Getting Singleness Right (1 Corinthians 7) Silverbirch

What does it looks like to get singleness right in world worships sex and relationships.

Show in where spend money Valentines day 1.37 billion spent 2022. 76% planning to do something for valentines day

Show in what we watch: Love island, take me out, only way is essex, married at first sight, first dates. Two hot to handle. Celebs go dating

(37 immediately appear if you search UK dating shows)

Listen to :Out of the top 10 chart songs 8 are all about relationships

Whole culture that worships sex and relationships.

Rugby - team was full of tough guys who spend 90% talking about women! Single guys were butt of jokes, and the guys who got the girls were respected.

World doesn’t value singleness.

Problem for singles. And even bigger problems for single Christians. Wolrd bombards us with tempatation and pressure to join its worship.

Maybe you are young and single - and experience the lonliness, anxiety, the pressure, the awkwardness.

Maybe your a widow trying to figure out life after marriage, and feeling the pangs of loss, and isolation, and being overlooked and useless.

Maybe divorced or single parent strugging with way people look at you, or guilt or lack of support,

Remember anxiety, Lonely, Awkward, Pressured, Overlooked, Bitterness towards those really annoying perfect couples.

Surrounded by unbelieving friends it was the awkwardness around sexually integrity.

But wasnt much better in church being in church full of early 20’s getting married, and insisting on public displays of affection of continual soppy posts on facebook.

- constant pressure of the match makers eyes, the seemingly harmless but hurtful throw away comments:

Curate of church I grew up in, conducting marriages “You’ll be next”

Not just the throw away comments that are deeply personal, but just fact of being surrounded by married people, with church designed for families, and feeling like main way as was to use my gifts to serve church was babysitting.

What does it look like to get singleness right? Convinced the church has as much to learn as singles in the church.

Parents greatest aim for our children is marriage

Constant chatter around young people is who they are with

Focus of many churches on family to exclusion of single.

Over emphasis on opportunities to couples or those married while singles, both never married and previously married get left ont he side lines.

Social seperatioin in church life between couples, families and single people. Further removed from single life, less time you spend with single people.

What does it look like to get singleness right?

Be free from concern: Live a life devoted to Jesus

In Corinthians context - similar to ours, world worshipped sex - in church group of aesetics gone the other way - body is bad, truly Spiritual need to deny physicial desires -

Creating new system of Spiritual law, (human sin- anyway way we can self justify will come up with it) - created restriction and anxiety and guilt - all human religion does this.

Married told not to have sex, and even divorce - lead to immorality.

Pressure on those engaged - what are they supposed to do, especially given engagement not far of marriage in terms of commitment. Still to marry then abstain? Break it off? Anxierty and guilt.

Singles - stay as you are. Ignore those desires, just be Spiritual.

Church struggle is different - but heart is same create own parametres, perhaps more subtle of true Spiritualiy.

So what Paul does, like with other problems in Corinth is rather than laying down different set of rules. Rather than pit singleness against marriage.

Teaching them to look at all of life with gospel lens.

Lens illustration.

2 gospel principles, and then we’ll look at some practical application.

Principle One

Know who you are

MIddle of section - linking section between focus on marriage and singleness

1 Corinthians 7:17–24 NIV

Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

“When you were called”, v15, then v17-24

Paul not forbidding change in circumstance.

Your societal status has no impact in your Spiritul status. It’s irrelevent to your Spiritual identity.

Corinthian group putting immense pressure on married, singles, engaged, “celibacy is spiritual”, causing anxiety, and Paul says no.

While his personal preference agrees with their opening statement that its better for a man not to have sexual relations with a women, he says their reasoning is all wrong. He wants to free them from anxiety not bind thier concious. So he reminds them of who they really are.

1 Corinthians 7:23 NIV

You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings.

So important.

Every single person in the world wants the answer to question “Who am I?” What is my purpose, my worth, my value.

Go looking for it in all kinds of places, in work, in hobbies, but perhaps most strongly in our culture in relationships and in sex.

Singles lie we are told that its in that relationship we will find our true worth. Fulfilled. Once upon a time stories all lead to that. Story of every romantic comedy. We wont be complete until we meet the one.

And for those who have been married and are no longer, challenge of trying to rediscovrer who we are outside of that marriage, especially those who have been married for a logn time.

But brothers and sisters we have the answer. Who are we. IN CHRIST - all its benefits. We are...

Ephesians 1: Blessed with every Spiritual blessing in Christ, as those who were chosen before creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. Those who in love he predestined, to adopt - we are sons and daugthers of eternal God in Christ,

Galatians 2 it’s no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me, because he loved me with an everlasting, never ending, never breaking, unshakable kind of love - giving himself up for me.

We are a chosen people, royal preisthood, God’s special possesion.

(Emilia unicorn)

thats how God views us. We are a new creeation. We are heirs of God and co heirs with Christ, Princes and princesses.

We could keep going - go and google verse on your identity in Christ and let them sink in. Picture. Your value is in your calling by God to be his. In most intimate and beautiful and lasting and secure relationship you could ever have.

Which means we don’t need to go looking for it elsewhere.

Redeemed, eternal, forever his, intimacy with God.

Are you finiding your true value and worth and fulfilment in your relationship with Jesus, or looking for it elsewhere.

(its okay for you your married) exactly same challenge to us who are married. Infact those who are married will have first hand experience of joys but also dissappointments.

An honest example - Thur we had dissagreement over a small thing. I’d not cleaned the bathroom - which to be fair on Laura is regular neglect of a duty I’d agreed to. But It really got to me. I got cross at Laura - why she can’t see all the things I do do, and has to focus on my one failing, and small things turned into a big argument. Why? Apologied, while I was working painting someones house on Friday -

Self reflection m- Here why - God wanted to provide an illustration for today. He was exposing my sinful heart - that I still seek to find my self worth in my wife, and my ability to make her happy, and will always be left dissappointed. Because as brilliant as she is - she can’t be God in my life. And when I expect that of her I put an enormous unfair weight on her and on myself.

Heres the point - KNow who you are (whether single, looking for relationship, engaged, married) Know who you are.

If you look to someone else other than Jesus to give you life, all you’ll do is suck the life out of them and your relationship.

Word to the widow/widower. and those previously married.

(perhaps having to discover afresh who you are outside of marriage)

Don’t let worlds values define you. You are child of God and in the service of the King of Kings - he has gifted you for the building of his church as you are.

Do we value each other equally, in whatever situation we are in as children of God and those gifted for his glory?

Know where you are going

About living in light of eternity. Linked to identity - new creation.

Francis chan used great illustration:

Rope is time. tape is this life. if this is it better make most of it, but, if this is life - eternity secure.

Why does Paul use this language of stay as you are. Not to do with view of marriage or singleness as much as it is about identity and about time.

2 parts 2 this one which is less relevent to us, and one which is essentially relevent.

v26 “Present Crisis”

Not sure - possibly a famine, or plague - Paul links it to disunity in chapter 11:30, but seems nunmber have died or fallen ill. And also wider context of persecution,

(may be a short term reason for his stay as you are),

context for what he says in v28

1 Corinthians 7:28 NIV

But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

(wives nodding “yup” husbands thinking it but wouldnt dare give that away.

Paul hold creation mandate that marriage is good, God given, to be celebrated and even normal. But isn’t naive to reality - marriage brings trouble.

present crisis - pain of death of spouse. Burden of illness and being sole carer, financial reponsibility of family, struggle of raising children. He also highlights that those married are divided. Not less righteous, but their service is divided.

Practical example (convo with Sam and Zara - done by 8pm and weekends are gone!)

=Further from singleness you get, the less time you have to serve the church.

but also a escatalogical point he is making.

1 Corinthians 7:29–31 NIV

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

v29, 31. Escatalogical or rhetoric wouldnt make sense

Time is short - When you become a Christian your concept of time should completely change. No longer focus on this short life - buit on eternity. How much of our anxiety, worry, sin, burdens tied up in fact we have too tight grip on here and now and can’t see life in view of an eternal God and His Eternal Kingdom.

Paul says look forward.

Rhetoric not literal.

Point. In the world not of the world. Life in the world, but world doesn’t define us. Whole them with the right weight - good but temporary gifts, because our destiny is eternal

Those who make use of the things of this world should not be engrossed in them, overlooking the transitoriness of earthly things and the importance of what is eternal. Schēma (present form) denotes the outward shape, especially when there is some idea that this is changeable. It is adapted to the thought of fickleness, the changing fashion. There is nothing solid and lasting in this world system; it is its nature to pass away. It is folly for believers to act as though its values were permanent.

Searching for a picture of barbados causing me to miss the flight to get there.

Abaondon marriage? Make singleness everything?

Don’t invest in temporary relationships to the detriment of the one relationship that matters.

Where is Paul going - Marriage (and sex) and singleness (celibacy) are gifts from God but they are finite and temporary. They are good but not everything. Carry no Spiritual weight in themselves, only in what we do with them. So let us not let them define us or distract us or worry us.

On this last point where I want us to draw application together and get practical.

Don’t be anxious - serve the Lord, as you are.

1 Corinthians 7:32–35 NIV

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

What is Paul’s heart. Its for their good - to free them from concern - anxiety. Careful in how we read it. Not saying that singleness is better. He’s saying that both single and married have concerns - anxieties. Context again is pressure. married are to deny marriage rights and singles are to ignore desires. Whether married or single - his desire is v35

Serve the Lord and don’t be anxious. Wants us to be free from the anxiety and bondage of rules and worldy values. Free to joyful service of the Lord Jesus. 1 Corinthians 7:23

1 Corinthians 7:23 NIV

You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings.

How do we do this? Knowing who we are and where we are going, and living in light of God’s gifting.

1 Corinthians 7:7 NIV

I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Marriage and singleness, more specifically marriage and celibacy as in a freedom from sexual passion (what Paul is talking about when he says I am) , are gifts from God for the building of the church. Same word Charisman - Spiritual gift from the Spirit - not something we can determine or force. Rather as will all of our lives its in God’s soverign plan and purpose, so we are to submit to the Spirit and serve the Lord as we are trusting him to lead us.

2 groups

Singles (unmarried or post marriage) (inc single parents)

Has God gifted you with celibacy. Not the absense of sexual desire, but the freedom from being consumed by it. Pray on it, and rejoice in it don’t fear. Counter cultural gospel. World will look on you with disdain, just as it did Jesus. But you can rejoice in walking in your Saviour footsteps. And use your gift to serve his church. Don’t listen to the pressure to seek a relationship or get married.

For most, migth be struggling with desire to get married, - with all feelings that come with it, anxiety, pressure, lonliness. Im not going to talk about sexual purity - because it was back in chapter 5 simply to say - honour God with your body. Invest in THE ONE - Find your true worth in Jesus and if you struggle with sexual desire, pray for a spouse and even pursue a relationship - it’s not Spiritual to intentionally stay single and struggle with sexual purity) - but don’t let that pursuit consume you or live in some kind of permenant waiting area, feeling like you can’t really serve or reach potential until find a spouse.

Pairtuclarly danger for students. Enjoy lack of responsibility of student life - free meals, events - carries on into 20’s but becomes this rut can easily be stuck in as if its some kind of relationship purgatory!

Enjoy your relationship with Christ, and use your time to serve him with and His church with all you have. whether it be practically, prayerfully or..) we have a 3 year old - time to pray and practically serve is limited!)

You are a child of God, steward of the King of Kings. Whatever he may or may not have lined up for you serve him now. You will never have the same capacity as you do now.

Example

(Sue fearon - why dont you have people over for dinner rather than relying on bsuy parents to adopt you)

How as a single person can you use your gift if you have it, or you current status to serve the church. Might be about how you serve in the gathering, or might be how you serve other parts of the body - the married, other singles - the widows, housebound, single parents.

Your societal status is irrelevent to your status in the Kingdom. Neither good not bad. Don’t make it everything.

Don’t think a wife will bring you life. Dont think a man will complete God’s plan. Marriage won’t fix your spiritual itch. Invest in your relationship with the perfect bridgegroom the Lord Jesus, and let him lead you and delight you.

Married (the rest) both in terms of marriages and as part of body.

Honour the gift - don’t try and live a single life. You don’t have the gift of singleness. Invest in your marriage and your children with eternity in view. Make Jesus central. Let your priority for you marriage and children be Kingdom priorities and not worldy priorities.

And model Godly marriage and family life for others. That means...

Are we being real about reality of married life or do we paint a picture of perfection.

Don’t just hang out with married people. Invite those who are single into you family. Not just for babysitting. But as valubale memebers of God’s family who you can encourage and pray with, and be vulnerable with. Let them see family life at its worse so they don’t idolise it!

(comments at church - so good) turn up an hour before church or at 5pm on any weekday.

Are we helping those who are single to feel valued as they are, and trust in the Lord’s sovereign plan.

Are we incliuding them and encouraing them to make most of current situation, and not defining them by their social status.

Are we supporting and prayiong with those who struggle with celibacy and desire to get married. and having honest conversations.

Are we together as body, recognising and loving each other as those are called by God, love by God, valued by him, and gifted by him, and seeking to serve one another as we push daily towards our destination, where as one body, one temple, together we will dwell with Him. Whether married or single, what might it look like for you to make Jesus your goal this week?