Love That Is Worthy Of The Name

This May, May 20, my wife and I will celebrate 17 years of marriage.

On our wedding day, we did something we thought was really cool. We had seen some friends of ours do it in their wedding and we wanted to have it in ours too. So, on May 20, 2006, before we said “I do”, before we were pronounced husband and wife, we washed each other’s feet.

Now, I do not tell you that to brag. I don’t tell you that so you can see how super spiritual we are.

Rather, it’s the opposite. When Shannon and I washed each other’s feet, that symbolized our commitment to serve each other in the most menial and humbling ways, for the rest of our lives, until death do us part.

And now, from the vantage point of 17 years later, I see how naive we both were.

It was easy to wash each other’s feet at our wedding.

It would be a lot harder and take a lot more mental and physical and emotional strength to really and truly love and serve each other when it is not easy, when we are at our worst.

There is a very real possibility that we might not demonstrate our love for others by sacrificially serving them. God wants us to help us with that. He wants to help us love one another with a love that is worthy of the name.

Notice with me, first, that Jesus’ death helps us understand what true love is.

[SLIDE: POINT#1]

#1: Jesus’ death helps us understand what true love really is

Right off the bat, the apostle John insults us. How? Because he tells us that we do not know what true love is on our own apart from Christ.

Verse 16: “By this we know love.” The NIV says “This is how we know what love is.” How? Is it self-help book? “Ten Steps to a More Loving You”? Is it a TED talk? Is it a seminar or a podcast? No. What is it? It’s a person. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us” (1Jn 3:16a).

Love is not a podcast or a seminar or a TED talk or even a sermon. Love is a person. It is Jesus Christ, John says. Jesus is fully and 100% human and also fully and 100% divine. Jesus is God, and so when John later says “God is love” (1Jn. 4:8) in chapter four of this book, He’s saying Jesus Christ is love.

[SLIDE: WHAT TRUE LOVE IS]

WHAT TRUE LOVE IS:

It is selfless

It is sacrificial

It gives life to others

What is Jesus’ love like? Second part of verse 16: “Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” Just in those eight words, we can learn four things about true love.

Jesus willingly laid down His life. This means true love is selfless. True love lives for the glory and good of another, not for the glory and good of self. “Now is my soul troubled”, Jesus said soon before his death, “and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name” (John 12:27-28 ESV).

True love is not only selfless; it’s sacrificial. Jesus laid down His life for us. The word “for” might not seem significant. But in the Greek it means “in the place of”, “as a substitute for”. Jesus bore my sins and yours. Jesus bore my guilt and shame, and yours. The wrath that Jesus experienced was due to us. When Jesus cried “It is finished!” just before He died, He wasn’t talking about his physical death. He meant that the work He came to do had been completed — living and dying for us in our place and as our substitute — that, Jesus said, had been finished - completed.

True love is not only sacrificial; it gives life to others. His death for us resulted in our forgiveness; His death resulted in our salvation; His death for us secured eternal life. Those and so much more are the gifts Christ has given to everyone who will but look to Him in faith as Savior and Lord. And of course, love that gives life to others, also does good to others.

That is love that is worthy of the name.

WHAT TRUE LOVE IS NOT:

Self-focused

Pleasure driven

Takes life from others

And from this, we know immediately what love is not. Self-focused, pleasure-driven, taking rather than giving, draining rather than filling — a love that receives rather than serves, a love that consumes rather than replenish. That is love that is not worthy of the name.

Our culture calls this love. The Bible calls it sin. Do you want to know why there are these severe and deep differences between Christians today? Why are there Christians who think abortion — for example -- is good and those who think it isn’t?

It’s because we have multiple ideas circulating about what love is. Christianity is about love — on that everyone agrees. The problem is that many of us then take our own definitions of love and make them the standard so that we have multiple versions of Christianity.

There is only one kind of love, though. the Bible makes clear here in v. 16. It looks like Jesus, and it is selfless, sacrificial, and life-giving.

I can remember my friends when I was a teenager, some of their rationalizations how it was okay to not wait until your wedding to have sex. They would say something like, “What’s the big deal? I love her. She loves me. The only difference is we’re just not old enough to get married. I thought of them when I read this letter last week written from a pastor to a young man who was saying the same thing.

One phrase in your letter struck me especially. You wrote, “I loved a girl.” No, my friend. You did not love that girl; you went to bed with her—these are two completely different things. You had a sexual episode, but what love is, you did not experience. It’s true you can say to a girl, “I love you,” but what you really mean is something like this: “I want something. Not you, but something from you. I don’t have time to wait. I want it immediately.” … This is the opposite of love, for love wants to give. Love seeks to make the other one happy, and not himself.

“Let me try to tell you what it really should mean if a fellow says to a girl, ‘I love you.’ It means … ‘I will give everything for you and I will give up everything for you, myself as well as all that I possess. I will live for you alone, and I will work for you alone. And I will wait for you.… I will never force you, not even by words. I want to guard you, protect you and keep you from all evil. I want to share with you all my thoughts, my heart and my body—all that I possess. I want to listen to what you have to say. There is nothing I want to undertake without your blessing. I want to remain always at your side.” [James Montgomery Boice, The Epistles of John: An Expositional Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2004), 96.]

“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us...” Selfless, sacrificial, life-giving.

That is love worthy of the name.

[SLIDEL: #2 POINT]

#2: Jesus’ death obligates us to show true love to others

But that’s not the end of the story. “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”

The Cincinnati Reds had a major player during the 1970s. Pete Rose. He went on to manage the Cincinnati Reds in the 1980s. He’s 81 years old now.

His son, Pete Rose Jr., also played for the Cincinnati Reds, but for less than a year. The rest of his career he played minor league baseball.

There was an interview in Sports Illustrated with one of the later owners of the Reds. Stuart Robinson. Robinson told Sports Illustrated something that grabbed me when I read it recently. He said, “Last I year I saw Big Pete…I fell in step with him, identified myself and my South Bend connection, and gave Big Pete my observations of Pete Jr. He never looked at me, or smiled, or broke stride. All he said was, ‘Did he hustle?” [Craig Brian Larson, 750 Engaging Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers & Writers (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2002), 202.]

Now I tell you that story for this reason. You can learn a lot about a man by listening to what he expects his kids to do. His values become their expectations. Maybe your earthly dad made you feel like you didn’t measure up. Our heavenly father does not expect us to perform. He doesn’t ask how hard we’ve worked or how many skills we’ve acquired. His expectation of us is not a score card. It’s love.

[SLIDE: HOW SHALL WE LOVE?]

What kind of love must we show?

Selfless love

Sacrificial love

Life-giving love

We’re to love one another. On that we all agree. The question is, how? What kind of love must we show? I want you to see this for yourself in verse 16. “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we” — here it is — “ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”

How did Jesus love? He laid down his life.

What is our obligation? To love in the same way. Selflessly. Sacrificially. And in a way that brings life and good and benefit to those around us.

And who are we to love in that way? “The brothers.” Not that we don’t love the outside world. We do. But just as we have a special obligation to our biological family, we have a special obligation to our spiritual family as well.

Look at the person to your right.

Look at the person to your left.

Look at the person behind you.

Look at the person in front of you.

(I apologize for those of you looked at Joel.)

Now, how about those you can’t see?

Think of someone who is not here by choice. Fix their face in your mind.

Think of someone who is not here by necessity. Fix them in your mind.

The people to your left and your right and the people who are seated in front of you and the people seated behind you and the people who belong to us but aren’t here, whether by their choice or by necessity. And the people whom God will bring to us because we are a growing church. They are the people whom you must love sacrificially, selflessly, and in a life-giving way.

How far must we be willing to go in loving them?

As far as love demands. Whatever my brother — and by the way —

What about in marriage? We don’t talk about this enough but we’re going to today. Men, do you find your wives the hardest person to serve? Women, van you pretty much muster what you need to do for everyone else on your list except your husband?

Husbands and wives both need to learn how to lay their lives down for one another. The house, the marriage, that’s the proving ground, right? No one is there to watch you sacrificially serve your spouse, so you won’t get any praise from outsiders. It’s just you, your spouse, the Lord, and kids if you have them.

Let me give you something that’s helped my wife and I tremendously. It’s called the “yes cycle.”

Here’s how it works. It’s so simple. Start saying yes. The more yeses in your marriage, the more yeses in your marriage. The more nos in your marriage, the more nos there will be in your marriage. Hearing no time after time after time from your spouse — it builds up resentment toward your spouse. And resentment toward your spouse is the biggest hurdle to overcome in serving them.

[And let me just say this: marriage is hard, and it’s okay to need help. If you have a struggling marriage, come and talk to me. I’ll do what I can for you and refer if I need to. Don’t struggle in secret.

Because, here’s the thing, and this brings us to our third point: having the means to serve others and failing to do so is sin.

[SLIDE: POINT #3]

#3: Having the means to serve others and failing to do so is sin

You say Pastor Dustin, who are you to tell me that what I do is sin? I’m not telling you, the Bible is telling you. And as a matter of fact, the Bible in verse 17 goes beyond merely saying it is sin. “If anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him” — and here it is — “how does God’s love abide in him?”

[SLIDE: JOHN 17:26]

John 17:26 ESV

I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them.”

The incredible thing about Christianity is that it says that God is love and that moreover, His love can live inside you. “I made known to them your name”, Jesus prayed in John 17 for us, “and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them” (John 17:26 ESV).

And if God Himself is love — and God Himself who is love takes up residence in my heart — then I will become a more loving person. It’ll take some time and it won’t happen overnight, but that change will take place. “We know that we have passed out of death into life,” John says, “because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death” (1John 3:14 ESV).

So that’s why John can say so confidently in verse 17 that it just might be that the love of God doesn’t live in you.

How can we know? The Bible never leaves us without an answer. And we don’t have to go hunting for it. It’s right here in verse 17. There are three conditions that John lays out.

Read along with me. Verse 17: “if anyone” — here’s the first — “if anyone has the world’s goods” — that means you have the necessities of life, and it doesn’t say that you have more than you need, just simply “if anyone has the world’s goods”.

The second — “and sees his brother in need” — he can’t pay his rent, he’s behind on his mortgage, she’s struggling to pay the family insurance premium, their one car needs repairs they can’t afford — the fridge is empty — “if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need” — that’s the first two.

Do you have what you need? Yes? And, do you see your brother or sister not having what they need? It’s talking about you. Listen up. What you do now is extremely important. Look at it for yourself: “if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him…how does God’s love abide in him?”

I was born a country boy. The biggest city I had ever been to was Asheville. When I went to Atlanta the first time, I was 14 years old. My parents had taken me to see a Braves game.

We were not city-folk. So we were prime targets for getting taken advantage of. When the game was over and we came back to where we had parked, the parking lot was empty. Our car was not there - no cars were there. We had been scammed. The guy who charged us $20 for parking didn’t own the lot and took off as soon as the game started. The guy did own the lot had all the cars towed and rightly so.

But we were left without transportation. We were standing there on the street corner at 10:30pm in downtown Atlanta. Someone flagged down a police car who told us that yes, this happens, and we should not have been so naive as to park there. Here’s how the conversation went between either my mom or my dad on the one hand and the cops on the other.

Cop: “Ma’am - or sir - your car has been towed.”

My parents: “Yes, we can see that. What do we do?:”

Cop: “You gotta go to this address to the impoundment. It’s in a bad neighborhood.”

My parents: “Okay, we’re from a small town. We’re out of our depth. Can an officer take us there?”

Cop: “No sir, or ma’am, we don’t do that.”

My parents: “So how far is it if we walk?”

Cop: “I wouldn’t walk if I were you.”

I think they called us a cab.

That would be an example of closing your heart against someone who is in need. The need is there. You can meet the need. You refuse. You deny yourself the freedom to experience compassion. You harden your heart. The love of God does not abide in you.

What do you do when you see a bystander asking for money? What about when you about a financial need someone has? What if this person in your eyes doesn’t deserve it? You have to make your own decisions about what you do when faced with a need. But consider yourself warned: “But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?”

Jesus’ death helps us understand what true love is. Jesus’ death obligates us to show true love to others. Having the means to serve others in need and failing to do so is sin. Lastly, true love — Jesus’ love — shows itself through service.

#4: True love shows itself through service

In verse 18, God tells us that there is a certain kind of love that we should not show one another — a love that is not worthy of the name. “Little children” — that’s John’s tender love for his flock. “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth”.

Why? Because the Bible says that there is a way to love one another that is empty. “Little children”, he says in verse 18, “let us not love in word or talk but in deed and truth.”

Call for response

So, having come through our text, what can we say about love?

True love is heartfelt compassion toward others that is seen in real actions of sacrificial love, not mere words alone.

True love is when your heart goes out to others (because God’s heart has gone out to you), and your words and actions follow your heart.

When Shannon and I got married, we didn’t understand what we were saying and what we were doing when we washed each other’s feet. We thought it was a sweet thing to do for each other at our wedding.

But if we didn’t have the willingness to put love into action through serving one another, we would be condemning ourselves by washing each other’s feet. We would be offering each other love that is not worthy of the name, love in word and talk alone, love that doesn’t back itself up in actions.

What good does it do my wife to pledge my love for her in such a humble way if I then refuse to serve her in the day to day life of our marriage?

And that’s the thing about love and service, is it not? When we feel loving, it’s easy to serve. When things are easy, it’s easy to imagine that things will always be so easy.

The danger is that us believers, recipients of God's lavish love (1Jn 3:1, 4:9-10), and who are in possession of worldly goods, would close our hearts to the poor around us. That we would love in mere word and talk, "love" which is not worthy of the name.

Christian service is love in action. Love is selfless, sacrificial, life-giving. That is love worthy of the name.