A Love That's Just

Matthew 1:18–25 ESV

18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. 19 And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. 20 But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” 22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: 23 “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us). 24 When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, 25 but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus.

Deeply Woven: Marriage & Faith

If we were to create an info-graph of themes that run in the Bible, you will find a handful of topics that thread from the very start to the very end.

Typical themes commonly known are: love, grace, community, and there’s sin, repentance, and forgiveness.

But another subject you may never guess is that the Bible introduces the topic of marriage very early and it’s a thread that goes all the way to the very end; from Genesis 2 to Revelation 22.

Marriage, a Hot Topic

These days, I often hear arguments about marriage. It’s clearly a hot topic because it’s become a state and federal issue; the government is involved.

What is a marriage?

Is marriage only between a man and a woman or is same-sex marriage valid?

What about polygamy? Can a man (or a woman) have multiple spouses?

How about the issue of age? With the consent of parents, can minors get married? Or what about marriages of two people with vast age-gap?

Marriage and Faith are Inseparable

Marriage is not simply a human experience but it’s a part of God’s purpose for His people.

And I’m familiar with the arguments (pushback) — The naysayers saying, “Jesus wasn’t married!” “Paul wasn’t married and he discouraged it!”

These are anomalies. It’s hard to use these two as arguments that God’s purpose and design of love heavily involved marriage and it’s closeness with our faith.

The emphasis of this is succinctly described by Martyn Lloyd-Jones:

You cannot understand marriage unless you are a Christian.

David Martyn Lloyd-Jones

This is how deeply woven marriage is to our Christian faith.

Understanding Joseph

So, understanding this, imagine the complexity, the burden, and even brokenness Joseph must’ve felt when he found out that his betrothed wife was with a child — And it’s not his!

Listen, not a whole lot is said about this Joseph in the Bible (vs. Joseph the son of Jacob), but his response to such devastating circumstance says a whole lot about love.

Therefore, today, in continuing our series on Rethinking Love, I titled the sermon, “A Love That’s Just/Righteous” (I will be using these two words interchangeably) — The very kind of love Joseph learns to display to Mary. Let’s talk about it.

The Meaning of Betrothed

Matthew 1:18 ESV

18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit.

Now, betrothed is not part of our every day vocabulary so it may be confusing for us.

Today, the stages/steps that lead to marriage looks something like this:

DTR - Defining the relationship.

Dating.

Proposal & Engagement.

Wedding & Marriage.

In the 1st Century, the stages leading to marriage looked vastly different:

Parents arranged for marriage (early in their childhood).

Engagement - this stage is very ambiguous (separation still possible).

Betrothal - a year long period where the two are permanently engaged but not yet married.

Side Note: The fact that these two (Joseph and Mary) are at this stage tells us that they weren’t being forced to marry, but they were legitimately in love.

Marriage.

Joseph’s Options

So, here we find these two legally bound, but not yet married.

But notice Joseph is called a husband, Mary is called a wife, and Joseph seeks a divorce — This is because being betrothed is as good as being married (it’s simply without the consummation).

So to find Mary pregnant at this stage of their relationship means all the punishment that comes with adultery fully applies…

Both Joseph and Mary practiced the Mosaic Law — That means, Mary can be stoned to death.

Fortunately, during this time, instead of death, they publicly shamed anyone caught in adultery (e.g. John 8; woman caught in adultery).

Before we go further about Joseph, can we take a moment to consider Mary and what she must be going through?

Scholars believe Mary must’ve been 15-16 years old.

If you recall, Mary was a relative to Elizabeth (husband of Zechariah and parents to John the Baptist) — This is important because of their priestly family line — Imagine the shame it brings to the whole family!

Nevertheless, it’s in this moment that Joseph is waging his options:

Publicly shame her — This makes sense. Keep in mind, her becoming pregnant is not only her problem, but his. And it’s not only a legal issue, but it brings shame to his name and his family.

There’s a voice speaking to him, “You have to expose her error! This sin cannot go unpunished!” — In a way, is this not a just/righteous thing to do? Sure it is!

Divorce her — This makes sense. He justifies it by thinking, “It’s a way for me to walk away from this, but I don’t humiliate her or shame her.”

Indeed, it is probably the most righteous decision a man can make under these circumstances.

Why would Joseph risk his reputation? Why drag his name and family through the mud? — Clearly, for him, this was the best option.

Marry her — This has ramifications, too. Maybe some would say, “Wow, choosing to marry her knowing the child is not yours is admirable!” No, not really.

It’s not like today where a woman knows of her pregnancy so early.

Scholars believe Mary must’ve been at least 3 months or at a point where her pregnancy was visible.

Joseph choosing to marry her would only imply that they consummated and Joseph is, in a way, admitting guilt.

Joseph then wakes up from sleep and it says, “as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife.”

How to Love Justly

So, here’s the question we all need to ask and answer, “What does it mean to love righteously and/or justly?”

When I look through the scriptures, I find numerous scenes that make no sense to me. How can God allow this, how can God do that, did God just turn a blind eye?

However, as I look closely and carefully into the scriptures, I find God and His Son, Jesus, exercising their love with perfect justice and righteousness.

Let’s consider two case studies; one from the OT and one from the NT.

1. Sodom and Gomorrah

Genesis 18:22–26 ESV

22 So the men turned from there and went toward Sodom, but Abraham still stood before the Lord. 23 Then Abraham drew near and said, “Will you indeed sweep away the righteous with the wicked? 24 Suppose there are fifty righteous within the city. Will you then sweep away the place and not spare it for the fifty righteous who are in it? 25 Far be it from you to do such a thing, to put the righteous to death with the wicked, so that the righteous fare as the wicked! Far be that from you! Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?” 26 And the Lord said, “If I find at Sodom fifty righteous in the city, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”

The story continues where Abraham pleads and intercedes for Sodom and Gomorrah — He starts with 50, but by the end of the conversation with God, Abraham prays mercy if there’s 10 righteous.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t 10 righteous found in Sodom and Gomorrah; therefore, fire and sulfur rains down from heaven and kills everyone.

But note what God says, “for the sake of 50, I will spare the whole place.” And when Abraham shrinks the number to 10, God again shows mercy and says, “for the sake of 10, I will spare the whole place.”

This is godly love that’s just and righteous.

For me, and I think most will agree with me, the consensus would be that if there are 50 righteous, kill the rest, but save the 50. If there’s 10 righteous, kill the rest, but save the 10 — Isn’t that just?

Connect and see the correlation here with Joseph.

Joseph had done nothing wrong. He is indeed a just and righteous man. Why go down with Mary who, natural assumption, been unfaithful to him?

Publicly shame her for that’s what she deserves.

But just as God was more than willing to spare the whole place for 10 righteous, Joseph spares Mary from shame.

2. Jesus Washes the Feet of Judas

John 13:10–12 ESV

10 Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.” 11 For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, “Not all of you are clean.” 12 When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you?

Do you understand what Jesus has done?

He washed the feet of a man whom He knew would betray Him. Jesus served the very man that would betray Him with a kiss. Jesus loved a man that would ultimately sell Him for 30 pieces of silver.

Do you hear and see the righteousness and justice of Jesus in this picture?

Connect and see the correlation here with Joseph, once again.

There was nothing to gain for Joseph at this point. Just divorce her quietly and go about his way, but he has learned true righteousness and just way to love her.

Just as Jesus knelt and accepted the ramifications of Judas’ decision, so does Joseph and he marries her.

He embraces the criticism that’ll come his way. He accepts the gossip, he is OK with his name and reputation being dragged and judged by others. He felt that loving Mary in spite it all is worth it.

A Love That’s Just

What will do if you find yourself in the shoes of Joseph and Mary?

A Love that’s just/righteous is not emotionally driven, nor is it based on principle — It’s sacrificial, it’s letting go of your pride, it’s yielding to another person, it’s forfeiting your rights, it is your waving your white flag and surrendering for love.

Usually, justice and righteousness leads to vindication; but that’s why we’re calling this Rethinking Love because in actuality, a love that’s just is quite different, difficult, and daunting.

It’s my hope and prayer that we will learn to love like this.

And next Sunday, we will see just how much of a sacrifice Jesus made in His love for us.