Word to the Wise: Self-Control

Intro

Put Jordan/Emma/a youth leader in the hot seat

Let the congregation ask a few questions

Finish up with a few of my own:

Which sermon on Proverbs did you like the most and why?

List the fruit of the Spirit:

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control

Self control is not only a fruit of the Spirit, but a mark of wisdom in Proverbs

We begin with the reminder that self-control is NOT merely self-generated

Fruit of the Spirit = Work of the Spirit in your life

Wisdom = Flows from God; He is the source

Yet we can all admit that we have a large role to play in self control

God gives us the strength and ability, but how do we use it? What choices do we make?

Self Control & Wisdom

Cf. Proverbs 13:16 “Every prudent man acts with knowledge, but a fool flaunts his folly.”

Wisdom (knowledge in this verse) impacts the way that we live

It should be evident in our choices, obedience and the way that we approach life

Folly is equally obvious

To “flaunt” something is overt and purposeful

What do your actions display? Wisdom or folly?

One of the most significant ways in which we display wisdom or folly is in our self-control (or lack of it)

The world is becoming increasingly indulgent

Or increasingly open of its indulgence

Happiness is designed by doing what you want, when you want, as long as it makes you feel good

Scripture has a different story to tell; fulfillment does not come from indulgence but instead through God given self-control:

Control of our appetites, emotions and influences

Control of Our Appetites

Don’t get me wrong, we all want to feel good (and God has designed us this way)

He gave us dopamine *read from article*

It is good to do things we enjoy and feel the related pleasure

Eating good food, sexual satisfaction, shopping, video games, sitting on a warm beach....

Wise self-control does NOT mean self-denial

But a problem arises when we let these enjoyable experiences run wild without boundaries (control)

Enjoying food becomes overeating, sexual satisfaction turns to temptation, shopping leads to financial stress, playing video games isolates you from others, sitting on a warm beach… well, that’s always a good idea

Tell story of Brian forgetting to eat and sleep because he was playing too much WoW

Even God-given design for pleasure can be abused to the point of addiction

*Read second part of article*

There are lots of ways that addictions are damaging; including a spiritual reason

If we do not control our appetites, they control us

Proverbs uses alcohol consumption as an example:

Cf. Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.”

The problem isn’t even the wine; it is being led astray by a substance, habit or appetite that isn’t God

God wants to be the primary influence in your life

Anything else that controls you takes His rightful spot

Cf. Ephesians 5:18 “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit”

What is controling you? Who is influencing you?

Use the HALT acronym as a good test

Where do you turn when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?

When we lose control of our appetites, and pleasure controls us, we lose out on God filling a role in our lives that He desires to meet

If you are struggling with any form of addiction, don’t take this as judgement

You are not a failure, you are not any less of a Christian (saved by grace), you have hope:

I truly believe the right combination of counselling, accountability, and prayer can free you from addiction

You are not alone!

Control of Our Emotions

Just as we ought to exercise control of our appetites, the same is true of our emotions

Just as our pleasure is a good thing designed by God, so are our emotions

Don’t ignore them! Don’t tamp them down!

The issue remains one of control: Feel your emotions, but don’t let them rule you

Share about teaching the kids “you control your emotions, they don’t control you”

Self-control of emotions is primarily taught in Proverbs as control of anger

Cf. Proverbs 12:16 “The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.”

“ignore” = “cover, conceal, forgive”

Don’t lash out; don’t get angry back; don’t get so easily offended (which will separate you from the world)

Being in control of your emotions (especially anger) has a tremendous positive effect on those around you

Cf. Proverbs 15:18 “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.”

Repaying anger for anger puts fuel on the fire

It is REALLY hard to stay angry at someone who refuses to return the emotion

Tell story of Mr. Brandon not being able to stay angry

Confession time: I used to be a very angry person

Would sometimes lose control and “see red”

Talk about smashing Greek textbook against wall

It was a scary place to be… and I’m glad God delivered me from it

Didn’t accomplish this on my own; can’t even point to a specific event or time

Just a result of God’s slow and steady work in my life

Up until I bought a puppy… different story

Are you in control of your emotions, or do they control you?

Not just anger, but could be worry, jealousy, melancholy, etc.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by emotions and unable to regain control, this is NOT judgement.

It is the same combination of counsel, accountability and prayer that can make a transformative difference over time

God’s work; our job to put it into action

Control of Our Influences

You may have noticed a trend so far: Every point of application for self-control has included other people.

“Self” control is the outcome but the process NEEDS to include the transforming work of God’s Spirit and the influence of other beleivers in your life.

Cf. Proverbs 18:1 “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”

Isolation is destructive in two ways:

First, as Proverbs 18 teaches, it allows us to become turned inward and incredibly selfish (seek our own desire)

No accountability, no self control

This type of “isolation” can also happen when you surround yourself with only people that let you do what you want (“yes men and women”)

Who is willing to say “no” to you? Who loves you enough to let you hear the hard, difficult truth?

Secondly, it leaves you open to negative outside influences

And our world is FULL of influences

Social media influencers and alogorithms

You ARE being influenced, and if you don’t choose and have control over those influences, then you are at their mercy

At SBF, we want to do our part to help you live the wise life expressed in self-control

Counselling:

We have a budget to ensure you get the help you need

Not ready to take that step? I am here (as your pastor) to always be available to listen and help as I can

Accountability:

Both our Fellowship Groups and Discipleship Groups provide a safe space for you to share struggles confidentially with a small group

Discipleship Groups in particular are well-suited for accountability to help you achieve biblical self-control

Prayer:

Don’t pray alone! Share what is happening with others

May not be comfortable to share on Sunday morning, but certainly can share with the SL&CT on the blue card

Conclusion

“Self” control of your appetites, emotions and influences is actually the transforming work of God done in community

So don’t try harder; look for good counsel, accountability and prayer

Word to the Wise: Self-control is acheived by the transforming power of God in community with His people.