A Love That's Sacrificial

Ephesians 5:22–33 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Palm Sunday

Happy Palm Sunday!

Roughly 2,000 years ago, Jesus Christ in the flesh, fulfilled the prophetic words of Zechariah and Isaiah that a Humble King/Messiah would be mounted on a donkey and enter into Jerusalem.

And when this came to fruition, the people spread their cloaks on the road and laid before Him branches from a palm tree and shouted, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest!”

Aesthetically speaking, it wasn’t much, it was nothing to write home about, but the impact of the event was a paradigm shift — This was the grand entrance of a King whom the world waited for. It was monumental.

Under normal circumstances, we would focus soley on this profound entrance and Jesus the King; but today, I want to tell you that Jesus is not just a king; but he is a betrothed King.

The Betrothed King

Our sermon series “Rethinking Love” comes to an end today.

A Love That’s Good — Adam & Eve + God’s expression of love.

A Love That’s Loyal — Ruth & Naomi.

A Love That’s Just — Joseph & Mary (learned what it means to be betrothed).

We learned that to be betrothed meant it’s legally binding and is a permanent relationship between a man and a woman. Hence, the man is a husband and the woman is a wife; however, the emphasis is on the waiting. It’s a waiting period for them.

Therefore, understand this — Since the birth of Jesus (2,000 years ago) until the second coming (which we don’t know when), we are in the waiting period.

Listen carefully, when all the Pharisees, high priests, and even the Romans feared Jesus would reign as king over them; what they failed to know was that He wasn’t planning to reign as their king then, but that He’ll reign as a betrothed King now.

He is the bridegroom and we, the Church, the body of Christ, are His bride. We are betrothed to Him. We are in this waiting period with Him.

And its this language of marriage with Jesus is what we find in our text from apostle Paul.

Paul’s Teaching of Love

Now, I know what you’re thinking — What does Paul know about marriage? What does he know about love? Here’s a guy who never married and we’re suppose to listen to him?

Believe it or not, many Christians today use this as an argument to disqualify Paul in this subject matter.

But let’s pay very close attention to what Paul is actually saying.

On the surface we are reading an instruction manual: Wives should submit to your husband because the man is the head of his wife.

Beneath the surface we find an extensive (deeply profound) analogy: the relationship between a wife and husband is that of the Church and Christ.

The issue rises on the word “head” in this text (gk. kephale) — It has two functioning definition: (1) having authority over and (2) being the source/origin.

Those in the first camp believe that women are inferior whereas those in the second camp simply believe Paul was stating the order of creation; meaning, there’s not enough emperical evidence to support one has authority over the other.

I do not want to dismiss this because having clarity in this subject is extremely important, but the purpose and point is what I need us to know today.

Now, Paul’s smart because he knew this is where men and women would trip up and argue. Therefore, he quickly puts us in our proper lane.

Ephesians 5:32 ESV

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Oh how we get it wrong…

His teaching of love using a wife and husband relationship is not an intruction manual that believers must follow, but an extensive analogy (an illustration) to depict the love of Christ for the Church.

Christ’s Love for the Church

So, then, what is Christ’s love for the Church look like?

This is the final lesson on love, so pay close attention. If we get this today, then we get a real good understanding of the overwhelming subject of love.

1. Sacrificial Love

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

If you think we live in a systematic corrupt world where men rule and women drool, you are in for a shock because the biblical world was in shambles.

In the ancient world, marriages were a complete mess.

Husbands had concubines and were simply for the sake of daily cohabitation.

A purpose of having a wife was for procreation.

Listen to what Socrates said about the condition of marriage in the past.

Is there anyone to whom you entrust more serious matters than to your wife — and is there anyone to whom you talk less?

Socrates

He’s revealing the dark but an unfortunate reality of the most loving and caring expression that is marriage — I can’t tell you how many couples (married and dating) that I know who are at this place. From dawn to dusk they don’t say a word to each other.

Therefore, to hear Paul’s teaching of love, when he said, “Husbands, love your wives,” was a powerful statement.

So then, what is it demanding from us?

Sacrifical love is not a death for, but a death of — Yes, Christ died for the sins of the world (essentially and effectively He died for us), but He never demands us to die for others, but to die to oneself — It is a death of me.

Matthew 16:24 ESV

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

When we die to ourselves, there is a shift that happens. It’s no longer, “What should I do for myself?” “What makes me happy?”

It now a death of me and I live for you — This is sacrificial love that Jesus displays to the Church and that’s what Paul meant when he calls for husbands to love his wife.

2. Sanctifying Love

Ephesians 5:25–27 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

When I was still ministering the youth, there was a season where I was very legalistic about a few things — For one, I didn’t like it when students came to church wearing hats.

There was this one female student who always wore a hat. I complained to my wife about it and I told her I’m going to speak to the student about it. But my wife stopped me and said, “Honey, don’t do it. Youth girls wear a hat typically when they didn’t shower. You’ll only embarass her.”

That was new to me. But I didn’t care. So being me, I went to her and said, “What you didn’t shower or something, stop wearing your hat at church!”

Few weeks later, she’s at church and I notice she’s not wearing her hat. I approach her to say “Hi,” but she speaks first and said, “Pastor Joe, no hat today!” So jokingly I said, “You showered?” She replied, “For God, yea!”

In the Hebrew culture, the wedding day had few rituals which included nuptial bathing. The bride would go through a cleansing bath and only after would she put on her embroidered dress that was spotless and wrinkle free.

Paul is drawing from that tradition to explain what is expected of us as the Church, the bride, in anticipation of Jesus.

But notice how it says, “that He might sanctify her.” In other words, Christ is making us clean. He is washing us. He is making us without spot or a wrinkle — But how?

Matthew 26:28 ESV

for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

By His blood we are washed cleaned. By His blood we are forgiven. By His blood we are sanctified. Do you see the sanctifying love from Jesus Christ?

3. Self Love

Ephesians 5:28–33 ESV

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Greek mythology tells of a beautiful youth who loved no one until one day he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with that reflection. He was so lovesick that he finally wasted away and died and was turned into the flower that bears his name — Narcissus.

R. Kent Hughes, Ephesians: The Mystery of the Body of Christ, Preaching the Word (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 1990), 193.

Usually, we are repulsed by narcissism, but the nature of who we are is that we won’t love anyone more than we love ourselves. We love the person looking back in the mirror. Or at least, that was the norm…

Because there’s another side of the coin in this regard.

45,979 died by suicide in 2020. That’s 1 death every 11 mins. A person who loves oneself usually do not end their life.

12.2 million people, is said to have seriously thought about suicide.

15 million people visit their physician with depressive disorder every year.

Too much self-love is narcissim. Too little self-love is depression. Perhaps, more now than ever, we need to learn a healthy dose of self-love.

Because the reality is that without self-love, we can’t love anyone else. And it’s my hope that once we learn of Christ and His love for you it’ll help you love yourself — Jesus found you worth dying for.

Rethinking Love

What a perfect Sunday to end this series we call Rethinking Love.

It’s Palm Sunday.

It’s Communion Sunday.