I was right after all; I still wanted to hear apologies; I still wanted the satisfaction of receiving some praise in return, if only praise for being so forgiving.

            But God’s forgiveness is unconditional. It comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is empty of self-seeking. This is the divine forgiveness I am called to practice in my daily life. It calls me to step over all my arguments that say forgiveness is unwise, unhealthy and impractical. It challenges me to step over all my needs for gratitude and compliments. Finally, it demands that I step over that wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and wants to put a few conditions between me and the one I am asked to forgive. [21]

            True forgiveness is realistic. We must realize that the act of forgiveness may not heal the relationship with the person who hurt us. The person we forgive may not even acknowledge they’ve done something that needs to be forgiven. They may seem indifferent to the pain they inflicted. Forgiveness may not affect the other person at all. But we must extend forgiveness anyway as an act of trust toward God. We must forgive because we choose to do what is right, not because of the response we hope to get from the other.

            We cannot wait for someone else to make the first move. It is natural to feel that the person who offended us should make the first move. We want them to beg for forgiveness. However, the Lord gives us no such rule. The rule the Lord gives is simple: “Forgive as I have forgiven you.” If you remember, God made the first move toward us.

            True forgiveness involves forgetting. We’ve heard it said, and even said it ourselves: “I can forgive, but I can’t forget.” Yet, what are we to make of the biblical passages that tell us God will remember our sins no longer? There is a sense in which we must forget.

            God is omniscient, knowing all things at all times. God cannot forget our sins in the sense that He loses them from His memory. By “forgetting” then, it must mean He sets aside the punishment we deserve when He forgives us. He holds the guilt of our sins over our heads no longer. Our past culpability is not a factor in how He treats us in the future--except to continue his forgiving, healing mercy. So when we “forget” the offenses done to us, it means we will not use the offense as reason to punish the offender. We will not raise it as an issue between us and not use it as a weapon in arguments. We will not continually remind others about it. And we will determine to work at not dwelling upon it in our own minds. [22]

            Though we may not actually be able to “forget” what happened, we are to act as if we had forgotten. We are to relate to that person as if nothing happened between us. That’s the way God acts toward us, and that’s the way we are to act toward others.

LIFE LESSONS

            I can’t think of a more difficult command in Scripture than this command to forgive. It goes against our nature. Every pore of our body screams, “No, I won’t do it!” And then Jesus says, “If you do not forgive, I will not forgive you.” We know what is right to do. We even want to do what is right. But we feel paralyzed. Sometimes we feel forgiveness is impossible. If so, listen to this true account.

            Author Rebecca Pippert relates the powerful story of the late Corrie ten Boom. This Dutch woman and her family were sent to Auschwitz for hiding Jews in their home during World War II. Years later Corrie, a Christian, was invited to speak at a conference in Portland, Oregon. This is what she said:

            “My name is Corrie ten Boom and I am a murderer.” There was total silence. “You see, when I was in prison camp I saw the same guard day in and day out. He was the one who mocked and sneered at us when we were stripped naked and taken into the showers. He spat on us in contempt, and I hated him. I hated him with every fiber of my being. And Jesus says when you hate someone you are guilty of murder.

            “When we were freed, I left Germany vowing never to return,” Corrie ten Boom continued. “But I was invited back there to speak. I didn’t want to go but I felt the Lord nudging me to. Very reluctantly I went. My first talk was on forgiveness. Suddenly, as I was speaking, I saw to my horror that same prison guard sitting in the audience. There was no way that he would have recognized me. But I could never forget his face, never. It was clear to me from the radiant look on his face while I spoke, that he had been converted since I saw him last. After I finished speaking he came up and said with a beaming smile, ‘Ah, dear sister Corrie, isn’t it wonderful how God forgives?’ And he extended his hand for me to shake.

            “All I felt as I looked at him was hate. I said to the Lord silently, ‘There is nothing in me that could ever love that man. I hate him for what he did to me and to my family. But you tell us that we are to love our enemies. That’s impossible for me, but nothing is impossible for you. So if you expect me to love this man it’s going to have to come from you, because all I feel is hate.’”

            She went on to say that at that moment she felt nudged to do only one thing: “Put out your hand, Corrie,” the Lord seemed to say. Then she said, “It took all of the years that I had quietly obeyed God in obscurity to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I put out my hand.” Then, she said, something remarkable happened. “It was only after my simple act of obedience that I felt something almost like warm oil was being poured over me. And with it came the unmistakable message: ‘Well done, Corrie. That’s how my children behave.’ And the hate in my heart was absorbed and gone. And so one murderer embraced another murderer, but in the love of Christ.” [23]

So how do we arrive at this point of obedience and love? Here are a few suggestions to get us moving in the right direction.

• Stop replaying the hurts of the past. The more we replay what happened, the more distorted things become. When you find yourself replaying a hurt, give that hurt to God. Refuse to relive that painful experience.
• Learn to practice the judgment of charity. We regularly practice a double standard. When we do something wrong we want people to give us the benefit of the doubt. We want people to consider our intentions and not just the results of our actions. But when someone does something wrong to us, we often assume the worst. We assume that a person meant to hurt us. We assume that we have understood their meaning and intentions. We should apply the same standard to others that we want others to apply to us.
• Face God’s command to forgive squarely. The teaching of the Bible is not what we may want to hear, but it is clear. If we want to obey we must forgive. Stop looking for loopholes--they don’t exist.
• Think often of what has been forgiven you. The more we ponder what we have been forgiven, the easier it will be to forgive others. Our unforgiving hearts are often anchored in feelings of self-righteousness. We must remind ourselves that we have no reason to feel self-righteous.
• Act in a forgiving way. Even though we aren’t over the hurt we can be kind to the one who offended us. We can stick out our hand. We can speak kindly. We can be friendly. It won’t be easy, but we will be making the first move, and God will honor our efforts.

Max Lucado sums it up in simple words we can understand.

            Perhaps the wound is old. A parent abused you. A teacher slighted you. And you are angry.

            Or perhaps the wound is fresh. The friend who owes you money just drove by in a new car. The boss who hired you with promises of promotions has forgotten how to pronounce your name. Your circle of friends escaped on a weekend getaway, and you weren’t invited.

            And you are hurt.

            Part of you is broken, and the other part is bitter. Part of you wants to cry, and part of you wants to fight. The tears you cry are hot because they come from your heart, and there is a fire burning in your heart. It’s the fire of anger. It’s blazing. It’s consuming. Its flames leap up under a steaming pot of revenge

            And you are left with a decision. “Do I put the fire out or heat it up? Do I get over it or get even? Do I release it or resent it? Do I let my hurts heal, or do I let hurt turn into hate?” . . .

            Resentment is the deliberate decision to nurse the offense until it becomes a black, furry, growling grudge.

            Unfaithfulness is wrong. Revenge is bad. But the worst part of all is that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left. [24]

Author Philip Yancey boils the issue down to its most basic element.

In the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God’s hands, the scales that must balance justice and mercy. [25]

            So what about you? Where do you need to extend forgiveness today? I’ll give you a hint: It’s in that area where you resist forgiveness the most. I’m willing to bet you know exactly whom God wants you to forgive. So now it is a question of obedience. Will you do what God tells you to do? Will you trust God to heal the wounds? Will you forgive that offense against you, or will you, by your refusal, commit an offense against God? It’s time, my friend, to let go. It’s time to let the grace and love of God work in you and through you.

            It’s not easy. It’s not natural. But when you forgive you find that a prisoner has been set free. And that prisoner is you.

Discussion Questions

1.     What is the most difficult aspect of forgiveness for you?

2.     What are we to do when someone refuses to acknowledge a wrong done to us?

3.     Why is God the only one qualified to bring justice?

4.     How can our forgiveness lead someone else to grace?

5.     How long does it take to forgive someone?

6.     In what sense are we to “forgive and forget”?

Ten

Job Description of a Disciple

Colossians 3:15-18

            I’ve never pretended to be handy in things mechanical. When I was first starting out in ministry, I drove an old beat-up car that seemed always in need of repairs. Once day the car wouldn’t start. So I pulled out my Chilton’s manual on my car (this was before the days of computerized components) and began to troubleshoot the problem. I determined that I needed a new head gasket.

            I found a way to the auto parts store and purchased a gasket. I was surprised that it was really just a cut-out piece of cork. I figured, “How hard could this be?” When I returned to my apartment I went to work on the car. To be honest, it wasn’t that hard to replace. I was quite proud of myself.

            I got in the car and turned the ignition, waiting for the engine to purr. It didn’t. It made noise like it was going to start, but it never did. I went back to check my work. Everything looked fine. Late that night I still didn’t have it working.

            The next morning I called a mechanic from the church and asked if he would help me. He said he’d be right over.

            The mechanic got into the car and listened as the engine ground but didn’t start. He then stared at the valve cover where I had replaced the gasket. (It really sounds like I know what I’m talking about, doesn’t it? Well, hang on.)

            When he finished studying my work he asked what I considered an odd question. He asked, “Did you happen to have any parts left over?” It just so happened that I did. I confessed that I had a couple of screws left that wouldn’t go in right, and since several other screws held the valve cover in place, I figured the two screws wouldn’t make a difference.

            My mechanic friend explained that the screws were needed so that a vacuum could be formed in the engine. The two “innocent holes” I left made it impossible for that vacuum to form. He put the screws in and the engine started. I couldn’t help feeling that the whole thing was like loosening the lid of a jar before someone else comes and opens it.

            You see, I didn’t understand how an engine works. Because I didn’t understand how engines work, it made the job of fixing the engine very difficult.

            In a similar fashion, if we don’t understand what God wants us to become, it will be difficult to move in that direction. In a confused world it is easy to get disoriented. We must know what goal we are heading toward. In Colossians 3:15-18 Paul gives us five characteristics of a true believer. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Ruled by God’s Peace

            Yesterday I found myself filled with anxiety. My daughter was out on her first trip to go shopping since she got her driver’s license. The nearest mall is thirty minutes away. I have confidence in her ability because I’ve spent many hours in the passenger seat while she was learning to drive. However, just about the time she would be coming home I heard a call for the fire department and ambulance on my scanner (we all have scanners in the country). They were summoning the emergency vehicles to a road my daughter would be traveling. My heart beat fast and I sent frantic prayers up to heaven.

            In fifteen minutes or so my daughter walked in the front door. She was fine. I looked at her and said, “Boy, am I glad to see you.” I was reminded once again of what an anxiety filled world we live in. Lots of things can cause churning:

• When our children are out in the car
• When we send our kids off to college
• When the owners of the company announce a lay-off
• When the stock market plunges
• When we feel a lump in our body
• When we get a sharp pain in our chest
• When we are running late for an important meeting
• When we are facing an important presentation
• When we can’t reach our aging parents or grandparents on the phone
• When we are getting ready for the championship game

Yet the Bible tells us to let God’s peace rule in our life. The word for “rule” is a word that is similar to our word umpire or arbiter. Paul is calling us to let peace be the umpire, the ruler and the decision maker in our life.

            How does God’s peace govern our lives? First, God’s peace comes out of a right relationship with Him. In other words, you won’t know God’s peace if you are not a real child of God. Paul tells us in Romans 5:1, “Having been justified by faith, we have peace with God.” Peace comes from committing ourselves to what Christ has done for us. We find peace when we know we are forgiven and headed for eternity.

            I’ve written this book with Christians in mind, but I have to stop here and again ask an important question. Have you reached a point in your life where you have stopped relying on your efforts to earn heaven? Have you come to see that the Jesus who died on a cross died for you? Have you admitted your sin and asked God for the mercy offered in Jesus? If not, you won’t have any real peace in your life.

            It’s time. It’s time to stop running and stop pretending. It’s time to face the truth about your life. It’s time to receive God’s love. Please take a moment right now and turn to the Father. He’s waiting. His arms are open. The next move is yours.

            Once you place your confidence and trust in Jesus, you will discover the peace you have been looking for all your life.

            Second, we must realize that God’s peace is not tied to our circumstances. In John 16 Jesus warns His followers about the future: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” In John 14:27 Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

            Jesus offers us peace even as He warns us of tough times. God’s peace does not mean an absence of conflict in life. God offers peace even in situations where it would be natural for our hearts to be troubled. God’s calm transcends circumstances.

            Third, peace in life is a byproduct of unwavering trust in the Lord. The prophet Isaiah declares, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isa. 26:3). This calm in the storm comes because we look at the Lord and not at our circumstances. We trust the One who is over all rather than let circumstances panic us.

            Finally, peace with God results in peace with others.

            An old story from the Salvation Army tells of a strong-willed woman who had been nicknamed “Warrior Brown” because of her fiery temper. She was often belligerent and became enraged whenever she got drunk. When she became a Christian, her life was changed by the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit. At an open-air meeting a week later, she told everyone what Jesus had done for her. Suddenly a scoffer threw a potato at her, causing a stinging bruise. Had she not been converted, she would have lashed out at the man furiously. God’s grace had made such a profound change in her conduct that she quietly picked up the potato and put it into her pocket without saying a word. No more was heard of the incident until the time of the “harvest festival” months later. The woman who had been known for her temper brought as her offering a little sack of potatoes. She explained that after the open-air meeting she had cut up and planted the “insulting potato,” and what she now presented to the Lord was “the increase.” Warrior Brown allowed the peace of Christ to be umpire of her life. [26]

            When God rules in our heart, it changes the way we deal with those around us.

Saturated With God’s Word

            Paul tells us, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.” Paul encourages believers to allow the message of the Bible to dominate, saturate and motivate their living. The word dwell means “to feel at home.” Paul urges us to have such a relationship with God’s Word that it feels at home in our life, or we feel at home with it.

            The Bible should be at the heart of our existence. We draw our direction from it. We find our comfort and strength in it. Being saturated in the Bible does several things for us: 1) It helps us know the truth; 2) it enables us to recognize error; 3) it provides answers to difficult questions.

            So how do we become “Bible-saturated”? First, we must know the message. In other words, we must read the Bible. It’s a message I’ve repeated several times in this book, but it is foundational. A mature Christian is a person who knows God’s Word. In Psalm 1 we are told that the follower of God “delights in the law of God and meditates on it day and night” (Ps. 1:2). Simply put, we must steep ourselves in the Word. 

            Did you know that half the books of the Bible can be read in less than forty-five minutes each, and many of them in less than twenty? The entire Old and New Testaments can be read aloud in less than seventy-one hours. This means that in less than fifteen minutes a day we could read the Bible cover to cover in less than a year.

            Many Moslem youngsters grow up learning the entire Koran by heart. They are devoted to their sacred text. We can point out the problems of the Islamic faith (especially in their view of Jesus), but we cannot doubt their devotion. What a different world this would be if Christians had this kind of passion for the Word of God!

            Do you know where I most often get into trouble? I often substitute other things for my Bible reading. Christian books are good and helpful in our spiritual growth, but they must not take the place of God’s Word. We must not substitute reading about the Bible for reading the Bible. I also sometimes mistake looking at words for reading. Have you ever read an entire section of Scripture and realized you had no idea what you just read? I have. We must read consistently and attentively.

            Second, we must understand the message. Hearing and understanding are two different things. How many men have heard their wives say, “You aren’t listening to me”? It’s not that the sound isn’t reaching our ears, it’s that we are not paying attention. We’re not getting the message. In order to survive in marriage (and in any relationship) we must engage in active listening. We must ask clarifying questions. We must make sure we hear correctly. It’s the same in our relationship with God. We must interact with His Word to make sure we understand what is being said.

            Here are some questions to ask as you read the Word.

• What do the particular words mean in this context? Different words mean different things in different settings.
• What point is the writer making to his intended audience?
• How do other statements in Scripture qualify these statements? (How is the statement that “God repented” qualified by the declaration that “God does not change”?)
• Is it appropriate to use this text to prove what the writer is trying to prove? Is it appropriate to draw the applications I have drawn from the text I’m reading? (We are great at using the Bible to justify our own desires.)

            Third, we must apply the message practically. Mark Twain said, “Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture which they cannot understand; but as for me, I have always noticed that the passages in Scripture which trouble me most are those which I do understand.” Twain understood. The Bible does not teach us about forgiveness so we can discuss forgiveness--it’s so we will forgive! The Bible doesn’t teach us about peace so we can write nice-sounding songs—it’s so we might know real calm in the midst of life’s troubled times. The Word dwells in us “richly” when it yields some effect in our lives. The next time you read a passage of Scripture, ask yourself:

·       Is there some command I need to obey?

·       Is there a sin I need to repent of?

·       Does my thinking need an adjustment?

Constantly look for ways to apply what you are reading.

            A number of years ago I had some fun with my congregation. I wanted them to learn to apply God’s Word, so I taught them a short litany. At an appropriate time in my message I would say, “And all God’s people said . . .” (the usual response here is “Amen”), and the congregation would respond on cue, “So what?” It raised more than a few eyebrows, but I think we made our point.

            Whenever you read the Word of God ask, “So what? What am I supposed to do with what I have just read?” If we will do this, we will find that we are able to “let the Word of Christ dwell in us richly.”

Part of a Mutual Ministry

            The well-balanced believer is aware that they are involved in mutual or shared ministry. Let me explain what I mean. Paul tells us we are to “teach and admonish one another with all wisdom.” We “teach” someone when we help them understand something they didn’t know before. We have a responsibility to help each other grow in knowledge and understanding.

            We must also be willing to “admonish” one another. We remind each other of the truth we have forgotten in our living. We are to teach and be taught, admonish and be willing to be admonished. We need to help each other grow.

            We live in a world that urges us to be independent. We are told to pull our own weight and not become dependent on anyone. As a result, we have become isolated from each other. This is dangerous and painful. This is not what God wants for His people.

            God designed the church to be inter-dependent. In fact, He uses the analogy of a human body. He says the Christian community is like a body: The body has different parts with different functions, but they must work together to be effective. Paul tells us that God has given us various gifts (or skills) that can be used in ministry. We must work together!

            It’s important that you and I interact with other believers. I encourage you to get involved with a study group, Sunday school class or some other regular meeting with friends who will help you grow by teaching and admonishing you. Find someone who will be your prayer partner. Stop by the home or office of a mature believer and ask them about their spiritual life. Pick their brain and learn from their experience. If you don’t know where to begin, ask a Christian friend you respect for some ideas.

Characterized by a Spirit of Celebration

            One of the ways we are to teach and admonish one another is through “psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.” In other words, we are to be a joyful, singing body. We should be celebrating grace!

            Someone has said that “a successful Christian life involves attention to three books: God’s Book, the Bible; the pocketbook; and the hymnbook.” There is wisdom in those words. Nothing expresses and touches the depth of our emotion like music.

            The right music during a movie or TV show can cause you to smile or cry. In the same way, a well-chosen song can express what words find difficult to say.

            The story is told of a young girl who became a Christian during a revival at her church and was baptized during the closing hymn on Sunday morning. That afternoon she ran through the house singing and dancing. Her sour grandfather rebuked her with these words, “You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Just joined the church and singing and dancing on the Lord’s day!”

            Crushed by her grandfather’s attitude, the little girl went out to the barn, climbed up on the corral fence and saw an old mule standing there with a sad, droopy face and bleary eyes. As she reached over and patted the mule, she said, “Don’t cry, old mule. I guess you’ve just got the same kind of religion grandpa has!”

            A great deal has been made of trying to distinguish between psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. We probably shouldn’t go too far in making needless distinctions. However, do notice two things:

·       Our expression should take in a variety of forms and styles. Christians endlessly (and foolishly) debate what kinds of music are appropriate for worship. It’s a foolish debate because all kinds of music can be used in worship. It can be the majestic, theologically rich hymn or the simple chorus. It can be done in a country style, a Gregorian chant, rock or classical. What matters is the expression of the heart. In fact, if you move only to one kind of music, you rob yourself of the richness of other forms of music.

·       Our music should be anchored in the Word of God. Remember the context! These songs come from “the word of Christ dwelling in our hearts.” It is just as easy to sing bad theology as to teach or read it. Like anything else, we must evaluate what we are singing. Since we learn a good deal of theology from our music, we must choose our music carefully.

            The person who has received God’s grace wants to express their joy. I know that not everyone likes to sing. I also know that not everyone should sing! That’s OK. Your soul can still rejoice with the music.

·       Go to a Christian bookstore and buy a hymnal. Read the lyrics and sing through the songs.

·       Memorize a song.

·       Write a song and sing it to the Lord.

·       Put on headphones and play some Christian music. Let the music move your soul.

·       Make up a melody for one of the Psalms and sing it to the Lord (quietly if others are around).

Honoring God Consistently

            Paul brings his thoughts to a fitting peak with the final words in this passage: “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Col. 3:17). It seems like the perfect conclusion doesn’t it? The person who is balanced reveals Christ consistently. Kent Hughes writes:

There are few exhortations in Scripture that are more comprehensive than this one. “Word or deed” takes in everything in life. “Deeds” can be preaching, teaching, eating, exercising, driving, cleaning house, shopping, visiting, working, playing (basketball, soccer, tennis, fishing, even watching) -- everything! Our words are everything that passes our lips, even in unguarded moments. Everything we say or do is to be done “in the name of the Lord Jesus.” [27]

            I heard the story once about a strange dog that came to a preacher’s house, and his three sons grew quite fond of it. The dog had three distinct white hairs in its tail. One day an advertisement in the newspaper described a lost dog with three white hairs in its tail. “In the presence of my three boys,” said the minister, “we carefully separated the three white hairs and removed them.” The real owner discovered the whereabouts of the straying canine and came to claim him. The dog showed every sign of recognition, so the man was ready to take him away. Quickly the minister spoke up, “Didn’t you say the dog would be known by three white hairs in its tail?” The owner, unable to find the identifying feature, was forced to leave. The minister said later, “We kept the dog, but I lost my three boys for Christ.” His sons no longer had confidence in what he professed. He hadn’t practiced what he preached.

            Another story is told about Karl Marx, who grew up in a Jewish home. When business became difficult in the neighborhood his family lived in, the family relocated. The new community was made up of German Lutherans. Karl Marx’s father announced that his family was going to become Lutheran so they could make business contacts. Young Karl never forgot his father’s inconsistency. When he grew up he renounced religion entirely.

            The world is watching believers. It wants to see if we truly believe what we say. They watch our lives to see if the values we preach are the values we practice. The test of genuine faith is a God-honoring consistency in our lives.

            Now, don’t get me wrong. God-honoring consistency is not the same thing as perfection. That’s an impossible standard to reach in this life. Consistency can be revealed even in our failures. When we sin, we should handle those situations in a Christian manner. We should be willing to take responsibility for our actions (no excuses or blaming others) and make things right with another. You can be consistent even though you fail.

            True Christianity affects every area of our life:

·       the way we conduct business

·       the entertainment and hobbies we are involved in

·       the way we spend our money

·       the way we serve in the church

·       the way we respond to the needs of those around us

·       the way we react to those who offend us

            So here’s the big question: What are you holding back from the Lord? What area of your life is off-limits to God? Maybe it is your business, or sports, or your thought life. Maybe you want God to stay out of your relationships or your sex life. Maybe you hold Him at arm’s length when it comes to your recreational activities. Perhaps for some it would be easier to ask: Where does the Lord have influence in your life? Is your relationship with Christ only significant on Sunday? Paul calls us to follow Christ whole-heartedly.

LIFE LESSONS

            I’ve learned something about doing laundry. When you put the clothes in the washer it’s important to spread them out evenly in the basket. If you don’t, the washer will make a terrible racket. If it does, it means the load is unbalanced and you need to reorganize the clothes. Let me ask you: Is your Christian life in balance or out of balance? Are you simply banging around and making a lot of noise, or are things running smoothly in your life?

            Do you need to experience God’s peace in your life? Do you need to stop churning and start trusting, even in the tough times?

            Do you need to start reading the Bible? If so, find a good modern translation--something you will understand. Then dig in. Underline, meditate, memorize and obey.

            Do you need to get involved in a church? Do you need to get involved in a small group where you can share your heart as well as your gifts with those around you?

            Do you need to celebrate more? Perhaps you could try singing to the Lord. Pay attention to the words of the songs you sing in worship. Try different styles of music. Learn to appreciate different types of worship so you can praise God more fully and share those praises with more people.

            Finally, look for ways to honor God at the restaurant, at home, in the workplace and in the checkout line of a store. Be ruthless with yourself. Confront the excuses, expose the duplicity and push for consistency.

            You see, my friends, the world will never believe what we say about Jesus until they see that we believe what we say about Jesus.

Discussion Questions

1.     Why is a job description important? How does this chapter give us direction for our Christian life?

2.     What makes you churn? Where would you like to experience God’s peace in a greater way? Examine the elements of finding God’s peace. Which one might be lacking in your life?

3.     What kind of Bible reading plan do you use? What are you doing to learn more about the message of God’s Word?

4.     What do you bring to the lives of those around you? What are you getting from others? How good are you at building “community”? What can the local church do to help foster this community feeling?

5.     Are you living joyfully? Do you celebrate life, or do you simply endure it? What songs have made an impact on your life? How many hymns do you know by heart?

6.     In what area of your life do you struggle with God-honoring consistency?

7.     What kinds of inconsistencies have you heard non-believers point to in the lives of Christians?

Eleven

Marriage, God’s Way

Colossians 3:18-19; Ephesians 5:21-33

            It is no news flash to say that the institution of marriage is under assault. Everywhere we turn we see friends who have been married for years walking away from their marriages.

A seven year old had just seen Cinderella and was testing the neighbor ladies’ knowledge of the story. The neighbor, wanting to impress the little girl, said, “I know what happens at the end.” “What?” said the girl. “Cinderella and the Prince live happily ever after.” To which the little girl answered, “Oh no they didn’t, they got married!” [28]

            The reason the story is funny, in a sad kind of way, is because we all know that marriage is indeed a struggle at times. A great marriage is the most invigorating thing in the world, but it doesn’t come easily. A difficult marriage can be one of the most draining experiences of life. That’s why careful attention to God’s counsel regarding marriage is important.

            In this chapter we look at Paul’s comments on marriage. We will look at Colossians 3:18-19 and the parallel passage in Ephesians 5:21-33 to lay down some basic principles for a happy marriage.

God’s Way Is the Best Way

            God’s approach to marriage is largely dismissed in our culture. People tell us that sexual purity before marriage is “impractical.” More and more couples are choosing to live together without any commitment before they get married. Some never plan to marry at all. Any suggestion that marriage is restricted to one man and one woman is met with cries of “Judgmental!” (though it is not we who are judgmental; these are God’s standards).

            You can watch almost any talk show and see a parade of experts who encourage people to do “what’s right for them.” However, these experts offer wind instead of substance, theories rather than wisdom. The world is running faster and faster away from the things of God--but they are running into the desert.

            Many people call themselves experts on marriage. They have counseled many couples, they have observed many marriages and, compared to us, they may seem like experts. But the person who drives a car, or even the mechanic who works on a car, does not understand the vehicle nearly as well as the one who designed and manufactured the car. It is the same with marriage. No one understands marriage as well as God does.

            Most of the marriage problems we encounter stem from one cause: disobedience. It is similar to the car owner who ignores the instructions in the owner’s manual to change the oil on a regular basis. When the car breaks down it is not because the car is a “lemon,” it is because the owner didn’t follow the instructions.

            God has clearly told us how to approach marriage. When we ignore His counsel we shouldn’t be surprised if marriage becomes more of a chore than a blessing. If we follow the instructions of the designer, we will find that marriage works much better. The best marriage is the marriage built on the foundation of God’s Word.

            Let me add a quick addendum here. I understand that divorce happens. I also understand that most of the time, when divorce occurs, it is not something a couple rushes into. The Bible says God hates divorce (see Mal. 2:16), and most people who have gone through a divorce hate it too. The words I share with you are not written to increase the pain of a shattered relationship. I am seeking to keep people from this pain. My heart breaks for those who have watched a spouse walk out. If you are divorced, I hope you will take this information and use it if you get married again.

Paul’s Principles Are Not Cultural But Foundational

            Whenever people examine the biblical instruction about marriage, someone is bound to say, “These instructions were just the cultural preference of the day.” This is not even close to being true. William Barclay writes,

Under Jewish law a woman was a thing; she was the possession of her husband, just as much as his house or his flocks or his material goods were. She had no legal right whatever. For instance, under Jewish law, a husband could divorce his wife for any cause, while a wife had no rights whatever in the initiation of divorce. In Greek society a respectable woman lived a life of entire seclusion. She never appeared on the streets alone, not even to go marketing. She lived in the women’s apartments and did not join the men even for meals. From her there was demanded a complete servitude and chastity; but her husband could go out as much as he chose, and could enter into as many relationships outside marriage as he liked and incur no stigma. Both under Jewish and under Greek laws and custom, all the privileges belonged to the husband, and all the duties to the wife. [29]

            Paul’s words to husbands were radical words in this Jewish culture. The idea of a marriage partnership was foreign.

            Things were just as chaotic in the Roman world. The Jewish historian Jerome writes of a woman who had married her 22nd husband, and she was his 21st wife! Roman culture contained a strong women’s liberation movement. Women didn’t want children because it spoiled their appearance. They wanted to do everything men did. There were women wrestlers, women sword throwers and more. Women jumped in and out of relationships. It is said that many women “wore out their bridal veil.”

            These are the people Paul wrote to. Paul did not parrot the contemporary view of marriage--he confronted it with a biblical alternative. He admonished the Roman women to respect and encourage their husbands and the men to treat their wives with tenderness and to take some leadership in the home. Paul was not trying to denigrate women but to elevate them! His words were revolutionary when they were written, just as they are today.

            If you want to start a revolution, tell someone you’re going to try things the biblical way. That will start tongues wagging. There is nothing revolutionary about refusing to submit or love in a sacrificial way. In our self-absorbed day, this is the prevailing public opinion. But if you take a stand for God’s approach to marriage, you buck the trend. Many people dismiss God’s teaching about marriage as irrelevant simply because they don’t think they like His teaching. However, I contend that those who say they don’t like what Paul teaches haven’t understood what he is saying. What he writes is reasonable and makes good sense.

Marriage Is More About Giving Than Getting

            Whenever men and women look at these passages, husbands and wives tend to focus on the wrong things. The husband hears Paul’s word to wives and says, “I like this idea--me Tarzan, she Jane.” But the big ape never reads beyond to the commands Paul gives to him! The wives hear the teaching to them and say, “You don’t know my husband. Why should I submit to him? I am equal to him in every way.” The wife points to the teaching for men and says, “If I had a husband like that, I’d follow him anywhere. This kind of man doesn’t exist!”

            Rather than approach this passage with your boxing gear on, come to God’s Word and listen. Once you do that you will see that biblical marriage is not about women serving men. It is about men and women serving each other. If we focus on what the other is supposed to do for us, we have missed Paul’s point. The emphasis is on what we give to each other.

            Take a look at Ephesians 5:21 and the following verses. It is unfortunate that verses 21 and 22 are placed in different sections in our modern translations. Paul begins his instruction with these words: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” I believe verse 21 is the general principle that is applied in the verses that follow (to marriage, family and work). In Ephesians 5:22 the word submit is not even in the Greek! But it is not a mistranslation. The word is implied from verse 21. The context of the passage is mutual submission.

            In 1 Peter 3:1 we see similar commands: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands.” Notice verse 7, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.” The question is, The same way as what?

            In 1 Peter 2 Paul tells us to submit to authorities and show respect for everyone. Paul tells slaves to submit to their masters with all respect. And then he tells us that our example of this attitude is Christ.

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

                                                                                                vv. 23-25

After describing the sacrificial way Christ lives, Peter says, “Wives, in the same way” and “Husbands, in the same way….” Jesus did not live for what He could get from others. He gave His life so we might know life. This is our model for marriage.

A Word to Wives

            There are perhaps no more inflammatory words in our day and age than these: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (v. 18). Unfortunately, all the frustration and anger indicate that a person hasn’t understood correctly. To get the full picture we have to look at the parallel passage in Ephesians 5:22-24:

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands.

It’s important that you see several things.

·       The context of the passage is that of mutual submission (Eph. 5:21). It is not about one person being the boss and the other person being the servant.

·       The wife is to be submissive to her husband, not to every man.

·       This is a spiritual duty. It is something you do out of love for the Lord. Your husband may not deserve this kind of support, but you do it because it is God’s way.

·       This submission is not absolute. The wife is to serve her husband “as to the Lord.” If the husband asks the wife to do something that moves her away from the Lord, she may refuse.

            “But,” the wife asks, “what about this idea of a husband being the head of his wife?” In this passage we are told the husband is the head of his wife in the same way that Christ is the head of the church. In 1 Corinthians 11:3 we read, “The head of every man is Christ, and the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

            So what? I’m glad you asked. This means that this “headship” has nothing to do with equality, intelligence or value. The Father and the Son are separate but equal. God the Son is as much God as God the Father is, and yet we read that the head of Christ is God. This leads me to conclude that headship is more about function than value.

            So what does this idea of “headship” mean? Like everything else in the Bible, we need to understand these words in their proper context. Paul tells us to submit to the governing authorities because someone needs to keep society from chaos. I think this is the same rationale behind the commands on marriage. Someone must be designated to lead. God has designated the husband.

            Now I know what the next question will be: “Why?” Why did God declare the husband to be the head rather than the wife? I don’t have a definitive answer to that question. This is one of those times when I can only answer, “Because.” This is the way God designed it. I don’t think it is because husbands are more valuable, intelligent, gifted or capable than wives. Someone has to be the leader, and God placed that responsibility on the man.

            Like you, I’ve wondered many times why God chose men rather than women to be head of the home. In some homes the wife appears to be more capable as a leader than her husband does.

            I’ve read and heard many different opinions on this issue. Let me speak purely in a hypothetical manner. I wonder if the choice of man as the head of the home is something like a physical education class.

            On occasion I have served as a substitute teacher in P.E. In this setting I often have to divide the class into teams. To do so, I have to pick captains, or “heads.” As much as I hate this approach (which comes from years of being one of the last people picked for a team), you do need some kind of leadership.

            I generally pick people to be captains for one of several reasons: 1) they were the first ones out of the dressing room, 2) they are the best athletes or 3) by making them captain I will get them more involved. This latter group is comprised of people who are seldom asked to lead anything. I wonder if one of these same reasons could be why God made the husband the head of the home.

            There are times in the Bible where it seems that men are told to lead simply because they were created first--you know, “They got here first!” [30]

            But it could also be that God has equipped husbands for leadership. I wonder if the toughness God gave to men makes them more equipped to lead. I wonder if there is some genetic factor in men that makes them feel complete only when they are leading. Most men feel like failures unless they are providing for their families. It is a very hard thing for most men to be out of work. Unemployment offends their sense of manhood. Is this societal or genetic?

            Men seem to relish the role of protector and defender. If this is the reason for their “headship,” then God is telling women that men have been specially equipped--they have been given the drive to lead. The only way a husband will feel complete and whole is if the wife encourages him to lead.

            But it is just as possible that God knew the male tendency to withdraw from our families. God may have made men leaders in the home because He knew our tendency to let our wives do all the family stuff while we go out and “do our thing.” How many men have you heard say they don’t do diapers, or they are never home at night, or that Mom is the one who takes care of all the discipline at home? Is it possible that since we have a tendency to shirk our responsibility, the Lord gave us primary responsibility? Could it be God’s way of saying, “Don’t desert your family to do your job--building your family is your job!”

            I honestly don’t know where this idea of “head” comes from, but I do know that for some reason God wants families to function with a certain order. The husband is expected to take a leadership role in the home--especially in the spiritual areas of life. Does this mean the man makes all the decisions? Not if he is smart. A good leader knows how to play to the strengths of those around him. I defer to my wife’s judgment in a lot of areas. She is much more competent in many areas than I am, and I would be a fool to ignore these facts.

            So with these thoughts in mind we ask, “What does it mean to submit?” Let me begin by saying it doesn’t mean women are to assume an I Dream of Jeannie approach to life. A wife isn’t asked to say, “What would you like me to get for you, Master?” (Even though your husband would enjoy it.)

            Submission is about encouraging someone to lead and then following their leadership. It means wives are to support, respect and work with their husbands. Practically I think it means

·       treating you husband with respect. It means not correcting your husband publicly. Men have fragile egos. Talk about his good points to others. Be his cheerleader, not his critic.

·       sharing your feelings without attacking (this makes men defensive and may cause us to withdraw). Turning to us for help is better than attacking us. We want to rescue and defend--we fight when attacked. Don’t tell us we are insensitive for not taking out the garbage; ask us if we would help by taking out the garbage.

·       not replaying failures. Men don’t want to hear about the mistakes they’ve made. They have a drive to be successful. So underscore what your husband does well rather than point out what he does poorly.

·       reinforcing positive behavior. Say “thank you” when a man holds a door for you. Thank him when he stands to give you his seat on a bus. (Nowadays, a woman will more likely say, “Look, if I wanted your seat, I’d take it!) Encourage courtesy and kindness by applauding it when you see it. Let us know when we are doing something right. Most men want to be loving, they just don’t know how to go about it. So tell us when we do it right. We learn most effectively through positive reinforcement.

            What if the wife is married to a husband who is a real “bear”? First, I would encourage you to examine yourself. Are you trying to be a loving spouse, or are you just as much of a “bear” as he is? I know some men are obnoxious, but I also know that some men are obnoxious out of self-defense!

            Let me be clear. I don’t think God ever wants a woman to endure physical or sexual abuse. In those situations, the best thing you can do for your husband is put a stop to that behavior, even if it means moving out. Do not encourage this behavior by enduring the abuse. The same holds true with persistent unfaithfulness. You don’t need to run out and get a divorce, but you must insist that your spouse get the help they need. Tell your spouse you love him, but don’t go home until he is making progress in dealing with his abusive behavior. [31]

            What about the guy who is not supportive, nor interested in God’s plan for his life? Listen to these words from Peter:

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

                                                                                            Colossians 3:1-2

            You will make a difference in your husband, not by lecturing him, but by showing him Christ in your life. Don’t nag him about attending worship services, just go. Read your Bible and struggle to put into practice what you read. Mark my word: Your spouse will be watching you. He will be curious to see whether or not this “religion stuff” is genuine.

Now to the Husbands

            Paul’s words to the husbands are to the point: “Love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” Paul makes sure that his words about submission are not misinterpreted. This submission is not one-sided. Husbands are not kings receiving from servants--they are co-workers in a relationship. Once again, Ephesians expands on these words.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church . . . each of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

                                                                            Ephesians 5:25-33

            As I read these words it seems to me that it should be men who are complaining and not women. Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Unless I’m greatly mistaken (and I’m not), Christ gave His life for the church! In like fashion a husband is to be so devoted to his wife that he would give his life to protect, save and develop her. Let me ask you: Who do you think has the more difficult task?

            In these words Paul amplifies what he means by loving our wives.

·       It means to love realistically. Jesus does not have any illusions as to who we are. He knows our faults and loves us in spite of them. He did not wait until we attained some external standard. He loved us as we were and sought to move us forward. In the same way, men are to love their wives for who they are, not for what they want them to be.

·       It means to love sacrificially. Paul does not say we are just to give our paychecks to our wives. We are to give ourselves to our wives. Our wives are to get priority. How prone men are to take their wives for granted. We look to our wives when we are hungry, when we’re feeling “frisky,” when we need a companion and when we have nothing else to do! But that’s the wrong order. I want my wife and children to know that if I get a phone call from them, I am going to answer that call no matter what I am doing, because they are valuable to me. They need to know they are at the top of my list, not the bottom.

·       It means to love purposefully. Christ works to present the church in its fullest glory. In a similar way a wife’s biggest cheerleader should be her husband. A husband’s job is to help his wife become all that God created her to be. He is to encourage her to develop her talents and help her to reach her potential. Most men are a little threatened by their wives’ success. We figure if she excels at something, she will not need us anymore and will drop us like a hot potato! So sometimes we discourage more than encourage growth. That’s not the kind of love Jesus had for the church. He wants us to develop and grow. In most cases, a wife responds to the confidence her husband places in her ability.

·       It means to love personally. We are to love our wives as we love our own bodies. Our wives are to be such a part of us that caring for her is caring for ourselves. As we feed and care for our bodies, so we should give attention to caring for our wives.

·       It means to love spiritually. In 1 Peter 3:7 we are told to care for our wives in this way “so that nothing will hinder our prayers.” Our relationship with our spouse affects our spiritual life. My wife can hear people talk about their great faith all they want, but the first thing she wants to know is: How do they treat their spouse? She knows that their action is a better indication of their faith than their words. She’s right. She usually is.

            Let’s get more concrete. What kinds of things can men do to love their wives?

• Look for ways to demonstrate honor to your wife. Generally this mean’s not drooling over other women; not talking about how good other women cook compared to your wife; not insulting her. Instead we should take her hand in crowded places to show that we are proud to be with her. It means talking about her strengths rather than her weaknesses. It means talking about how great life is because of our spouse rather than talking about “the old ball and chain.” Men, do you realize how you dishonor your wife when you go up to someone who is getting married and say, “You have my sympathy”? Do you see how dishonoring it is to your own wife when you tell some young man, “Enjoy your freedom, because once you’re married….” Do you see how this makes your wife sound? It is not funny.
• Show tenderness rather than give advice. This is tough for us. We want to solve problems; she wants us to listen. We want to fix things; she wants to be held.
• Notice and comment on the things your wife does to enrich your life. Thank her for a good meal. Notice how nice the house looks. (Usually we say something only when the house is a disaster, and that sounds like scolding. We don’t like it, and neither do they.)
• Give your wife quality time (this is longer than commercials or half-time of the football game). It means doing things she wants to do and spending time with her. Find out what interests her and share some of those interests.
• Admit when you are wrong. Ouch!
• Ask her opinion and value what she says.
• Be thoughtful and gentle to her relatives (stop calling them the “outlaws”).
• Pitch in and help around the house, and don’t expect a medal when you do.
• Let her teach you something.
• Pray with her and for her.

            Men, we need to view marriage as a challenge rather than a chore. What if we viewed the challenge of loving our wives sacrificially the same way we do the challenge of the next big game? What if we prepared diligently and gave it everything we had? What if we were creative and determined in our efforts and would not accept failure? You know what would happen--our wives would be giddy with joy and would follow us anywhere. And we would understand what God meant marriage to be.

LIFE LESSONS

            I have tried to be intensely practical in this chapter. But do understand that I’m not giving you a “how-to” list for having a great marriage. There is no shortcut to a good marriage. Marriage takes commitment and work. A great marriage comes when we allow God to make us one. God cares about our marriage, and so should we. God wants to help us.

            We tend to focus on what our spouse is supposed to do for us. Please look beyond this. Focus on being obedient with your responsibility. The wife who learns submission will find a husband more willing to love her as Christ loves the church. The husband who loves his wife sacrificially will find a wife much more willing to follow his lead.

            Maybe it would be a good idea to share this chapter with your spouse. Wives, let your husbands know if the suggestions for husbands are valid. Husbands, let your wives know if the suggestions I give them are any good. Make plans to build your relationship rather than just endure it. It is my hope that in your marriage you will indeed live happily ever after.

Discussion Questions

1.     Why do you think God’s approach to marriage is so often ignored or compromised?

2.     What ideas in this chapter were new to you? Do you think these ideas are biblical?

3.     What is your understanding of “male headship”? Do you agree with the author’s approach to the issue?

4.     What is your definition of submission?

5.     Men, what support do you crave most from your wife?

6.     Ladies, how can men best love you as Christ loves the church?

7.     Wives, which piece of practical advice to husbands do you think was best?

8.     Husbands, which piece of practical advice to wives do you think was best?

Twelve

The Christian Family

Colossians 3:20-21

            Our nation has witnessed a frightening increase of violence among children. School shootings have become alarmingly common. Teen suicides continue to rise at epidemic proportions with up to 500,000 teens choosing death each year. Suicide for this age group has increased 300 percent since 1960 and has impacted children as young as six years old! Something is drastically amiss.

            U.S. News & World Report published a comparison of what teachers said were the top disciplinary problems among students in 1940 versus in 1990. In 1940 the top problems were talking out of turn, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, cutting in line, dress-code violations and littering. In 1990 the main disciplinary problems were drug abuse, alcohol abuse, pregnancy, suicide, rape, robbery and assault.

            Many schools have been forced to install metal detectors, and teachers are leaving their profession in droves because of the violent attitude of their students. It is nothing to walk into a school and hear students screaming angry obscenities at a teacher.

            There are many reasons for the problems we face, but a big part of the trouble is due to the erosion of the family in America. That makes these few verses in Colossians important to us. We need clear teaching about the family. In the last chapter we examined the relationship between husbands and wives. In this chapter we turn to the relationship between parents and children.

To the Children

            The passage before us is clear: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” The command is simple. Children are commanded to listen to and do what their parents tell them. But most children today would respond to such counsel with a defiant “Why should I?” I can think of three reasons why children have an obligation under the Lord to obey.

Children Must Learn to Respect Authority

            In the Ten Commandments God says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” This idea is so important that it ranks as one of the “Big Ten.” Respect for authority is a key principle throughout the Bible. God tells us that respect for our parents is the key to long and fruitful living. Once respect for authority is lost, society crumbles. Respect must begin in the home. A child who is allowed to dishonor his parents will spend his life rebelling against authority. The idea of right and wrong becomes blurred.

            The Bible is so insistent on this principle. Listen to the counsel it gives:

 “Anyone who attacks his father or his mother must be put to death” (Ex. 21:15).

             “Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death” (Ex. 21:17).

“If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his own head” (Lev. 20:9).

“The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures” (Prov. 30:17).

These words sound extreme and maybe even barbaric. Of course I’m not suggesting that we put to death children who sass their parents, but don’t miss the point. Respect for authority in the home is essential to a society. To honor someone is to place great weight on their value and their counsel.

Practically speaking, honoring our parents means

·       speaking of them and to them with respect. No parent should tolerate disrespect from his or her children. A child that is abusive or disrespectful needs to be shown the negative consequences of such behavior in no uncertain terms. Young people, this also refers to when you talk about your parents to your friends. They are not your “old man” or “old lady” or any of the other things you might call them. They are your mother and father and deserve your respect. Please note that this respect does not end when we leave home. Solomon writes, “Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old” (Prov. 23:22). Though we change our relationship with our parents when we leave home, we are still called to honor and respect them.

·       being aware of and concerned for their feelings. Young person, everything you say and do reflects either positively or negatively on your parents. Proverbs tell us: “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother” (Prov. 10:1). We honor our parents much like we honor the Lord--by living appropriately. Most children don’t give much thought to the impact their behavior has on their parents (or anyone else). Children who seek to honor their parents remember that their actions reflect on their parents.

·       being grateful for the things you are given. We tend to take for granted the food, the provisions, the chauffeuring around, the care while we are sick and the encouragement we receive. Make it a point to say “thanks” often. A person who honors their parents notices their efforts and is grateful.

            Once we leave home we are responsible for making our own decisions. But we are still called to honor our parents. In 1 Timothy 5:4, Paul writes, “If a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.”

            Perhaps your parent is in a nursing home. They don’t understand why they can’t go home with you. Sometimes they get angry or weepy. Sometimes they may not even know who you are. It may break your heart to see your parent this way, but realize that you honor them when you go to see them anyway. It also pleases the Lord. Your parent may not realize how loving you are being, but God does, and so do those who see your actions--including your own children.

            I’ll never forget watching my mother care for her mother in our home. She would clean soiled sheets, care for ulcerated legs and have to repeat things endlessly. Mom honored her mother by her actions. It made a lasting impact on my life.

            My dad drove forty-five minutes to see his mother in her retirement home almost every Sunday. It wasn’t convenient, and at times it was very frustrating--but he was honoring his mother. What a grand lesson they taught me. Do you realize, parents, that you teach your children about honoring you by the way you honor your parents?

Children Must Be Taught Godliness

            There is an erroneous notion in the fog of contemporary thinking that children are born innocent. We are told that young children are like a blank slate. If they are nurtured appropriately, they will be wonderful and productive members of society. In other words, kids will all be great if parents and society will just keep from messing things up. Consequently, anything a child does wrong is the fault of the home or society in which they were raised. But the biblical understanding is much different from this.

In Psalm 51:5, David writes, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”

Genesis 8:21 says, “Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood.”

In Ephesians 2:3 we read, “All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.”

            Children are not born with a hunger for God. The biblical teaching is that sin is so pervasive it reaches even into the womb. We have to teach a child to pray, to respect, to share, to love. But have you noticed that you don’t have to teach a child to spit, or swear, say “mine” or throw temper tantrums? Those things come naturally. Every child is a potential savage. Any child, if left to their own devices, could become the next playground killer. Children need to be instructed in godliness. It does not come naturally.

            Have you ever heard a parent say they were not going to teach their children the things of God because they wanted them to decide for themselves? They didn’t want to “brainwash” their children or “impose their values” on them. They figured when their children got older they could more accurately choose. But that is nonsense. Our world is not values-neutral.

            What if we took this same approach with hygiene? Since we do not want to prejudice our children we decide not to force our children to

• change their underwear
• take a bath
• brush their teeth
• wash their hands
• cover their mouth when they cough or use a tissue when they have a cold

Instead we want to let them decide for themselves. What would happen? Our children would be diseased and dirty, and no one would want to be around them!

            Children do not face neutrality in life. Everywhere they turn, the devil’s influence pursues them. Values are taught on television, in the books they read, in the schoolyard and, yes, even in their own hearts. When we don’t teach our children Christian values, we keep them from having a choice! Without a godly influence, the only values they know are the values of the world. This is why God tells us we must teach our children from an early age. Parents offer the life preserver that can keep their children from spiritual hardness.

            What about children with non-Christian parents? Children from non-Christian homes desperately need Christian friends, relatives and teachers. They need to learn from someone that their life is not just a chance happening. Someone needs to tell these children that Jesus loves them.

            One of a parent’s primary responsibilities is to teach their child the ways of the Lord. Our children need to know that worship is a part of our Sunday schedule much like going to school is during the week. They need to learn that saying grace before a meal is “what we do” because it is right. They need to be taught to have a daily time in God’s Word. If you do not influence your child for Christ, you abandon them to the brainwashing of the world.

Children Need a Mature Perspective

            In Proverbs 22:15 we read these words: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” In other words, children are unable to choose what is best for them. They lack the perspective and insight that chooses correctly.

            Many children are convinced that their parents don’t understand anything. They think their parents are merely passing down speeches they were given when they were children (and, truth be told, sometimes we are). The idea that parents have a more mature perspective is absurd to many children. But parents do have a better perspective simply by virtue of the fact that they have lived longer. Most of what a child experiences has already been faced by the parent.

            Parents have dated. They have been “dumped.” Parents know what it is like to be broke, what it’s like to have the influence of friends around them. Parents know what it is like to get in trouble. Most of them could (but probably won’t) tell you stories you would not believe. They have seen, they have experienced, they have learned. They may not understand contemporary music. They may not understand the current fads, but they do have a wisdom that children need.

            Children have a limited perspective and therefore often do foolish things. Let me give you an example: If you gathered your children and told them they could eat whatever they wanted for the next week, what would happen? Would they balance fruit, vegetables and protein in their diet? Of course not! They would shovel in Snickers bars, drown them with Mountain Dew, and top them off with chips, donuts and other junk food. Before the week was over they would be worn out and have their head in a toilet. Children need guidance.

            The story is told about a dad who was taking Mom out for dinner. They were leaving the kids home by themselves for the evening but wanted to make sure they behaved. So Dad said to them, “Look, I left a wooden spoon on the table in my bedroom. If any of you misbehave I want you to go upstairs and whack yourselves with the spoon.” That’s not parenting--it’s lunacy!

            Young person, your parents love you more than you can imagine. I know there are some bad parents out there. Some people are so absorbed with themselves that they don’t love anyone but themselves, but that is the exception rather than the rule. A bond develops between a parent and their child the first moment that child is placed in their arms.

            Your parents’ counsel may seem corny, but it is anchored in love. I know you think the curfews are stupid, but your parents are trying to keep you safe and help you learn to set limits in your life. I know you think dragging you to church is unfair, but they are teaching you that God’s way is the way that leads to life and happiness. Someday you will understand. As much as you think you love your boyfriend or girlfriend, your parents love you more than that. Even if you have no other reason for obeying your parents, remember it is a behavior that pleases the Lord.

To the Parents

            You’ve probably heard about the guy who wrote a paper titled “A Definitive Study for Successful Child Rearing.” The guy was single! When the same man got married he gave a new title to his paper: “Maxims and Principles for Family Life.” When he and his wife had their first child he renamed the paper “Some Thoughts on Bringing up Children.” When his first child was five he changed the title again to “Why Children?” And when his children were teenagers he added a new chapter to his text titled “Help Me! I’m Falling Apart.”

            It’s always the people who don’t have children that seem to have the most advice on raising children. Yet, all of us feel we could use some help in this important area of life. So where do we turn for solid advice? The best place to turn to is the Word of God. God understands the dynamics of the family and the needs of young people better than any human being. His wisdom is timeless and to the point.

            The counsel to parents is straightforward: “Do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.”

A Negative Warning

            Remember that when Paul wrote these words they were revolutionary. William Barclay gives us some important background information.

In the ancient world children were very much under the domination of their parents. The supreme example was the Roman Patria Potestas, the law of the father’s power. Under it a parent could do anything he liked with his child. He could sell him into slavery; he could make him work like a laborer on his farm; he had even the right to condemn his child to death and to carry out the execution. All the privileges and rights belonged to the parent and all the duties to the child. [32]

In these words Paul changes the status of children. Before they were treated as objects and possessions, now they were to be treated with honor and respect.

            Paul warns that parents are in danger of “embittering” their children. The Greek word indicates that we are to be careful that we don’t provoke our children to a “settled” anger. The command is not telling us we should never make our children mad. There will be times when that is inevitable. But we must guard against provoking an anger that is constant and seething, like a smoldering fire.

            Why is this important? It’s because our actions can discourage our child rather than encourage them. Rather than spur them on we may actually drag them down or hold them back.

            Again, Barclay helps clarify the issue.

            There is always a problem in the relationship of parent and child. If the parent is too easy-going, the child will grow up undisciplined and unfit to face life. But there is a contrary danger. The more conscientious a parent is, the more he is likely always to be correcting and rebuking the child. Simply because he wishes the child to do well, he is always on his case.

            A woman named Mary Lamb asked, “Why is it that I never seem to be able to do anything to please my mother?” John Newton, the writer of “Amazing Grace” wrote, “I know that my father loved me--but he did not seem to wish me to see it.” There is a certain kind of constant criticism that is the product of misguided love.

            The danger of all of this is that the child may become discouraged. It is one of the tragic facts of religious history that Luther’s father was so stern to him, that Luther all his days found it difficult to pray: “Our Father.” The word “father” in his mind stood for nothing but severity. The duty of the parent is discipline, but it is also encouragement. Luther himself said, “Spare the rod and spoil the child. It is true. But beside the rod keep an apple to give him when he does well.” [33]

            I can’t even begin to imagine the number of grown children carrying deep scars from their childhood. They suffer from parents who were abusive, parents who were indifferent, parents who were never satisfied. I am constantly talking with people who would like nothing more than to believe that their parents truly loved them.

            So the difficult balance is this: How do we discipline our children without discouraging them? How do we go about being firm without being harsh? The answer is balance.

Positive Principles for Child-Rearing

            If we put the passages on child-rearing together we can come up with some important principles of parenting:

            Discipline is a vital part of child-rearing.

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Prov. 13:24).

“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death” (Prov. 19:18).

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15).

“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die” (Prov. 23:13)

            The point of all these passages is simple: A loving parent disciplines their child. Don’t misunderstand. We’re not talking about giving our children a “beating” now and again. That’s not discipline, it’s abuse. Discipline is helping your child learn the way that is right. It means giving them negative consequences for bad behavior and positive consequences for good behavior.

            I’ll never forget Dr. James Dobson’s words: “When you draw a line and say ‘don’t cross this line’ and your child sticks his foot over that line and looks at you . . . they are looking for a fight. . . . And you better not disappoint them!” We need to help our children distinguish between right and wrong. At the beginning we may do this through a spanking. As the child gets older it may be through more creative ways of making a point. But one thing is sure: Misbehavior does not go away because we ignore it.

            Parents, I know the prevailing opinion is that you should never physically discipline your children. I also know that some parents go too far and become abusive. But understand that the Bible has given you the responsibility of disciplining your children. If you love them you will turn them from the wrong way using whatever means is available to you. There are some battles that a parent has to win, and when those battles come you must hang in there and “win” for the sake of your child. You must rule in the home, not them.

            To avoid excesses when you discipline your children

• make sure your own anger is under control before you discipline. If needed, send the child to their room while you gain control, then you can dispense the needed discipline.
• if you find yourself losing control, walk away or “hand off” to the other parent.
• explain why the punishment is necessary
• follow up discipline with love

            Good discipline is intentional, consistent and creative. Giving a child a spanking, sending them to their room and taking away privileges are good on many occasions. Sometimes it helps to be more creative.

·       Have your children donate their allowance to the fire department when they are caught playing with fire.

·       Have them do chores for the neighbor whose property they damaged.

·       Make your child go to the home of the person they made fun of in school and apologize. Or maybe they could read a note of apology to the student in front of the class (if that is where the offense took place).

·       Require your child to apologize to the school bus driver after misbehaving on a bus. If this is a continuing problem, ask for a signed behavior slip from the bus driver each day.

The goal is simple. The discipline should be designed to drive home the lesson you want your children to learn.

            Remember that your first priority is to train your child in godliness. In the parallel passage in Ephesians we are told that we are “not to exasperate our children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Do you see the important distinction here? Our goal is not merely to get outward conformity to some external standard. Our goal is to develop children who seek to glorify God in their living. It is not enough to teach them to do good things; our job is to teach our children to serve God with their lives. It is not enough to get our children to be kind to others; we must teach them that when we are kind to others, we are most like Jesus.

            Do you see the difference? One approach gets people to conform to an external standard while the other teaches them to honor God in their living.

·       We should not only teach our children the habit of worship, we should teach them to love God.

·       We should not only teach them to spend time daily in God’s Word, we should teach them to love the truth, for God is truth.

·       We should teach our children not only to pray but to seek a relationship with God that touches their daily lives.

·       We should teach them to give of their resources to the Lord’s work and to do so with gratitude for all that God has given us.

            Our goal is not simply to keep our children out of trouble. Our goal is to lead them to the Lord of life.

            Avoid the things that embitter. A number of things can embitter a child

            Force without love. We embitter our children when our discipline seems more an exertion of power than love. There are times when parents are bullies. Some take out their bad days on their children. This is wrong. The goal of discipline is to train and assist the growth of our children, not to exercise force.

            A double standard. Let’s face it--there are some things adults can do that children can’t. For example, adults can choose their own bedtime. But children will be embittered if they are told that honesty is essential and then see us lying in our work. They will be disillusioned if we tell them worship (or Bible reading or prayer) is a priority, but we never do these things ourselves. They will get discouraged if they are disciplined for being disrespectful but see you disrespect your parents, spouse, employer or them. Children need consistency.

            Criticism without encouragement. In our desire to help our children overcome evil, we often spend too much time commenting on the negative in their lives. For example, rather than applauding their good grades in school we harp on the lowest grades. Or instead of acknowledging what they have done around the house we harp on what is not done. I’ve been guilty of this and so have you.

            I know at times we get frustrated. Who wants to have to tell a child the same thing one hundred times a week? I’m not saying we should avoid the negative things, but we must not overlook the positive things. Make it a point to celebrate the victories in your child’s life. Isn’t that what you would like from others? At the end of a long day wouldn’t you rather someone pat you on the back for what you accomplished rather than underscore the things you didn’t get done?

            Benjamin West a noted United States and British painter of portraits in the 1700’s, tells how he became a painter. One day his mother went out leaving him in charge of his little sister Sally. In his mother’s absence he discovered some bottles of ink and began to paint Sally’s portrait. He made a considerable mess. His mother came back. She saw the mess but said nothing. She picked up the piece of paper and stared at the drawing. “Why, it’s Sally!” she said, and stooped to kiss her son. Benjamin West used to say, “My mother’s kiss made me a painter.” What would have happened if that were your son or mine? Would we have seen the ink or the art?

            Presence without involvement.  There is an oft quoted fact that parents spend very little time every day in meaningful conversation with their children. We pat ourselves on the back because we make it a point to be home when our children are home, but we spend all that time doing other things. They may even be things done for our children, but there is no real connection with our children. Young people get frustrated and discouraged when mom and dad are close enough to touch but still not close enough to talk to. Talk to your children. Turn off the TV or turn away from the computer screen. Look them in the eye and talk to them.

            Expectations without understanding. Sometimes we are guilty of trying to live our lives through our children. Consider the child who plays a sport not because it’s what they want to do but because it’s what they know their parents want them to do. Lots of men try to relive their “glory days” through their children. Others are trying to find the glory days they never had through their children. Some parents who weren’t good students want their children to be what they never were. We end up placing unrealistic expectations on our children. Our expectations must be tailored to the unique qualities and gifts of each child. Sometimes our children have different interests than we do. Sometimes they have different tastes than we do. Help your children develop their unique potential, but do it for them not for yourself. 

            Promises without fulfillment. We discourage our children when we make promises we don’t keep. We tell them we are going to go someplace, do something, stop somewhere, and they look forward to that time. When we don’t show up or don’t have time it can embitter our children.

            I know that at times it is impossible to do some of the things we planned. Emergencies do happen, and children understand this. It’s when our promise-breaking becomes habitual that we see our children drifting away from us. If you are divorced and only have your children at certain times, it is even more important for you to keep your promises.

Some Concluding Reminders to Parents

            Certainly every parent reading these words feels they have been inconsistent and perhaps has done things to discourage their children. We wonder what our children will tell their therapists about us. We wonder what scars our children will carry because of us. To every parent reading these words I remind you of three things:

·       There are no perfect parents. We are all sinful creatures, and that sin nature pokes out its awful head on occasion. You are not alone in feeling that you’re not doing a very good job.

·       We can all be better parents. The fact that there are no perfect parents is not cause to be lackadaisical in efforts to improve. We have an obligation to learn, to develop and to work at our parenting. I encourage you to focus on one area and get better at it. For example, work at being a better listener. Work at underscoring the positive more than the negative. Work on being a better example or a more consistent disciplinarian. We can’t change everything at once, but we can and should be changing.

·       Remember that we do not parent alone. Every true follower of Christ has the comfort of knowing that God takes the best we have and augments those efforts with His matchless grace. If we are faithful, He will be more faithful. And this is why the most important thing we can do for our children is constantly lift them up before the Lord in prayer.

LIFE LESSONS

            There is no such thing as a “typical family.” Every family is unique and every relationship within every family is unique. I hope as we have examined these principles that you have been encouraged in your relationship with your family members. I hope you will work a little harder to honor your parents and be a little more diligent in training your children. But most of all I hope you will see that your family is not a burden to bear but a treasure to enjoy.

            We would all like someone to tell us exactly how to go about raising our children. Yes, there are some principles to keep in mind, but most of the job is done through being fervent in prayer and attentive to your children. Some children can be disciplined or encouraged with just a raise of an eyebrow. Others need something more drastic (a spanking, being forced to sit in a corner, having privileges removed). Some children are quiet by nature and some are not. Some are compliant and some are defiant. People are all different. Kids are people too.

            When we reach the end of our lives, we will look for the Lord’s hand reaching out to us. We will long for His face and the glory that awaits all who have trusted Him. But in those moments we will also want to have our family at our side. In those moments we will see clearly. All the stuff we have accumulated, all the honors we’ve received and all the victories we’ve achieved will be like mere trinkets, easily tossed aside. At that moment, apart from God’s grace, the people we call “family” will be our greatest treasure. May God help us to realize that, apart from the Lord, they are our greatest treasure here on earth as well.

Discussion Questions

1.     What do you feel is the most important lesson children should learn from this chapter?

2.     What is the most important lesson for parents?

3.     Which practical piece of advice did you find most helpful? Convicting?

4.     What is the difference between discipline and abuse? How do you define the line, and how do you keep from crossing it?

5.     What does it mean to respect or honor parents?

a.   for the toddler?

b.   for the teenager?

c.   for the businessman?

6.     Can you think of any “success stories” of discipline? Can you think of a time when you did it right?

Thirteen

God and Your Job

Colossians 3:22- 4:1

            Most of us spend a large portion of our waking hours at a job. Our job determines a measure of our identity. When we are introduced to people one of the first questions they ask is, “What do you do for a living?” When people ask me what I “do,” I should respond, “I am seeking to live my life to the glory of God!” but I usually answer, “I’m a pastor.” Our work is a central part of who we are.

            Maybe you are retired or a stay-at-home mom. Maybe you are self-employed or have a non-traditional job. You may think this chapter does not relate to your situation, but I hope you will read on. The end of Colossians 3 teaches about far more than just working a 9-to-5 job. These words teach us about the attitude with which we live and how we should approach any task in life.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism. Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven.

                                                                                              Colossians 3:22-4:1

            Many people are put off by the fact that Paul talks about slaves. Immediately we think of African-American slaves before the Civil War who were subjected to inhuman treatment. But slavery was different in Paul’s day. You might be a slave for many reasons.

·       You were born to parents who were slaves

·       You were an unwanted child and taken in as a slave

·       You were sold by your parents to raise needed funds or to make sure you would be provided for

·       You chose slavery to pay off a personal debt

·       You were made a slave because you committed a crime

·       You became a slave due to violence or piracy

            Some people became slaves as a way to survive in a harsh world. In a day without welfare many people indentured themselves rather than starve and sleep in the streets. I suspect there might be homeless people today who would gladly trade servitude for a place to live and regular meals.

            Paul is not trying to address the morality of slavery. He is just trying to help believers live faithfully within the various situations they find themselves.

            Though our culture is certainly different, Paul’s principles to slaves and their owners easily translate into the relationship between employers and employees.

Instruction to Workers

            The first principle Paul gives to the Christian worker is a simple one: Do your work. Paul says, “Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything.”

            It is possible that many slaves did not want to hear this, just as disgruntled employees would not want to hear those words today. The Christian slave may have been looking for permission to flee their master. Instead Paul tells them to serve and obey. Instead of resenting and resisting, we should faithfully dispense our duties.

            Our work ethic speaks volumes about the nature of our commitment to God. Paul says we should do what is right and be faithful in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. We must fulfill our responsibility. There’s an old saying, not from the Bible, but it could be: “An honest day’s work for an honest day’s wage.” A Christian should do the work they are given to do.

            Even though our situation may not be ideal, we have a responsibility before God to do what we have been called (or what we have agreed) to do. Most people, when hired, are told what their job is. If you agree to do that job, do the job!

All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that God’s name and our teaching may not be slandered. Those who have believing masters are not to show less respect for them because they are brothers. Instead, they are to serve them even better, because those who benefit from their service are believers, and dear to them. These are the things you are to teach and urge on them.

                                                                               1 Timothy 6:1-2

Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

                                                                                            Titus 2:9-10:9

            A church worker in a café in Russia overheard a conversation. Two communist workers were talking and the one was trying to convince the other to fire two workers who were Christians. The other man said, “I can’t fire them because they are my best workers.” This is the kind of reputation Christians should have. Christian workers are to be dependable, faithful and above reproach.

            I have heard of Christians who ignore their work so they might “witness” to their co-workers. They justify their dereliction of duty by saying, “I’m doing what is more needful.” Friend, understand that you witness best when you do the job. While you may seek to reach out to some people with the gospel, you may be pushing others away. You may be pushing away your boss, who is not getting what he paid for. You may be alienating your fellow employees, who must pick up the part of the job you neglect. You come across as lazy, not faithful. The person who works well is a much more credible witness than he who does not.

            A Christian worker should keep an accurate time card. They should record expenses accurately and not pad their expense account. They should report gifts received and refuse kick-backs. They should not receive money “under the table.” They should not claim disability when they are not disabled. They should not take credit for work that wasn’t theirs.

            The second thing Paul says is also quite simple: Do your work wholeheartedly.

obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.

            One factory installed a suggestion box for people to contribute ideas for improving working conditions. The first suggestion requested that the foreman no longer wear rubber-soled shoes. They wanted to hear him coming!

            As that great theologian Groucho Marx once said, “No man leaves before his time--unless, of course, the boss has gone home early.” Or as someone else has said, “The number of unemployed people is considerably less than the number of those not working.”

            This is a problem for employees who are not supervised in their work. The salesman on the road can waste time and no one will ever know. The pastor who leaves his office could sleep the rest of the day or play games and no one would be the wiser. The policeman on patrol might be out socializing and never be detected. Lot’s of people collect money for work they don’t do.

            Author Chuck Colson relates the following account.

            James Sheehy, an executive with a computer firm, saw firsthand how this was affecting the workplace. He wanted a better understanding of the expectations and psyche of younger employees, so he spent his two-week vacation working in a fast-food restaurant. Most of his coworkers were from upper-income families; they did not need to work, but wanted extra spending money.

            Sheehy watched and listened as his coworkers displayed poor work habits and contempt for customers. His conclusion? We have a new generation of workers whose “habits and experiences will plague future employers for years.”

            Along with their get-away-with-what-you-can attitude and indifference to the quality of performance, their basic work ethic “was dominated by a type of gamesmanship that revolved around taking out of the system or milking the place dry.” Theft, skimming, and baiting management were rampant, and skill levels “surprisingly low.” The workers saw long hours and hard work as counterproductive. “You only put in time for the big score,” one said. [34]

            Many people today feel that they are doing their employers a favor by working for them. This is not a Christian attitude. Christians do the job not because we have to but because we see our job as an opportunity to demonstrate our love and faithfulness to the Lord.

            Paul tells us we should give our jobs our full attention and our best effort. Rather than look for the shortest way, we should look for the best way. Rather than look for what is easiest, we should look for what is right.

            In fact, says Paul, this shouldn’t be your attitude only at work: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (italics mine). You see, this is not just about our jobs; it is about our attitude toward all of life. Everything we do is a statement and a reflection on our relationship with the Lord. We must constantly battle the tendency to cut corners and to work hard only when the boss is looking or when we are up for a raise.

            How do we begin? We must start in the everyday tasks of our lives. In the wonderful book Practicing the Presence of God Brother Lawrence talks about how he sought to honor God while he was washing dishes. Brother Lawrence understood that we will not serve well in the big areas of life if we do not serve well in the everyday areas of life.

            Let me show you what I mean from my own life. These are the kinds of situations where I find the battle for excellence to be most profound:

• Should I rewrite the chapter one more time or is it “good enough”?
• Should I fold the clean clothes or just throw them in a basket for later?
• Should I empty the dishwasher or just put the dirty dishes on the counter and wait for someone else to do it?
• Should I sweep the sidewalk after I mow the lawn?
• Should I empty the garbage or just balance something else on the top of the pile?

What would you add?

• Should I arrive late because no one will say anything?
• Should I study for an “A” or settle with passing?
• Should I accept responsibility for my mistakes, or should I seek to divert the blame to someone else?
• Should I spend the fifteen minutes reading my Bible, or should I hit the snooze button?
• Should I use the best materials or the lesser-quality materials and make a little more profit?

            Do you see what I’m driving at? We honor the Lord when we do a job well. If we are in the habit of being lazy in the everyday areas of our lives, it will carry over into the bigger areas of life.

            Second, we ought to stop complaining about the job we agreed to do. I have a very good friend who has helped me in this area. Michael is a big-time farmer, and he’s good at what he does. When I ask Mike about the weather or crop prices or anything else about the job, he never complains. His response is simple: “This is part of the job. If I don’t like the job I should get out and do something else.”

            So I try not to complain anymore about a funeral at a inconvenient time (there’s never a convenient time for a funeral), or a visit that lasted longer than expected, or a late-night call to go to the hospital, or a malfunction of the sound system during my sermon, or a meeting that is poorly attended, or a week when I struggle with my sermon. I tell myself and those who ask, “This is the nature of the job. If I don’t like the job I should go do something else.”

            Everyone has difficult parts of his or her job. It comes with the territory. If it were all fun and games it would be called amusement rather than work. There is no sense complaining about something you can’t change, including a job you agreed to do. 

            There is one more principle Paul gives to the worker. He says to do your work as if you were serving the Lord Himself. Paul writes:

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward [italics mine].

            Understand why Paul says this. He says we should work as if we were serving the Lord because we are serving the Lord! We are not just working for an earthly paycheck, we are working for a heavenly paycheck. Our eyes must be on something further away than the next payday. We need to see the big picture.

            Others may not notice our faithfulness, but God does. There may seem to be no one who appreciates the little things we do. We may get no earthly benefit for our extra effort. But God will reward the faithful with an inheritance that is beyond imagination.

            Christians need to regain the idea that our employment is our vocation. A vocation is a calling. In years past people understood that their job was what God called them to do. Their job was their “mission field.” This has been called the Protestant work ethic.

            A strong work ethic is anchored in solid theology. If God is in control (and He is), then He must have me in my current position for a reason. Consequently I am to honor and serve the Lord in whatever position He places me.

            In our work, we serve our Lord. We should be the best employees any employer could ever have.

Instruction to the Employers

            Paul has two things to say to employers. First, he says be just and fair. The reason behind this is simple: as an employer you represent Christ as well. What kind of impact does an employer make who is

• trying to get by with giving as little as possible
• pushing employees to unreasonable levels
• denying employees essential benefits
• being abusive to those who work for them
• asking employees to engage in illegal activity

            I realize that employers don’t have a lot of extra money. They can only do what they can do. But what we are able to do, we should do. Employees should not have to unionize to get a decent wage or needed benefits. For the Christian the bottom line is not profit margin, it is whether or not we are good stewards of what God has entrusted to us.

            If you are an employer, God has entrusted your employees to you. He wants you to be faithful. You have the opportunity to show your Christian character by the way you treat those who work for you. When you hold back from your employees so you can indulge yourself, you dishonor God.

            I know there are employees who try to take advantage of you. I know there are people who don’t do their job. But there are also people who work hard. They serve well. They take pride in the work they do. Encourage these people by allowing them to feel a sense of ownership in the work they do.

            I commend those business owners who understand the changing nature of the American family. Many employers now allow people to work flexible hours and even work from home. Not every job can be done that way. But maybe there is something you can do not only to get the work done, but also to show you care about the needs of the people who work on that job.

            The second thing Paul tells employers is remember you also have a Master in heaven. These words remind everyone who employs others that we should treat them with the same kind of love and consideration that the Lord extends to us. We should follow His example.

            It is also a reminder that we are going to be held accountable for the way we run our business. God deserves our best. Not only should we seek to produce the finest product we can produce, we should also seek to do so in the most compassionate and faithful manner we can.

            A day is coming when we will have to face a divine audit. God will look at what we have done and ask several questions:

·       Did you work faithfully?

·       Did you treat others with respect?

·       Were you honest in recording your hours?

·       Did you represent Me in your labor?

LIFE LESSONS

            Have you noticed a common principle in each of the relationships we have looked at in the past three chapters? This principle is simple but profound: the greatest blessing is in giving, not taking.

            This mentality sounds foolish to the world in which we live. Skeptics tell us that others will take advantage of us. Truth be told, we probably will be taken advantage of. But opportunists will crop up no matter what approach you adopt. What the world doesn’t understand is that it is only in giving that we discover true love and eternal satisfaction.

            A job well done brings satisfaction that goes way beyond a paycheck. Joy comes from giving to another and from doing what is right. A sense of blessing cannot come from the world; it comes from knowing the smile of the Father.

            I’ve noticed that when children play sports, they forget about the crowd. Instead, they look at the face of the coach, look at their teammates and look for their parents in the stands. Why? Because the approval that comes from these people means more than the approval of those in the stands.

            Hopefully that’s the way you and I live our lives. We look past the title on the door, the hourly wage and the benefits we secure. We are grateful for all these things, but we are looking for another. We look beyond profit margins, dividends and growth potential. It’s not that these things don’t matter, it’s that they don’t matter above everything else. We look past these things because we are looking for the “well done” that comes from Jesus. It is His approval we crave. When we see His smile, when we see Him work through us in our work, it will be more valuable to us than profits, salary or benefits. And if we work for the Lord in whatever we do, suddenly the job won’t seem so bad anymore.

Discussion Questions

1.     What is the most frustrating aspect of your work?

2.     What is the difference between work and “vocation”?

3.     Why do you think there are so many people just “doing a job”? Have you observed some of the same things the computer executive observed?

4.     What conclusions have you drawn about the faith of those around you by the way they work? What is it in their work that leads you to these conclusions?

5.     What practical things can you do to help you look beyond the paycheck and profit margin to Jesus?

Fourteen

Final Thoughts

Colossians 4:1-6

            I began writing this chapter one week before my son took off for his first year at college. As I reflected on the previous eighteen years I knew I had tried to share my heart and my values with him. But in that last week before he left home, there were so many things I wanted to tell him. Words were hard to come by.

            It’s not much different at the end of a person’s life. You have had an entire lifetime to talk, but many of the most important things still remain unsaid. There is love to declare, forgiveness to request and faith to affirm.

            At the end of Paul’s letter to the Colossians, he uses his last verses to say many different things in shorthand fashion. In this our last chapter we put them all together and hopefully gain some additional wisdom for finding our way through the fog.

Be Devoted to Prayer

            I am a die-hard Cub fan. It may not have been the most rewarding choice of my life, but it’s the way things are. A die-hard Cub fan is a devoted fan. Whether the team wins or loses, a die-hard fan still roots for the boys in blue. That’s devotion.

            This is the kind of devotion Paul urges us to have toward prayer. He tells the Colossians, “Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ” (4:2-3).

            Paul tells them (and us) not to give up on prayer. There will be dry times, there will be times you don't know what to say, there will be times when you feel you aren't doing a very good job, but keep praying! You know how important prayer is. Stick with it!

            To be honest, my prayer life at times is quite anemic. I find myself just mumbling religious words. I go through the motions without any real communication with the Lord. Like you, I want to touch the heart of the Father. I don’t want to merely “say my prayers,” I want to connect with the heart of God. That’s what Paul wants for us too.

            Paul tells us that the way to become devoted to prayer is to do two things: first, be “watchful.” When our mind is active and involved we are awake. Sometimes we have a hard time praying because we forget our great need for prayer. We must remain alert to the fact that we are in a battle. Prayer is not a religious exercise; it is not an optional amusement. Prayer is our lifeline. Prayer is what keeps us connected to the power of God’s Spirit.

            When prayer seems to have become a routine look around and notice

·       the moral decay of society

·       the need of your family for protection, wisdom and shelter from worldly influences

·       the burdens your friends carry in their lives

·       the spiritual battle going on around you. Every time you see a commercial for a psychic, every time you hear people talk about their “spirit guides,” every time you read about a protest over a moral issue in the news, be reminded of the battle that rages around you.

·       how often the old self in you sneaks out into your new life. That old temper flares. Normal conversation turns into gossip. You embellish the truth to enhance yourself. Those old habits are less frequent visitors to your life, but they still lurk in the shadows.

If we pay attention to the things going on around us and in us, we will be driven to prayer.

            The second thing Paul says will stimulate devoted prayer is gratitude. Thanksgiving is a stimulus to prayer. When we see answers to our prayers we will pray more. When we understand what an awesome privilege we have in bringing our concerns to the Creator of the universe in prayer, we will be encouraged to pray. The more we understand the nature of our salvation, the more we will pray.

            Before you start to pray, take time to consider what God has done for you.

• Ponder all the events He orchestrated to bring you to faith.
• Think about the people He brought into your life to teach you and mold you.
• Consider what He is doing in places unknown that will lead to your benefit and growth in the future.
• Imagine the tragedies the Lord has already shielded you from.
• Think about how many times He has healed your body and you weren't even aware of what He was doing?
• Reflect on what it means to be a Christian.
• Dare to think about heaven.
• Imagine what it will be like to stand before the Savior someday.
• Think about the inheritance you have been given.
• Think about where you would be if He hadn’t touched your life.

Remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for. When we are alert and grateful we will pray, and we will pray with power. Then we will see doors opened and hearts transformed. The fog will lift.

Be Wise With Outsiders      

            Paul moves on to the next piece of counsel when he exhorts us to “be wise in the way [we] act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity” (4:5).

            God has chosen to work through His people. He has given us the message of eternal life. He has made us His ambassadors. Every person we meet needs either to be encouraged in the faith or led to faith. Paul encourages us to realize our responsibility and to see the chance meetings in life as divine appointments.

            I think Paul understood that God gives us scores of opportunities each day to touch and change lives. Think about the people who cross your path each day:

• co-workers
• cashiers at the store
• students
• teachers
• classmates
• family members
• people we meet at the post office, in the dry cleaners or at the restaurant
• people we meet when we are waiting to get pictures taken of our children
• people standing in line with us at some government office
• people who sit or stand next to us on the bus or subway
• the person in the seat next to you on the airplane or the people you talk to at the terminal.
• business contacts
• people you chat with or e-mail on the Internet
• people at the gym or ball field
• people in the waiting room at the dentist, doctor or car repair shop

            I’m not suggesting that God expects us to explain the four spiritual laws to everyone we meet. Sometimes all we can do is plant a seed of kindness, mercy or grace. But other times, after we act in love, the opportunity will be there to talk further about the things of God.

            The 18th-century theologian Jonathan Edwards wrote a letter to a young woman who wanted counsel regarding living the Christian life. Allow me to paraphrase what Edwards wrote.

Don’t let opponents of Christianity find any reason to criticize our faith because of your behavior. God’s children are called to live up to the standard of holiness set by our Savior, the Son of God. We should especially excel in characteristics similar to that of our Lord: a quiet and humble heart; having a supernatural and unmitigated love for all; an eagerness to perform loving acts for others even at our own expense, and may we always be more concerned about the other person’s needs than our own. [35]

            Our strongest testimony about Christ will come from what we do, not what we say. Paul wants us to remember that when we are out in the world, we represent Jesus. We cannot forget it.

            Several things will help us to use our time more wisely. First, we must put our time in God’s hands.

            Let’s face it: Sometimes we miss the opportunities given us because we are in a hurry. We know if we take time to care about others it will eat up some of our free time. But if we really care about the people around us, we will be willing to give that time. We must be willing to let God’s priorities be our priorities.

            My son faced a situation that happens to many of us. He made plans to fly to a family wedding. As he got ready to board the flight, the flight attendant told him he could not board the plane. Somehow his name had been left off the roster, and others were placed in his seat.

            Naturally, this is a very frustrating situation. These are the times I find myself churning and fuming. But Rick decided that God must have something else He wanted him to do. So he sat down and started reading his Bible. During the two-hour wait for the next flight, he was able to talk to and encourage two other individuals. He believed that time was in God’s hands. God always does things for a reason. Rick looked for the opportunity and took advantage of it. We can too.

            How would your life be different if you viewed “chance meetings” as opportunities? How could you make the most of

·       the gathering of classmates at a funeral home?

·       a traffic jam?

·       a long line in a supermarket?

·       a weather-related travel delay?

·       a chance to visit a neighbor while walking your dog?

·       a request for counsel from someone you barely know?

·       a chance to visit with a friend or relative at a wild wedding reception?

Before we can make the most of every opportunity, we need to see every circumstance as an opportunity. Rather than asking “What am I doing here?” ask, “What does God want me to do here?”

            Second, we must keep our hearts open to His direction. We must pray that we notice a tear, a tone of voice, a look of loneliness or despair. We need to see the pain so we can extend Christ’s compassion. We need to see when people want to talk and when they just need a friend. Sometimes people don’t want a sermon, they just want someone to share their concern. We need to be sensitive to the right time to go further.

            I’ve found that most people are not offended if I say, “You look tired” or “You seem upset.” They are simple statements that open doors, and they tell another person that I am paying attention.

            I remember one night when a friend from seminary called me on the phone. I hadn’t seen Rich for years. He lived in Pennsylvania and I was living in Illinois. He called, identified himself and said, “I was praying and your name came to my mind, and I wondered if there was a problem in your life right now.” To be honest, things were going pretty well. But this one act of concern and obedience made a great impact on my life. Rich may have felt foolish but his call made a difference to me. It was good to know someone cared.

            If you look and listen, God will give you more opportunities than you ever imagined. You don’t have to say anything profound. If you truly care for people, God will work through you. Love speaks louder than arguments. When people know you care about them, they will listen as you tell them about the One who taught you to care.

            Third, we must trust His ability to use even the weakest vessel. The biggest hindrance for most of us is that we feel unqualified to do the job. Let me tell you something, no one is qualified to do the work of eternity--unless God works through them. Do you know what else is true? If God is working in and through you, you are qualified. God used Amos the shepherd, Moses the wanderer, Matthew the tax collector, Paul the religious extremist, and Peter, Andrew, James and John the fishermen. Jesus used a man who had been demon-possessed, a woman who had lived an immoral life and a man the world called “unclean.” He can use you.

            Terry Muck, an editor for Christianity Today, tells of a letter he received from a man who used to have no interest in spiritual things. He lived next door to a Christian, and they had a casual relationship as neighbors often do. Then the non-Christian’s wife was stricken with cancer and died three months later. Here’s the letter.

            I was in total despair. I went through the funeral preparations and the service like I was in a trance. And after the service I went to the path along the river and walked all night. But I did not walk alone. My neighbor--afraid for me, I guess--stayed with me all night.

            He did not speak; he did not even walk beside me. He just followed me. When the sun finally came up over the river he came over to me and said, “let’s go get some breakfast.”

            I go to church now. My neighbor’s church. A religion that can produce the kind of caring and love my neighbor showed me is something I want to find out more about. I want to be like that. I want to love and be loved like that for the rest of my life. [36]

            What made the difference in this man’s life is that one believer was wise enough to refrain from trite answers and simply be a friend. One man dared to make the most of the opportunity he had to reveal Christ to his friend. There were few words, but the message came through.

            You don’t have to have “answers” for the person who is grieving. Just be their friend and let them cry. You don’t have to say anything profound when you visit someone in the hospital. Just tell them you were concerned about them. You don’t have to solve a difficult problem that your friend is going through. Just be there. Most of the time people just want to know they don’t have to struggle alone.

Pay Attention to Your Conversation

            What we say and how we say it, makes a difference. Taking control of our conversation is so important that the Bible says:

“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless” (James 1:26).

“For, ‘Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech’” (1 Pet. 3:10).

          Obviously, the Bible contends that our conversation reveals our heart. What we say shows who we are. It is in this context that Paul tells us, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Col. 4:6).

            Paul’s words are clear: We are to be people who minister to and encourage others with our words. Before we look at some specific steps to move in this direction, let’s consider the difference our words can make.

Words Make a Difference
Think about your own life. Think about how words have affected you.

·       The person who said you were ugly or stupid

·       The one who told you that you were incompetent and could never do anything right

·       The person who told you that you had talent

·       The person who called you a person of character

·       The “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” from a parent or the lack of those words from someone you cared about.

The Book of Proverbs tells us several things about our conversation

Words Can Diffuse a Conflict--or Escalate It

            In Proverbs15:1 we read, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Every person who has been married knows what it is like to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. One careless statement can provoke or escalate a conflict. But it’s not only in marriage. In any tense situation words either diffuse or pour gasoline on the fire of conflict.

            Angry words, sharp words and aggressive words cause barriers and defenses to go up. Sarcasm, insults and accusations cause a conflict to escalate. These kinds of words make us feel attacked, and when we feel attacked we retaliate.

            On the other hand soft words, kind words and understanding words can diffuse even the most hostile situation. They convey calm, peace, and maybe even concern and love. These words lead to productive conversation.

Words Can Destroy

            In Proberbs11:9 we are told, “With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape.” I wonder how many people have had their reputation tarnished or ruined by a lie. How many marriages have been put at risk by false accusations and innuendo? How many spirits have been crushed by a mean comment? How many people have stopped working hard because someone failed to encourage? We live in a small community. One word of gossip can move faster than a fire in a dry forest. Words can destroy a reputation, a business and any opportunity we have to share the gospel with another.

            Perhaps you know the Karen Carpenter story. Karen was part of a duo with her brother Richard called The Carpenters. The Carpenters had many hit records that are still played on some of the “oldie” stations. Karen’s velvet alto voice spoke to the heart, but she died unexpectedly of heart failure at age thirty-two. Her heart was weakened by years of self-abuse from the eating disorder anorexia nervosa. And do you know when Karen’s obsession with weight began? USA Today reported that it all started when a reviewer called Karen “Richard’s chubby sister.”

            Author Gary Inrig relates the account of some parents on the East Coast who got a telephone call from their son during the Korean War. They were thrilled, because they hadn’t heard from him for many months. He said he was in San Francisco on his way home.

            “Mom, I just wanted to let you know that I’m bringing a buddy home with me,” he said. “He got hurt pretty bad, and he only has one eye, one arm, and one leg. I’d sure like him to live with us.”

            “Sure, son,” his mother replied. “He sounds like a brave man. We can find room for him for a while.”

            “Mom, you don’t understand. I want him to come and live with us.”

            “Well, OK,” she finally said. “We could try it for six months or so.”

            “No, mom, I want him to stay always. He needs us. He’s only got one eye, one arm, and one leg. He’s really in bad shape.”

            By now the mother had lost her patience. “Son, you’re being unrealistic about this. You’re emotional because you’ve been in a war. That boy will be a drag on you and will be a constant problem for all of us. Be reasonable.”

            The phone clicked dead. The next day, the parents got a telegram: their son committed suicide. A week later the parents received the body. They looked down with unspeakable sorrow on the corpse of their son--who had one eye, one arm, and one leg. [37]

Words are powerful.

Words Can Bring Healing

            Solomon has some additional advice: “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Prov. 12:18); and “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up” (Prov. 12:25).

            I’ll never forget a very special moment in my life. When I was at seminary I enrolled in an advanced class on liberal theology to better understand that viewpoint (one that I don’t espouse myself). The class had only six students. Five of those students were working on their master’s degree in theology. And then there was me.

            To say the class was a struggle would be an understatement. The required reading was extremely taxing, and my fellow classmates often spoke words I didn’t even understand. (Is that how non-Christian people sometimes feel around us?) I felt like a goldfish in a piranha tank. I was doing the best I could, but I was sure I was going to be eaten up!

            One day I saw the professor coming down the sidewalk toward me, and he stopped to talk with me. I don’t remember the entire conversation but I do remember his encouragement to speak up in class. Then he said the words I’ll never forget: “Bruce, you have a sharp theological mind.”

            He caught me off guard. I was sure he must have me confused with someone else. But he seemed sincere. Up to that point in my educational career, I was always the one who sat in the back of the class and tried to stay out of the teacher’s line of sight. I was convinced that anything I would say in this academic setting would sound infantile and foolish.

            That simple conversation changed my life. Don’t get me wrong; I still had trouble reading the original works of those theologians. But because of that one comment I now believed I could read them and understand. I began to speak up a little more in class. That one sentence gave me confidence. It spurred me to go deeper and extend myself further. Dr. Thomas Finger is probably one of the main reasons I’m able to write today.

Learning to Speak With Grace

            So how do we learn to speak with grace?

            Listen more. The apostle James wrote, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).

            James tells us to listen more than we speak. And he’s right. If we want to speak words that are “appropriate for every situation” we need to understand what the situation really is.

            I remember someone telling me I should listen to my grandmother even though she told the same stories again and again. This person suggested that every time my grandmother told her story, it was for a different reason. I may have heard the story many times, but I needed to listen also to why she was telling me the story. Was it a desire to be affirmed or admired? Was she seeking significance? Was she seeking to pass some wisdom on to me? Those comments changed my response and my relationship with my grandmother.

            This is true for every conversation we have. We must listen. We must make sure we understand not only the words but the purpose of the words. We should listen with our eyes and see what people are communicating through their actions. If we take time to listen

·       we will learn from others

·       we will understand more fully

·       we will know when another is in pain

·       we will be less likely to overreact and jump to conclusions

·       we will grow

            Control your anger. Solomon gives us this wisdom: “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city” (Prov. 16:32).

            More hurtful words are spoken when we are angry than at any other time. In times of anger we want to strike out at another. Unfortunately, those words can never be taken back. They sink deep inside of the other and leave scars that will not heal quickly. I hope you will return to chapter seven and reread our discussion about anger.

            Pick your words carefully. Proverbs also says, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity” (21:23).

            Consider this: The Lord’s Prayer contains 56 words; the Gettysburg Address, 266; the Ten Commandments, 297; the Declaration of Independence, 300; and a recent U.S. Government order setting the price of cabbage, 26,911. It’s not how long we talk but what we say that’s so important.           

            Put the spotlight on the other person. Let me be honest. I love talking about my own life, plans and activities. So does everyone. If you want to make an impact, ask someone about their life--and then listen.

            Think about how affirming it is when someone takes time to ask you how you are doing. Think about what it means when someone says they have been praying for you. Why does it mean something? Because it shows that the other person noticed you. Not only did they notice you, they cared for you. We can learn a lot from others. But we won’t learn anything until we give them a chance to speak.

LIFE LESSONS

            This last chapter offers a potpourri of ideas. As Paul neared the end of his scroll he shared these important words that we must not take lightly.

            If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, remember that the world is watching. Your family is watching, your neighbors are watching, your co-workers are watching, your friends are watching. They are wondering if the gospel is true and if Christ really makes a difference to a life.

            They will draw their conclusions not from a Bible study (at least not at first) or a church service. They will draw most of their conclusions from what they see in your life. They will look to see if there is compassion, love and a willingness to give them time. They will watch to see if your life reveals that you believe what you say. They will notice how you handle heartache, how willing you are to forgive and how you deal with anger. And, yes, they will look to see if you care enough to tell them about this Jesus you say is so wonderful.

            One of my favorite police dramas was the show Hill Street Blues. At the beginning of every show the officers gathered in a room so the sergeant could give the announcements and hand out the day’s assignments. At the conclusion of the meeting he dismissed the group and then got their attention one last time with these words, “You be careful out there!” It was good advice.

            The fog of contemporary thinking and living can make things pretty confusing. If we hope to make our way through the fog, we must keep hold of the great truths of the faith and live according to God’s wisdom. There is much at stake. Many are drifting and lost. The world needs us to lead the way. So take His hand and follow boldly. But as you go you be careful out there!

Discussion Questions

1.     What kinds of things spur you on to prayer? How can you use this motivation to help you develop the discipline of prayer?

2.     How could you reach out to people in a checkout lane or some of the other places mentioned in this chapter? Be as practical as possible.

3.     What words have impacted your life? Positively? Negatively?

4.     Which suggestion for speaking with grace do you think is the most difficult? Why?

5.     How do you think a person becomes a better listener?

6.     What lessons did you gain from this book that you hope you never forget?

----

[1] John Preston The Puritans on Prayer (Soli Deo Gloria Publications: Morgan PA. 1995) p.17

[2] Lewis, C.S. THE BUSINESS OF HEAVEN, Reading for January 31

[3] Max Lucado, He Chose the Nails (Waco: Word, 2000) p 26-27

[4] Ray Pritchard, AN ANCHOR FOR THE SOUL (Chicago: Moody, 2000) p.114

[5] Max Lucado, And the Angels Were Silent (Word: Waco) p. 64,65

[6] Thomas Gilovich, How We Know What Isn’t So: the Fallibility of Human Reason in Everyday Life (New York: The Free Press, MacMillan, 1991)

[7] The Alestle, Newspaper of Southern Illinois University in Edwardsville 10/18/01 Letter to the Editor.

[8] Read more about this transformation in Transformed by Truth by Joseph Tkach (Portland: Multnomah, 1997)

[9] Here are some suggestions: FOUNDATIONS OF FAITH by James M. Boice (Inter-Varsity); ESSENTIAL TRUTHS OF THE CHRISTIAN FAITH by R.C. Sproul (Tyndale); KNOW WHAT YOU BELIEVE by Paul Little (Inter-Varsity); CHRISTIAN LIFE by Charles Swindoll. Each of these books is one volume and very readable. I would recommend Boice’s book first.

[10] Max Lucado, A Gentle Thunder (Word: Waco, 1995) p. 139, 140

[11][11]The Holy Bible : King James Version., Re 22:18-19 (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1995).

[12] Steve Brown, Living Free (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1994) p. 105

[13] Philip Yancey, What’s So Amazing About Grace (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1997) p. 189

[14] See James Dobson HIDE OR SEEK. This is an excellent book on the pressures and prejudices that shape our children. You might also see Frank Peretti’s book, THE WOUNDED SPIRIT

[15] Haddon Robinson, “Good Guys, Bad Guys, and Us Guys,” Preaching Today, Tape No. 80

[16] William Barclay, Daily Study Bible: Colossians

[17] Thomas Watson, (Banner of Truth, 1994) THE LORD’S PRAYER p.317

[18] Max Lucado, The House of God (Waco: Word) p. 122

[19] Robert Harvey and David Benner (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1996) UNDERSTANDING FORGIVENESS p. 59

[20] D.L. Moody, Prevailing Prayer (Chicago: Moody Press, 1987) p.46

[21] Henri Nouwen quoted by Philip Yancey, What’s So Amazing About Grace (Grand Rapids: Zondervan 1997) p. 82

[22] . Harvey and Benner p. 55

[23] Rebecca Pippert, Hope Has It’s Reasons (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1989) p. 189, 190

[24] Max Lucado LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN p. 71

[25] Yancey, What’s So Amazing, p.83

[26] Kent Hughes, COLOSSIANS, (Winchester IL: Crossway Books, 1989) p. 110, 111

[27] Hughes p. 112

[28] Hughes p. 115

[29] William Barclay, Philippians, Colossians and Thessalonians - Daily Study Bible (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1975) p. 161

[30] 1 Timothy 2:13. The words seem clear but the next two verses make things much less clear.

[31] I recommend you get a copy of Dr. James Dobson’s book, LOVE MUST BE TOUGH. This is a very well written book that deals with the struggle between being committed to your marriage and needing to put a stop to abusive behavior.

[32] Barclay p. 161

[33] Barclay, p. 163

[34] Charles Colson, Jack Eckerd WHY AMERICA DOESN’T WORK (Waco: Word, 1991) p. 60

[35] Jonathan Edwards, Works Vol. 1 p. 135 “Letter to a Young Lady

[36] Muck, Terry THOSE OTHER RELIGIONS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD LOVING YOUR NEIGHBOR WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW p. 150-151

[37] Gary Inrig, Quality Friendship p. 52-53