Can we talk about friendship?

Friends

I think it is unavoidable that in this life we are going to have some friends. The choices we make of friends can make a difference.

Q- Have you had a good, great friend in your life? What would make you say this person is/was a great friend?

Q- Have you had someone who was not such a great friend in your life, how did you find out?

I think we can agree that in this world of 7.8b people as of 2020 that you cannot avoid people. Cannot avoid associations with at least some people.

God, through His word has given us the wisdom to make wise choices on the type of people we want to hang out with, or those we may not.

By God’s wisdom provided we can:

Develop good relations, and hopefully some friendships with those around us (separate from good friends).

Avoid the pitfalls that can destroy friendships, including good friends.

Q: Have you ever lost a friend or a good friend? Are you willing to say something about the circumstances?

There is much revealed, shown to us in the book of Wisdom that we call Proverbs regarding the subject of friendships

So, grab your bibles or open bible app to Proverbs and we will, for the most part be jumping around topically in the book. With our focus being on friendship

Value of Friends

Source of comfort

In good times and in bad times (Pro17:17)

pro17:17 “17 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.”

Q: What do you think, born for adversity means?

In some cases, friends are even better and closer than that of a brother (Pro18:24)

Pro18:24 “24 A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Q: What would you say is a quality of one who sticks closer than a brother?

A good friend can be a source of good counsel

Counsel that can be a delight to the heart (re: Pro27:9)

Counsel in general (Pro11:24)

pro11:14 “14 Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory.”

Now we have seen the value, we also need to choose carefully

Pro12:26 “26 The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, But the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

So, choosing wisely is important so I will mention some don’ts and do’s. As well as maintaining the ones you have.

Choice of friends

Qualities, traits you do not want

Let’s turn to these and see if we can see the answers from the scripture together.

Pro20:19 “19 He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip.”

Q: why are we not to associate with a gossip? -reveals secrets

PRo22:24-25 “24 Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, 25 Or you will learn his ways And find a snare for yourself.”

Q: what is the problem with someone who is hot-tempered or given to anger?

Pro23:20-21 “20 Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, Or with gluttonous eaters of meat; 21 For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe one with rags.”

Q: What will come to the heavy drinker or the glutton?

Pro24:1-2 “1 Do not be envious of evil men, Nor desire to be with them; 2 For their minds devise violence, And their lips talk of trouble.”

Q: what are the instructions to the wise man here?

Just a couple of of the don’ts

Pro25:18-20 “18 Like a club and a sword and a sharp arrow Is a man who bears false witness against his neighbor. 19 Like a bad tooth and an unsteady foot Is confidence in a faithless man in time of trouble. 20 Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda, Is he who sings songs to a troubled heart.”

Q: what kind of unwanted friend do you see here?

The next one is a long passage, I believe there is some good stuff to glean from it.

Pro1:10-11 “10 My son, if sinners entice you, Do not consent. 11 If they say, “Come with us, Let us lie in wait for blood, Let us ambush the innocent without cause;”

Pro1:12-13 “12 Let us swallow them alive like Sheol, Even whole, as those who go down to the pit; 13 We will find all kinds of precious wealth, We will fill our houses with spoil;”

Pro1:14-15 “14 Throw in your lot with us, We shall all have one purse,” 15 My son, do not walk in the way with them. Keep your feet from their path,”

Pro1:16-17 “16 For their feet run to evil And they hasten to shed blood. 17 Indeed, it is useless to spread the baited net In the sight of any bird;”

Pro1:18-19 “18 But they lie in wait for their own blood; They ambush their own lives. 19 So are the ways of everyone who gains by violence; It takes away the life of its possessors.”

These are men who are given into and seek to do violence, we need to stay clear of them.

Friends, qualities, characteristics of the type of friends we do want

Pro13:20 “20 He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

Q: what type of friend do you want here?

Pro13:14 “14 The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, To turn aside from the snares of death.”

Q: their counsel, teaching will lead you in the right direction and away from the snares of death.

Q: Can you think of other characteristics or qualities you would want in a true friend?

So, we have looked at the value, we have looked at the choices (both bad and good) Now we will move on to maintaining friendships.

Maintaining friendships

Like the other things we have looked at we need to look at the good and the bad, I like to do the good and end on the good, so we will start with the bad.

Things that can destroy

Get ready let’s look together again.

Pro17:9 “9 He who conceals a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”

A telltale person who repeats everything.

Pro17:14 “14 The beginning of strife is like letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.”

He who starts or maintains useless arguments

Pro25:17 “17 Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor’s house, Or he will become weary of you and hate you.”

Some of these are not as clear, can you figure this one out? - One who overstays his welcome

Pro26:17 “17 Like one who takes a dog by the ears Is he who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him.”

Q: What do you see in this one?

I say one who sticks his nose in where it does not belong. A meddler

Pro26:18-19 “18 Like a madman who throws Firebrands, arrows and death, 19 So is the man who deceives his neighbor, And says, “Was I not joking?””

Q: What can destroy a friendship here?

one who deceives, one who is jokester who hurts you through bad jokes, hurtful jokes.

Pro26:21 “21 Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife.”

Q: What can destroy a friendship here?

He is contentious, stirring strife and adding coals to a fire that should be left to die.

Q: What other things can you think of that can destroy a friendship?

Maintaining, solving problems with friends

Pro16:7 “7 When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.”

Q: What do you see here?

You be at peace and pleasing to the Lord first.

Pro15:18 “18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute.”

Q: And here?

Be slow to anger (c.f. Jm1:19-20)

Jm1:19-20 “19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

Pro18:13 “13 He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him.”

Be slow to answer, listen more than talk

Pro20:3 “3 Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, But any fool will quarrel.”

Q: How can you keep away from strife?

Let’s keep going, you are doing great a few more so stretch out your fingers and keep going.

Pro15:1 “1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”

You are to have a . . . ? - Gentle answer

Pro10:19 “19 When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise.”

Q: what are we to do here to maintain a friendship? - Don’t talk too much, restrain you lips

Pro10:12 “12 Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all transgressions.”

Q: what quality are we to have, display? - LOVE

Pro28:23 “23 He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor Than he who flatters with the tongue.”

Be honest, be true, find favor, don’t be a flatter, be willing to rebuke, correct where necessary.

True friendships must be nurtured and both parties have a part to play. Friendships are not one-sided. So, we do need to be wise when it comes to friends, choosing friends, maintaining friends.

Now, there is no greater friend than Jesus.

Jn15:13 “13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”

And we should, as a friend of Jesus should

jn15:14 “14 “You are My friends if you do what I command you.”

Like the Apostles were instructed, we too should do what He commands and that is

Mt22:36-38 “36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 “This is the great and foremost commandment.”

Mt22:39-40 “39 “The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 “On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.””

So, be a friend, Love God, love others!