Adultery, Divorce, and Monsters
Notes
Transcript
Intro
Good morning, everyone!
Sorry if you’re bummed that I’m by myself.
If you were here last week, Dave Waller and I co-taught Matt 5:21-26 on anger and contempt, and we got really positive feedback from all of you. It was fun for us! And I found it very helpful, I hope you did, too.
But I do want to tease a sermon series we’ll be doing after Easter on emotions...
4 weeks on how the Bible talks about emotions, how to grow to be more like Jesus in our emotions, and maybe dispel some myths about feelings and faith. Which I know I need.
We’re going to do some more co-teaching with myself, Gene Poppino, Dave Waller, and Mike Paterson who will be in town on May 7.
Really looking forward to that!
But today...adultery and divorce...
Streaming now on HBO.
Jesus is getting in our business. He’s the king who’s come to bring the kingdom, and that kingdom is good news, even for our sexuality and even for our marriages.
I want to say this is a very very personal issue, and I don’t know where you’re at.
Maybe this topic brings up heavy shame…maybe deep hurt…maybe confusion or anger…I don’t know.
So this sermon is worth a much deeper conversation with every one of you, but I pray that today as I’m speaking, you’re having a conversation with Jesus to start.
How does Jesus guide us towards living a good life in our sexuality and marriage?
Prayer
Context
We’re studying through Matthew in 2023.
Matthew’s main point is Jesus is the King who brings the Kingdom and he’s like somebody enthusiastically inviting people to a party…come on in! Experience an eternal quality of life with the God of the heavens NOW!
And so far
Matthew showed us in the first four chapters that Jesus is the promised King from the OT. The one who will come and beat sin and death.
In Matthew’s account, Jesus becomes massively popular. He’s preaching, he’s teaching, he’s healing. And people from all around are flocking to him. Could this be the king? People begin to follow him, responding to his message of the kingdom, and listen to his teaching.
Right now we’re in chapters 5-7 of Matthew which is
As Dave put it, Jesus’ TED Talk on the hill. Usually referred to as the SOTM.
It’s Jesus’ lesson on the good life. Who is truly well off in life? What does it mean to be a good person?
And Jesus has created this distinction between the goodness or righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees with the righteousness which is at home in the kingdom of God.
20 “For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.
And so we ask Jesus to clarify…what do you mean by that, Jesus?
Show structure of passages
These are not laws…it’s not just DON’T DO THESE THINGS, but see how in the kingdom, these things aren’t necessary any more.
It’s like telling someone using a push lawnmower…you know they have electric ones now?
There is a greater power available to humanity…Jesus invites us to live into it in every area of our life, including our sexuality and marriage.
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’;
Has anyone not heard this said?
Jesus
knows his audience is largely Jewish so they go to synagogue weekly and listen to the Scriptures read aloud and so he knows that they know YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY is a direct quote from the 10 Commandments
What does Jesus mean by adultery?
It’s sleeping with someone who is not your spouse.
No illustration needed.
In Jesus’ day, this was very black and white.
Adultery was always wrong.
In the OT, adultery was punishable by death. Don’t sleep around!
In the NT, adultery was punishable by stoning, as we see in the story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery in John 8.
And so to be a good person in Jesus’ day it was simple…don’t sleep around. End of story.
As we know in our day, this is not black and white.
I remember in college we read a story where a husband sleeps with someone else because he’s unhappy, it ends up helping his mood and he comes back to his wife and she never finds out. And my professor was like, “Where’s the harm?”
If you’re in love, it’s okay, if you’re unhappy, it’s okay, it’s not black and white it’s very gray.
So we might think, Jesus is going to reestablish the black and white. Adultery, don’t do it!
But Jesus says life in the kingdom is not so black and white.
What’s the problem?
Does it just happen that one day you end up in bed with someone else? Does someone just wake up and decide, you know what I’m going to do today?
That’s step 105…there were many steps before then.
28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Let’s look (pun intended) at the words Jesus uses here...
Looks at a woman
Kind of vague. Look can be a lot of things. Glance? Stare? Notice? Study?
If your teacher told you don’t forget to look at your notes…that’s one thing…oh someone says, “Oh look, a bird!”
But I think we can look between the lines to see what Jesus is saying.
You may have a sense of the English word Jesus intends.
Stare. Gawk.
The look. Maybe you’re someone who’s perpetrated this look, maybe you’re someone who’s received this, maybe you’ve witnessed someone giving this look.
But notice, Jesus doesn’t stop, he adds another ingredient...
With Lust for her
Lust is a very churchy word, don’t you think. Would you talk about lust with your non-Christian friends?
To lust is to Desire, long for, covet, set the heart upon, to engage in deep contemplation about something...
15 And He said to them, “I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer;
It’s looking forward to something…it’s taking time to turn something over in your mind for the sole purpose of your enjoyment.
It’s not in and of itself a wrong desire…Jesus lusted to eat with friends.
I think in this context Jesus is talking about the stare PLUS the movie in our minds.
I think it’s really important to hear what Jesus is NOT saying.
He’s not saying, anyone who notices a really attractive woman…who sees her…who says, “Yes, that’s a beautiful woman!”
He’s not saying, anyone who thinks about sex. You have a passing thought about sex.
“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head
but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair” - Martin Luther
“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head
but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair” - Martin Luther
Jesus is talking about intentional, willful staring for the sole purpose of my pleasure.
Why is that wrong?
Because you’ve already committed adultery with her in your heart...
Jesus’ ethic goes beyond actions. It goes to our hearts. Not just because he’s nice and Jesus wants to live in our hearts but he cares about the source!
What does Jesus mean by heart? It’s the CEO of the human person. It’s your will.
And so Jesus says adultery is not just an action, but it’s an intent. If your internal CEO is directing you to seek out, stare at, and play the movie over in your mind for the sole purpose of your pleasure with someone who is not your spouse…that’s already playing with fire.
Jesus says this could not be more serious.
29 “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
30 “If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.
If you hear, love, and obey Jesus…should you practice self-mutilation?
No. How do you know?
One reason, Tim Mackie points out is that if he’s serious that self-mutilation is the key to success in battling sexual temptation, he forgot a body part.
That’s fair.
If only this issue were this simple.
It’s also possible Jesus is riffing on Job’s words in Job 31...
Job’s teaching on eyes in Job 31...
1 “I have made a covenant with my eyes;
How then could I gaze at a virgin?
21 If I have lifted up my hand against the orphan,
Because I saw I had support in the gate,
22 Let my shoulder fall from the socket,
And my arm be broken off at the elbow.
What’s the point Jesus is making?
I think he’s saying, this is a serious issue and must be dealt with at the source.
If you found out you had a rat living in your guest bedroom, you’d want to deal with that.
If you have a disease, you want the doctor to tell you exactly where it is so you can get it out.
If there is a fire in your house, you go to the source of the flame and aim the water there.
Jesus is not saying, “JUST STOP IT!”
It’s not that simple. But it requires action.
He’s saying, find the source and address it.
Was Jesus just a prude? Another religious leader disgusted by sex?
No, Jesus actually has a much higher view of sex than us.
Sex today is often nothing more than a tool for self, but for Jesus it’s a gift from God.
Jesus banked his life on the first two pages of his Bible which describe God making men and women with reproductive organs, and telling them to USE THEM, and he said this is VERY GOOD.
And yet, the same power which is VERY GOOD under the right circumstances, is also like a raging fire which under the wrong circumstances will destroy everything in its path.
Perhaps the clearest biblical illustration of this is in 2 Sam 11.
1 Then it happened in the spring, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel, and they destroyed the sons of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David stayed at Jerusalem.
2 Now when evening came David arose from his bed and walked around on the roof of the king’s house, and from the roof he saw a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful in appearance.
3 So David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?”
4 David sent messengers and took her, and when she came to him, he lay with her; and when she had purified herself from her uncleanness, she returned to her house.
5 The woman conceived; and she sent and told David, and said, “I am pregnant.”
David’s life after this is quite literally a living hell. God puts out the fire, but it still burns everything in David’s life.
Men in the room, Jesus is talking to us. Look at all the gender language…Jesus isn’t dumb, he knows women lust, too. But of the two genders who’s been the main perpetrator of this throughout the history of humanity?
He’s not shaming us. But he’s saying don’t underestimate the severity of this issue. Take the necessary step. It won’t be easy, but it could save your life.
Jesus goes on...
31 “It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’;
32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Here we see Jesus again talking about adultery but in the context of divorce.
What is divorce?
The word literally means ‘to send away.’ In the Bible divorce is the legal representation of the death of a marriage. Divorce happened in the OT, it’s not a new thing in Jesus’ day.
Jesus is quoting from Deut 24:1
1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house,
Moses is speaking here to the people of Israel and giving them the law as they go into the Promised Land. That phrase ‘some indecency in her’ is what was being debated in Jesus’ day.
Based on my reading you had several schools of thought...
The conservatives under Rabbi Shammai believed divorce was permitted only in situations of adultery
The liberals under Rabbi Hillel said you could divorce your wife if she was a bad cook
And a third group under Rabbi Akiba allowed divorce if you saw a woman more beautiful than your current wife.
But as Jesus does, what part of his Bible does he turn to?
We see this later on in Matthew 19.
1 When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan;
2 and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there.
3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”
4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.”
Interesting we see heart showing up again here.
Jesus’ view of marriage and sexuality was so much higher than his contemporaries.
The goal of marriage according to Jesus is to stay married. Why are we talking about what’s lawful for divorce? That’s not the goal.
Message translation...
31 “Remember the Scripture that says, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him do it legally, giving her divorce papers and her legal rights’? 32 Too many of you are using that as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are ‘legal.’ Please, no more pretending. If you divorce your wife, you’re responsible for making her an adulteress (unless she has already made herself that by sexual promiscuity). And if you marry such a divorced adulteress, you’re automatically an adulterer yourself. You can’t use legal cover to mask a moral failure.
Again, Jesus is saying the good life in the kingdom is not just “Is this or that legal?”
But is it truly good? Am I just using divorce as an easy out and not addressing the deeper issue in my life?
Jesus is not saying, “Hey guys, don’t forget divorce is bad.”
He’s addressing a culture that was using divorce as an out.
I read this earlier this week...
“In the kingdom, divorce is not so much forbidden, as it is unnecessary. There’s now another way of dealing with it.”
Jesus wants to address our hearts. The source.
This is such a personal issue.
Nearly all of us here in some way or another have been personally affected by divorce. Whether it was your parents, close relative, yourself, another loved one…it’s a complex, deeply personal, and painful thing.
Jesus is saying, sometimes divorce is the way forward.
Some of us here maybe know from personal experience that staying in a marriage, whether in the presence of abandonment, abuse (physical, emotion, or verbal), hard heartedness, infedility…staying in that marriage just wasn’t safe.
Divorce is not always wrong, but I think Jesus would say it is always a product of sin. The goal of marriage is always to stay married. And if there is an irreconcilable impasse, we move to the grace of God and ask for his help.
If your marriage is rocky, you’re not alone.
We have some great resources within the church…we’re not limitless but we’d love to pray for you and talk with you.
Application
Women are safe in the kingdom of heaven.
Women are safe in the kingdom of heaven.
Who gets the direction of Jesus’ teaching today? Men.
The language in this passage is clear…it’s not that women can’t lust or women can’t be the reason for a divorce.
But Jesus is saying the kingdom of heaven, unlike the present way of the world, is truly a safe place for women.
Jesus is saying the kingdom is a truly great place to be a woman.
Sometimes we can’t even say that of the church. We can’t say that of our homes, we can’t say that for the workplace…but in the life with God where he is truly present and active…women are safe, cared for, and loved.
I was thinking about those dystopian movies where it starts out and everything is nice, there’s no crime, everyone seems fine on the outside…but then you find out there’s something sinister underneath and things go crazy.
The kingdom is a reality where the goodness of God penetrates deeper than actions, deeper than looks, into the very core of what it means to be human.
What’s stopping us from creating that kind of place right now?
Jesus isn’t saying won’t it be great one day when we go to heaven and there’s no more lusting. Won’t it be great when we go to heaven and there’s no divorce.
The kingdom of heaven is available now! Get plugged into this kind of life so women can finally stop being afraid, abused, hurt, sent away, but rather honored, treasured, and loved.
And again, Jesus knows men are the victims of these things too, but largely men are to blame here.
So guys I have no idea what the next step is for you. This is a major issue. It’s complex.
But I know for me, the first God-ordained step was a conversation with someone I trusted. And a lot of time. And a realization over time that there was something better…the love and grace of God that truly satisfies my heart.
Reach out, please!
The hope we have in Jesus is at the coming end of adultery itself.
In Revelation, evil itself is described as an adulterer.
What Jesus is warning us against is quite literally a monster.
In Rev 19 this monster, called the great harlot is judged, receives vengeance, and is sent to hell for all eternity.
Jesus wins.
Evil will die.
Adultery will die.
Divorce will be gouged out.
And in some way or another, each one of us at one time were enslaved to that monster.
We were enemies of God and deserved the same fate.
And yet while we were still enemies of God, Jesus came to die in our place. He took our sin, all our lust, all our divorce, and he nailed it to the cross.
And Jesus received our death, so in trusting him we could receive his life.
So why keep serving the monster who came to steal, kill, and destroy, when we can serve Jesus who came to give us life and life to the full?
What’s your next move?