Ehesians 5:22-6:9

Session 8: Ephesians 5:22–6:9

OPEN Growing up, how good a kid were you? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being “perfectly holy” and 1 being a “holy terror,” how would you rate your obedience? Did this change over time? Or were you always this way?

READ Read: Ephesians 5:22–6:9.

WATCH Show Session 8: Ephesians 5:22–6:9. (12 minutes).

DISCUSS Leader: This may be a challenging passage for some in your group. And while you want to encourage discussion and engagement with Scripture, you also want to keep the peace. For that reason, we’re trying a novel approach, hoping to avoid roadblocks by backing into the text. Let’s start at the end of this passage and work our way forward. That may help us understand Paul’s logic. What does the last phrase in 6:9 tell us about God? No favoritism between whom? Slavery was common in New Testament times. Some would sell themselves into slavery for a certain period of time to get out of debt. But slaves were also captured in war, bought, and sold. Many believers in the New Testament church were slaves, and only some of their masters followed Jesus. How do you think the slavemasters in Paul’s day would react to the idea that God loved them and their slaves equally? How would the slaves react? How would that affect the treatment of these slaves? When Paul says, “Treat your slaves in the same way,” what does he mean? What’s the “same way”? We need to go back to the previous paragraph, in which slaves are told to serve their masters wholeheartedly, “just as you would obey Christ.” Here the masters are told that they also serve Christ, so they need to treat their slaves “as if you were serving the Lord.” Why doesn’t it just say, “Masters, free your slaves”? That’s a very tough question, but in general, the apostle Paul isn’t as interested in changing society as in changing people. Whatever social structure you find yourself in, serve the Lord. Now read over verses 5–8 again. What do you see here? What “reward” should slaves be most concerned about? Who is the ultimate Master? If a slave followed the instructions Paul lays out, how do you think it would affect the quality of his or her work? Now do you think it’s reasonable to apply these verses to modern employment? Is this essentially the same as a boss- employee relationship? Why or why not? There are certainly parallels. Another person (or company) has power over us, telling us what to do. They may reward or punish us. And it’s important for us to serve well even when they’re not watching. The Lord is our ultimate boss. How could this affect the way you work—either as an employee or as a boss? This whole passage concerns life in an ordinary household in New Testament times. There might be household slaves, and so Paul ends with that situation. As we dial back to verse four, we get to another household relationship: parents and children.

PEEK AT THE GREEK The word for exasperate (or provoke) is a rich one, parorgizo. Literally, it’s “to bring to anger,” but the tense and the prefix (para) suggest it’s a long-term problem, not a one-time event. The parallel text in Colossians 3:21 mentions bitterness and discouragement, so we get the picture of parental activity that squeezes the hope out of children, bringing them to a boiling point.

In what ways could parents be “exasperating” or “provoking” their children? According to this verse, what should parents do instead? How would that help? Do you think it’s significant that this is addressed to fathers and not parents in general? Does Paul’s exhortation reflect only the culture at that time, or are fathers generally more likely to provoke their kids? According to verses 1–3, why should children obey parents? Does obedience always lead to a longer life? What is this “promise” really saying? It’s “right” for kids to obey parents. It’s also smart. The promise (drawn from Deuteronomy 6, which has a bit more than Exodus 20) has to do with both quality and quantity of life. Obedient kids might not always live longer, but they stand a better chance. If a mom says, “Don’t stick the tweezers in the electric socket,” a child’s survival may depend on obedience. But things also tend to go well with us when we learn from the wisdom of our parents. It doesn’t mean every parent is wise and brilliant. But children do well to listen to those who have gone through the struggles of life before them.

GO DEEPER Learn more about parents and children in the following verses: Deuteronomy 5:16; 6:6–7; Proverbs 3:1–4, 11–12; 22:6; Colossians 3:20; 2 Timothy 3:2,14–15 How do these passages describe the proper upbringing of children? What are the rewards of obeying one’s parents? Why do you think 2 Timothy 3:2 ranks disobeying parents with such other terrible sins?

As we backtrack through this passage, we get to the primary household relationship—marriage—and Paul has a lot to say about it. In Ephesians 5:31–33, what is the “profound mystery” Paul mentions? Paul is speaking on two levels. He quotes the passage from Genesis 2 about two people becoming one flesh, and that is indeed a mystery. How can two be one? But then he kicks it to a higher level. “I am talking about Christ and the church.” How are those two relationships similar? How is Christ “one” with the church? We are His body. We do His work on earth. His Spirit lives within us. In Ephesians 1:10, Paul described the “mystery” as God’s desire “to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.” In a parallel text in Colossians 1:27 he defines the mystery as “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” So the oneness of husband and wife reflects the oneness of Christ and His church. As J.D. said in the video, “God uses our most normal, day-to-day relationships to do two things: One, to teach us about Himself and, two, to make us like Himself.” Marriage teaches us about our relationship with Christ. How does verse 33 sum up the interaction between husband and wife? According to verse 25, how should husbands love their wives? What might this look like in everyday life? Verses 26–27 probably refer to a marriage custom in which the bride was bathed and dressed and presented before the wedding ceremony. Paul finds a connection with baptism (the washing with water through the word). The “radiant” image of the church as a bride is seen again in the Bible’s final chapters (Revelation 19:7–8). Verses 28–30 anticipate the “one flesh” idea with husbands loving their wives as they love their own body. What implications does this have for the day-to-day relationship between husband and wife? How do you think the husbands in Ephesus would have reacted to Paul’s teaching? According to verses 22–24, what does it mean to be the “head” of a “body”? In what way is Christ the head of the body? And how is a husband the head of his wife? How does the teaching in verse 22 compare with what we saw in 6:5, with the instructions to slaves? Both passages focus on the Lord as the ultimate object of one’s submission. While the wife-husband relationship has a oneness that’s absent from the slave-master relationship, Paul reminds all of his readers that, ultimately, they serve the Lord. How do you think the wives in Ephesus would have reacted to Paul’s teaching? How does the church submit to Christ? And how does that provide a model for wives with their husbands?

LAST WORD In the video, J.D. said this: “As Paul nears the end of Ephesians, he is trying to get the Ephesians to see that in all their relationships—even the most normal ones—they are serving God. Each of our relationships is a laboratory to teach us to be like God and to allow us to put Him on display for the world. I’ve heard it said that you can measure the progress of your Christian life by how well you relate to your parents, your spouse, or your employer. The truest measure of your Christianity is how you are in normal relationships—how you are at home.”

LIVE IT OUT Prayer: Take extra time this week to pray specially for the people in the three relationships Paul mentioned: your spouse, your children, and your employer or employees. Let love fill your prayers. Brainstorm: If you’re married, try this. Think of seven practical ways you could show love to your spouse—being sacrificial, supportive, and respectful. Better yet, work together to come up with seven ways each. Interview: If you have kids, schedule some one-on-one time to ask them how their lives are going. This can be a great way to get beyond the “exasperation” of rules and expectations. Evaluation: You’ve probably gone through evaluations at work. Do a self-evaluation based on how well you’re serving the Lord. How are you doing with the qualities He loves? If you’re a boss, consider how fairly you treat your workers. Submission: The verse before this section of Scripture has the blanket statement, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (5:21). In the coming week find three ways you can humbly put someone else first, instead of fighting for your own rights.