When Family Members Die

Death is one of the most difficult discussions to have. Very seldom is death something that help anyone feel good. There are times when a loved one is suffering greatly and their death brings a sense of relief that they no longer have to suffer. Even in those times though death brings about the most profound questions. At no point in your life or in your faith will death not bring up questions regarding faith and why God allows things to happen. Of course we all understand that death is a part of life and that it is going to happen at some point. Unless we are blessed to live until Christs return we will face death of our family members and will ultimately face death ourselves. Today you will explore with me the second most important interaction with death in the Scripture. The first being Jesus and His resurrection. In John 11:1-44. You will see three aspects of death. First you will see that God is aware of our lives. Secondly, God is aware of our pain. God sees our pain and it grieves Him to see us suffer. Thirdly, God is the Answer in our pain.

God is Aware of our lives.

John 11:1–15 ESV

1 Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. 3 So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” 4 But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. 7 Then after this he said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.” 8 The disciples said to him, “Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?” 9 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. 10 But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” 11 After saying these things, he said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him.” 12 The disciples said to him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” 13 Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep. 14 Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, 15 and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”

God is aware of every thing that is happening in your life and the life of those in your family. Mary and Martha sent for Jesus but Jesus was already aware of what was going on with Lazarus. Look in verse 4. John 11:4

John 11:4 ESV

4 But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

God and Jesus knew exactly what was going on with Lazarus. Do you believe that there is anything in your life that surprises God? You life and the life of those around you and in your family are ordained by God. What does the scripture say?

Jeremiah 1:5 ESV

5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

John 10:14 ESV

14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me,

John 10:27 ESV

27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

1 Corinthians 13:12 ESV

12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

God knows you and your life and the life of every person who walks this earth. The sicknesses, illnesses, and ultimately deaths of His creation are no surprise to God. Do you believe this? Do you truly believe that God knows what is going on in your life and even through the death of a loved one knows what He is doing with your life? Do you believe that God has a plan even in the worst parts of your life? God has a plan even in the deaths of our loved ones for our future.

As I grow as a parent I learn more about my children. I watch what they do I see how they react and I adjust my parenting based on this. Over time I have come to learn that Hunter loves a challenge. He wants to know that he can beat any challenge. If you tell Hunter that he cannot do something he will go to extremes to prove you wrong and to accomplish what you told him he could not. I have learned that when my wife wants something done that I don’t always have to be the one to do it. I have learned to use the tools in my arsenal to get things accomplished. Yes I see my kids as tools. As a matter of fact I take them out to eat on their birthdays to get free desert. I have learned to use them and their characteristics for my benefit. Rhaynee asked me the other day to take the trash out and I was in the middle of watching a show and when she asks for something done she wants it right then. Being the wonderful husband I am I decided I would get it done right then. I bet Hunter $1 that he could not beat my record of 2 minutes to take the trash out and come back in and put a new bag in. Knowing that Rhaynee was in the laundry room I knew that I had 2 minutes to spare. Hunter went to running and before Rhaynee was back in the room I had Hunter his dollar and the trash was taken out. I have learned my children.

Just as we know our Children God knows us and is not surprised at all with anything that happens to us. God cares about us and watches us constantly. Not only is God aware of our lives and the coming and going He is very aware of our pain.

God is aware of your Pain

John 11:33–36 ESV

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. 34 And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” 35 Jesus wept. 36 So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

Jesus was aware of the pain that Mary and Martha and all the family of Lazarus was feeling and it caused him to weep. Jesus understands our pain and is not far away from the broken hearted.

Psalm 34:18 ESV

18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Death brings about pain and devastation for many of us. You begin to ask why God would allow this to happen and why do good people have to die. The pain from death is difficult because it is so real and so lasting. A day does not go by when the pain of my brothers, my dad, my grandparents isn't real. Some days it is difficult to get through the day without remembering the pain of that separation. Your pain is not hidden from God.

There is a story of a family whose house caught fire. As each parent tried to grab a few belongings and a child’s hand to get out of the house as quickly as possible, the little daughter who was holding the father’s hand, broke free from his grip and ran upstairs to get her teddy bear. However, when trying to come down again, she found that she was trapped by the enveloping flames.

She therefore, ran to the upstairs window and shouted for her father’s help. The father shouted back ‘jump down, I will catch you’. Since she couldn’t see her father clearly through the smoke, the little girl cried, ‘I’m scared to jump daddy, I can’t see you’. Her father replied, ‘don’t worry honey, you just jump. I’m right under you and I will catch you. Although you can’t see me, I CAN SEE YOU’!

Our heavenly Father sees us at ALL times. We find comfort and protection in His loving arms. He will never desert us!

During times of the death of a loved one it is vitally important to understand that God understands, sees, and cares about our pain. Jesus wept because of the pain that God’s plan caused Mary and Martha. God’s plans will cause us pain and will cause us to question where He is. It is so important to navigate those days in scripture. We are called to hide His word in our hearts so we might not sin against Him.

Isaiah 55:8–9 ESV

8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Yes even though the death of a family member God still knows what He is doing. No it does not make the pain any easier to deal with or the separation less painful. This line of thinking does not stop you from hurting but it will keep you from running from God in your pain. The pain of death will bring you to 1 of 2 places. You will either run from God because you do not believe He is there and He allowed something to hurt you and you can no longer trust Him. You may go the other way and lean into God. If you follow the scripture and lean into God you will seek out His will. The death and loss will hurt and it will sting but it will not pull you away from Christ. God is aware of every aspect of your life, He is aware of your pain and that is why God is the answer to your pain.

God is the Answer to your pain

John 11:38–44 ESV

38 Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. 39 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” 40 Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” 41 So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” 43 When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” 44 The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”

Jesus made it clear that God already had the answer. Jesus wanted to make it clear to Mary and Martha that Lazarus would one day truly die and would be gone from this earth but God had answered death and would make it an obsolete issue for those who believe in Him. Look what Jesus said

John 11:41–42 ESV

41 So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”

Jesus did not answer death by raising Lazarus but by proving that He would be the answer to death once and for all. Early on in the scripture Jesus said to Martha that her brother would rise again and he also asked her if she believed in Him. Martha said she believed in him but Jesus was going to ensure that not only did she truly believe but so did those around him. When Jesus went to the cross all those there that day would truly know that He was the Messiah and that He was the promise from God and He would trample on death and sin. The purpose of raising Lazarus was not to secure Lazarus physical body but it was to prove the spiritual supremacy of Jesus Christ. Jesus did not raise simply raise Lazarus that day, He sealed the fate of Death and proved His sovereignty. Jesus that day gave Mary and Martha their brother back but He gave them a peace that surpassed all understanding because they all knew one day Lazarus and they would die and that there would be no need for resurrection of anyone’s body because Jesus was the resurrection and because of His sacrifice death has lost its sting.

A little boy and his father were driving down a country road on a beautiful spring afternoon. Suddenly out of nowhere a bumblebee flew in the car window. Since the little boy was deathly allergic to bee stings he became petrified. His father quickly reached out, grabbed the bee, squeezed it in his hand, and then released it. But as soon as he let it go, the young son became frantic once again as it buzzed by the little boy.

The father sensed his son’s terror. Once again he reached out his hand, but this time he pointed to this hand. There, stuck in his skin was the stinger of the bee. “You see this?” he asked. “You don’t need to be afraid anymore. I’ve taken the sting for you.”

1 Corinthians 15:55–57 ESV

55 “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” 56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

When a family member dies it can be cause for questions of the faith and can rock us to the core. It is important in those times to focus on the fact that God is aware of our lives, God is aware of our pain, and that God has given us an answer for that pain. The separation and loss is there until we are united again but it is not the end and the sting of death being the final call is gone. Do you want peace even in the death of a family member? Turn to the scripture and put your faith in God. Ensure that you are using every opportunity to point your family to God and His love for them.