TO WORK: THE DISCIPLING OF CHILDREN

FATHERS AND THE MASCULINE MANDATE

March 19, 2023

TEXT: GEN 2:15/Pro 23:26

INTRODUCTION:

One lament common to Christian fathers goes something like this: "Pastor, I don't know how this happened. He has gone to church his whole life. We have taken him to Sunday school and Vacation Bible School, and paid for Christian school tuition. We have monitored his friends to make sure they come from good families, and we spanked him when he was little. I thought those things would keep this from happening!"

The child in this all-too-familiar story, who may be male or female, may have gotten involved in drugs, gotten pregnant, or rejected the faith. The father's underlying assumption is that providing a Christian structure for children is sufficient to ensure their godliness. If we can just control their school, their church, their books, their friends, their television diet, and their computer use, we think we can guarantee a comprehensive Christian faithfulness.

This belief is false. To follow it is a recipe for potential disaster.

FATHERS AND THE MASCULINE MANDATE

Ang pangunahing saligan ng aklat na ito the Masculine Mandate ni Richard Philips ay ang Genesis 2:15 na nagbubuod nang ating pagkatawag kung anong ibat ibang papel ang ating ginagampanan. Inilagay ng Diyos si Adan sa hardin upang kanyang "bungkalin at ingatan/to work it and keep it," at ang kaibahan sa pagitan sa pagkatawag kay Adan at sa atin ay ang mga detalye paano natin ito tuparin.

Sa nakaraan atin itong inapply sa tema ng marriage na kung saan tungkulin ng lalaki na kanyang itayo at ingatan ang kanyang maybahay. Ngayon naman ating e apply sa pagiging Ama ng tahanan.

Sa katunayan, Ayon sa Bibliya, ang dalawang pangunahing tungkulin ng pagiging Ama ay ang mangalaga (work) at magprotekta (keep). Ang lalaki ay tinawag na bungkalin ang puso ng kanyang mga anak upang ito ay maging matabang lupa para sa ebanghelyo at sa pagmamahal kay Kristo. At ang lalaki ay tinawag upang kanyang ingatan at protektahan ang kanyang mga anak sa impluwensiya ng kasalanan na nasa mundo at nasa kanyang puso upang ang mga pagsisikap na sila ay dalhin kay Kristo ay hindi man mawala o matangay ng impluwesiya ng kasalanan.

Dito pumapasok ang tungkulin natin bilang magulang na ang ating mga anak ay sanayin sa daan ng Panginoon at disiplinahin sa kanilang mga pagkakasala. Ang tungkuling ito ay hindi pwedeng ipasa sa mga katuwang sa bahay, sa mga lolo at lola, sa mga sunday school teacher at lalong lalo na kay Pastor.

"GIVE ME YOUR HEART"

Proverbs 23:26

Pro 23:26 Anak ko, ang puso mo sa akin ay ibigay, at magmasid ang iyong mga mata sa aking mga daan.

Sa turo na ito ng Bibliya ay makikita natin ang relasyon ng Ama sa kanyang anak, kasama ang relasyon ng Diyos Ama sa atin bilang Anak kay Kristo. Ang talatang ito ay nagbibigay ng karunungan na ipinapasa mula sa Ama para sa kanyang anak dito sa Proverbs na ito. Sa kanyang pagsusumamo, "Anak ko, ang puso mo sa akin ay ibigay." Ito ang pinaka mabuting hangarin ng isang Ama sa kanyang anak. Lahat ng payo at utos na makikita dito sa Kawikaan ay mula sa kanyang pagnanais: bilang isang mapagmahal na Ama para sa puso ng kanyang anak na ibigay sa Panginoon.

The heart, of course, is the key to everything. "Ang iyong puso’y buong sikap mong ingatan," we read, "sapagkat mula rito’y dumadaloy ang mga bukal ng buhay" (Prov. 4:23).

Biblically, ang puso ay ang kabuuan ng tinatawag na inner person, including the thoughts/pag iisip, desires/hangarin, affections/pagmamahal, and will/kalooban. The heart is who we are inside-the real, essential person; the person God wants to own completely. A wise father wants to reach his child's heart, aiming for the willing offering of that heart both to himself as earthly father and to God as heavenly Father.

It is the control center for life. A person’s life mirror his heart.

Note carefully that the proverb does not say, "My son, give me your behavior." It is not difficult for us to use our authority so that our children obey us outwardly without giving us their hearts. In fact, this lowest-common-denominator form of fatherly leadership is exactly what we will fall into if we don't actively seek a different and better result.

Ang pag uugali ng isang tao ay nagpapakita kung ano ang laman ng kanyang puso. Inilalantad ng ating mga ugali ang tunay na kalagayan nito.

Mark 7:21-23 “Sapagkat mula sa loob, mula sa puso ng tao, lumalabas ang masamang pag iisip, pakikiapid, pagnanakaw, pagpaslang, ang pangangalunya, kasakiman, kasamaan, pandaraya, kahalayan, pagkainggit, paninirang-puri, kapalaluan at kahangalan. Ang lahat ng masasamang bagay na ito ay sa loob nagmumula at nagpaparumi sa tao.”

What your children say and do is a reflection of what is in their heart.

Luke 6:45 “Ang mabuting tao mula sa mabuting kayamanan ng kanyang puso ay nagbubunga ng kabutihan. At ang masamang tao mula sa masamang kayamanan ay nagbubunga ng kasamaan. Sapagkat mula sa kasaganaan ng puso ay nagsasalita ang kanyang bibig.”

These passages are instructive for the task/gawaing of child rearing/pagpapalaki. They teach that behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart. (Tedd Tripp Sheperding a Childs Heart). We demand changed behavior and never address the heart that drives the behavior.

This, then, is the purpose of parental discipling: Paglilingkod sa puso ng ating mga anak upang magkaroon ng kaugnayan na may pagibig at makibahagi sa pananampalataya kay Hesus. (ministering to our children's hearts so as to gain a relationship of love with them and a shared heart-bond of faith in Jesus Christ.) A father can spend years giving his child a Christian structure of church, Sunday school, Christian schooling, etc. If he then finds himself helpless as his young-adult child embraces rebellion, what has gone wrong? Too often the answer is that he never aimed for the child's heart and, not aiming for it, never gained it.

The fundamental task of parenting is sheperding the hearts of our children. Many people have children but do not want to be parents.

So the great issue of parental discipleship is directing the hearts of our children to the Lord. Instead of a mere focus on behavior or bodily presence, wise and loving parents seek to touch and win the hearts of their boys and girls.

The question is, how? First, understand that the heart-even the heart of a child-can only be given freely; it can never really be taken. In part, therefore, this is a matter of a father leading by example. We must begin by giving to our children what we seek to receive from them. Before we can convincingly plead, "My child, give me your heart," it must be evident to the child we have sincerely given our own.

Give Them Your Heart

Such a giving of a father's heart to a child is not a one-time event but a continual demonstration of love, patience, grace, mercy, and dedication over time. Our children must gain from us what they most desire: our affection, our approval, our attention, our involvement, and our time. Generally this will require us to resist the draw of other passions. Just as we have limited time and limited energy, we have limited love and a limited sphere of things to which we can give our hearts. Just as many mothers must lay aside other passions and preferences to serve their husbands and children, most fathers will have to curb or set aside career ambitions, recreational pastimes that do not involve their children, and indeed much of their lives apart from their families. This is what it takes to have the time and passion available to give our hearts to our children (and to our wives).

Is it possible for a father to lead an active, zealous, and productive work life while maintaining strong, heart-based relationships with his children? The answer is "Yes." It all depends on the father's heart. Is he connected with what is going on inside his son or daughter?

Does he show interest and does he make time to let his children tell their endless stories about what they have been doing? If a father sincerely practices the four steps that I set out later in this chapter-Read, Pray, Work, Play-I believe he will be able to lead a very active work life without hindering his relationship with his children.

But if the father frequently says, "I'm sorry, I don't have time," the child will inevitably point his heart elsewhere-someplace there is interest, attention, and excitement about his or her life. It is precisely a child's deep need for a sense of belonging that explains many of the troubles of young people-everything from drugs and gangs to premature romantic entanglements.

FOUR WAYS TO REACH A CHILD'S HEART

Of course, not just any fatherly involvement can reach the hearts of our children. To really open up a child's heart, a father must observe the work and-keep model of Genesis 2:15. There must be the working-as a father nurtures and cultivates the soil of a child's heart. And there must be the keeping-the correction that, as we will see in the following chapter, is to be exercised in a relationship of joy and love.

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who assure me that their fathers hardly ever praised them, but constantly criticized and berated. I meet people all the time who tell me that their fathers beat into their heads that they were losers who would never succeed. I can scarcely imagine what that is like. There is only so much a pastor can do to remedy such an upbringing, and the best he can do will include pointing such a person to the effective healing love of our heavenly Father, who can do far more than any man. But as fathers we can ensure that our own children are raised with the rich fertilizer of fatherly affection and esteem.

A godly father plants good things in the hearts of his children. He plants:

• The seeds of his own faith in Christ.

• A longing for truth and goodness.

• His hopes and dreams for the godly man or woman the child will become.

• His own confidence that the child has all the gifting and capacity needed to serve God faithfully in whatever way God may genuinely call.

A godly father works these things into the soil of his child's heart as he shares his own heart, listens to and molds the child's heart, and waters these tender plants with faith and love.

At the core of godly fatherhood is exactly this kind of emphasis on sharing his own heart and developing his child's heart. What can we do to forge such a parent-child bond? It is often observed, and rightly so, that quality time cannot substitute for quantity time. So what kinds of quantity time must fathers spend with their children?

I have an approach to this that involves four simple categories: Read, Pray, Work, Play. That is, I want to forge a relationship with each of my children as we read God's Word together, pray together, work together, and play together.

Read

First is the father's ministry of God's Word. There simply is no substitute for our children hearing the Word of God read from our lips, with its doctrines explained clearly so they can understand, and the message applied to their hearts. (This is not to denigrate a mother's equally important ministry of Scripture.)

It is not sufficient for fathers to send their children to church, Sunday school, Christian camp, or private Christian school. You must read the Bible to your children yourself. Obviously, our children must see some correspondence between the Bible and our lives. But even as we work out our own Christian growth, we must read God's Word to and with our children.

God's Word is "buhay at mabisa" (Heb. 4:12). It gives life to believing hearts (Isa. 55:10-11 maging gayon ang aking salita na lumalabas sa bibig ko; hindi ito babalik sa akin na walang bunga, kundi gaganapin ang ayon sa layunin ko, at magtatagumpay sa bagay na kung saan ay sinugo ko ito) and imparts light to the eyes and wisdom to the inner man (Ps. 19:7-9). Holy Scripture should form a regular part of our conversation, so that families are not merely reading the Bible as some kind of ritual but studying and discussing together its life-giving teaching.

If we cannot make time to read the Bible together as a family, we should seriously reflect on our priorities. Most Christians today did not grow up in homes that practiced family devotions, but it is imperative that we revive this practice of family piety. We do not have to be elaborate, as if someone from church will be grading us. The family can simply gather for a reading of God's Word or a good devotional book with scriptural teaching, followed by discussion and prayer. (It is even better if the family can sing together.)

For some families, this time happens most naturally at breakfast, and in other families during or after dinner. A more prolonged gathering for family worship might occur once a week or so, but briefer devotions should occur more or less daily. The father does not have to be a Bible scholar, but he must read and teach Scripture to his children. As he does so in faith, God's Word will bind the hearts of fathers and children together in the unity of truth.

Pray

Another way men work the garden under their care is through a nurturing ministry of prayer. This is accomplished as parents bond with their children by praying for them and with them.

Prayer, like Scripture, is an absolutely nonnegotiable element of faithful parenting, one that communicates our sincere love to our children's hearts and shows them our reliance on the Lord's sovereign provision of grace.

Our children need to grow up hearing their mother and father praying for them, and they need to have frequent experience praying with their parents. Naturally, much of this prayer will involve adoration of God and intercession for those outside the family. But parents should pray for the specific needs of their children-the things that, at that moment, are pressing on their hearts-and their children need to hear these heartfelt prayers.

This means we have to know our kids, including the burdens they are facing-whether peer pressure, a health concern, anxiety over tests, or difficulties with friends.

We should also be open with our children about our need for them to pray for us. Sometimes these will involve adult issues, where children ought not to be concerned with the details. But they can know the basic issue, like this: "Daddy is facing difficult pastoral decisions, so we need to pray for God's wisdom and help for him." Or, "Daddy is dealing with a problem at work that requires God's guidance and direction." Any real relationship is two-way, and a close relationship with our children will involve our requests for them to pray for the real needs of our own lives.

Work

Third, if I want to draw close to my children, I need to work with them. By this I mean assisting them with whatever tasks and projects are before them.

When it comes to schoolwork, fathers must convey more than high expectations and demands. We must also be involved in our children's studies, helping them where they have problems and providing general support and encouragement.

Other areas of endeavor should also be of sincere interest and concern to fathers. To be genuine, we need to back up these expressed interests with concrete action. This may mean assembling invitations for a birthday party, contributing to a scrapbook, or helping a boy build arm strength because he'd like to try out as a Little League pitcher. The more we are involved in our children's work in a supportive, encouraging way, the more their lives will be intertwined with ours in a bond of love.

The relational two-way street applies here as well. As much as possible, we need to involve our children in our own work. This probably does not mean our 9-to-5 employment. But it does mean chores, yard work, and basic household maintenance. My children, especially the boys, love to help me work on things around the house. Since I am not particularly adept in this area, it challenges my patience to involve children who are even less competent. Taking the time to include and teach them makes everything slower and more difficult. But so what? Far more important than the pace of progress is the relationship with my children that is being strengthened as we work together.

Play

Lastly, fathers should play with and alongside their children. This involves stooping to their play and inviting them into ours. Simply put, families need to share fun, lighthearted times together.

This was harder when my children were very little, because I found it difficult to play with their small-child toys (this undoubtedly reveals a deficiency on my part). But as they have grown, I have found some of their toys a little more appealing. For the boys, this now means mostly Legos and the video games that are rationed to them. I need to know about and be "into" all the Lego vehicles they make (Star Wars ships, mainly), letting them explain to me all the details of their creations. I also need to know enough about their video games to be able to follow (more or less) their conversations on these subjects. Do I need to be constantly honing my video-game controller skills and gunning for the high score at whatever version of Mario has captured their attention? Of course not. But it is important for me to have some appreciation for these games my boys love, and make some time to play with them.

The same is true with daughters. Naturally, some girl play is not all that appealing to dads, but we must take an eager interest in what our daughters are doing and let them enjoy telling us about their dolls and play sets. This is how we become part of their world in a way that draws their hearts to us.

As children grow older, I firmly believe the whole family should play indoor games together and engage in outdoor recreation as a family. These playtimes create shared experiences that are interesting and fun, and bind our hearts together as a family.

Fathers also need to invite their children into their own games (which presupposes that we should not have interests that draw us into sin). For instance, I am a lifelong Boston Red Sox baseball fan, but I had quit following baseball for more than ten years, primarily due to a lack of time. When my boys reached elementary school, however, I revived my interest in the Red Sox so I could share it with my boys-the girls are now involved, too. This gives us something we share, and pretty much every summer evening we check the scoreboards to see how our team is doing. We follow the players we love and we ride the highs and lows of dedicated fans, experiencing all this together.

This is my simple agenda to ensure I am actively and intimately involved in the lives of my children: Read, Pray, Work, Play. I must read God's Word to and with my children regularly. We must bear each others' burdens in prayer and worship the Lord together at His throne of grace. My children need my positive, encouraging involvement in their work (and they need an invitation into some of mine). And we need to bind our hearts with laughter and joy in shared play, both one-on-one and as a complete family. This all requires time, for time is the currency with which I purchase the right to say, "My son, my daughter, give me your heart."

DIFFERENT SEASONS, ONE GOAL

When children are little, parents tell them what to do, and the children are called to obey. But as our children grow, our power over them increasingly consists of influence rather than authority. The progression through adolescence and young adulthood requires our children to take more and more responsibility for their actions, making choices and decisions according to what they think and desire, not what we tell them. Of course, this requires parents to change, too, as we gradually release our hold and transition from dictating to guiding-from the power of command to the influence of carefully timed and chosen counsel.

Sheperding a Child’s Heart Chapter 6

Our goal for our children: Develop special skills so we invoved them to gain self worth. we encourage pride that comes from the capacity to perform.

Family worship: the name of the game is not daily worship per se; it is knowing God

good education: Academic goals Parents typically send children to school and pressure them to get good grades. This is not biblical objectives. Ill pay you 100 per 90 you get on test. you should send to scool with no pressure for good grades. good grades are unimportant but the important is your child learn to do his work diligently for God. God has promised that He will reward the faithful. Gifts and abilities are from God and we are stewards of it. Children must learn faithfulness.

well behaved children: in biblical vision manners is an expression and application of loving my neighbor as myself.

saved children: the problem looks for the spiritual event of salvation and misses the process of nurturing your children. your task is faithfully teach them the ways of God. it is the Holy Spirit task to work through the word of God to change their heart. it is a life of progressive growth. What they need is a spiritual nurture. They need to be taught the ways of God, instructed in the character of God so that they can learn a proper fear of God, learn the pervasive effects of the fall on the human condition, learn the subtleties of the malignancy of their own heart, need to know the danger of trusting themselves. they need instruction, they need nurturing.

The overarching priciples must be Glorifying God.

My point here is not merely to encourage parents of older children to be willing to let your children gradually make decisions independently (although if the shoe fits, you should wear it). Being aware of this transition is certainly important for the parents of older children. But this awareness is even more important for parents of younger children.

How vital yet fleeting is the season of parenting young children. I know it can seem sometimes as if those early years will go on forever, but they don't. In relatively short order your children will naturally begin to move beyond the influence of your authority, and this is exactly as it should be. The moment that happens-and it actually starts at a fairly young age-your opportunity to reach their hearts begins to decrease, slipping away gradually day by day.

It is in anticipation of this transition, therefore, that fathers must work for the close bond of a loving relationship all through the childhood years. The time to impress on a child the central importance of Scripture is not in high school, but in preschool. Likewise, time spent building goodwill and trust during a child's elementary school years may be vitally important during the years of immature young adulthood, when the minds of our kids can be clouded and bewildered by change.

Well do I remember the influence of my relationship with my parents during high school. Because of their investment in me all through my life, I was close to them. So, as a foolish young adult, my identification with their values and my desire not to let them down played a major role in directing and restraining my behavior. "My son, give me your heart," the wise man said. The child who has done this sincerely is one who trusts, admires, and loves his or her parents-and is therefore more likely to navigate the pressures and trials of adolescence in safety.

One day, your children will encounter outside the home temptations and spiritual attacks of substantial power. The toxic youth culture they will discover can threaten to overwhelm by sheer force almost any child's desire not to disappoint his or her parents. But we have a greater hope. A passion for the glory of Jesus and a living awareness of gospel realities will provide our children with both offensive and defensive capabilities they otherwise never would have possessed. This is why the greatest, most powerful, and most valuable passion a father can give his children is a passion for the Lord and His gospel of grace.

The ultimate reason we desire our children to give us their hearts is so that we can guide their hearts to Jesus. This is our aim in Bible reading, prayer, and family life together. The more we can convey our own wonder and joy in the Lord-the more our children can see the reality and power of God's grace expressed in our lives of compassion, joy, and holiness-the more attractive Jesus will be to our boys and girls. We must lead our children to the Lord so they have opportunity to hear Him say, "Come to me" (Matt. 11:28). We must let them see the light of Jesus in our lives, in our minds, and in the passion of our hearts. Because, as Jesus said, if our children will see Him as the light of the world and follow Him, "they will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (John 8:12). That is our ultimate goal, and the greatest motivation for fathers to open their own hearts to the Lord, that Jesus might be made attractive and inviting through us.

Experience is an unsafe guide but the Bible is