The Love Connection

Ephesians 5:21–33 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Introduction

A. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

We should always honor and reverence Him as if we were always in His bodily presence.

Thomas à Kempis

B. Paul is pleading for unity: in the church, home, with children, with servants and masters.

C. Submit is a hard word, but it melts all tensions. True love must forget self and seek the best for the one you love.

Galatians–Colossians (King James Version) H. The Believing Wife and Husband Are to Walk in a Spirit of Submission and Love, 5:22–24

When God talks about man being the head of the woman, He is not talking about ability or worth, competence or value, brilliance or advantage. God is talking about function and order within an organization. Every organization has to have a head for it to be operated in an efficient and orderly manner. There are no greater organizations than God’s universe, His church, and His Christian family. Within God’s order of things there is a partnership, but every partnership must have a head, and God has ordained that man is the head of the partnership.

Galatians–Colossians (King James Version) H. The Believing Wife and Husband Are to Walk in a Spirit of Submission and Love, 5:22–24

To submit is a spiritual mystery (v. 23). The wife’s submission is comparable to Christ and the church. Again, Christ is the pattern for the wife:

⇒ as she submits to Christ, so she is to submit to her husband.

⇒ as she depends upon Christ for help and protection, so she is to depend upon her husband for help and protection.

⇒ as she depends upon Christ for companionship and comfort, so she is to depend upon her husband for companionship and comfort.

In summary, the submission that wives are to show to their husbands is an example of the submission that all believers are to show to one another (Ep. 5:21). It does not mean that women are inferior to men. It simply means that there is to be an arrangement, an order in the household. Every body must have such order, and every body must have a head. Two heads in any body or organization would be a monstrosity and make for disorder. Therefore, in God’s order of things for the family, the husband is the head over the family. He arranges things in a spirit of tenderness and love and the wife is to submit herself in a sweet spirit of understanding and reasonableness. (See Pr. 31:10–31.)

I. Love for the church

A. Christ is the head of the church, His body.

B. He is the savior of the church.

C. The church is subject to Christ.

D. He sacrificed to make the church holy, without stain or blemish. She should be blameless.

E. “Washing of water through the word.” A bride was ceremonially bathed before the wedding. This probably refers to the cleansing of baptism. All of us who comprise the church have been washed.

II. Husband and wife

A. Husband is to love his wife like Christ loved the church.

Galatians–Colossians (King James Version) H. The Believing Wife and Husband Are to Walk in a Spirit of Submission and Love, 5:22–24

The love which the husband is to have for his wife is the very love of God Himself (agape love). Agape love is a selfless and unselfish love, a giving and sacrificial love

1. He makes her look good.

- This point is striking—a real eye-opener. It shows just how dependent the marriage is upon the love of the husband—how much effect the husband’s love has upon the marriage. Few wives could reject such love; few wives would refuse to walk hand in hand with their husbands if they truly loved them with the love that is unselfish and sacrificial.

2. He protects her and his whole family.

3. Works to make his wife and home radiant, no blemish.

Galatians–Colossians (King James Version) H. The Believing Wife and Husband Are to Walk in a Spirit of Submission and Love, 5:22–24

The husband’s love involves having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Spots would mean the mistakes that tarnish one’s life and marriage, mistakes so serious that they are very difficult to wash off one’s body and out of one’s mind. They would include such things as …

• mistreatment and abuse

• loose and immoral behavior

• withdrawal and avoidance

Wrinkles would mean things that cause friction and rattle the nerves and that need ironed out. They would include such things as …

• temper and reaction

• broken promises and serious neglect

• severe selfishness and rejection

3) The husband’s love involves being holy and without blemish. The word holy (hagia) means to be separate and untouched by evil. The husband’s love—if it is a real love—will stir him to be holy and unblemished and go a long way in stirring his wife to be holy and without blemish.

Thought 1. This point is striking—a real eye-opener. It shows just how dependent the marriage is upon the love of the husband—how much effect the husband’s love has upon the marriage. Few wives could reject such love; few wives would refuse to walk hand in hand with their husbands if they truly loved them with the love that is unselfish and sacrificial.

B. If the man does his part, then the wife can submit. The house does not have two heads.

C. Look at Genesis.

1. The idea of male and female was God’s idea (Genesis 1:27).

A.) Think about this if God intended for us to be alone couldn’t He have just created another person? Why did it have to a woman?

2. Marriage was designed by God to meet the first problem of the human race: loneliness.

a. Helpmate, helper.

b. The same word used of God in Psalm 46:1: “A very present help in trouble.”

3. Marriage was planned to bring happiness, not misery. Adam said: “I have finally found the one who can complete me, who takes away my loneliness, who will be as dear to me as my own flesh. She is so beautiful! She is perfectly suited to me. She is all I will ever need” (Genesis 2:23).

4. Marriage is leaving other relationships to establish a permanent relationship between man and woman.

a. Leave father and mother. Honor and love them, but leave them.

b. Both must refocus their lives together.

c. Nothing takes precedence over marriage relationship—not career, advanced education, hunting, golfing, televised sports, over-involvement in church, children.

5. Cleave. The inseparable joining of husband and wife.

a. To adhere, to stick, to be attached by some strong tie.

b. Cannot be separated without damage to both.

c. This is intellectual, emotional, and physical.

6. Oneness. The two shall become one flesh.

a. No adultery or other person.

b. To divide or let someone come between the two is to fracture the two.

Conclusion

Illustration

One traveling salesman spent much of his free time on the road battling loneliness. But one year his little daughter gave him the perfect antidote for his homesickness. It had black, beady eyes, a red bow tie and orange feet. It was a stuffed toy penguin that stood about five inches tall, and attached to its left wing with paste (still wet when he tore away the wrapping) was a wooden sign bearing the hand-painted declaration, “I Love My Dad!” The salesman immediately granted it a place of honor on his dresser. Later the salesman was going through customs at Kennedy Airport in New York. A customs agent dug the penguin out of the salesman’s suitcase, and, holding it up, the agent said, “Thank God we don’t charge a tax on love, or you’d owe a bundle.”