Isaac and Rebakah - God's Matched Set

Introduction

A girl was out testing the ice on a frozen pond one early-spring day. She looked back and saw a boy she liked coming down the bank, but he wasn’t paying attention to her. Until he heard a crack and turned to see the girl falling through the ice. He quickly clamered out to rescue her. And that was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. The only problem was, she had to break the ice!

One of the most significant decisions that we make in life is who we will marry. This choice has significant consequences for happiness or trouble.

In our series called, “The Story,” we’ve come to the experience of Isaac. There are three main stories about Isaac in the Bible.

The first is when Abram was called by God to take Isaac and sacrifice him. This moment revealed something about Isaac’s character—how many young men would be willing to give their life if God called them to be a sacrifice? Isaac was.

The third story is about Isaac’s twin sons, Jacob and Esau, who were fighting over his blessing shortly before his death. This story isn’t ashamed to tell us that Isaac had his faults, including preferential treatment to one of his sons.

But it’s the middle story we want to focus on today—the story of Isaac finding a wife.

Now, I recognize that the subject of marriage is a long way off for the ten and twelve year olds in the church, but I’d like you to listen well to this story; before very long, you’re going to be needing the principles we talk about today. The age group I’m focusing on most in my message today are the youth and young adults in our church, but there are valuable lessons for all ages whether you’re single or married.

Let’s turn to Genesis 24 and read the story and then we’ll explore some principles we can apply to our experience.

Genesis 24:1–9

Abraham was now a very old man, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. One day Abraham said to his oldest servant, the man in charge of his household, “Take an oath by putting your hand under my thigh. Swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and earth, that you will not allow my son to marry one of these local Canaanite women. Go instead to my homeland, to my relatives, and find a wife there for my son Isaac.” The servant asked, “But what if I can’t find a young woman who is willing to travel so far from home? Should I then take Isaac there to live among your relatives in the land you came from?” “No!” Abraham responded. “Be careful never to take my son there. For the Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and my native land, solemnly promised to give this land to my descendants. He will send his angel ahead of you, and he will see to it that you find a wife there for my son. If she is unwilling to come back with you, then you are free from this oath of mine. But under no circumstances are you to take my son there.” So the servant took an oath by putting his hand under the thigh of his master, Abraham. He swore to follow Abraham’s instructions.

The first principle that we find here is an important one:

Find a spouse that shares your faith.

Abraham knew that if Isaac married one of the women from the nations surrounding him he would be tempted to follow after their customs and their gods. Later, God explicitly told the Israelites not to marry the Canaanites:

Deuteronomy 7:3 ESV

You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons,

This is a repeated theme in the Bible. The people of Israel would intermarry with the nations around them and within a generation they were worshiping their gods and abandoning the God of heaven. Over and over again we find this problem in Judges, in Samuel and the book of Kings and the books of the Chronicles and Isaiah and Jeremiah and Nehemiah… You get the idea. It’s everywhere. This was a big problem for God’s people in the Old Testament, and it remains a big problem for God’s people today.

I haven’t lived a long time, but I’ve lived long enough to see people marry outside their faith and almost every time they end up backing away from their involvement in church, and then abandoning their faith. Some of them come back to Christ and His church, but not often.

Also, notice in this story how Abraham sends his servant to where the people of God are. He doesn’t want Isaac to go there because Isaac’s inheritance — the covenant promise of God — is in Canaan. But the servant is sent out to find someone who shares their family’s faith. Unless you already live around a variety of godly young people, you’re going to need to go out and find them.

Godly young people can be found worshiping God.

They can be found doing mission projects.

They can be found serving others.

They can be found in Christian educational settings.

Young people need to cultivate godly friendships because nine times out of ten they’re going to marry from among their friends. And if you want to find godly friends you need to put yourself in places of Christian education, worship, mission and service. If you’re not involved in those types of things, then it’s going to be difficult for you to make friends who love God.

You may have heard the command in the New Testmant to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). That phrase, unequally yoked, suggests a team of oxen Who are yoked together for some form of work. That’s a good metaphor for marriage, and like the oxen, when one is a strong follower of Christ and the other not so much, the stronger one will end up carrying the load, and then breaking under it. When God directs us in this way it is to our benefit that we trust Him.

That’s principle one: find a spouse that shares your faith.

The second principle is to seek godly council.

In Genesis 25:20 the Bible tells us that Isaac was 40 years old when he married Rebekah.

40 years old. That’s about my age. I’ve got nearly three times the life experience of a teenager. If I were single, I would be tempted to think that I could make a wise decision about who I would marry on my own.

Life experience is certainly helpful, but even though Isaac was my age, he allowed his parents and a wise servant to help him with the process.

If that was important for Isaac, then it should be important for us too. If you haven’t been married, then you honestly don’t have a good idea of what you should be looking for, or how to spot problems. Not to mention the complicating factor that when your brain gets flooded with romantic hormones it doesn’t have the best reasoning skills. You have significant blind spots in your decision making ability when you’re attracted to someone. We need outside, honest, godly input into our relationships no matter our age, but especially when we’re young.

Adventist Home Section 4—Factors that Make for Success or Failure

A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life.

Studies of marriages have shown that a couple is more than twice as likely to get a divorce if they married before either or both of them were 25 years old or if their pre-marriage relationship lasted for less than two years. I would add to this that its valuable to get married when there is an opportunity to do so. While you’re at a Christian College is a great time to find and marry a godly spouse. It’s a great place to make a lot of godly friends, and a great place to develop an intentional, romantic relationship.

I would encourage you to be immensely careful in marrying someone against your parents’ counsel, especially if your parents are followers of Jesus.

When a couple asks me to perform a wedding, I require them to take several weeks of pre-marital counseling where we’ll explore their fitness for marriage individually and as a couple. Most couples find it to be an incredibly bonding and enjoyable experience. I even did pre-marital counseling with a couple in their 70s who were marrying after both of their first spouses died. Initially they laughed when I suggested counseling since together they had more than 80 years of marriage experience. But now, they tell me they are so glad they took that time before they got married.

Principle number two is to seek godly council.

Let’s keep reading in Genesis 24 and see what other lessons we find:

Genesis 24:10–26

Then he loaded ten of Abraham’s camels with all kinds of expensive gifts from his master, and he traveled to distant Aram-naharaim. There he went to the town where Abraham’s brother Nahor had settled. He made the camels kneel beside a well just outside the town. It was evening, and the women were coming out to draw water. “O Lord, God of my master, Abraham,” he prayed. “Please give me success today, and show unfailing love to my master, Abraham. See, I am standing here beside this spring, and the young women of the town are coming out to draw water. This is my request. I will ask one of them, ‘Please give me a drink from your jug.’ If she says, ‘Yes, have a drink, and I will water your camels, too!’—let her be the one you have selected as Isaac’s wife. This is how I will know that you have shown unfailing love to my master.” Before he had finished praying, he saw a young woman named Rebekah coming out with her water jug on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel, who was the son of Abraham’s brother Nahor and his wife, Milcah. Rebekah was very beautiful and old enough to be married, but she was still a virgin. She went down to the spring, filled her jug, and came up again. Running over to her, the servant said, “Please give me a little drink of water from your jug.” “Yes, my lord,” she answered, “have a drink.” And she quickly lowered her jug from her shoulder and gave him a drink. When she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels, too, until they have had enough to drink.” So she quickly emptied her jug into the watering trough and ran back to the well to draw water for all his camels. The servant watched her in silence, wondering whether or not the Lord had given him success in his mission. Then at last, when the camels had finished drinking, he took out a gold ring for her nose and two large gold bracelets for her wrists. “Whose daughter are you?” he asked. “And please tell me, would your father have any room to put us up for the night?” “I am the daughter of Bethuel,” she replied. “My grandparents are Nahor and Milcah. Yes, we have plenty of straw and feed for the camels, and we have room for guests.” The man bowed low and worshiped the Lord.

This story is rich with details, and I especially appreciate the prayers of the servant. Which leads us to our third principle:

Ask God for guidance

This may sound like an obvious point, but too many people rely on their circumstance or their feelings. A young woman can be so focused on her picture of an “ideal man” that she misses the man that God has selected for her that’s right in front of her. A young man can be so excited that a girl is giving him attention and affection that he looses perspective and is willing to compromise his values and his faith—missing out on the joy of a well-matched, godly spouse. If there is one area in life that God has a plan for you, it’s in the area of marriage. If God cares about things as simple as what you’ll eat and what you’ll wear, and where you’ll sleep at night, then God is all that much more interested in matching you with someone who will be a companion, a best friend, a godly influence, and a faithful lover.

God cares, so why not ask him for help?

I’ve heard of teenagers beginning to pray for their spouse. Not so much in a “lord, who should I marry” kind of way, but more like this: “God, please prepare the person you have in mind for me to marry. Help them to follow you today.” Even after you are in a relationship or married you should continue to pray for our spouse, so why not start the habit now?

Notice how the servant prayed for a specific sign, which leads to our fourth principle:

Look for kindness and diligence

When you see a kind person, you are witnessing the work of God’s Spirit. I’m not talking about someone who sweet talks you and then you find out they were just gaslighting you. I’m talking about genuine, thoughtful, kindness.

Rebekah was a kind woman. Not only did she respond to a need that was expressed—a thirsty traveler, but she noticed a larger need and said, “can I water your camels too?” That type of kindness is a demonstration of a godly heart. You may find a kind-hearted person who doesn’t profess to follow Jesus, in which case, I would discourage a romantic entanglement. But even if they profess to believe in Jesus, make sure they are kind. A kind person is hospitable. A kind person extends grace and forgiveness. A kind person will smooth out the rough spots in your marriage and make your home a joyful place.

Take good notice of Rebekah’s willingness to do hard things. She was diligent and persevered in a task until it was finished. Abraham’s servant brought ten camels and camels have been known to drink 50 gallons of water in three minutes when they’re not thirsty. Rebekah could have hauled 500 gallons of water while dodging dripping saliva from 10 cantankerous camels and doing all of that with a willing, graceful attitude.

If you come accross some beautiful girl or a handsome fella, make sure they’re the kind of person who steps up after a meal and says, “how can I help clean up?” Make sure they have follow-through, and finish what they start. Make sure they are the kind of person who looks for ways to work, rather than looking for ways to avoid work.

Make sure you find a kind and diligent spouse.

Our fifth principle is about preparation for marriage:

Make sure they can provide for a family

When Abraham sent his servant out to find a bride for Isaac, he did so with the confidence that Isaac could provide for a family. The fact that the servant took such extravagant gifts of Jewelry to give Rebekah demonstrated the wealth she would be coming back to.

I’m sure a parent or two is wanting me to say something about how we don’t do Jewelry in our church. I understand the conviction to glorify God and not ourselves in what we wear, and to not waste our resources on meaningless adornments. But I think we miss the point of this gift when we try to diminish it with a “we don’t do that kind of thing anymore” attitude. What the servant was doing was showing great favoritism on Isaac’s behalf. He was wooing Rebekah’s heart with the confidence that she would not be descending into a place of squalor. No, she would have all the resources a wife and mother would need to care for her household, and have some left over for her own pleasure.

Gentlemen, when we handle our finances well, and treat our ladies with generosity and even extravagance at times, it gives them the assurance that there is security in their relationship with us. This isn’t about going into debt to buy 500 roses so a girl swoons over you. This is about making sure that you are the kind of person who has the resources and capability to provide security for your new family.

While you should look for a responsible, financially sound partner, you should also be careful that you are becoming a responsible, financially sound person. Make sure that you’re saving, make sure that you’re educating yourself so you can pursue a meaningful and god-glorifying career, and make sure that you are a diligent and faithful worker. You’re a lot more likely to find a spouse who is all those things if you develop those same qualities in yourself.

While Isaac brought the financial security to the table, Rebekah was also well equipped for marriage. She was clearly a physically capable person who could haul 500 gallons of water in a brief period of time. And, she was probably hauling water because she was working in her family kitchen. She was faithful and capable in running a household. Today we don’t have the water-hauling duties that Rebekah had to manage, but there is an industry to a home. Some of the qualities you might hope for in a spouse are the ability to keep a timely schedule, the ability to communicate effectively, skills in auto and home maintenance, and a mind that’s interested in learning new things.

In today’s society its perfectly acceptable for a woman to be the primary source of income for the family, but boys, make sure when you look for a woman to mary, that you find one who is also neat and has basic life skills. Can she make a decent meal? Can she balance a budget? Can she drive a car, safely? And does she have the tenderness and love and patience that would make a good mother?

Ladies, I think every woman should have the ability to provide for herself financially. What happens to the wife and children if the husband dies? She’ll need to provide for her family. But, even if you can provide for yourself, when you go looking for that young man who you will mary, make sure he’s a good provider. The Bible says that if a man is lazy and chooses not to provide for his family, he his worse than an heathen. And also look for a man who is kind, and generous, and has the practical skills to manage a home. Someone in the home needs to be able to swing a hammer and take care of the vehicles, and fix the clogged drain.

Practical skills may not be what attracts you to a person, but they should still be on your must-have list.

Let’s read the last little bit of our story:

Genesis 24:28–32 NLT

The young woman ran home to tell her family everything that had happened. Now Rebekah had a brother named Laban, who ran out to meet the man at the spring. He had seen the nose-ring and the bracelets on his sister’s wrists, and had heard Rebekah tell what the man had said. So he rushed out to the spring, where the man was still standing beside his camels. Laban said to him, “Come and stay with us, you who are blessed by the Lord! Why are you standing here outside the town when I have a room all ready for you and a place prepared for the camels?” So the man went home with Laban, and Laban unloaded the camels, gave him straw for their bedding, fed them, and provided water for the man and the camel drivers to wash their feet.

The servant explained the whole story to Rebekah’s family and then said this, in verse 49:

Genesis 24:49–61 NLT

So tell me—will you or won’t you show unfailing love and faithfulness to my master? Please tell me yes or no, and then I’ll know what to do next.” Then Laban and Bethuel replied, “The Lord has obviously brought you here, so there is nothing we can say. Here is Rebekah; take her and go. Yes, let her be the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed.” When Abraham’s servant heard their answer, he bowed down to the ground and worshiped the Lord. Then he brought out silver and gold jewelry and clothing and presented them to Rebekah. He also gave expensive presents to her brother and mother. Then they ate their meal, and the servant and the men with him stayed there overnight. But early the next morning, Abraham’s servant said, “Send me back to my master.” “But we want Rebekah to stay with us at least ten days,” her brother and mother said. “Then she can go.” But he said, “Don’t delay me. The Lord has made my mission successful; now send me back so I can return to my master.” “Well,” they said, “we’ll call Rebekah and ask her what she thinks.” So they called Rebekah. “Are you willing to go with this man?” they asked her. And she replied, “Yes, I will go.” So they said good-bye to Rebekah and sent her away with Abraham’s servant and his men. The woman who had been Rebekah’s childhood nurse went along with her. They gave her this blessing as she parted: “Our sister, may you become the mother of many millions! May your descendants be strong and conquer the cities of their enemies.” Then Rebekah and her servant girls mounted the camels and followed the man. So Abraham’s servant took Rebekah and went on his way.

Here’s another principle:

They must be willing

Of course, they should want to marry you, you’re probably thinking.

I had a young teacher my first year of college who was convicted in his heart that God wanted him to marry a certain young lady. So, he wrote her a letter describing how he had prayed and prayed and he felt certain that God was leading him to marry her. She read the letter, scoffed, and said, “well, he’s not leading me to marry you!”

It should be obvious that a relationship, especially a marriage relationship, should be a mutual decision—both the man and the woman need to see this as God’s leading, should be interested in each other, and should choose each other.

Sometimes a person can get their heart set on a conclusion, when the other person hasn’t yet had a say in the matter. I know a young man who fell in love with a girl. They were both 14. Then she moved across the country. She still thought of him as a friend, but he had his heart set on marrying her. When she went to one college and he went to another, he was disheartened to learn that she was engaged to a man she met in college. The poor boy was heartsick for years, but this young lady had never agreed to date the boy, much less marry him. It’s foolish to set our hearts on an outcome when we haven’t gone through the process.

Let’s talk about the process for a second.

I mentioned earlier that you should surround yourself with godly friends because you’re most likely to marry from your friend group. That’s the first step in the process of selecting a life parter—find good friends.

The next step is to get to know a select few of them in a closer, more intimate setting. Spend time with them in worship, play and work. Find out what they like, how they work, what their character is made of and if they love Jesus. And find out if they are compatible with your interests, personality, and passions in life.

When you find someone who seems to match you well, and the godly counselors in your life agree, take it a step further and ask them to explore a more select relationship with you, one where you will intentionally seek the Lord’s will together about your future. A successful result of such a relationship will be finding God’s will, whether it is to marry, or not to marry.

You can call this process dating, or courtship, or whatever else you want to call it. I call it intentionality. You might have only one of these intentional relationships before you Mary. Or you might have a half-dozen of these relationships before you find the one God has select for you. If you conduct yourself with propriety, these relationships will be experiences you can look back on with joy, or at least with a happy recognition that they helped you grow in your relationship skills and your knowledge of God’s plan. However, if these relationships are treated as proxies for marriage, that’s when hearts are broken and a train-wreck of relationships are left in your wake.

Speaking of propriety, that brings us to our next principle.

Look for purity of heart and body

God designed us for intimate relationships, but not for a bunch of really intimate relationships. He designed us for one intimate earthly relationship. The world today wants us to think about the intimacy God designed specifically for marriage as though its just about pleasure and fun. It should be those things—God certainly designed it for that too—but He designed it for so much more than that. When we allow ourselves to become as physically intimate with our boyfriend or girlfriend as God designed for marriage, we create a whole slew of problems.

First, a relationship that moves from emotional, spiritual, and mental intimacy into physical intimacy without the life-long, covenant of marriage will often shift its focus to physical intimacy and fail to build the bond of oneness that makes for a strong and faithful marriage.

Second, God told us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that we should glorify God in our body. When we explore marital intimacy before the covenant of marriage, we break God’s law and distance ourselves from the Holy Spirit. Which makes it all that much harder to make choices based on God’s leading.

For any young person who has already explored this area of intimacy, please be assured that God has immeasurable grace and forgiveness. You are not more defiled by this sin than by other sins, but make no mistake, it is a sin. It hurts you, it hurts your relationship with God, and it hurts your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend. That’s part of the definition of sin—anything that is against love and hurts God, others, or ourselves is sin. And any time we chose to set aside God’s will to do our own pleasure, that’s sin too. God promises that if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us.

If you are like Rebekah, with a pure heart and a body dedicated to the Lord’s plan for pleasure and intimacy, then be patient. You’ll be glad you did. The pleasures of marriage are a special gift that God wants to give you. Don’t open them before their time.

If you haven’t been like Rebekah, then take courage. God is in the business of redemption. Give yourself to Him, and turn over that aspect of your life into His care. Repent and turn back to God’s plan. I promise that He will provide for all your needs, including your need for intimacy. Maybe not in the timing you want, but definitely in the timing you need.

Some young people wonder, especially those in their late 20s or early 30s, if they should only be looking for someone who is like Rebekah, a virgin, or if its possible that someone who has had a little more… experience… is still suitable. I would encourage you to seek godly advice in your particular situation. It’s most important to find someone who has a heart for God, and is willing to confess and repent than it is to find someone who is inexperienced in this way.

It’s not uncommon for one partner in the relationship to have experience, while the other doesn’t. The scenario that often happens is that the one with experience begins to pressure the one without experience, and that becomes a challenge for their relationship. I think that it is unwise to pursue a dating relationship with someone who is not repentant and surrendered to God on this subject especially, but on any other subject of significance as well. The issue is less, “have they sinned before,” and more, “are they a faithful, repentant, follower of Jesus?” Make sure to get godly council on this issue early on in your relationships.

Conclusion

Towards the end of Genesis 24 we find Rebekah coming to Isaac on a camel. Notice this verse:

Genesis 24:63–65 NLT

One evening as he was walking and meditating in the fields, he looked up and saw the camels coming. When Rebekah looked up and saw Isaac, she quickly dismounted from her camel. “Who is that man walking through the fields to meet us?” she asked the servant. And he replied, “It is my master.” So Rebekah covered her face with her veil.

Notice that Isaac, while waiting for the servant to return, was walking and meditating in the fields. What was he doing while he was waiting? He was praying.

There’s another example of this at the beginning of the creation of the earth. Adam was created first. He noticed his need for a partner, and as soon as he recognized the need, God put him to sleep. While he slept, God designed the perfect spouse for Him.

I believe that God has a design for you too. It may take a minute while God finished His design work, but He does have a design for you. Don’t rush ahead of God. Wait on His timing. Trust His leading. In the mean time, spend your time in service to others, in worship and obedience to God, in learning and developing the skills you’ll need for life and mission and relationships, and in prayer for God’s will to be done in your relationships. Maybe you’ll have a young romance, or maybe God will put someone in your life when you’re 40 years old, or even later. Maybe you’ve been married before and you long for that quality of friendship and love again. Trust in God and wait patiently.

By waiting, I don’t mean you should close your eyes, or ignore everyone in front of you. That would be like that man who was stranded on the roof of his house in a flood who prayed for help, but then rejected a boat and a helicopter ride saying, “no thank you, God is going to save me.” I’ve seen a number of men and women both who’s standards are so high that they end up unwillingly single simply because they keep rejecting the wonderful people god puts in their life—”nope, they don’t have $10,000 in savings, throw that one back” Some say. “Nope, she’s not pretty enough, I can only date 9s and 10s” Some men say. “Nope, he doesn’t have the exact same interests as I do” some ladies worry. Even when counselors are encouraging, “that’s a good one, give him/her a shot,” some people will turn them away.

When Joelle and I first met I was in my early 20’s and she had just turned 18. I thought she was a immature, and she thought I was weird and awkward. For a college class she was taking she had to write a list of qualities that she would value in a marriage partner. A day or two later she came to my office and asked me for something and as she waited for me to print it off she looked at my library. She saw a book by of poetry by Robert Frost and realized I matched the majority of her list of qualities. It was so disturbing that she left my office before I was able to get her the paper she was looking for. Thankfully, over the next couple years, we both came to see each other in a more positive light, and God led us together.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him. In the mean time, make sure you are the woman or man that God has designed you to be, and that you are prepared for the responsibilities of serving God, and leading a home that will serve God as well.

For the rest of us

I know that I’ve spent the majority of this message talking to youth and young adults, but there is something in this story for everyone. Kindness, faithfulness, trusting in God, purity, prayer—these are character traits of all of God’s people, whether they are preparing for a life-partner, already have one, or are content being single.

Then there are those in our church family who find ourselves in our marriage that didn’t start with the ideals we have talked about. Some of you have worked through those things and come together in repentance and love. Others are still struggling with a marriage that feels more independent than intimate. Instead of the oneness God designed for you, you’re experiencing isolation and pain. I want to express my sympathy for your situation. No one deserves isolation and pain in marriage. You don’t deserve that. Unfortunately, in this life, we will always bring sin into our relationships, and we will always need to exercise repentance, forgiveness and grace. I would encourage you not to see your relationship as a lost cause. Instead, grow your relationship skills, deepen your relationship with Jesus, and commit to bringing the kind of love Jesus has for the church into your relationship with your spouse.

God cares about your relationships, and He has beautiful designs for each one of us. Let’s trust our needs, our desires, and our futures into God’s hands.

One day, you will look at how God has led you, and like Abraham’s servant, bow down before God and worship Him.

——

Let’s stand together and sing our hymn of response, More About Jesus, # 245