How to Love / Romans 12:9-10a

One of my favorite bands is Coldplay. Last year, Jordyn got me tickets for Christmas. Going to one of their concerts was an unforgettable experience. Their audience size ranges from 50-90,000.

You can tell a lot about a band by how they end their concerts. During a recent Coldplay concert, as it was nearing the end, the lead singer shouted, “BELIEVE IN LOVE!” Fireworks were exploding. Colors and light filled the arena. Confetti was falling from heaven. The crowd was crying and cheering. Epic.

But then I thought, okay, let’s say we believe in love. What does it look like to live a life of love?

Should I hug people more?

Should I take Jordyn out on a date? (I probably should)

How do we love?

Tonight we are going to learn how to love. And don’t roll your eyes. We are not talking about attraction, feelings, or fluff. We will talk about real, gritty, self-sacrificial, Jesus-like love.

Here is how to love....

Live life genuinely.

Let love be genuine.

We know there is a difference between loving our momma, loving taco's, and loving our best friend, but it is hard to put our finger on it because we use the word “love” for every category. The Greek language does not have this problem, because it has four different words for love: I want you to try to guess which one is used in this passage:

Eros: love expressed through physical attraction and intimacy

Storge: familial love

Phileo: Friendship / affection

Agape: self-giving love, selfless action for the betterment of another

In this verse, Paul uses agape, we are to love others not because of what they can do for us, but to lay down our preferences for their good.

And this love, must be sincere.

In Roman culture, actors would wear masks as they portrayed a fake character. We get the word hypocrite from this mask-wearing facade.

Paul is teaching us to take our masks off when we come to church. A mask shouldn’t be a part of your church clothes.

At first, this doesn’t make sense. You may think, “I thought that I am supposed to be the best version of myself around Christians?” If we were saved because of how good we are, then yes, you should try to fake being good around others and God! But because we are saved through mercy, as verse one taught us, we are free to be honest about our brokenness.

I see this play out when I get paired with strangers during a round of golf. After a few hours of being together, inevitably they ask the classic question, “so what do you do”? And three words change the whole afternoon, “I’m a pastor”. All of a sudden, these people miraculously shift from gossiping, cussing, drinking goons to saints and monks. It’s funny, but also sad. Because it shows that they think they can be approved by faking health instead of admitting brokenness.

Don’t believe the lie that you will be approved by God or people by faking health. The first step towards reconnecting is admitting brokenness.

Think about it, when Jesus died for you, he died with full awareness of every wrong thing you’ve done. And through his sinless life and resurrection, he forgave you.

If he has loved us despite seeing our broken, we should love each other despite the brokenness that we see.

I’ve been in hundreds of small group meetings, but one stands out. In college I was a part of a spiritual leadership team. One night as we were meeting, one of the guys confessed being jealous towards another in the room. He took his mask off and it unlocked healing and unity.

The book of James teaches us, “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.” When you confess, there will be healing. When you conceal, there will remain inner decay.

But you may protest, “If I’m honest people will not accept me. They will judge me.” They may. But don’t let the responses of judgmental people keep you from experiencing healing from being honest with loving people. If you want to love and be loved, honesty is the only bridge that’s reliable.

I read a lot, but there is a quote that I’ve kept in my back pocket all year,

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis

Come out of the casket of selfishness. Remove your mask. Take the risk of love. Let love be genuine.

Hate evil intensely. Hold goodness tightly.

“Wait a second, I thought we were talking about love. Why do you bring up hate?” Real love, not sentimentality, hates anything that harms the object of love.

I love Levi, my newborn son. If a snake were moving towards him in the grass. I would kill the snake. Love for him makes me opposed to anything that would harm him.

God teaches us to...

Abhor what is evil;

If we truly love others. We will hate evil. Because evil harms people.

If we love the poor, we will hate hunger.

If we love children, we will hate abuse.

If we love families, we will hate selfish-motivated divorce.

Sadly, instead of abhorring evil and loving good. This world teaches us to be disgusted by goodness and desire evil. Before we are able to step into light, we need to step out of darkness. We will not be able to hold onto what’s good until we let go of what’s bad.

And once we have, we are free to...

hold fast to what is good

Christianity is not just a big “NO”. It is equally a big “YES”. God, from a heart of protection, asks you to remove evil from your life. But whenever he asks you to remove, he always provides something better to replace.

Don’t just hate the darkness, enjoy the light. And you will be able to...

Love others warmly.

So far in Romans 12 we have learned that our lives are rooted in a shared mercy. We have the same Father. We are a part of the same body. We have the same hatred for evil. We have the same love for beauty.

I’ve heard it said that the quickest way to have unity is to have the same enemy and the same goal.

When I lived in Louisiana, it felt like the whole state was unified. All LSU fans wanted to beat Alabama in football. And all LSU fans wanted to win a national championship.

As Christians we have a unifying purpose that is deeper than hobbies, race, sex, and even family. We have the same savior, the same king, and the same heavenly father. We were bought with the same blood. We are filled with the same spirit. If any group should be unified, it should be the church.

But because of the gravity of selfishness, we have to be taught...

Love one another with brotherly affection.

The greek word used for "brotherly affection" includes both familial and friendship love. We are to love each other like a relative who is also a dear friend.

If a stranger were to walk into our gatherings and observe how we treat each other. Would they describe our love as brotherly affection? Would our smiles and hugs seem warm?

If the answer is no, then I am to blame. I want to ask for forgiveness, I do not think that I am a very warm person. This week, I’ve been praying for God to fill my heart with brotherly affection for my Christian family.

Some of you feel unsettled about loving like family, because you struggle to love your family. If this is the case, it may be that your family has not loved you well. The scripture holds fathers accountable for the failure.

Here is the good news, in the church, God is our father. He sets the tone of mercy, love, and self-giving care.

Take the risk of love today. Take off your mask. Hate evil intensely. Hold goodness tightly. Love others warmly.