A Love That's Loyal

Ruth 1:15–18 ESV

15 And she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” 16 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” 18 And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.

The Mother-In-Law

There is a small and relatively unknown chicken wing restaurant in Orlando, Florida. Like many, they offer the typical hot wings and various different flavors, but what they’re known for are their spiciest of sauces.

Their hottest wings, if you’re brave enough to try, requires customers to sign off on a waiver absolving the restaurant of any responsibilities if anything bad were to happen from eating their hottest wings.

Locally, we have a few places with these spicy wings challenges:

Buffalo Wild Wings have their Blazin sauce.

Wingstop has what they call Atomic wings.

In Beach Haven, NJ a restaurant called Chicken and the Egg has a challenge they call Ludicrous — I heard people eat their wings and being to hallucinate.

Now, going back to the restaurant in Florida, can anyone guess what their spiciest wing is called? They call it The Mother-In-Law.

The Dynamic Relationship

Rethinking Love

Today, we’re continuing in our series titled, “Rethinking Love”.

In case you missed the introduction last week — It’s a series designed to look at the essence of God’s love and His design, we began with Genesis 2 when God saw that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. Therefore, from the mans ribs He created a helper fit for him.

That sermon gave us a close look into the love God had designed between two people (man and a woman).

It was a sermon that I called “A Love That’s Good”.

Ruth and Naomi

Today, the sermon is titled, “A Love That’s Loyal”.

The story of Ruth is a biblical romance novel. It’s this incredible story about a woman who is one in a million. It’s truly difficult to find a woman like Ruth.

Ruth finds herself in the trenches of life — She had lost her father-in-law, lost her brother-in-law, and her dear husband.

Rather than returning to her home, Ruth remains with Naomi and chooses to be loyal to her.

Then Boaz, the prince charming of the Bible, enters the story and sweeps Ruth off her feet — You see, Ruth, is a foreigner, she is a widow, she is without family, she is lost and has nothing — But Boaz becomes a redeemer, marries her, and through him Naomi is given grandchildren.

However, at the heart of this story is Ruth and her loyalty. And it all begins with her willingness to remain at the side of Naomi, her mother-in-law.

The In-Law Problems

Now, some of us may not be privy to this and it does not apply to all, but the in-law relationship is, generally speaking, tumultuous — In particular, between the man’s mother and the man’s wife.

And amazingly, this seems to be cross-cultural.

Something happens to the mother who once nurtured her son, raised him well, taught him all she knows, loved him with great affection; but one day, after the wedding, she suddenly turns into a monster.

Again, I remind you, this is not true in all cases, but it’s very common.

Everybody Loves Raymond — Ray has a loving mother named Marie. She is a phenomenal cook, but unfortunately, his wife, Deborah, is not.

In one episode, Marie teaches Deborah how to cook. It’s a wonderful scene. They’re both laughing and all appears to be a true bonding time between Ray’s wife and his mother.

After learning, Deborah cooks Ray the meal. But it’s awful. Something is not right. Deborah is devastated as she followed her mother-in-law’s recipe step by step. Deborah assumes she’s just a bad cook, until…

One of the seasoning jar label peels off. What was suppose to be a jar of basil turns out it’s tarragon! Marie sabotaged the recipe!

It’s such a strange and weird phenomenon. What is it about the relationship between the two that create such tension?

And if this is common and true, how in the world did Ruth continue to remain with Naomi given this dynamic?

Let me turn it around and ask you. How many wives in this room are willing to live with their mother-in-law?

Now, I made all mother-in-laws look like monster so allow me to fix that — I did some digging and found out that there’s actually a scientific reason why this tension happens.

Back in 2012, there was a study done called the “Male microchimerism in the human female brain” — They reported that 63% of the females (mothers) have been found to have their son’s male DNA cells inside their brain, their heart, and in other organs. This happens during pregnancy and remains with them forever.

Therefore, the conclusion was that certain mother’s become incredibly defensive over their sons and find their daughters-in-law as, slightly, a threat — Isn’t that wild?

If you want to look at this in the most pleasant way, we can conclude that, scientifically, mom’s love their sons.

Sometime, as a Christian, I feel a bit weird when I talk about something like this because I have less faith in science than I do with God — I read what God said, I’m so confident about it, but when I read a scientific article, I doubt.

Loyalty is a Characteristic of God

Returning to the topic at hand, we want to hone in on the love that Ruth displays with her mother-in-law, Naomi.

If you read the previous verses in Ruth 1, you’ll find Naomi providing logical explanation as to why her daughters-in-law ought to both return to their homeland — There was nothing left for them.

Orpah, who is the other daughter-in-law, accepts this suggestion and obeys. She figures it makes sense; therefore, she leaves. But Ruth?

Ruth 1:15–17 ESV

15 And she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” 16 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”

The Bible calls Ruth’s display of love as loyalty. And it’s important to note here that this expression of love is, once again, a shadow and reflection of her Creator, YHWH.

You see, in the OT, the writers had the problem of describing the love and characteristics of God — Think about it, what word, what expression, what description properly fits Him?

How do you describe the indescribable?

So, God answers for them:

Exodus 34:6 ESV

6 The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,

Our translation calls it steadfast love, but in its original language, that carries the exact meaning of loyal love — the Hebrew word is hesed (חֶסֶד (ḥě·sěḏ)

What’s so unique about hesed is that it’s a combination of numerous emotions: it means unfailing kindness, devotion, and covenant love.

The best example of this loyal love is expressed by God Himself in His relationship with the Israelites.

It started with Jacob — By all accounts, Jacob did not deserve the blessings, but God remained loyal to the promise He made to Abraham, to Isaac, which continued to Jacob.

Consider the Israelites who repeatedly sinned against God! Yet, in His loyalty, God remained faithful to them.

It’s said that this loyal love is not conditional; meaning, Ruth didn’t remain with Naomi because of a reason, but she remained because that’s who she is.

In other words, hesed refers to an innate love within us that which reflects God.

Problem with Loyalty

Now, despite that description, we know what loyalty is.

We get a glimpse in our family — “Blood is thicker than water”

We see it in business — With so much competition, loyalty plays a part.

We see it in sports — Players are almost expected to remain in certain teams because of A, B, and C reasons.

Matter of fact, we see it in ministry/church too. But notice that loyalty is not always a positive experience. With loyalty comes an ugly side-effect — Guilt and shame.

Loyalty is used to prevent members from leaving.

Loyalty is used to keep ministers.

However, that’s not the function of loyalty. If so, then what is loyalty suppose to do? Just blindly follow God? Just do whatever the church says?

Loyalty Leads to Determination

Pay close attention to the words of Ruth when she said, “I will go where you go, I will stay where you stay, I will die where you die, your God will be my God!”

Listen very carefully, this is not a reckless abandon behavior, it’s not a thoughtless act, but it’s Ruth’s determination.

Ruth 1:18 ESV

18 And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.

That’s what loyalty is. It leads to determination.

It is easy for anyone to profess loyalty, but to practice it is quite another thing.

Leon Morris (Australian NT scholar)

Remember when Jesus told the disciples, “Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” To which all the disciples answer, “Not I, Lord!” “Never will I betray you!” And we know what happened.

Listen, Ruth’s loyalty for Naomi wasn’t her biting down to the reality of life and simply choosing a difficult path. Hear me, she wasn’t being heroic. She wasn’t trying to be a trailblazer, a pioneer, it was none of that.

No, it was her loyal love, a love that helped her see beyond the logic and sensibility of her situation. While most would’ve chosen the path of Orpah, Ruth chose love.

This love sprung from the well of her heart to give up reason, give up family, give up her past, and allowed her to remain with her mother-in-law.

In the same way, God’s loyalty for you I is not Him overcoming the constant frustration of our failings. He’s not breathing in, breathing out, trying to compose Himself to not strike us down with lighting after every sin.

No, it’s His loyal love, a love that keeps Him faithful to His promises. Remember, it’s hesed. His loyal love is the very confidence and assurance we have knowing that He will never forsake or abandon us.

Therefore, the same love is within us, within you.

A love that leads to a determined faithfulness. A love that’s beyond logic and reason. A love that keeps us going in tough times. A love that defends and fights for truth. A love that knows God.

Such is loyal love. It’s hesed.

1 John 4:19 ESV

We love because he first loved us.