Two Vital Attributes of Forgivers

Mark 9:33-37

We have been talking about the Truth about Forgiveness.

We began by sharing Jesus’ words of invitation:

Matthew 11:28–30 KJV

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

We applied these verses and the heavy ladened heart to unforgiveness and the turmoil it brings to the heart of the Christian.

Jesus is a wonderful, and mighty God, who is able to help us with our burdens.

His cure for unburdening us is to give us His yoke.

Now that may seem counterintuitive, however His yoke is light.

But we find healing through the means of grace that we practice, which leads us to forgive.

Things like reading His Word, Prayer, Fellowship and Worship.

These things will not unburden us, but will lead us to God’s wisdom to deal with what we are burdened with.

This is true for any burden we may be carrying.

We learned our motivation for forgiveness is the forgiveness that we have received from God.

God’s forgiveness is by Grace, but with the condition of receiving it.

It is a commitment on God’s part that begins the action of reconciliation.

However we learned that this forgiveness does not eliminate all consequences.

Since Jesus commands us to forgive as God forgave us, we must likewise forgive in the same way.

If forgiveness means one thing for God, it must mean the same thing for us…that’s just the way words work.

So we come up with a definition of forgiveness as follows:

Forgiveness is a commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant from moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated.

I mentioned before if you ask three different people their definition of forgiveness, you will probably come up with three different definitions.

Because of this there are many books out there trying to define forgiveness in an unbiblical way.

Many view forgiveness as more of a therapeutic forgiveness.

One very popular book written in 1984 by Lewis Smedes entitled Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve.

This is responsible for a great deal of wrong Christian thinking about forgiveness.

He defines forgiveness as essential a ceasing of feeling resentment or anger over an offense.

But let’s look at a comparison of Biblical Forgiveness and this Therapeutic forgiveness.

Therapeutic Forgiveness says Forgiveness is a feeling. It is ceasing to feel resentment or bitterness.

Biblical Forgiveness says Forgiveness is a commitment to pardon the offender.

Therapeutic Forgiveness says Forgiveness is private or individual. It is “primarily an activity that goes on within individual persons’ hearts and minds.”

Biblical Forgiveness says Forgiveness is something that happens between two parties.

Therapeutic Forgiveness says Forgiveness is unconditional. Forgiveness should be granted regardless of whether or not the offender is repentant.

Biblical forgiveness is conditioned upon the accepting of that forgiveness to be complete. Forgiveness may be offered, but it does not necessarily mean that forgiveness is completed.

Therapeutic Forgiveness says Forgiveness is motivated primarily by self-interest. You should forgive others for your own sake. According to Smedes, “Every soul has a right to be free from hate, and we claim our rightful inheritance when we forgive people who hurt us unfairly, even if their intentions were pure.” It sounds good but it is an unbiblical basis - selfishness.

Biblical forgiveness is motivated by love for neighbor and love for God. It is for God’s glory and our joy.

Therapeutic Forgiveness says A standard of justice is not critical—it is about how the person “feels.” According to this definition, you can legitimately choose to forgive someone who has not done anything wrong.

Biblical Forgiveness says Justice is the basis for forgiveness. You cannot legitimately forgive someone if he or she has not done anything wrong according to God’s standards.

Therapeutic Forgiveness says that it can happen apart from reconciliation.

Biblical forgiveness is inseparably connected to reconciliation.

Does it matter?

It matters because every biblical principle matters!

Therapeutic forgiveness naturally and often leads people to believe they can and should forgive God for things that He has allowed to happen to them.

But God has never done anything wrong.

He is sovereignly in control.

There is nothing that we can forgive God for.

The basis of forgiveness is conflict resolution.

No one enjoys living with conflict.

Proverbs 17:1 KJV

1 Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, Than an house full of sacrifices with strife.

There are some that seem to strive in conflict, but for the most part we don’t want conflict, in fact we often run from conflict.

Which is why many do not want to approach unforgiveness in a biblical way.

I take comfort in the fact that conflict is not new to us.

Jesus had to deal with conflict even amongst His own disciples.

In Mark 9, three of the disciples have just seen the transfiguration, and now in verse 33 we are told...

33 And he came to Capernaum: and being in the house he asked them, What was it that ye disputed among yourselves by the way?

34 But they held their peace: for by the way they had disputed among themselves, who should be the greatest.

No one wanted to admit what they were arguing about.

But Matthew tells us that Jesus took a child and sat him in the midst of them and said,

Matthew 18:3–4 KJV

3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Immediately Mark tells us that another conflict arose, we didn’t read this portion...

38 And John answered him, saying, Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, and he followeth not us: and we forbad him, because he followeth not us.

39 But Jesus said, Forbid him not: for there is no man which shall do a miracle in my name, that can lightly speak evil of me.

40 For he that is not against us is on our part.

If I were Jesus I think I would have smacked my own head…or maybe John’s.

Children are not perfectly innocent - any person with children can tell you that!

There is a reason that James Dobson’s book on The Strong-Willed Child sold hundreds of thousands of copies.

Innocence is not what Jesus was pointing to.

No the instruction to be attribute that Jesus pointed to was, I believe two-fold.

And I believe to start this process of forgiveness we are going to need these two-fold attributes in our lives.

The First attribute Jesus pointed to was:

I. Humility

4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus was trying to get them to stop focusing on themselves and focus on Him.

Their argument was over who would be the greatest in the Kingdom, but Jesus completely turned their definition of greatness…In his words their thinking needed to be converted.

Greatness is not based on the things you do, but based upon what God has done.

If we humble ourselves we can be great in God’s eyes - And He will lift us up.

He tells them in Mark 10:43-45

Mark 10:43–45 KJV

43 But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44 And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

Jesus taught them to pursue greatness by serving one another, by being truly humble.

But How does Humility Help?

Remember that Jesus teaches this principle int he context of teaching on conflict resolution and forgiveness.

A. Humility Stops Conflict

True humility nips conflict in the bud!

Selfishness and pride is the cause of all quarrels and fights

James 4:1–10 KJV

1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? 2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. 3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. 4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? 6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. 9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. 10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

We have conflict because the war that is going on in our hearts - The Lusts of the eyes, the Lust of the Flesh and the pride of life.

I believe with all of my heart that pride is the source of every other sin.

If we will just humble ourselves and see ourselves and our conflict the way God sees it, our strife would cease.

B. Humility Allows Clarity

When we are truly humble we can see the truth from both sides.

And sometimes we soon realize that we were in the wrong all along.

When Elizabeth was very young her mother and I were experiencing all of her firsts.

Her first words, her first steps, her first everything's.

We came into church one evening and we were so proud of her because we had taught her something.

I think it was maybe a short Bible verse or something.

We walked up to our pastor and told her, tell Pastor what you learned.

She was embarrassed, and under pressure as a couple of eyes were on her.

We knew she knew the verse, but she wouldn’t say anything.

I remember so clearly saying more sternly, “Elizabeth tell pastor your verse.”

I remember pastor looking at me and saying, “Are you upset because she is being disobedient, or are you upset because you are embarrassed?”

That stuck with me.

The Conflict I was having with my child was not because of her wrong…it was because of my pride.

As I walked away humbled by my pastor, the conflict was instantly resolved because I realized I was in the wrong!

How about you?

How could you resolve conflict much better if we were to respond with biblical humility?

What caused the conflict in the first place?

How would true humility resolve it?

Humility wasn’t the only attribute Jesus was pointing out in the child.

He also pointed to the child’s ...

II. Dependence

Even Jesus in Mark 9 pointed to His dependence on God the Father...

Mark 9:37 KJV

37 Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.

But a child is dependent upon his parents for everything.

A. Humility Comes through Dependence

The truth is you can’t be humble out of sheer determination.

You can’t forgive out of sheer determination.

All though it is a decision and a commitment, it is also not something you can determine to do.

Our dependence on God for His help with humility and forgiveness will make all the difference in the world.

True humility is not self-depreciation.

Biblical humility is seeing ourselves as completely dependent upon God.

If we have an attitude that says I can do this on my own, we have a pride problem.

But the truth is pride will express itself in many different ways.

Overly Critical - discernment is biblical, but discernment is not being critical of everything…pride is the root problem

Insecure - This betrays the fact that you are too narrowly focused on yourself.

Shy - Now this can be a personality, but hiding behind a personality is not God’s plan for us.

Are you unwilling to pray in front of others? Is your main concern how you will appear in front of others?

Overly Sensitive - there are people that you have to walk on egg shells around because the get offended so easily.

People who are too sensitive sometimes imagine criticisms when they are not even there because they center on themselves or maybe even their family members too much.

Impatient - the root of impatience is the overt concern for your own time.

Easily embarrassed - May indicate too much concern with how others see you.

Worry - Worry betrays self-reliance, or reliance on someone or something other than God.

You might say, “Whew, I’m not any of these!”

First of all this list is not exhaustive by any means!

C.S. Lewis said, “If you think you are not conceited, then you are very conceited indeed.” He also said, “There is no fault which we are more unconscious of than in ourselves.”

Dependence upon God is the only way we can be truly and biblically humble.

Confessing our sin of pride and relying on Him...

Ephesians 4:22–24 KJV

22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; 23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; 24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

being determined to be more humble will only cause you to focus on yourself more.

B. Dependence Keeps Our Eyes on Him

Take your eyes off of yourself and focus on Christ and His will for your life and your situation.

Seeing God for who He truly is will cause us to be humbled immediately.

Just look at Isaiah’s experience...

Isaiah 6:3–5 KJV

3 And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of hosts: The whole earth is full of his glory. 4 And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke. 5 Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.

He didn’t go determined to be humble, but he certainly was humbled.

If you want to be humble, grow in your understanding of God.

God’s ways are never our ways..are they?

To get relieve from your burden , you must take on His yoke

To be great, you must be humble

To be humble, you must focus on and learn more about God.

When we focus on the greatness of God, our conflicts look so small in comparison.

Isaiah 40:12–15 KJV

12 Who hath measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, And meted out heaven with the span, And comprehended the dust of the earth in a measure, And weighed the mountains in scales, And the hills in a balance? 13 Who hath directed the Spirit of the Lord, Or being his counseller hath taught him? 14 With whom took he counsel, and who instructed him, And taught him in the path of judgment, And taught him knowledge, And shewed to him the way of understanding? 15 Behold, the nations are as a drop of a bucket, And are counted as the small dust of the balance: Behold, he taketh up the isles as a very little thing.

Most of our squabbles will take care of themselves when we have humility, and just depend upon Him!

Conclusion

How do you define humility?

Many believe it is thinking low of yourself, or not putting yourself out there.

Or not belittling others

or many other things.

But true, biblical humility is not thinking of yourself at all.

Instead preoccupy your mind with God.

How does this help us with our conflicts and forgiveness?

It gives a true picture of the situation unhindered by our pride or arrogance.

It helps us see our conflict from God’s point of view.

It helps us to see our conflict from the others point of view.

Isaiah 40 is a great chapter in the Bible.

it was written at a time of great stress, conflict and anxiety for Israel.

God’s answer for them is all throughout chapter 40, but verse 9 tells Jerusalem and her inhabitants to “Lift up your voice…be not afraid…Behold your God!”

His answer is to keep your eyes on Him!

Then he continues and says, “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd...”

He will take care of them…depend upon Him!

Then he moves into how big and strong he really is:

Who can measure the waters of the earth, or measure the heavens, or understand the dust of the earth, or weigh the mountains, etc.

all your problems surrounding you are just a drop in the bucket compared to Him!

In verse 22 he talks says God is on his throne still!

Kings of the world are nothing

The natural disaster is nothing.

“Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things.”

Then he concludes the chapter with:

Isaiah 40:28–31 KJV

28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, That the everlasting God, the Lord, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no searching of his understanding. 29 He giveth power to the faint; And to them that have no might he increaseth strength. 30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall: 31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings as eagles; They shall run, and not be weary; And they shall walk, and not faint.

Just keep your eyes on Him - and wait on Him!

This will take care of the majority of our conflicts!

This helps us so much with obeying his commands to overlook the small matters.

Proverbs 19:11 KJV

11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; And it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

Can you think of a recent time when a lack of humility on your part caused a conflict or at least some tension in a relationship?

If you can’t think of a time…perhaps you are struggling with pride.

We all have struggle with pride…it just may look a little different from person to person.

We need to confess our pride and self-dependence today!